Disclaimer: I ain't own Gakuen Alice.
This story is an entry to The Revolution Contest. Submission of stories ends on July 30, 2012. For further information about the contest, visit The Revolution Forum.
Tongue-tied Confession
Jealousy is not love.
Fear is not love.
They all grew together, all four of them, Natsume, Ruka, Hotaru and Mikan—they'd been with each other for almost six years, since fourth grade up until now but yet, it would be a futile shot to wrap up the painful truth and certainty that since the last few months, they'd grown busy from all the works in school. And as for Mikan, being surrounded with a faction of outstanding and exceptionally genius whiz kids was never easy. Not with a person like her. They were too far from her. Too far for her reach.
A friendship as strong as theirs was hard to build, too stiff and difficult to make, regardless of the years they had attended just to make their bond stand stronger than anyone else's and it was absolutely worth it but somehow, one way or another, it was even categorized as understated as if to say that they hangout much.
Not.
They had always been like that, been collective as one just for school purposes since the beginning of classes. Being a tenth grade student sucks. It devours you wholly and eats you up…solely.
For the past few months, things had changed—really changed. Tons of untouched and unscathed school projects sitting languidly on their couches, loads of piled up homeworks put aside on their rooms' study tables, and hundreds of books scattered messily on the floor. Damn it was from the start of the school year that they got regrettable bad lucks coming into their life under Jinno's class advisory.
Hectic time schedule, so as for other works a student is obliged to do. There was no time for games, for each other to spend time, only when it talks about group studies and homework activities, they're in.
"What's up?" Ruka greeted cheerfully, flipping through pages of an orange-covered spiral notebook. Without making any intense scrutiny on the unintelligible hand script writings scattering scrappily on every page, he grinned, amused clear blue eyes darted to his raven-headed best friend, "Numbers," He simply said, the boyish grin on his face widened. "Mikan isn't it, huh,"
Math.
Mikan.
Darn. Too incompatible for each other.
The letter, M-I-K-A-N and M-A-T-H never clicks.
"Crap." Natsume hissed firmly, nonchalantly snatching the notebook from Ruka's hand with an immediate excuse of, "Polka will be needing that damn notebook."
Mikan airily huffed, pouting quite immaturely as she glared at Natsume. "It's not like I'm that stupid and dumb, Natsume—" She started, offended as she folded her arms tightly over her chest. Insults. "I still have my brain working functionally, Mr. Smarty-pants." Mikan opposed, eyebrows relaxed as she half-scowled at him.
Natsume haughtily snorted, assuming nothing but to see Mikan's priceless reaction. He clicked his tongue once, gesturing a thumbs down before leaning back to the chair's backrest and resumed to where he left things undone. "Work." He commanded strictly, meaning what he said as it was austerely toned with a firm and definite voice. Mikan inwardly growled, bringing the textbook higher to hide her facial expression and shoved it closer as she scanned her seemingly bored eyes over the page. Denying the fact that she understood everything written in the book, she gave up, slapping the book close with a pitiful look on her face; her lips trembling and her big, hazel eyes wavering and were tear-filled.
"What?" Natsume bitterly glared, propping himself to push his body forward. He turned his eyes somewhere else for a second, silently cursing under his breath.
Ruka snickered lowly, leaning on one arm. "Need help, Mikan? It would be my pleasure to help such ladies as beautiful as you." He offered, complementing the young brunette who only had her head down, cheeks as red as an apple as she barely flushed with embarrassment.
Ruka's nice.
Nice as a playboy.
Heck that is what he is.
"Bloody peasants," Natsume cursed through gritted teeth. He hissed manly, eyes flashing with annoyance as he blandly slammed a hand on the desk. "Piss me off and I'll throw you both the hell out of this damn planet." He coldly threatened; his intermittent glinting crimson eyes fixed only for the trap in hand as he clicked the tip of the mechanical pen and scribbled number problems on an empty note on the back page of the brunette's notebook. "One idiot is more than enough to annoy me," He mumbled consistently, trying to mask the true emotion which was over him—jealousy—with insouciance. "And yet, a foolhardy partner added to a meddlesome friend—my best friend is too damn killing me to death."
Ruka never failed to unleash a low laugh, an insistent smile on his face as he stared at his male friend with a look of half-baked comical concern. "You sure do love her, don't you, Natsume?" He confessed, slight mocking truth.
"No." Natsume replied indifferently without breaking a sweat as he didn't casted a glance at his blonde friend. Never.
"Just like that, he dumps me so easy." Mikan exhaled sharply, her eyes hazy as it was clouded with disappointment and frustration. She wasn't happy for this—for hearing those simple yet significant words. A word that flatly starts with an "N" and ends with a plain round "O".
It's a no.
He doesn't like her.
"Come on, Natsume!" Ruka insisted, eyebrows wiggled down in dismay and his eyes flashing with a hint of utter mortification. "I know that you're jealous, you just don't want to show it, do you?" He half-smilingly stated, nudging Natsume on the arm.
Natsume clicked his tongue and idly shrugged his shoulders that proved the intuition that he was not pleased and was not also taking any interest by the rooting subject that was pulled in—in some way, that is. "I don't know." He hissed irritatingly, putting the pen down on the table as he blandly started playing with the notebook's binder. "I hate Polka more than anything else, and prior to that, " He unnervingly stole a glance at the disappointed brunette then to his best friend. "It would be vain if I tell you that I love her, or even like her in any case without taking a full step advance to where you stand right now. If you like her, then as your best friend, I am telling you to continue and I also wish you good luck." He encouraged, clearing things out with some words emphasized with purposes.
Silence engulfed the whole place as neither one of the teenagers didn't dare to break the deafening silence that was present at the very moment. None of them tried.
And upon putting his hands down, Ruka never knew that he was securely guarded under Natsume's study that was well on track of the events as well, but yet, despite the fact that it was bland and showing lackadaisical attitude to such things for him to take notice, nonetheless, with those guarding eyes, he spotted the difference that were shown other than Ruka's hidden personality.
Natsume pursed his lips into a thin line as he caught Ruka's hand gripping tightened, making stoned fists on his side out of his always been soft hands. Ruka pried his mouth open as he was about to deliver his immediate response when somebody interrupted, though uncalled by her presence.
"Past the time I have told you earlier. Long term quizzes will be on the next two weeks. Hurry up and we need to go." Hotaru said apathetically, her voice monotone but in a way that it sounded calm and soothing. However, sensing the tension on both sides, Natsume and Ruka's and the pressure on Mikan herself, she quickly changed the topic in a 'not so obvious way'.
Hotaru drew out a sigh as she threw an open palm on her forehead. "Staring at each other wouldn't be the best of answers that will ease matters like this. Tell me everything so I can help. NOW." She said, not batting an eyelash as she directed her gaze piercingly to the young brunette. "I'll make you one hell of a stupid mute if you don't talk." She warned, eyes never breaking its link with her best friend as she basically removed her hand and let it hung on her side for the next few seconds.
Mikan blinked her eyes twice as she was—by then—sucked back to the real world, her head lowered down to gape at her fidgeting fingers with discomfort.
Never liking the idea, Hotaru slid a chair out for her to sit. She drew out a heavy, lagged sigh with a slow shift of batted eyelids; her amethyst eyes still impassive. "Mikan, stop that and talk. It is hard for me to admit that I am not worried because I am. Hurry up so we can talk this thing out and sort a resolution to end this silent quarrel."
Mikan nodded meekly, gulping as she mustered all the broken pieces of her cowered soul as she raised her head up and stared back at those emotionless amethyst eyes. "It's, uh, nothing..." She lied doubtingly, eyebrows crumpled down with a hesitant small laugh on her line. "—nothing so important, Hotaru, really. I mean it." She muttered, quite unsympathetically as she shook her hands in front as a sign that it was really an inconsequential thing to be discussed.
And knowing that she can no longer force Mikan to spill out the trouble that was in between, Hotaru breathed out a puff of air in defeat as she let it pass by, leaving the work for the wind to carry it astray from their path. "Idiot," She mumbled, dismissing the recent topic as she helped out clearing the table.
Ruka grunted virtually, instinctively loosing his tightened grip as he turned his head slightly to his side to break the intense eye contact, meaning that victory was on Natsume's side—for now.
"Quit making that irritating sound, Nogi. You're distracting me." Hotaru shortly shot a glare at her blonde friend before going back to stack Mikan's notebooks neatly aside. Well, not longer than a minute, Mikan volunteered to help out too since she clearly knew that it was her responsibility to take good care of her belongings.
"But I just groaned only for the first time of this day; don't make big deals out of such small things, Imai. What I'm doing is nothing to be annoyed of." Ruka defended himself away from the accusation as he spoke out somewhat affronted by her words.
"You're no good, Nogi," Hotaru reprimanded coldly, snorting as she placed her hands on her waist; amused eyes staring down at her blue-eyed friend. "Why don't you go around the barn yard and play with your chicken pals. Nogi, I'm certain enough to assure you that you would be more than a hundred percent stress-free and five folds happier than your life here." She sneered wickedly, cocking an eyebrow of inquisitiveness.
"Damn that stupid joke, Imai. I'm not impressed." Ruka deadpanned, a look of boredom with a mix of infuriation crossed his face. Hotaru rolled her eyes and so for Mikan who had herself a restrain as she stifled a laugh to come out.
"Immature brats," Natsume commented, mumbling something incoherently as he airily sniffed; his eyes directed somewhere else.
"Yeah, whatever." was Mikan's immediate response as she wrinkled her nose in distaste.
Ruka spared a glance at Natsume before shrugging the thought of making his best friend as one of his top enemy as he knew it very well that it was just because of Natsume's humongous ego that prevented or even avoided him as well to express his emotions good enough in actions rather than words. For short, Natsume was the kind of person who prefers inside comments, keeps himself quiet as he was the real definition of a silent type of friend; he never showed much of what he wanted to express, words were too difficult for him and what more if it comes to something that has to be done along with body language—difficult, sure is. But trust him; he is a person whom you can run to in difficult times.
"Well, since today is Friday, why don't we hangout this weekend? Maybe tomorrow?" Ruka offered, quite unsure as he pulled a face full of uncertainty but without any further delays, Mikan raised her hands up higher from the rest, a genuine beam on her lips as her eyes sparkled with enjoyment and prosperity.
"I agree! Love that idea, Ruka-pyon," Mikan cheerfully acquiesced, holding Ruka's hands with hers that gained a twitch from Natsume's left eyebrow but nevertheless, everyone were too busy to become aware of his presence. "Holy fudge, I'm free tomorrow so without longer adieus, I'm officially on it!" Mikan chirped, intentionally jumping up and down on her spot. Ruka couldn't get more than releasing a temperamental laugh for his excited friend. Oh well, stating the fact, he kinds enjoyed it. Men.
"Imai, how about you?" Ruka asked coolly, lifting both of his eyebrows while waiting for an inexplicable or rather unpredictable answer from his raven-headed female friend.
Hotaru blandly flickered her eyes once before getting to the point of direct annunciating her unambiguous and final response. "Saturday would be a great choice. Expect no presence from me during Sundays. I have loads of work to do on that certain day, annual reviews for school papers and stuffs." was her long explanation.
Mikan's chiseled jaw made the scene incalculable and ridiculous. She pushed her jaw back to rejoin with the other as she frowned sourly. "Is it a yes or a no?" She inquired credulously, cutely pouting her lips with her eyes gaping involuntarily at the ceiling, "Seriously, I don't get what you mean, Hotaru."
"I expect that from dumb people like you," Hotaru assumed monotonously, frustratingly putting a hand on her forehead in absolute defeat. "To simply put it in simple words, I'll be there."
With that reassurance statement from Hotaru, Mikan squealed some more.
"So the problem for now only leaves to one person's sleeves," Ruka faked a cough, clearing his throat as he spoke in. "We need your decision, Natsume." He informed, trying to look composed as he kept his tone low as it represented the good side of him. Heck he never hold grudges—Ruka would never do that.
"I am not coming." Natsume said piercingly, tediousness and ire was apparent in his tone.
"He's just playing hard again, he'll come." Mikan assured, her head raised defiantly as her eyes were gone shut. She opened one eye and peeked at the guy who was sitting across her, "—don't you, Natsume?"
"Can't change my mind." Natsume scowled half-heartedly, his voice was full of guaranteed honesty as his tone was clear and fixed. "Final is final. I am not coming," seeing Mikan's childish misbehavior beginning to react, he nonchalantly supplied a condition, "—not unless you are coming."
Mikan almost rampage with rants, her tone always on the highest pitch—extreme intensity, that is, but glad her comrades were that the time she ran out of words inserted; making her put to silence as she sulked at a nearby corner, lurking somewhere as she grew mushrooms but with Hotaru on her side, she was never a winner in escapes.
Mikan combed her hair, looking at the mirror for the last time. Trying to look cute on what seemingly her best shot could be, she twirled around and smiled consistently in front of the mirror. Realizing that it was already time—or rather past the time agreement, she decided to carry on the walk and leave her apartment unit to her cousin's custody. Perfect.
"Make sure you don't go beyond three in the afternoon, Sakura." Sumire shot a glare at Mikan's direction before she sniffed, looking at her nails critically like she was frequently pampered. "I don't want to get late with my appointments."
Mikan nodded, a broadened smile on her face, "Yeah sure. I would definitely hate myself for eternity if I destroy your night out with Koko."
With that, Sumire raised an eyebrow before she grinned, "Good."
And with that settled conformity, Mikan was out with a smile on her face.
Heck without knowing that Sumire's making an excuse out on a date with Koko. But she's not. Well, perhaps, she'll need his assistant.
Walking a few blocks distant from her apartment, her phone vibrated. Startled, she jumped on her spot a little before fishing out her phone. She pressed a few buttons before asking herself questioningly, "A message from Hotaru?" For awhile, she paused as she read the message thoroughly; her hazel eyes doing all the work.
From: Hotaru 06/11/12 09:23
Sorry, Mikan. I won't be coming.
From: Mikan
To: Hotaru
What? But why, Hotaru? You just promised!
From: Hotaru 06/11/12 09: 28
I got some businesses to be discussed with the Media Club's President. I'll make out money out of their pockets.
From: Mikan
To: Hotaru
Heck then it leaves me with two guys!
From: Hotaru 06/11/12 09: 41
They're not gonna rape you or something. Idiot.
From: Mikan
To: Hotaru
Leave the money, Hotaru! You just don't know that boys are unreadable! They could do whatever they want out of me! Man. You're sacrificing you own friend just because of money.
From: Hotaru 06/11/12 09:42
Hyuuga would never take any interest to such idiot like you, Mikan. But about Nogi, I don't know.
Crybaby.
Childish.
What more?
Mikan was about to compose another message as a reply to Hotaru's when a new message from an unknown number came.
From: Unknown 06/11/12 09:48
You in?—Ruka.
From: Mikan
To: Unknown
Hi there, Ruka. Yeah, I'm on the way.
In a short minute walk, Mikan arrived at the said place. An amusement park. She scanned the whole area, hoping to catch a glimpse of her friends—even one. But neither pushing all her efforts, nothing came to improve as she was fruitless in luck. Unfortunate.
"Hey," A low, husky voice entered, tapping Mikan on her right shoulder. The brunette flinched, nervous as she turned on the heels of her feet abruptly with her eyes wide yet still in a suspicious stare. Glad it was not somebody else—a stranger, but him—Natsume.
"Darn. You scared me!" Mikan screeched, blasé as she lightly punched Natsume on his left arm. Natsume swore that he was not daunted at it. He wore a cool gray V-neck shirt underneath a black coat while Mikan, on the other hand, wore a cute but simple pink blouse, an inflated white skirt and an inch-heeled black strappies also, as usual, her hair was tied in two twin tails with small curls at the end.
"Not my problem," Natsume countered frigidly, rolling his eyes. "Anyways, where are you bringing me today? Make it sure that I don't get bored." He informed indubitably, a question not answered.
"What the heck are you talking about, Natsume? Come on," Mikan cocked an eyebrow of bewilderment but in a split second, she shove that thought away with a shook of her head as she, by the next scene, dragged Natsume to a near wooden bench; her hand holding Natsume by the wrist. "—we still need to wait for Ruka!"
She smiled his way before gesturing for him to sit right next to her. "Here, you can take the seat beside me." She grinned, putting her hands on her lap."I don't really mind."
Natsume heaved out an introverted sigh, seeing no other option but to accept her offer. He sat on the other end, his arm relaxing on the armrest. Mikan secretively stole glances from him, her eyes too moving and bothered. But once—just once—Natsume caught her, he snorted, sneering.
"You are so funny."
Mikan arched her eyebrows down, not taking a glance from the speaker. "Am not." She opposed, her voice sharp and with a hint of annoyance on her tone.
"Tch. Stupid girl." Natsume commented, irritated. Mikan's right brow twitched.
Not a good pick of words though.
She stood up on her feet suddenly and faced him as she bent down a little to level Natsume's sitting height. "I see no reason for you to act so cruel towards me, Natsume!" She snapped back angrily. "Let's sort things out, one-on-o—" She was then hereby interrupted by Natsume's uncalled movement as he hooked his arm over Mikan's neck and pulled her very close to him, their noses touched. "Coz you're damn annoying." Mikan couldn't do more than just flush in utter discomfiture, feeling his warm breath feathered on her face only made her arouse. She blinked once before backing off a step away from him. "Making a man wait is never enjoyable, Polka."
Mikan's hazel eyes shifted uncomfortably on every direction as she fidgeted with her fingers. She opened her mouth, was about to deliver her speech when Natsume spoke up first.
"Ruka already told me he's not coming and he wanted me to give you that message." Natsume insipidly confessed as he stood up, slipping his hands in his pockets.
"B-But he just texted me a few minutes ago!" Mikan persisted, semi-balled fists placed under her chin. Natsume rolled his eyes in irritation.
"He's barely checking on you. That's all." He reasoned out, walking past Mikan. Upon taking few steps forth, he halted as he looked over his shoulder to spot a seemingly frozen brunette. "If you don't like this idea, as early as now, tell me so I can just go home directly." He said monotonously, clicking tongue before he resumed on his walk.
As she was sucked back to earth, Mikan gasped surprisingly. "Coming!" She yelled gleefully, a tensed look on her face as she walked in step behind her company.
She and him.
Alone.
Just like a date.
The whole walk was silent and it was Mikan who broke the vociferous stillness first.
"Hey Natsume, why don't we try some rides? It would be fun!" She screeched at the top of her lungs, feeling so excited and animated as she think of it. Roller coaster.
"No." Natsume replied evenly. "Go ride that stupid and childish ride next time. With Ruka." He said, emphasizing some words for her to clearly understand.
"So how come Ruka's name connected to rides, and our conversation? This is our day Natsume, don't you even dare ruin it." Mikan warned, serious as she latched her arm with Natsume's. Not wanting to spoil the special day, Mikan considered being hyper. "Why don't we go on a picture booth? Both of us take some pictures together. Natsume, as a friend, I am telling you that it would be great!" She piped up, chirping as she dragged him with her but with hard, forced step from Natsume, she jolted her head to face him. "Natsu—"
He didn't like it.
Never liked it.
Her bouncy step. Her ecstatic mood. It was all his weaknesses and yet also the reason for him to be pissed off early in the morning—everyday. He was never besieged by her or yet, just tongue-tied and never had the chance to speak up. No courage. He was goner. A coward.
"Okay." Mikan said half-heartedly, sullenly biting her lower lip. "—you and I will never work. I get everything I want on my own. Without you." She started sobbing, forcing herself not to cry as she balled her hands like stoned fists flanking her. "You hate everything I like. Didn't like the things I wanted to try. Never loved me the way I loved you." Mikan confessed, trying to act brave in front of him as she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. "Maybe you were right."
Natsume interrupted, putting his hands on Mikan's innocent shoulders. "Mikan, I—" but ill-fated and sad as it is, Mikan was reluctant to hear him out as she went on.
"Ruka would be the best for me. He can make me happy. Make me smile in small things." She looked up, staring back at those crimson eyes that reflected her figure so deplorable in them. "He can make me laugh and feel so strong and comfortable by his side." She gave him a sugar-coated smile before cupping his cheeks with her opened palm. "I guess it's better if we just stay as friends. And nothing more."
Love is hopeless.
Pathetically unpromising.
A bleak admiration.
Natsume blinked his eyes once, holding her warm hands with his hands on top. "But you'll always be my Polkadots."
He knew it from the start. He wouldn't make it. He wouldn't win.
Friendship is more important to him. He didn't want to ruin his companionship with Ruka. His best friend.
This should be the best solution.
Look from afar.
Let Ruka have her. Be happy with her.
But yet, his best friend was taking his happiness away from him.
And Natsume's not that blind or dense to not know the truth.
Mikan was his sunshine. His smile.
Instead of running away, sulking in a corner, they chose to face it, not as class partners, a couple, a seatmate, but friends. Just friends.
"Huh?" Clueless as she was, Mikan flickered her eyes, not breaking the eye-contact as she threw her arms around his neck and creased her head crookedly on her side. Natsume sniggered, smirking so wicked. "Even if you're already eighteen, you're still wearing Polkadots. Just like before." Before Mikan could even rant on how pervert he was, he pulled her into a hug. A warm and friendly embrace. "I wish everything for your happiness."
Mikan closed her eyes voluntarily, taking in the pleasures of him warmth. "Cheer up." She patted him lightly on his back, a constipated smile on her face. "I'll be happy with your best friend."
Not all of us ends with a happy ending.
Life is great. Reality is the painful truth.
We are not princes and princesses living in fantasy books. We are for real. Realistic in life. Humans that struggle for their life to live.
Not everyone has a second chance.
Mikan broke the hug, giving Natsume a chaste peck on his left cheek.
"Ne, how about we eat Hwallons?" She asked optimistically, a triumphant grin on her face. Before Natsume could even give his side comments, Mikan added. "My treat."
"Tch."
"Come on! Just for today, Natsume!" Mikan wailed obligingly, a determined look crossed on her face. Natsume drew out a submissive sigh, forced to join in as she was—by now—skipping ahead of him towards the Hwallon stand with lively, bouncing steps.
Well, she didn't bought one but five large boxes. Putting it aside first, she rummaged through her pocket and pulled out a pink wallet. And upon digging up for any possible rabbit bills, she was a goner. She turned it upside down, a hopeful look on her face. Lucky she was able to have a single ten rabbit coin from her search.
"Natsume..." Mikan gulped urgently, blinking her eyes twice with her eyebrows crumpled down. She pushed a silky smile his way before grabbing his proffered right hand with her left hand. The corners of her mouthed twitched uncontrollably as she gave him a light, affectionate squeeze.
She presented the empty wallet in front before she screamed, "Sumire took my money!"
"Hey, Sumire," Koko looked furtively over his shoulder, his folded arms under his head as he focused a worried gape in her way. "Are you sure that it's fine with Mikan?"
When he spoke, his voice was bleak and an air of imaginative concern surrounded him. Sumire scoffed before sniffing.
"She doesn't care." She said reassuringly as she examined her newly manicured fingers, green glossy fingernails shimmered as bright light bounced back at it. "A considerate cousin like her wouldn't care for something like this, Koko. I swear, she wouldn't" She pledged validly, an ironic look countered the smirk that was playing on her lips as she dragged her eyes slothfully to the corner to fleet a glance at him.
"Yeah," Koko rolled his eyes as he stood up on his feet and sauntered towards her direction. "In your own perception, that is. Heck as long as you're pampered like a queen, am I right, Sumire?"
Her left eyebrow twitched, his words beating her confidence. Yes. She's a self-centric person.
Koko never failed to unleash a small laugh at her actions, a look of detestation and a mix of hurt and guilt on her face. He bent down on his knees and reached out a hand, one finger holding up with the rest curved down inwardly as he poke Sumire lightheartedly on the nose. "You are so mean." He said, smiling wanly as he saw her promptly blushing crimson red.
"Now, I do I believe that life ostracized me. And you are the reason of why I'm like this. I hate you."
—Never the End—
Finally, I finished it on time! Hah. Hope you guys enjoyed reading this short one-shot story as much as I took pleasure in writing this fic.
How so, I know a few of you there are very observant to notice how I wrote this story, it actually grabs two endings. Mikan and Natsume's; Sumire and Koko's. Hope you see it though, but if not, it's still tolerable. (:
I found these challenges interesting and endearing as it was made to test every single authors of what they're capable of (like me). So being as one of those writers, I gave it a try. Sure is, there's no harm in trying. I'll lose nothing but gain something. And writing something like this for a contest felt so uplifting and fun (:
I am so random…
Sigh. Forget about that.
Since we all know how entertaining it is to press buttons, why don't you readers go down this note rather page and press the review button and send in those wonderful and awesome reviews! :D
Fantastic.
Till next time,
Purple Bubble Patch Coffee