Disclaimer: I have borrowed these characters from the wonderful and magical J.K. Rowling. I mean no disrespect to her or her characters. In fact, I mean to show my love and affection for the world she has created. I have borrowed ideas from her, Jason Isaacs and Tom Felton. All thanks goes to them.
A/N: I am not a real fan of Lucius and Narcissa, but you cannot deny that they have a special bond. All it took for him to be strong was a brief touch and nod from her. So I wrote this, which shows a soft side to their relationship. I also wanted to explore how Lucius felt at the beginning of the 7th book. This is the result. I hope you like it.
"Lucius!" Narcissa cried as Lucius entered their bedroom. She ran to him, but didn't embrace him.
"Narcissa. Are we... Alone?" He glanced back out the door wearily. He looked tired. His hair no longer shone and his eyes looked too large for his face. However, he still held himself tall, like the proud aristocrat that he was. He couldn't have anyone thinking that he had gone soft.
"Yes" She smiled at him. He shut the door behind himself and cast locking and silencing charms. Once he was sure they were alone and not going to be disturbed, he slumped down on the edge of their bed and put his head in his hands. He rarely allowed himself to feel pain, but he had held it in too long. He needed to talk to Narcissa, otherwise he feared for his sanity.
"How long do we have?" He said, looking up at her. This was the first time they'd really been alone since he got home from Azkaban. They had a lot to catch up on.
"I don't know. Most of the men are out on missions or patrol. The Dark Lord is in your study with Severus. They went in about 20 minutes ago, but they looked quite serious. They didn't want to be disturbed. I think we have about an hour" She sat on the bed next to him and touched his arm gently.
"They're in my study? Is nothing sacred anymore, Cissa?" His eyes showed his shock. His study was his only retreat to be completely alone. Not even Narcissa went in there.
"I wanted to stop them, darling, but the Dark Lord looked angry. I didn't want to anger him further" She apologised.
"My dear, my pride and privacy are not worth your safety. I'd do anything to keep you and Draco safe" He hoped his words sounded as sincere as he meant them. His perpetual feeling of emptiness had been replaced with sadness.
He put his arm around her and held her close. After so long away from her, he needed the contact. He missed her warmth and he just wanted to feel her heart beating, proof that she was alive and in his arms.
"I know you would" She looked up into his grey eyes. They were dark and looked like storm clouds. Her own eyes looked like a cloudless summer sky. They were like perfect opposites.
She was glad to have her Lucius back, but she knew that he was never going to be the same as he had been. She could sense the changes in him. He was broken. He had always been so sure of his purpose, but now, it was different.
His faith in the Dark Lord was shaken. He had always known that his master was reckless, but he had been so faithful. That the Dark Lord had turned on him brought him to his senses and made him realise that the Dark Lord simply used his followers. There would be no great reward for their hard work. They had only to hope that they would survive. He would try to earn back his place at his master's side, but it wouldn't count for much in the end.
Of course, no talk of this passed between them. They may have thought themselves alone, but there was always doubt. If they were overheard saying such things, they would be tortured, killed or both. Traitors could never hope for a quick death.
"All I could think of in Azkaban was losing you or Draco. Especially Draco. He was put in danger because of me and I could do nothing about it"
"It's okay. He's okay. We're together again" She kissed his cheek and he softly smiled. His stubble prickled against her skin, but she didn't care. He closed his eyes and enjoyed her kiss for a moment before coming back to reality.
He sighed and frowned again before saying "No, he's not. I've let him down, Cissa. He should hate me. He probably does"
"No. He loves and respects you. We both do" She gave him a squeeze. He was so much thinner than he had been. She hated to imagine what had happened to him in that prison.
"What's there left to respect?" He scoffed at himself "I did to him what my father did to me, only I was too blind to see it. The time in Azkaban gave me time to think and I can finally see what a terrible father I've been to him"
"What do you mean, darling?"
"I've kept him at arm's length. I've ignored him and only taken an interest to criticize, like he wasn't good enough. He has been brave and strong. He's a better person than I am and will ever be" He sneered. He was not sneering at her; rather, he was mocking himself.
"That's not true" She wanted to console him, but she didn't know how. How could she possibly understand what he'd been through? She wanted to kiss the pain away, but she knew that it wouldn't work. Lucius would never forgive himself. Perhaps talking about it would ease the burden.
"Yes, it is. He takes after you in all the best ways" He looked at her and her heart broke. His eyes held so much love, sadness and so many unspoken words "I never wanted him, or you, dragged into this, but now he's right in the middle" His voice dropped to a whisper "If only the Dark Lord had succeeded in killing that damn Potter boy all those years ago. Draco could have grown up safe and in the world we envisaged for him. Instead, he was sentenced to my punishment"
"Severus looked after him. He is safe. The Dark Lord will ask no more of him now. He is too young, too inexperienced. He can't risk another failed mission. Perhaps, if we're lucky, he'll decide we have been punished sufficiently" She doubted that they would be returned to the Dark Lord's favour so easily, but she didn't really care. Right now, she said what she needed to in order to make her husband feel better.
"Severus, as much as he means to us all, is not Draco's father. Perhaps he would have been a better father than I - a proper dad. I have never been a dad to Draco, merely a father. I should have taught him to fly, to fight, to talk to girls. Instead, I left it to others. I left it to useless teachers"
He was torn between sadness and anger. He didn't cry though, despite the almost overwhelming sadness he felt at all the missed moments of Draco's childhood. Lucius never cried. He hadn't cried since his mother died and he had been punished for it. His father believed it unfitting of a Malfoy to cry.
"You may not have always been there for him, but you've always worked in his best interests. All those late nights at the Ministry were to secure a better life for him. He understands that, Luc" She was saying that as much for Draco as she was for herself. The best years of their marriage had been stolen by his ambition. She didn't blame him as such. She just wished things could have been different.
"Perhaps on a conscious level, yes. But deep down I always resented my father for doing the same to me. I was desperate for his attention and affection. Now look where it has gotten me. So desperate for attention that I would risk my own sons life to get it. What kind of a person does that make me, Cissa?" He looked desperately into her blue eyes, which had filled with tears. He wished he could drown in those eyes. He kissed her cheek and hugged her tighter as two tears fell onto his shoulder. It was all she would allow. She needed to be strong for her men. She dried her face on her handkerchief.
"My darling, you are not a bad person. You have always done what you considered the best for us. You've done what you were always taught to do. Don't blame yourself" She willed him to believe her. She truly meant every word she said.
"How can I not?" His sadness had faded to hopelessness.
"Because you still have time to make it up to him"
"How?" His eyes lightened slightly with hope.
"You can protect him now. You can let him know that you're proud of him. You can tell him you love him. It's not too late to be his dad. He's scared. Every scared child needs their parents" She grasped his hand and squeezed it in her lap "Let him know how you feel"
She had seen the changes in Draco too. He was not the young boy he once was. Now he was becoming a man, a scared man. She feared for him. She wanted him to grow up strong and fearless, but there was no escaping the terror of the times they lived in. Had she raised him well enough to know the difference between right and wrong? When the time came, would he be strong enough to do what he needed to? He hadn't been able to kill Dumbledore, but she wasn't ashamed of that. She didn't want Draco to become a killer. Once you've killed something inside you changes. She had seen it with her sister and her husband. She wanted Draco to stay whole and pure as long as possible.
"He has you" Lucius knew that Draco adored his mother. They shared a bond that he'd always envied.
"He has us" She corrected him. She reached up and stroked his stubbled cheek, pulling his face down so her eyes met his again. She smiled at him reassuringly. He gave a weak smile back.
"How can I make it up to you, my dear Narcissa? You have been such a wonderful wife to me, but I never treated you as I should. You deserve the world"
"You have done the best you could and I could ask for no more than that. To me, Lucius, you are wonderful. I have loved you since the moment you first looked in my eyes and I will love you until we die. Never doubt the truth of that. There is nothing to make up for. Our life has not been without pain and anger, but we have always loved each other. That's all that matters. No marriage is perfect" She was not one to lay her feelings out like an open book, but they both needed to hear the truth right now.
"Never forget that I love you too. No matter what happens. I would give my last breath for you. You will make it through this, I promise" He had taken both her hands in his and was holding them gently.
"We will make it through this. Together" She took her hands out of his to wrap them around him. She strained up to kiss him. It was a gently kiss. Their lips barely touched at times, but they both knew that it was probably the most important kiss of their lives. They both wanted to express everything that couldn't be said in words.
Lucius needed her to know that she and Draco were all that mattered to him now. No matter what, he would protect them. Of course, he wouldn't needlessly sacrifice himself. He was a Slytherin after all. But he would make sure that they would survive. He had no pride left. He put on a show of arrogance, but inside he knew that he had lost the respect of everyone else around him. He would claw his way back if possible, but he didn't have much hope.
Narcissa wanted him to know that there was no life living without him in it. She would protect her family as well. She would stop him from trying to be noble. If the Dark Lord was to succeed, he would have a place in the new world, however small. If the Dark Lord failed, which seemed incredibly unlikely, she would run away with him. To stay in the U.K. if they lost would be a life sentence. They were in this together. She may not have taken the mark herself, but now both her beloved men had, it may as well have been printed on her soul. There was no escaping it.
Their kiss was short, but it took their breath away. Lucius had never felt so much love and gratitude towards her as he did now and it showed in his gentleness. Her touch had brought his fire back. He was determined again. Narcissa had never been kissed with such force, yet so little contact. She pulled away and smiled at him.
"How much time do we have left, Cissa?" He almost purred.
"About half an hour" She smiled coyly at him before climbing onto the bed further. She lay in the middle. He crawled over to join her. He came to rest above her, lightly pressing his body to hers. They kissed again, but with more urgency than before.
Despite how much bigger he was than her, he seemed to fit her perfectly. Their hips locked into one another. She ran her fingers through his long hair and down his arms, which were straining to keep him from squashing her.
She pulled away and he sat up on his feet as she slowly undid his shirt. She almost gasped as each button came undone on his shirt and she saw how emaciated he had become. She leant forwards as kissed his chest, as if hoping to heal the scars and restore his former figure. He would never lose his prison markings, but she could heal everything else in time. His muscles had faded with the lack of food and exercise. He had always been lean and fit. Now he was only a shadow of what he used to be.
He cupped her face in both his hands and kissed her again. He saw her reaction to his body and wanted to assure her that he was okay. He was home now. The sadness in her eyes made him smile to comfort her. He kissed her cheeks, moved down to her jaw, then her neck. His kisses were as light as feathers caressing her skin. He began to unbutton her shirt too.
He had missed the smell, taste and feel of her. It had been more than a year since they had last made love. He had thought he remembered her perfectly, but everything about her now far surpassed his memory. Even the sound of her breath quickening soothed him. Her skin began to glow and he leaned back to take in her beauty.
They sat drinking in the sight of each other for a second, to commit it to memory, before leaning in again. They kissed until they lost track of time and space. They wanted to treasure each second, not knowing when or if they would be alone like this again.
Both their hands travelled over the skin of their partner. They removed their open shirts and discarded them on the floor somewhere. Lucius kissed her neck gently again and slowly undid her bra. It fell away after a few moments and he kissed his way down to her breasts, where he paused, kissing each nipple in turn. They perked up in response and she shivered. He laughed tenderly and cupped her breasts in his hands. He could feel her heart beat increasing as he teased her.
Narcissa moved to undo his trousers, slowly loosening his belt. She softly ran her nails down his ribs and he shivered too. She laughed at him and they looked in each other's eyes. They silently communicated the need to be close to each other, now.
Both sets of hands began to work in synchronisation on each other's trousers and underpants. Soon they had stripped completely and Lucius leant back over her til they had as much skin touching as possible. His hair cascaded down around them, blocking everything else but each other's face from sight. He looked in her eyes and slowly pushed into her. Her eyes widened. She had forgotten how amazing this felt.
He gasped as he slid all the way in. He knew there was no better feeling in the world then this. They looked at each other in delighted wonder and shock.
After a moment, he began to move slowly, savouring every single feeling shooting through his nerves. Narcissa squirmed beneath him, urging him on. Slowly he picked up his pace. He wanted to last for her, but he had never felt like this before. His body felt like it was about to explode from within. He felt her every move, breath and heart beat.
She pushed herself up the bed so he was at the angle that made her feel the most amazing. This way, with every push he was rubbing her most sensitive areas and setting them on fire. She moaned his name and he pushed into her harder, making her cry out louder.
"Oh, Lucius!"
"My Cissa... darling... I... I love you"
"I love you too. Oh sweet Merlin!" He was pushing as hard and fast as he could and he knew that they wouldn't last much longer.
"Narcissa! Cissa!" He felt himself tighten before he released, harder and longer than he ever had before.
She squeezed her eyes shut as he kept pushing. He knew she was close and he didn't want her disappointed. He would not stop 'til she was satisfied, no matter how exhausted he became. She felt herself on the edge and he pushed once more before she began to contract and release, over and over.
He collapsed on top of her, not bothering to pull out. He wanted to stay as close to her as possible. He tried to keep himself from putting all his weight on her, but his arms were shaking and wouldn't support him. She didn't mind his weight though. It was a comfort and she felt safer and more loved than ever. They wrapped their arms around each other and held on tightly.
They were both breathless and dizzy. They had never made love like that before. It was the most intimate and beautiful thing they had ever experienced. They lay there panting for a few minutes before either of them could speak, or even think. When Lucius rolled off of her and turned to look at her, he saw that she was crying.
"What's wrong, Cissa?" He pulled her close again. She laughed weakly.
"I don't know. I've just never felt this amazing before. I just feel so wonderful, that I couldn't stop it" She felt so alive and full, that the emotion was too much to bear.
"Are you sure that's all?" He looked into her sparkling eyes.
"Yes, my darling. I love you. It was so perfect" She wiped her eyes and held him tighter. She wrapped a leg around his waist.
"I love you so very much and I know how you feel. It's never felt like that before" He was in a little bit of shock. He felt like he'd been electrocuted.
"Exactly..." Suddenly, Lucius felt the wards around the room being touched.
"Someone's trying to come in" They both sprang up. Neither of their legs were supporting them very well but the fear was keeping them upright.
"Hurry, we need to dress" She waved her wand and their clothes had magically reappeared on them. She waved her wand again to fix their hair and return them to their usual looks. Her tears had dried up and there was no evidence left to suggest they had ever been there.
"No matter what, we're together forever, yes?" He asked as he grabbed her hand.
"Forever. We will be alright" She squeezed it and gave him a sweet, lingering kiss. They both took a deep breath before opening the door. They stepped out, back into their roles of pretending that everything was as it had always been.
No matter what, they were together.