Teaming up

My take on how things could go with the hiring of a new team. Just thought to get it out before the next episode.

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Henry Dobson was sitting at the desk in the diagnostics conference room. He was the only one in the room who didn't need to wonder about his immediate future: House had hired him. House had been right, this was not Henry's dream title, but it was his dream job. Even the "probation-time" (as he called it in his mind) had shown that. House listened to him just like he was one of the doctors – which was hardly at all. But on the other hand Henry was hired to handle House's mail and email: to answer the posts, refer patients to other doctors (the ones the requests ought to have gone to in the first place since even Henry could most of the time figure out what type of a problem the symptoms indicated). House had not hired him as a fellow, that was fair enough, but despite the almost demeaning title of a PA, Henry was in fact living almost his dream – and definitely having the more meaningful job he had wanted. He rather thought he would be content here, even though it did look like he had the oddest, weirdest, craziest boss one could have.

Not so with the other six people in the room with him. Six of the applicants were left. They were sitting at the table waiting for House to come in and tell them their fate. House had indicated that this was the last day; today he would tell them who was hired and who was not. Henry felt he could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. Everyone was eyeing each other with speculation in their eyes – some with almost hatred. Henry shook his head; he was not sure House's way of hiring people was the best if he wanted a working team. There had been backstabbing, tattling – and though he had said he didn't like tattlers he hadn't fired the biggest of them yet – and some rather ugly scenes. The twins hadn't gone quietly, though since they were gone that hardly mattered, but even so the scene hadn't exactly endeared House to the remaining candidates. In fact, nothing House had done had inspired feelings of liking, loyalty or admiration towards him. At least not at first glance. But "first glance" was often deceptive. House was nobody's fool and though he played to his own rules and ethics Henry suspected that those rules and ethics were rather carved in stone. If only anyone could find that stone!

Henry looked at the remaining candidates. He wasn't surprised to see number 13 there still – and he wasn't surprised that he still didn't know her name, though he suspected House knew not only her name but her shoe size as well. Amber, or number 24, was a surprise. Henry had expected her cut-throat ways and propensity to tattling to get her the boot even before the twins (who had rather cancelled each other out), but here she was. Why? Maybe because she had saved House's life, though Henry rather doubted that. House didn't seem like the kind of person who would give anyone credit for that. There had to be something about her that House found worth keeping around. At least until now. Jodi was a similar puzzle. Why would House want a Vet turned human doctor in his team? Sure there were some illnesses that affected both humans and animals, but as a specialist in infectious deceases surely House knew all of them himself? But again, House had to have his reasons for keeping number 32 still in the running. Those were the three ladies still in the running and none of them seemed to like each other. Of course, they didn't seem to like any of the men either, nor did the men seem to have any special rapport with each other or the women.

The three men still standing were the plastic surgeon, or number 39 or Chris, then the young Mormon Jeffery – number 18, and the epidemiologist Travis or something or number 37. Henry had been rather relieved to see number 6/9 to go: House didn't need anyone to egg him on; he was quite outrageous enough as he was. But Jeffrey was a bit of a surprise. Henry just hoped that if House was hiring Jeffrey, he could stand the jokes about black Mormons that House was bound to throw at him. Sensitivity to other people's beliefs was not House's strong suit – in fact anything even remotely smacking of political correctness was obviously an alien concept to House. Of course Henry was not the only one who would be a target of some choice jokes from House. He had already mocked Travis for being a bleeding heart due to his work with the "Doctors without borders", Chris had been told that plastic surgery was for shallow people who were afraid of "real" doctoring and Jodi had heard more than once that "horses weren't human". And that was just the starters. House respected nobody's privacy or feelings.

Henry had just started to wonder when House was going to join them and what torture he had in mind for the last "survivors" when House did join them. He was smiling – which Henry took as a bad sign – and he had a hat with him. A top hat. Henry was fairly sure nobody was going to like the magic trick that hat suggested. Dr Foreman was with House and he didn't look too happy either.

"And here it is, the judgement day," House gloated. "All we need to do is to sort the sheep from the goats. Or maybe I should say the Gryffindor from the Slytherin since this hat is going to help us with that task."

The candidates eyed the hat with suspicion almost bordering on loathing. They had a pretty good idea of what House was going to do and they didn't like it.

"If you are going to just make us draw lots," Jeffery (number 18) said. "I'm not sure that would be fair. We have all worked hard to get this far, something that arbitrary doesn't seem right."

"Strange you should be the one to object," House mocked. "I would have thought this sort of thing would be right up your street. After all, if God wants you to have this job, then surely he will see to it that you get the right ticket."

"I know you take great delight in mocking my beliefs," Jeffrey said with dignity. "And I also know that I really cannot do anything about it, but I would appreciate it if you could refrain from doing so. However, that consideration apart I still don't think drawing lots is fair. If God wants me to have this job then I have succeeded in earning it. And we, me and the rest of us, deserve to know what you choose."

"And I choose to go with the hat," House stated. "That tells you either that I don't really care who I have in my team or that you have all convinced me that you deserve a spot and I just cannot choose. You can choose whichever explanation you find more comforting. However, unless you decide to quit now, you will draw lots."

"Well, I cannot say that any part of this process has been exactly fair," Travis (number 37) sighed. "So I suppose drawing lots is just par for the course. I'm certainly not quitting."

The others agreed with him and they lined up in front of House to put their hands inside the top hat and find out their fate.

"Right, in the hat there are six pawns, all wrapped in black paper," House explained. "Once you get your pawn unwrap it and if it's black go to the left and if it's white go to the right."

The procedure didn't take long. In less than a minute there were two groups in the room: the black team that included number 13, number 32 (Jody the Vet) and number 37 (Travis) and the white team with number 39 (the plastic surgeon Chris), number 18 (Jeffrey the Mormon) and number 24 (Amber the ambitious "pixie").

"Right," House announced. "Black team, you're hired, go with Dr Foreman."

There was jubilation in the black team and the white team looked defeated; Henry felt sorry for them, but then House went on.

"White team, we have a patient," House slammed a file on the table.

"Patient?" Amber asked wide-eyed.

"Yes," House gloated at them. "You are also hired. Dr Cuddy has decided to expand the Department of Diagnostics and with Dr Foreman working here as well we need two teams. When I have a patient one of the teams is working with me – the white team with this patient and the black team with the next one and so on – and when I don't have a patient you will all either work with Dr Foreman or you will work in the clinic or in the department of your speciality or the ER or wherever you will be most useful. Any questions?"

"What symptoms does this patient have?" Chris asked and opened the file that House had brought with him.

Henry smiled. He was glad that House had found a way to hire all six of them – Jeffrey had been right, they had all worked hard to get here. But the way House had done it was so typical of him. He could have just come in and told them that they were all hired, but obviously that would have been just too nice: it might actually have given the fellows a wrong impression. They might actually have thought that House cared. And perish that thought. Henry felt his smile widen, yes this would be one interesting job indeed.