Title: I Hate That I Love You So

Author: VegasHoney

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI nor am I affiliated with CBS. If I did, don't you think I'd have Ecklie murdered?

Summary: Post TGTBTD. Sara decides to leave Grissom and Vegas, with only a CD of why on his desk. He falls apart inside desperate to find her, but never does. What happens when to bump into each other years later? My first fic, so be nice. Living Doll never happened here...

Rating: M, for future chapters.

Pairings: GSR, possible other later on in the story.

Spoilers: TGTBTD

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Chapter 1

"I thought I could trust you Gil... I thought that you loved me, but I guess, there's no such thing as a happy ending..."

"Sara, wait, please don't leave, I need you..."

"Then why did you spend the night at her house?!?!" shouted Sara angrily, "You could have at least called...but you never did..."

Sara slammed her fist onto the countertop, she had just found out she was pregnant; and Grissom wasn't with her... Where was he? Her cellphone started to ring.

"Sidle."

"Hi Sara, it's me..."

"Oh hi Cath, what is it?"

"The guard at the western park was murdered."

"You try interviewing Heather about it?" She tried to sound calm, but she couldn't when she said that woman's name.

"Uh... yeah, um... she has an alibi..."

"Really? What is it?"

"It's Grissom..."

"...and when you saw me with her at the hospital you looked as guilty as I've ever seen you... You rushed to her side with no doubt, until you found I was on her case..."

"Sara, Heather is just a friend, a friend who sold her life to someone because she lost her granddaughter. The only connection to her daughter she had left."

"Well, I wish I could believe that... but leaving me to find everyone in the lab saying that she 'rattles you,' how beautiful she is, and how you two are good together... I just can't forgive you for that..."

"But Sara, I love you and only you... I'd never hurt you on purpose..."

"I wish I could believe that too... but I've endured years of hurt from you, I just can't do it..."

"Please... Sara don't go..."

"I'm sorry… if only you called earlier…. I'm leaving, going back to my apartment. Take good care of Bruno…"

"Sara… I promise I'll never hurt you again." Sara was holding back tears now, but she had to do what was best for her.

"Gris, I can't take any empty promises, my father made to many of them…. I'm sorry. I'll always love you…" She put her hand on the doorknob, suitcase in hand.

"Sara… please…. I need you….."

"I'm sorry, but I have to do what's best for me…." She turned the knob and left through the door; leaving Grissom with Bruno giving him the 'when will she be back look.'

"I don't know if she'll ever be back boy…." Bruno whimpered, he was always a momma's boy, "I know, I miss her already too…"

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

The Next Day…..

Grissom arrived late, to the team that was odd; but the weirder thing was, Sara wasn't there yet.

"Hey Griss?" asked Greg.

"Yes Greg,"

"Um… where's Sara?"

"How would I know?"

"Well, you two seem to be a lot closer now, and I thought that maybe she would tell you…." But Grissom was already gone.

Grissom went to his office and found what he feared most.

Letter of Resignation for: Sara Sidle

"No…" he whispered to no one, "she can't…" He picked it up to find a CD with a Post-It note on it underneath the resignation.

Grissom,

Please play this.

Sara

He put the CD in his player not paying attention to the fact his door was still open. Rihanna featuring Ne-yo's song "I Hate That I Love You So" started to play.

Rihanna:
Thats how much I love you
Thats how much I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for a while? (No...)


Ne-Yo:
You won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget(that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

Cath walked up the Grissom's door, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Sara's resignation in his hand. He had finally driven her too far.


Rihanna:
But I hate...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long thats wrong


Ne-Yo:
But I hate...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss... and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you


Rihanna:
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa...)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh...)


Ne-Yo:
You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

"Hey Cath, why isn't Gris handing out assign-" But Cath cut Warrick off.

"He's finally driven Sara too far…"


Rihanna:
Said its not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right


Ne-Yo:
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah...)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so


Both:
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss wont make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...


Ne-Yo:
Yeaahhh... Oohh...

"Hey guys why is Griss listening to that music?" asked Nick.

"It sounds like something Sara'd listen to!" blurted Greg.

"Guys, shh… Grissom has finally driven Sara away from him…"


Rihanna:
Thats how much I love you (how much as I need you)
Thats how much as I need you (oooh...)
Thats how much I love you (oh...)
Thats how much as I need you


Rihanna:
And I hate that I love you soooo
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need ya (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no...)
And I hate that I love you so

Both:
And I hate that I love you so... soo...

The team was standing in his doorway when the song ended and Sara's voice filled the room, it was from the CD.

"Grissom, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to do you harm, but you've hurt me to much this time. I know Heather is just a friend, but you should've called so I didn't have to take it alone."

"Take what?" asked Cath.

"Shh…" replied Warrick.

"Last night, I found out something I never expected. I-I'm pregnant." You could tell she was holding back tears. " If you called I would have understood, but having the others tell me that she rattles you… well, I couldn't take it. By the time you hear this I'll have left Vegas. Take care of Bruno and don't try to find me. I'll always love you, even though I hate that I do….."

The CD stopped, the team was shocked if they never talked about Heather then Sara still might have been here.Cath was the first to break out of the trance.

"Gil…"

"Just let me be… please…"

"Ok, come on guys let's go." She let the team away from his office and shut the door. Grissom closed the blinds and layed down on the couch. He had nothing left but his work.