"You don't get to do this to me," he said, his voice shaking.
Panting for breath, Hermione kept her back turned to the young man behind her. She couldn't make herself face him. They'd both exhausted their entire vocabulary, and she didn't think there was anything left for them to say.
She wrapped her arms around herself, seeking comfort. She was all she had now. "I believe that's my line," she replied softly.
This morning she'd almost been able to convince herself that what she had seen had been a nightmare. Only 5 hours later, and what must have been a million bruising pinches to her arm, Hermione had to accept the truth. One could only spend so much time lying to themselves after all.
"Why won't you believe me?" he asked desperately, taking quick steps until he stood directly behind her. Close enough to feel his body heat against her back, but the usual comfort his presence provided was absent.
"Let's not do this," she murmured, moving away, eyes locked on the door. It was time for her to leave.
A hand on her elbow stopped her rapid progress.
Why did he insist they keep going through this torture? She'd seen all she needed to see, and that was that. Time to move on.
"I'm not letting you leave. You've got to listen to me!" he yelled, anger and fear coloring his voice.
Firmly removing her elbow from his grasp, Hermione finally directed her eyes to his. She wished she hadn't because as soon as their eyes met, and held, she felt the tears flood, obstructing her vision.
Oh, how she wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe the pain in his eyes was real with everything she had.
"I saw you. I saw you, Severus." Her face crumpled once the words passed her lips.
"I keep telling you it wasn't what it looked like. She kissed me, Hermione. I pulled away as soon as I could."
Yeah, he had, she thought to herself. He'd pulled away. The problem was it hadn't been fast enough. His lips had lingered on Lily's mouth as if he hadn't wanted to part from her.
The most tragic thing about all of this had to be that Hermione had been completely convinced he was over Lily. She'd foolishly thought he had gotten over the schoolboy crush. Well, it would seem there were still feelings there.
Hermione knew she had been an idiot. Falling in love was the stupidest thing she'd ever done. And the consequences for her actions were high.
"It's over," she whispered, staring at the floor.
"No, it isn't. I can't lose you," he begged.
Growing up with Severus meant she'd seen him at his worst and his best. The young man with red eyes and extended arms was the worst version of him she'd seen yet. The sight did nothing to change her mind, however. Being made a fool of was not an option.
"Please..." he said, voice cracking; body trembling.
The past 7 years flashed before her eyes. Especially, the last year. She wondered idly if she would ever again be as happy as she had been in the last year.
Shaking the thought out of her mind, Hermione faced the door once again, taking the few steps to the entryway. In seconds she would exit the Head Boy's room for the last time.
She was ashamed to admit, even to herself, that leaving was the last thing she wanted to do. Her body yearned to run into Severus' arms and hold him till this morning had become a distant memory. She wanted to fuse her lips to his until the taste of Lily was gone. Unfortunately, Hermione couldn't simply forget. The betrayal stung too deep.
Getting a grip on her emotions, she straightened her shoulders. "Goodbye, Severus," she said firmly, determination filling every syllable.
Her courage faltered when she heard him attempt to reach her before she could exit fully. So she did the only thing she could. She ran. Legs pounding, pushing, straining to get back to her dorm room. To get back to safety.
Pain ripped through every fiber of his being. Pain like he'd never known, and Severus was no stranger to it.
Hermione had refused to listen to anything he'd said. At this point he had no idea how he would fix the mess he now found himself in. He was too scared to even entertain the thought that he might not be able to fix it.
A life without Hermione wasn't something he could let happen. Fate had shown him mercy when she accepted him the first time. He hardly deserved someone as special as her. But despite all the reasons she couldn't love him, it turned out, miraculously enough, she did. Or had.
Apparently, she was under the impression he had cheated, or something equally as ridiculous. Like he was even capable of committing such an act. How could she not know what she meant to him?
Hermione had given him so much and he adored her. She gave him hope, which he had been in short order of for the greater part of his life. She gave him the acceptance he craved. She gave him love. No one, especially, Lily could change that.
Yes, he used to have feelings for Lily Evans, but those feelings had been based on loneliness. Lily had been friends with him for a long time and he had loved her for that. She had helped him deal with his father's abuse, and his mother's neglect.
Then he got to know a certain curly-haired bookworm. After that Lily remained his friend, but her place in his life had changed. She took a step back, leaving a nice, roomy spot in his heart for Hermione Granger.
Merlin, he remembered spending weeks in awe of her intelligence and fire. In the beginning of their newfound friendship he wanted to burn for her. He'd had a naive hope that she could mold him into something better. Something hers.
It was slow going, but he felt courageous one afternoon and in no time he found himself in a relationship with bloody Hermione Granger. It was glorious. It was perfect. His heart, his angel, had allowed him to be with her.
Realizing he'd been pacing since Hermione had run from him, he stopped, deciding he needed to have a little talk with Lily first. He would demand she tell him what the hell that kiss was about. He would force her to tell Hermione the truth. The truth being Lily had forced herself on him.
He had to fix this. He had to.
"What's wrong with you?"
Lily stared in silence. His stormy expression had no effect on her apparently.
This girl was a stranger to him. The Lily he knew wouldn't have kissed him in the first place. No, that girl would respect the fact he was taken.
"Lily." Impatience flooded his system. His jaw ached from the pressure of keeping a hold of his temper.
"Nothing's wrong with me," she replied calmly, as if she hadn't single handedly ruined his relationship.
"Why did you kiss me?" he demanded. "Hermione saw and now she thinks something's going on between us."
Lily hummed thoughtfully. "Did she?" Giving him a confusingly coy smile, she asked, "Isn't there though?"
"I don't understand."
His life was unraveling and there didn't seem to be a way to stop it. Helplessness was starting to seep in, and he hated it.
Sighing, Lily stood up from her chair to be level with him. "Don't be so dense, Sev. I'm sorry it took so long, but I'm here now. I'm ready for us to be together."
He stumbled back, his back bumping into an unoccupied table. Was this some kind of sick joke? Potter and his idiot followers were probably sniggering behind a bookcase somewhere. He certainly hoped so anyway.
"Lily-"
"I love you, Sev." He warily watched as she raised a hand to cup his face. Her hand was warm and soft, but it wasn't Hermione's dainty little palm.
"You love me too. I know it," she said.
With those words, he wrenched his face away from her touch, not wanting her anywhere near him. "I love Hermione," he stated, not even trying to spare her feelings. "Not you."
Instead of acting bothered, she laughed. "You dont have to pretend anymore."
"I'm not pretending," he roared.
The librarian came around the corner, shushing them sternly.
Far from being chagrined, Severus felt the small amount of control he had slip.
As soon as the librarian went on her way, he closed the small distance between them. He got up in her face, scowling angrily. "You are going to leave me alone. I'll be damned if I let you ruin what I have with Hermione," he seethed.
Finally, it looked like she was listening to him, if the sudden redness in her cheeks was any indication. Anger sparked in her green eyes and she raised a hand as if to slap him.
Right when she was about to make contact, he grabbed her wrist. "I wouldn't do that," he warned.
"You led me on!"
"I did no such thing," he denied hotly. "I thought we were friends, but a friend wouldn't do this."
If this was the way she wanted to behave, he really had no use for her. A real friend would help him keep Hermione, not drive her away.
"You can seriously tell me that the kiss this morning meant nothing to you?" she asked, indignation clear in the lines of her face.
"How can I get this through to you? The kiss meant nothing. The only thing I felt was shock, and honestly? A little nauseous."
He got satisfaction from saying the hurtful words out loud. Lily had destroyed everything, and he wanted her to pay. He needed her to feel the pain he'd been feeling for the past couple hours.
Having no desire whatsoever to keep the conversation going, Severus moved to walk around the now frozen redhead. In the next second, he was face to face with Hermione.
Hermione wasn't one to wallow in self pity for long. In her mind it was a waste of precious time. There were so many others things she could be doing. Like reading, for example. Or studying.
She sobbed into her pillow for 15 minutes, and then she went to the bathroom to rinse her face off with cold water. She hardly glanced into the mirror, knowing the sight wouldn't be pretty.
Putting her wild, unruly mane into a messy bun, Hermione grabbed a few textbooks and made her way to the library, seeking a distraction from her problems. What better way to forget than to immerse herself in books?
The walk to the library threatened to break her. Again. The pitying looks she received along the way clued her in to the fact that word had got around. She wasn't surprised. Gossip was a popular pastime for many people inside the castle walls.
Ignoring everyone, she made sure to keep her head held high and her feet moving. Hermione Granger was a survivor.
The library was dead ahead, which filled her with relief. Until she heard the one person she most wanted to avoid.
Standing outside the door, she heard him yell. Surprised by the outburst, Hermione quietly slipped inside.
What happened after made no sense to her.
Severus was in his best friends face, telling her he didn't want her. He told her the kiss made him nauseous. Nauseous!
Hermione came close to feeling bad for Lily. Severus was not in control of himself. She could tell by the crazed look in his eyes, the slight trembling of his skinny frame.
She wasn't prepared to see him. She'd been so shocked by what she had just witnessed, she hadn't noticed him coming her way. But then there he was, towering over her.
"Hermione," he breathed.
Without further ado, he lunged at her, pulling her into his arms. She had no time to react before he pushed his face into her hair, gasping for breath. He was sobbing into her neck within no time.
Servers did not behave this way. Before today she felt confident he loved her, but he never had shown as much emotion as he was doing right in that moment. He hated to let anyone see his weakness', so this behaviour was disconcerting to say the least.
"Severus..."
She didn't know what to do. Pushing him away could be an option, then again, she could hold him just as tightly as he was holding her.
Like he could read her thoughts, which was a decent possibility, he tightened his grip on her. "D-don't let go. Promise me you won't let go," he whispered.
Once he calmed down, they were going to need to talk. She had a few questions that needed answering.
But she'd heard what he had said to Lily, and her faith in him had begun to be restored. The shock of seeing him so intimate with Lily might have caused her to overreact.
The thing she still knew, without a doubt, was that she loved this boy. Loved him more than anything. If he loved her, why would she make them both suffer for nothing? Logically, she wouldn't.
"I won't," she promised fervently.