A/N: Yeah...er...I saw the word 'potato'. That is the inspiration for this luvverly little ficlet...
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings.
Gollum's First Encounter With Taters
"The nasssty fat hobbit told us about you, yessss," Gollum said to the potatoes in front of him.
"He told usss...he did. He sayssss we can eats you, yesss..." He continued, staring at the potatoes.
This was a new experience for Gollum. Or Smeagol, if you like. He had been in Smeagol mode when Sam told him about the taters, but currently he's in Gollum mode...I think...
"We can eats you, then dumps you in the pond with the fishess and the frogsiess..."
Quite obviously Gollum did not know that potato peels are extremely good for you, and he had no idea that if you dumped what was left of a potato after you ate it into a pond that it would probably float.
"The frogsiesss and fishesss would like you, yesss they would, preciousss." He growled. Well, near a growl. He hated taters. He wasn't aware of it, but he hated them with a deep passion. And he was rather angry that he was calling them precious, seeing as how he hated them so much. But he couldn't really help calling them precious...
"Gollum, gollum, we shall eats you, precious! Yes, we shall..." He continued on with his little rant, not actually moving to eat the potatoes, but threatening it every three minutes.
In truth, Gollum was a bit afraid of the taters. He did not trust the fat, nasty, lying hobbit, so therefore he was not sure if he actually could eat the potatoes. He would try, though...
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a big bird came flying straight down, snatched the potatoes, and continued on.
"Nooooooooooooooooo!" Gollum screeched. For, once again, something had been taken away from him!
"I wants the taters! I wants to give them to the fishes and frogsies! I wants them!" He screamed to no one in particular.
After a while, he got over it(I think someone gave him a sedative) and just sat in a little hole he had dug, brooding over everything and nothing.
And this is how Gollum's first encounter with potatoes went.
The End
A/N: The bit about the frogsies ponds was created by some of my friends and I.
Oh, and if the anonymous reviewer Gollum happens to read this, don't ever apologize for reviews! It's what we authors live for!