Konnichiwa, minna-san! Another fic, whoot! Anyway, hope you all enjoy! Oh, and thanks to Mia and everyone else who influenced me on this work!
Disclaimer: -.- Don't sue me...I'm poor and pathetic and own nothing...
Fate can be a scary and tricky thing. She loves to make your life perfect just long enough to drop your guard, so she can tear everything away. Or she'll make your life hell, and slowly but surely let the sun sift through the clouds until you're bathed in light. And then there's me. That's right, people, I'm in a category all my own. Because my world has stopped turning, and Fate doesn't give a damn.
The gleaming blade in my hand is so cruel…yet in it's own way so incredibly beautiful. My blood might enhance that heartless elegance. Great, now I sound sadistic…oh, screw it. It doesn't matter anymore. Nobody is around to hear me.
I lower the shimmering knife to my wrist, and I involuntarily shudder as the cold metal touches my vulnerable flesh. I knew that once I did this, all I had to do was lay on the floor and wait for death to claim me…simple as can be and pretty much painless…so why couldn't I do it?!
I shake my head with a sigh and shut my eyes. It's now or never…I won't have the guts to go through with it after this. I take a deep breath and plunge the blade into my skin. A hiss of pain escapes my lips as I watched my blood flow freely from the wound, dripping onto the bedroom floor. Just remember, that's all the pain there is…
I can hear you pounding on the door. "Ryou, open this door! Ryou! Ryou, please?!" I smile to myself. No good, Bakura, it's locked good and tight…you won't be hurting me anymore. "What's going on in there?! Good Ra, please unlock the door!" I'm starting to feel light headed…well, there's no harm in letting you see me die. You'll enjoy it, right?
I manage to get to the door and unlock it, but at the cost of a good bit of my remaining energy. I stagger back, leaning against the wall. You throw open the now unlocked door, and I watch your eyes widen at the sight that meets you. "What on earth did you do that for?!" I groan. For the love of God, stop screaming! My head is killing me! And I thought this was supposed to be a painless way out. I'm so dizzy…
I stumble, and I prepare myself to hit the hard wooden floor, knowing the pain it would cause. But you catch me…what possessed you to do that? In any case, thank you…it hurts enough already. If I remember right, it wasn't supposed to hurt…
You tied something tightly around my wrist, and I direct my eyes to it in curiosity. Your handkerchief. Hey, you're being nice today…heh, that rhymes. Why the hell are you taking care of me…you aren't worried about me, are you?
"Oh Ra, please don't die! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!"
Sorry? What for? What did you do? Oh yes, now I remember. Don't die. Well, why not? You mean you aren't glad? When did this revelation happen?
"Please don't let go, Ryou!"
But I feel so weak…it's hard to hold on when I don't have anything to hold on to. The colors around me start to swirl, and you're lost among them. Soon, I can't see or hear you at all. I always heard you're supposed to see a bright light when you die….why is it so dark? I can't feel you holding my hand anymore, and I find myself feeling scared and helpless without you there. Weird…
I change my mind! I want to go back! I'm scared! But why won't the darkness let me go?! Please, oh please let me go back! I grope blindly for your hand but it isn't there. That's just like you, to leave me alone when I truly want you with me. I never thought I'd say this, but I want my yami! I want my yami…
Wh-what's going on? Why is everything so bright all of a sudden? Maybe this is the light everyone talks about. B-but that means I can't go back! No, no, no…I want Bakura…I…I miss him. Oh God, I'm so confused…I can hear voices…maybe I'm going back! Finally I feel myself strengthen slightly, and I open my eyes wearily.
A purely white room meets me. I feel an unexplainable, yet immense amount of fear rise within me. I feel so alone…so abandoned…where am I?! Why did you leave me alone?! You always leave me alone! "Shh…it's ok, hikari…you're in the hospital…" I jump. Of course, you heard me…I was mentally screaming after all.
You're at my side, holding my hand tightly. It's obvious that you've been worried sick. Were you scared that you'd lose me? It's funny to think that you were the one scared for a change. You look like you haven't eaten in days…I doubt you ever even left my side. When did you start being so protective over me? I feel you run your fingers through my hair, and I can hear you crying. But I thought you'd be happy…wait, you're smiling too.
"I was so worried…you've been out a whole week…"
A week?! Was that all?! It felt like years! I try to smile, but it's almost impossible for me to do it. I manage to force an exhausted and tear filled "Bakura…" from my chapped lips. You squeeze my hand reassuringly...I don't think I'll ever understand you. I never thought I'd take comfort in your presence, but for some reason it eases all my fears. I think you can tell that I'm scared…you keep telling me that it's going to be ok, running your fingers through my hair. How did you ever find out that comforts me? Then out of the blue, you ask me…
"Ryou, do…do you forgive me for what I've done?"
I stare at you blearily, hoping my pain and exhaustion were clearly written over my features, and you seem to know it's not the right time for such a question. I rest my head against your hand, finding that to be the only reply I could muster at the moment. You immediately grow protective over me, worried; I know I must look so vulnerable and helpless lying here, unable to move due to the pain it causes. You want to keep me safe…that makes me feel better, knowing you won't let anything hurt me. I suddenly trust you so incredibly much.
But your protection does me little good…I feel unconsciousness fighting with my weakened body, and I'm far too tired to put up any resistance. Oh no…no, I don't want to be alone in the dark again! I'm scared! Bakura, I forgive you! I forgive you! D-Don't leave me…pl-please…
"Shh…calm down. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here with you." You rub my hand gently, as if to assure me that you're telling the truth. "You have to rest, Ryou. It's ok…it's all going to be ok…I'll protect you. Shh…"
But it's so hard to breathe…to think…everything's just so painful. I feel something cool lay against my forehead. A washcloth…you're trying so hard to take good care of me, aren't you? But I know you have absolutely no idea what to do. It's funny, though…how you still make me comfortable. I truly don't know what I'd do without you right now…for the first time in my life, I really need you. And I want you here too…I'd be so scared if you weren't here with me right now, taking care of me. "Heh, you were r-right…I am weak…why d-does my arm h-hurt so m-much?" I was surprised by the feebleness of my own voice. Kami, I'm pathetic…
I feel you touch my aching wrist, and the coolness of your fingers soothes my pain. "That's where you cut yourself, tenshi. They had to put stitches…and you're not weak. If you were weak you would be dead by now. You're hurt, that's all…it's all right…this is my fault, not yours. You sleep now…"
Did you just say it was your fault?! And now you're humming lullabies…good God, Bakura, what have I done to you? I don't know what magical powers you laced into that song, but you're killing my ability to stay awake. Sleep is awfully tempting… you know, I can't help but think…maybe I was wrong. Perhaps Fate does care after all…
~Owari~
There ya go! R/R! Ja ne, minna! ~Missa-chan
Disclaimer: -.- Don't sue me...I'm poor and pathetic and own nothing...
Fate can be a scary and tricky thing. She loves to make your life perfect just long enough to drop your guard, so she can tear everything away. Or she'll make your life hell, and slowly but surely let the sun sift through the clouds until you're bathed in light. And then there's me. That's right, people, I'm in a category all my own. Because my world has stopped turning, and Fate doesn't give a damn.
The gleaming blade in my hand is so cruel…yet in it's own way so incredibly beautiful. My blood might enhance that heartless elegance. Great, now I sound sadistic…oh, screw it. It doesn't matter anymore. Nobody is around to hear me.
I lower the shimmering knife to my wrist, and I involuntarily shudder as the cold metal touches my vulnerable flesh. I knew that once I did this, all I had to do was lay on the floor and wait for death to claim me…simple as can be and pretty much painless…so why couldn't I do it?!
I shake my head with a sigh and shut my eyes. It's now or never…I won't have the guts to go through with it after this. I take a deep breath and plunge the blade into my skin. A hiss of pain escapes my lips as I watched my blood flow freely from the wound, dripping onto the bedroom floor. Just remember, that's all the pain there is…
I can hear you pounding on the door. "Ryou, open this door! Ryou! Ryou, please?!" I smile to myself. No good, Bakura, it's locked good and tight…you won't be hurting me anymore. "What's going on in there?! Good Ra, please unlock the door!" I'm starting to feel light headed…well, there's no harm in letting you see me die. You'll enjoy it, right?
I manage to get to the door and unlock it, but at the cost of a good bit of my remaining energy. I stagger back, leaning against the wall. You throw open the now unlocked door, and I watch your eyes widen at the sight that meets you. "What on earth did you do that for?!" I groan. For the love of God, stop screaming! My head is killing me! And I thought this was supposed to be a painless way out. I'm so dizzy…
I stumble, and I prepare myself to hit the hard wooden floor, knowing the pain it would cause. But you catch me…what possessed you to do that? In any case, thank you…it hurts enough already. If I remember right, it wasn't supposed to hurt…
You tied something tightly around my wrist, and I direct my eyes to it in curiosity. Your handkerchief. Hey, you're being nice today…heh, that rhymes. Why the hell are you taking care of me…you aren't worried about me, are you?
"Oh Ra, please don't die! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!"
Sorry? What for? What did you do? Oh yes, now I remember. Don't die. Well, why not? You mean you aren't glad? When did this revelation happen?
"Please don't let go, Ryou!"
But I feel so weak…it's hard to hold on when I don't have anything to hold on to. The colors around me start to swirl, and you're lost among them. Soon, I can't see or hear you at all. I always heard you're supposed to see a bright light when you die….why is it so dark? I can't feel you holding my hand anymore, and I find myself feeling scared and helpless without you there. Weird…
I change my mind! I want to go back! I'm scared! But why won't the darkness let me go?! Please, oh please let me go back! I grope blindly for your hand but it isn't there. That's just like you, to leave me alone when I truly want you with me. I never thought I'd say this, but I want my yami! I want my yami…
Wh-what's going on? Why is everything so bright all of a sudden? Maybe this is the light everyone talks about. B-but that means I can't go back! No, no, no…I want Bakura…I…I miss him. Oh God, I'm so confused…I can hear voices…maybe I'm going back! Finally I feel myself strengthen slightly, and I open my eyes wearily.
A purely white room meets me. I feel an unexplainable, yet immense amount of fear rise within me. I feel so alone…so abandoned…where am I?! Why did you leave me alone?! You always leave me alone! "Shh…it's ok, hikari…you're in the hospital…" I jump. Of course, you heard me…I was mentally screaming after all.
You're at my side, holding my hand tightly. It's obvious that you've been worried sick. Were you scared that you'd lose me? It's funny to think that you were the one scared for a change. You look like you haven't eaten in days…I doubt you ever even left my side. When did you start being so protective over me? I feel you run your fingers through my hair, and I can hear you crying. But I thought you'd be happy…wait, you're smiling too.
"I was so worried…you've been out a whole week…"
A week?! Was that all?! It felt like years! I try to smile, but it's almost impossible for me to do it. I manage to force an exhausted and tear filled "Bakura…" from my chapped lips. You squeeze my hand reassuringly...I don't think I'll ever understand you. I never thought I'd take comfort in your presence, but for some reason it eases all my fears. I think you can tell that I'm scared…you keep telling me that it's going to be ok, running your fingers through my hair. How did you ever find out that comforts me? Then out of the blue, you ask me…
"Ryou, do…do you forgive me for what I've done?"
I stare at you blearily, hoping my pain and exhaustion were clearly written over my features, and you seem to know it's not the right time for such a question. I rest my head against your hand, finding that to be the only reply I could muster at the moment. You immediately grow protective over me, worried; I know I must look so vulnerable and helpless lying here, unable to move due to the pain it causes. You want to keep me safe…that makes me feel better, knowing you won't let anything hurt me. I suddenly trust you so incredibly much.
But your protection does me little good…I feel unconsciousness fighting with my weakened body, and I'm far too tired to put up any resistance. Oh no…no, I don't want to be alone in the dark again! I'm scared! Bakura, I forgive you! I forgive you! D-Don't leave me…pl-please…
"Shh…calm down. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here with you." You rub my hand gently, as if to assure me that you're telling the truth. "You have to rest, Ryou. It's ok…it's all going to be ok…I'll protect you. Shh…"
But it's so hard to breathe…to think…everything's just so painful. I feel something cool lay against my forehead. A washcloth…you're trying so hard to take good care of me, aren't you? But I know you have absolutely no idea what to do. It's funny, though…how you still make me comfortable. I truly don't know what I'd do without you right now…for the first time in my life, I really need you. And I want you here too…I'd be so scared if you weren't here with me right now, taking care of me. "Heh, you were r-right…I am weak…why d-does my arm h-hurt so m-much?" I was surprised by the feebleness of my own voice. Kami, I'm pathetic…
I feel you touch my aching wrist, and the coolness of your fingers soothes my pain. "That's where you cut yourself, tenshi. They had to put stitches…and you're not weak. If you were weak you would be dead by now. You're hurt, that's all…it's all right…this is my fault, not yours. You sleep now…"
Did you just say it was your fault?! And now you're humming lullabies…good God, Bakura, what have I done to you? I don't know what magical powers you laced into that song, but you're killing my ability to stay awake. Sleep is awfully tempting… you know, I can't help but think…maybe I was wrong. Perhaps Fate does care after all…
~Owari~
There ya go! R/R! Ja ne, minna! ~Missa-chan