Chipped Porcelain
by alistarzz
Warning: Slight twincest, eating disorders, and implied drug use/addiction.
He's beautiful.
The continuous flashes illuminate brightly against the bare backdrop, highlighting angular cheekbones and a delicate upturned nose. Pale skin seemingly sculpted as though it were made of only the finest porcelain, not even the slightest imperfection detectable. For just a brief second his eyes wander downwards, and his dark eyelashes brush gently against his skin, casting a slight shadow as they fan across lightly dusted cheeks.
The room is still, silent apart from the familiar click of the camera and occasional murmur of the few people standing by, eyes never daring to stray from the immaculate beauty standing before them.
With a swift upturn of his head, amber colored eyes appear bright and golden under such dramatic illumination, slightly slanted with natural but exotic ethnicity. His hair is a sort of dark ginger and tousled in a way that could seem almost careless but really, is anything but. His elbow rests casually against a white stoned pillar, body appearing tall, thin, and lean. The epitome of a true model.
"Kaoru, raise your chin a bit...Perfect."
He sometimes feels as though he is merely an object. Not a person anyone would particular care about, only needed for the specific way he looks and carries himself. Of course...such thoughts would only be considered "ridiculously absurd" in an industry such as this one.
The alluring male wonders when he would be able to go home. He's both mentally and physically exhausted, the long hours beginning to take an obvious toll. He sighs inwardly but doesn't dare to truly twitch a muscle. He's frozen and mechanical, following the unspoken direction that seems to be his everyday life.
Kaoru Hitachiin. The newest, hottest, and youngest male model on the circuit. He's a fluidity of poise and grace, always seeming to be wanted and desired. Being discovered was probably both the best and worse thing that could have ever happened to the young boy. Lately, Kaoru chose the later.
His mom always held high hopes for her son. Yuzuha Hitachiin was the president of her own fashion company and deliberately used this status to her advantage. She was a determined woman and known to rarely stray from an idea once her mind was set. Yuzuha hadn't originally planned for her son to become a model. Not until a certain coworker had commented on how beautiful her son was and how she could just imagine the boy on the glossy pages of a magazine. The idea was planted in Yuzuha's mind from that day forward and put in vain of any means to escape. She'd be damned if she didn't follow through.
This lead to Yuzuha automatically becoming Kaoru's manager. The boy wasn't entirely sure what her plan was, but at the time it didn't fully matter. He was happy simply making his mother happy.
It wasn't difficult. Yuzuha was already extremely well known in the fashion industry. She knew just the right connections and she knew her son was nothing if not impeccably gorgeous.
So, of course...it wasn't difficult at all to introduce Kaoru to the modeling industry. He was a natural. It wasn't long until his face appeared front cover on nearly every top fashion magazine out there.
"Next outfit!"
Immediately, Kaoru was pushed into a separate room full of mirrors, makeup boxes, and racks of clothes. He stood still as the stylists stripped and dressed him, not even bothering to lay his opinion on the extravagant clothes they were dressing him with. They wouldn't really listen to him anyways. Just nod, hum, and proceed to ignore. It had been awhile until the boy had recognized their indifference.
They assume he's airheaded. Not fully cooperative in the head. Though he supposes it can't all entirely be their fault. He'd met plenty of models who were truly not all there, this more than likely being the reason why models everywhere gained such a reputation. However, there were some who were smart. Granted, not many. But they were out there.
Then there were those that were so outwardly arrogant and self-centered, it made Kaoru want to punch something. Or more specifically, someone. They were shallow, haughty, and all around presumptuous and Kaoru hated these types of people the most. At least a brain-dead didn't purposely say mean things. They just...didn't know better.
Kaoru wasn't entirely sure of the category he would be placed in. He knew he wasn't no genius, maybe only slightly naive. He just...was. Floating in his own little bubble of solitary confinement. He never felt as though he could be a part of something. He didn't have any friends and no one was really a big deal in his life apart from his mother, and most of the time that didn't bother him. Sometimes though...it got lonely.
Suddenly, Kaoru was surrounded in a mist of hairspray. Coughing lightly, he waved away the cloudy product and blinked. No one bothered to apologize. Just continued to do their job of making sure he fit the exact definition of what would be considered perfection.
Kaoru accidentally caught sight of his reflection and bit his lip. His eyes critically examined his body, before he tensed and quickly looked away.
Not right now...
Kaoru closed his eyes and tried to relax, allowing the stylists to pat powder on his face and restyle his hair.
"Not again...Honestly, what was that girl thinking? No scratch that, she clearly wasn't thinking at all."
Kaoru's eyes snapped open at the sudden voice, gaze immediately falling on his mother whom was standing near the door, phone pressed tightly against her ear. The woman held an aggravated expression upon her face, eyes darting across the floor as she processed what the other person was saying.
"It's as though her reputation means nothing to her! I swear to you, if this happens again, I will not bother to-" she pauses and takes in a deep breath, rolling her eyes up towards the ceiling. "Nevermind. I'll deal with it."
Yuzuha taps the phone once then drops it into the pocket of her plaid coat. Karou's never seen it around before so it must be next seasons. She looks up, familiar amber eyes meeting Kaoru's. "Oh honey, don't do drugs. It turns into a publicity mess." she chuckles dryly, heels clacking against the crisp black marbled floor as she makes her way towards a leather couch full of velvet red pillows.
No 'Don't do drugs because it's bad for your health' Just a 'Don't do drugs because it will hurt your reputation' Karou doesn't know why it bothers him so much, but it does.
"Mm, thank you dear." Yuzuha takes the sparkling water that was handed to her and takes a delicate sip. "It was Mei Yasumura this time. What a shame, I always thought she was a sweet girl...I suppose anyone really can be pressured into the influence of cocaine." the woman says thoughtfully, head tilting to the side which causes her dangling earrings to cling together.
Really, Mai was anything but a sweet girl. However, Kaoru said nothing. She wasn't terrible per say, only on the verge of being labeled as completely egotistic. That still didn't make her someone Kaoru would willingly choose to accompany.
He didn't know why her mother was forging ignorance. The woman was aware of the things that went on backstage just as much he was. Kaoru had seen it happening countless of times, there was no possible way Yuzuha hadn't.
The scent had become something he would describe as familiar. Not good, just familiar. Which was okay, he guessed. At least he wasn't joining in.
Sometimes though, he watched. He sat and wondered what it was like, how it would feel. Too scared of truly trying. However, Kaoru believed this was okay as well. After all, everybody was curious. At least a little bit.
It was a tough environment to be in. Nothing had ever been easy and Kaoru firmly believed that it would stay that way. It had come to a point where the things he was exposed to held not as much importance as they would have a few years ago. He felt trapped in a continuous cycle of self-loathing and abandonment. The mentality of this ordeal would manifest into pure self loathing and undeniable hatred. Kaoru was simply feeling lost, if not forgotten for whom he truly was.
The true authenticity of whether or not he understood the real meaning of his surroundings himself...was still unrecognized. Unknown.
He would continue to float.
Kaoru wasn't entirely sure when he had been pushed back into the room where the main shoot was being held. It had become the norm for him to space out when on the job, something no one seemed to have a problem with as long as he stood still and looked pretty.
"Alright Kaoru, just a few more. You're doing a wonderful job, if you could maybe narrow your eyes and purse those lips. We're looking for sultry."
The photographer hummed appreciatively when Kaoru did so, quickly snapping at his camera as he moved around the room.
Kaoru no longer considered himself as an individual who easily got surprised. Either he had already seen it before or it simply held no absolute interest. However, it wasn't exactly common for a random person to burst through the door, wide eyed and nearly tripping over his own feet.
And it definitely wasn't common for that person to look exactly like you.
-x-
Hikaru Hitachiin was not by any means a patient individual.
He couldn't count the number of times Tamaki promised to meet Hikaru at a specific time, only to show up half an hour later. Hikaru realized this after the third consistent time this happened, therefore deciding to take his time whenever he met with the persistent blond. However, this time Tamaki had sounded extra urgent over the phone.
Hikaru sighed, annoyed.
It appeared no matter how serious the situation was, Tamaki would still be incapable of tracking time.
"Hikaru! Oh, thank goodness!"
Turning away from his people watching, Hikaru appraised the male currently running towards him. Golden blond locks whisked carelessly in the wind, only to fall into an arranged sequence in front of the boy's determined violet eyes. When Tamaki finally reached to a halt in front of Hikaru, the blond leaned forward and placed his hands on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath, with what seemed to be a magazine clutched tightly in his grip.
"Only twelve minutes late this time, must be a new record." Hikaru spoke dryly, arms crossed and lips pursed.
Tamaki laughed nervously, straightening up and rubbing at the back of his neck. "Heh, sorry. I really did try to hurry this time."
"I'm sure." Hikaru raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. "What do you want?"
"Oh!" Tamaki suddenly perked up, eyes lightning with excitement yet underlined confusion. Hopping on the tips of his toes, he thrust the magazine in Hikaru's face, causing the boy to stumble backwards as his eyes attempted to focus on the cover.
For a few seconds Hikaru just stared blankly, unsure of what exactly he was looking at. Squinting and studying the magazine further, Hikaru suddenly gasped. His amber eyes widened dramatically and his lips parted in undeniable surprise. "What...?"
"Why didn't you ever tell me you were a model?!" Tamaki exclaimed.
"I...I don't-"
Hikaru continued to just stare at the magazine. He opened and closed his eyes a few times, expecting–and even willing–for the image to change into something that would make more sense. Because staring right back at Hikaru was...Hikaru. But not. Hikaru would've remembered getting his picture taken that certain way, the background scenery, wearing those clothes, parting his hair differently. But he didn't...he remembered none of that happening. The image dominating nearly the entire front page of this magazine was a clear and undeniable image of Hikaru. And yet, it wasn't him. Hikaru knew it wasn't...it couldn't be.
However, the exact same bone structure, amber eyes, and unique mixture of brown and orange locks would say differently. The person on that magazine is an exact replica of himself, excluding the slight photo-shopped usage and even makeup appliance.
"Why would you keep this kind of thing from the host club?" Tamaki pouted, seeming to ignore the other male's shock-still state. "I mean, did you really think you could keep this whole Hannah Montana facade up forever? Although, I must admit you weren't exactly doing a fantastic job of keeping this a secret. You didn't even bother with a wig!"
Hikaru grabbed the magazine and closely examined it, pointedly choosing to ignore Tamaki's idiotic rambling.
Nothing was making sense right now, and Hikaru could feel the oncoming effects of a headache.
"How did you manage front cover on an American magazine anyway? You must have quite the fan base out there. I'm surprised you have perfect attendance at school! Imagine my surprise when Kyoya arrived back from his trip to America, only to bring with him a magazine of you! Oh, I bet you're proud of yourself!"
"Tamaki...shut up." Hikaru muttered. "This isn't me."
The blond blinked a few times before laughing. "Oh Hikaru, don't be silly! Of course it's you, who else would it be? Your long lost twin?!" Tamaki laughed harder.
Hikaru glanced up, clearly not as amused. "I don't know, maybe."
Tamaki immediately stopped laughing. "That was a joke."
Hikaru just shrugged and ran his fingers across the glossy cover of the magazine, tracing aimlessly at the male's features that were his own. It was all absolutely crazy and Hikaru wasn't sure if he was thinking very logically at the moment, but at the same time it was logical despite the confusion and layered questions.
"So...this isn't you?"
"No, Tamaki."
"Are you sure?"
"I think I would've remembered becoming a model and posing for an American magazine, yes."
"...Is it possible you have a stalker that has killer photography skills?"
"Tamaki!"
"Okay..."Tamaki spoke slowly. "Let's assume that this is some long lost twin we're talking about here. Why don't you know about him?"
"How the hell would I know?!" Hikaru rubbed at his temples before grabbing his cell phone from his back pocket. "I'm going to call my dad."
Tamaki took back the magazine and studied it himself. "Holy shit, at the bottom it says Kaoru Hitachiin."
Well, if Hikaru had any more doubts of this guy being somewhat related to him, they were all cleared now.
"Yes?" the familiar deep voice of his father rang clearly through the phone.
"Hey dad, how's the business trip in Europe going?" Hikaru's voice came across a bit more shaky, nervous to find what his father had to say about a possible twin brother.
"Decent so far, I suppose. Did you need something?"
Hikaru bit his lip and decided to get straight to the point. "Dad...who's Kaoru?"
It was quite on the other line, Hikaru's stomach becoming progressively queasy the longer the silence dragged on.
Hikaru swallowed. "Dad?"
He listened as his father cleared his throat.
"Hikaru...maybe you should find a place to sit down."
"I think I'm fine where I'm at, thank you." Hikaru spoke tightly, lips dry as his eyes focused straight ahead, almost unseeing.
He could hear his father sigh and only a few more seconds passed before he finally spoke up.
"I never intended for this to be a conversation we would have over the phone...but I suppose it's too late now." a deep, shaky breath. "How did you find out about Kaoru?"
"I found a magazine with...his...picture on it." Hikaru was careful when using the pronoun. After all, what if Hikaru did have a stalker with killer photography skills? "So, he's real then?"
His father chuckled dryly. "Oh, of course he's real. I apologize for not telling you any of this sooner, but...I didn't know how. Your mother and I agreed we would wait until you were both eighteen. None of our reasons legitimate other than it was easier and we were scared."
"My...My mother?" Hikaru couldn't remember the last time his father spoke about her.
"Yes."
Silence for a few seconds.
"What's he saying?" Tamaki whispered.
Hikaru raised a finger to his lips.
"Your mother left to America when you were about three years old because she was looking for bigger things and greater opportunities. She was always so interested in fashion, something I never did quite understand. But she loved it and was so very dedicated, therefore I supported her."
"Yes, you've told me all this before." Hikaru said, recalling back to when he was younger and began to question why he didn't have a mom like all the other children.
"I did."
It was quiet again and Hikaru waited. Partially because he didn't know what to say, but also because he was scared if he opened his mouth he would start crying.
"Kaoru is your identical twin brother. When your mother left to America, she took him with her. Right now, they are both currently residing in New York..."
Hikaru listened as his father went on, talking about his mother Yuzuha and his twin brother, who apparently was some hot shot American model. He found out things that couldn't possibly be true but yet...they were. His father was never the type to lie and Hikaru just knew...This wasn't some sort of joke.
When his father was done talking, it felt as though all the air held within Hikaru had left his body, for he found it difficult to breathe. When he was able to speak again, a few moments later, his voice sounded forced and far off to his own ears. As though he had vanished and was currently listening to his own conversation, rather than partaking in it. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"I...I don't know."
"You don't know?" Hikaru choked out.
"Everything was just so damn complicated, Hikaru. My mind was a mess and I couldn't ever think properly. By the time I finally got a hold of myself it was too late. Or at least...it felt that way. I promised myself I would wait until the right time...then you just kept getting older and I called Yuzuha but she was having the exact same problem a-and..."
Hikaru had never heard his father stutter and sound so unsure of his words.
"Stop." Hikaru interrupted. "I cannot believe you kept this from me...Does Kaoru know?"
"No." his father sighed. "Or at least...he's not supposed to."
Hikaru shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to ignore the sudden sting behind his eyes. "I don't even know what to say to you anymore."
Hikaru immediately ended the call and didn't hesitate in throwing the phone into a nearby fountain, knowing that his father was just going to keep calling back. Fists clenched and body trembling uncontrollably, Hikaru felt sick.
"Hey..." Tamaki spoke in a soft, concerned voice. The blond gently rested his hand on Hikaru's shaking shoulder, biting his lip when the distressed boy only proceeded to shrug him off.
"I-I can't right now, Tamaki. I'm sorry, but...I need to go."
Tamaki watched as Hikaru quickly left the park, concerned and distraught with what he should do. For now though, the blond pushed his worries aside and let him go; knowing that the other boy desperately needed to be alone.
-x-
"Honestly, what in the hell was I thinking..." Hikaru muttered to himself as he walked down long, but unfamiliar hallways.
Thinking was obviously the last thing he was doing. However, he felt like he needed to do this. Despite not being emotionally stable and missing a few days of school–not to mention breaking his near perfect attendance record–Hikaru felt as though he was making the right choice.
Or maybe he wasn't.
Hikaru wasn't entirely sure as this point.
"Um, excuse me?" Hikaru went up to a woman wearing bright red lipstick and a black headset, looking as though she was in her mid-20's. Currently, she was standing in front of an array of clothes while writing into her clipboard. "Can you direct me towards–"
"Oh my god!" the woman's eyes widened dramatically, eyes darting around as she quickly grabbed Hikaru's hand and nearly dragged him down the hall.
"What the hell you doing here?" She practically screeched.
"Uh, what?" said Hikaru, shock stricken as he stumbled behind her fast walking pace.
"You were supposed to be in there an hour ago!"
"Be where?"
The girl didn't bother responding, instead choosing to roll her eyes and mutter beneath her breath.
It was only awhile until she stopped in front of a large black door, immediately pushing down the shiny gold handle and shoving Hikaru inside.
"Let's hope you don't get fired." she hissed, before snapping the door shut.
Hikaru blinked, listening to the distant sound of high heels clacking.
'What was that all about?' Hikaru wondered, rubbing at his wrist where the woman gripped him a bit too tightly.
A throat loudly cleared, and Hikaru's eyes snapped up from the floor, only now noticing that he wasn't the only occupant currently in the room.
"Um..." Hikaru chuckled nervously, shuffling his feet as multiple hard stares were directed towards him. "Hi?"
"What the hell?" the voice was soft and low. If it wasn't for the room being so quite you wouldn't have been able to hear it. However, despite this, the voice was laced with delicacy and caution. Oh so slightly high pitched but with an air of masculinity that screamed precision and control. A beautiful noise that could rival even the sound of bells.
Two woman, both dressed head to toe in black and carrying the necessary supplies that declared them stylists, stepped to the side revealing the owner of that particular voice.
Hikaru nearly fainted.
The boy that must have been Kaoru, for he looked exactly like Hikaru, actually did faint.
-x-
"This isn't real. Either I'm dreaming or you are a fantastic makeup artist posing as myself." Kaoru raised his hand and sharply pulled at Hikaru's cheek.
"Ow!" Hikaru slapped Kaoru's hand away, causing the model to slowly rest his hand back on his lap.
"This isn't real." he repeated, clenching his eyes shut and shaking his head.
Both boys were currently sitting on a sleek black couch, Kaoru leaning back and holding an ice pack to his head due to hitting it when he fainted.
When that had happened, there seemed to be utter chaos as people tried to wake Kaoru up. For awhile, Hikaru was slightly ignored as the staff hustled around. Only slightly, due to the still confused stares and glances.
Currently, people were still rushing around. Many were on their phones, barking orders and demanding explanations. Some stood, unsure with what to do other than stare at the twins. Most were desperately trying to find Yuzuha Hitachiin.
At the mention of his mothers name, Hikaru perked up. "My mother is here?" Hikaru asked, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice.
"Yeah, don't get your hopes up too much. She's not that great." Kaoru spoke dryly.
Hikaru blinked, confused with the models sudden stiffness and hostility at the mention of his- their- mother.
Before he could say anything, however, Kaoru spoke up.
"Where did you come from and why did you just now decide to show up?"
Hikaru pursed his lips. "I'm from Japan...I literally just found out about you, trust me if I had known about you sooner I would have been here sooner."
Kaoru simply hummed. He opened his mouth to say more, only to be interrupted by the one and only Yuzuha.
"What is going on that I was needed so urgently!? I was in the middle of something. Honestly, if somebody isn't dead, you're all fired." Yuzuha's eyes darted around, narrowed and piercing as she looked around the room. However, when they landed upon both Hikaru and Kaoru, her face dropped and her eyes widened dramatically.
"Oh, shit." she muttered. Clearing her throat, Yuzuha raised her voice, directing it towards the entirety of the room. "Everybody, please exit the room, I'd like to speak to these two boys alone. Also, cancel the shoot. We will have to reschedule."
"What? B-but-" the photographer argued, only to be immediately silenced by the raising of Yuzuha's freshly manicured hand.
"No buts. We will have to reschedule." she firmly repeated. "In fact, unless you are needed elsewhere in this building, everybody is free to go home."
At that, the people currently occupying the room quickly packed up their stuff and left, leaving only the twins and their mother alone.
"Well." Yuzuha sighed, clasping her hands together as she slowly lowered herself to sit on the edge of the couch. "Isn't this a surprise?"
"Sure is." Kaoru said curtly. "Mind explaining?"
The woman bit her lip, eyes flickering between the two boys. Finally, her eyes rested on Hikaru and she smiled.
"Oh, my darling Hikaru. You've gotten so big." her eyes began to fill with tears as she gently caresses the boy's cheek. "So perfect. Just like your brother. Both of you are perfect."
"M-mom?" Hikaru suttered.
"Yes sweetheart, I've missed you so much."
Hikaru no longer hesitated, he jumped out of his seat and launched himself at Yuzuha. The woman welcomed the embrace with open arms.
"Does your father know your here?"
"Yes." Hikaru nodded, head pressed tightly against his mother's shoulder.
"How long are you planning to stay?"
"As long as I need to, I guess."
Kaoru cleared his throat.
"While this welcoming party is very...heartwarming...I'd like to know just what the hell is going on." Kaoru's eyes flickered between the two with a slight spark of jealousy.
"Oh, stop being so cold Kaoru and properly welcome your brother." Yuzuha scolded.
Kaoru remained stiff, rolling his eyes before redirecting them towards his nails.
Yuzuha sighed. "Well, alright. I should probably start explaining, shouldn't I?"
Kaoru snorted while Hikaru hesitantly chose to retake his seat next to the partially annoyed model.
"Okay, okay. Hikaru, I would assume your father told you everything?"
Hikaru cleared his throat before speaking. "I'm not sure if it was...everything. But, he told me enough, yes."
Kaoru glanced at him curiously.
"Well Kaoru. Obviously Hikaru is your twin brother."
"Obviously." the model spoke dryly.
"Oh, quit the attitude. I understand that you're upset but this negativity is doing nothing to help the situation. So please, Kaoru. Try to put yourself in my shoes." Yuzuha spoke sharply.
"If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't keep something this big from my own son!" Kaoru bit back.
Yuzuha angrily opened her mouth to speak again before promptly closing it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't want to argue."
"So much for that." Kaoru murmured.
"Can you just shut up? You're not going to get your damn explanation if you keep running your mouth every time she attempts to speak." Hikaru snapped.
Kaoru narrowed his eyes. "You are the last person to tell me what to do."
"Enough!" Yuzuha interrupted whatever Hikaru was about to say, causing both twins to slowly redirect their glare. "Kaoru, you're right. I shouldn't have kept something like this away from you. It wasn't the right choice and I apologize. However, I had my reasons and though they might not be completely valid in your eyes, I stick by them with hope that you can someday forgive me
"And Hikaru. I just want to let you know that I didn't leave you because I didn't love you. I loved you with all my heart- still do. I just couldn't stay their much longer. Everyday, it slowly ate me up inside... the need to do something bigger and broader with my life. Your father didn't agree with me taking both of you guys, even though I wanted to. It seemed like the only fair option was to split the two of you apart and go our separate ways."
"But why did you two hide us from each other? Why would you let us spend our whole existence thinking we were the only child?" Hikaru asked, eyes glistening with hurt.
"We were going to tell you guys! We just...didn't know when and how."
"This is ridiculous." Kaoru stood and made his way towards the door. "What a bunch of bullshit. Practically my whole life has been a lie."
"I never lied to you!" Yuzuha argued, quickly wiping away the beginning of a tear.
"You never told me the truth either. A big part of who I am has been kept a secret. I mean, a twin fucking brother? Really, mom. And you refused to say anything all because you're incapable of growing up and owning up to anything."
Kaoru angrily left the room, slamming the door behind him.
It was quiet, as both Yuzuha and Hikaru stared at the door that gave off the pretense of finality.
"Should we go after him?" Hikaru asked, softly.
Yuzuha shook her head sadly. "He'll come around. It's just...a lot to put upon a person."
"Yeah. Yeah it is. And although I'm trying desperately to keep an open mind and understand...it's too much. And I can't. I agree with Kaoru, it's a pretty shitty thing to do something like this." Hikaru didn't dare to meet Yuzuha's eyes as he stood and followed the direction of where his brother exited.
-x-
"Kaoru?" Hikaru called out, walking down long, unfamiliar corridors as he attempted to find the other twin. The place was huge, to Hikaru it seemed as though he would never find Kaoru. Instead, he would get lost trying.
"Kaoru?" he tried again, every calling slowly becoming fainter and fainter as he begun to loose hope of ever finding the immaculate model. There was of course also the chance that Kaoru already left the building, but Hikaru was nothing if not persistent. "Come on Kaoru, where are you?"
Hikaru had been searching for about ten minutes already and just when he was about to give up and find somewhere to go, a flash of subtle orange caught his eye. Hikaru couldn't help but release a sigh of relief as he spotted Kaoru sitting delicately at the bottom of a rich black staircase. How he manged to look delicate simply by sitting on some stairs was beyond Hikaru.
"There you are, I've been looking everywhere." Hikaru smiled hesitantly, slowly lowering himself to sit beside the twin.
"Yeah, I've been hearing you." Kaoru said simply, staring straight ahead.
"And you didn't bother to humor me?" Hikaru joked.
Kaoru said nothing and Hikaru awkwardly cleared his throat before raising his head to look at the ceiling.
"Look, I know this is a very odd situation, but can't we at least try to get along? I mean, I'm just as confused and overwhelmed as you are." Hikaru bit his lip and watched as Kaoru's eyes slightly softened.
"I guess you're right...I've been putting the blame on you as if you had something to do with this mess. Which isn't fair and I'm sorry." Kaoru's lip twitched upwards in a half smile that Hikaru couldn't help but grin in response.
Hikaru clapped his hands together once, continuing to smile a large, happy grin.
"Well, let's start over then! I'm Hikaru Hitachiin." Kaoru giggled and blushed lightly when Hikaru promptly stuck his hand out in a form of greeting. Once Kaoru lightly grasped hands with the other, Hikaru firmly shook it a few times before continuing. "I live in Japan with my father, and I was an only child up until I discovered you. I'm currently attending Ouran High School Academy and I have more than one best friend..." Hikaru paused thoughtfully ",But I guess Tamaki would have to be the very first only because he would throw a fit I said otherwise."
Kaoru shook his head in amusement and bit his lip in an attempt to hide his grin. "I'm Kaoru Hitachiin...living in New York with my mother. Currently, I'm being home-schooled because mom insisted that going to a regular school would interfere too much with modeling. I-I um," Kaoru paused uncertainly. "I don't have a best friend. Or, really...any friends for that matter."
Hikaru looked at him sadly. "Really? Not one?"
Kaoru shook his head and glanced away.
Hikaru stared, slowly beginning to comprehend how lonely Kaoru must feel all the time. "Well that's alright! I'll be your best friend!"
Kaoru giggled. "I don't think that necessarily counts."
"Sure it does!"
Kaoru sighed and half-heartdly rolled his eyes. "What would Tamaki think?" he teased.
Hikaru shrugged. "Eh, Tamaki's a big boy. He'll get over it."
Kaoru smiled and stared at his hands, twisted in his lap. "I think it would be really nice having a friend...even if that person's your own twin brother.""
Hikaru gently nudged Kaoru's shoulder. "Hey, not just friends. Best friends."
Kaoru snorted. "You're a dork."
Hikaru just grinned.
-x-
It didn't have to be said that Hikaru would be staying with Yuzuha and Kaoru for the rest of the summer.
A visit that was only supposed to last no more than three days to get some answers turned into a prolonged stay that nobody was complaining about. Hikaru called up his father to inform him of the situation and of course he had no problem with it, so long as he made it back in time when school started up again. As much as Hikaru despised such a big secret being kept from him, he couldn't help but push that conflict aside due to the need of spending time with his mother. She was a wonderful woman despite allowing fame and power to get to her head at times. Beyond that though, she was determined, hardworking, and only wanting the best for her sons. It simply took patience, understanding, and an open mind to realize that.
Kaoru didn't seem to possess these qualities when it came to their mother.
Kaoru looked as though he despised Yuzuha. He never made it obvious of course, but Hikaru couldn't help but notice the subtle look of aggravation that came upon Kaoru's face every time she bothered to speak. He made a mental note to ask Kaoru about it later, only hesitating due to the fear of crossing some unknown boundaries.
In regards to Hikaru and Kaoru's relationship, it was shocking how well and quickly they got along. There was an unmistakable bond that seemed to course through the twins, connecting effortlessly like long lost puzzle pieces. It was as though they finally felt complete. An emptiness that was never truly acknowledged until suddenly it was right there and incapable of drifting away. Both boys founds happiness in places where they didn't even know sadness existed.
However...there was still something wrong with Kaoru.
In the beginning, it was never truly noticeable. Until suddenly it was, and Hikaru hated himself for not recognizing the signs sooner.
It was just glances. Innocent, mindful glances that soon escalated into far off gazes and blanked detachment, as though Kaoru had suddenly transferred his mind into another universe. So tactfully placed and resolved that it was hardly ever noticeable. Kaoru was careful.
And then he wasn't.
Hikaru watched as the other boys gaze lingered far too long on a specific photo of either himself or another model, effortlessly gracing the front cover of glossy magazines. His pale finger would trace certain curves of the body, only to poke and prod at his own skin after making thorough examinations. His eyes would glaze over, sink once again into dreaded abandonment. He was lost and temporarily drifting. The world he chose to escape to, was still unknown to Hikaru's watchful gaze.
At first, Hikaru thought nothing of it. Harmless daydreaming, that's all it was.
And then, Kaoru hardly ate.
How had he not noticed before, that Kaoru's diet left much to be desired? A few carrot sticks here, one piece of toast there, a bite or two of an apple that would promptly be thrown away. As Kaoru's nose crinkles in disgust every time any form of food meets his taste buds. This only lasts for a second however, before flashing straight into the mask of indifference Kaoru has seemed to carefully master and perfect. Hikaru never recalls seeing him eat a full blown meal. Always disregarding the snack table until forcibly prompted to eat by the nearby staff. Not because they wanted to and cared about the model, Hikaru notices.
But because they can't risk Kaoru fainting in the middle of a photoshoot and messing up his hair.
And then, Kaoru never ate.
He refused every food that was offered to him, claiming he had already eaten before the shoot. However, Hikaru knew this wasn't true. He was practically always with his twin, hardly leaving his side. Comforted by the closeness and warmth his brother radiated. Hikaru was paying so close attention only to discover that...Kaoru wasn't eating. At all. When even was the last time he ate? When did he start refusing even the simplest of snacks that were given to him? Kaoru noticed Hikaru's stare and he raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow before taking a quick swig from his water bottle.
And then, Kaoru ate.
Hikaru was immensely delighted and happy when Kaoru finally accepted a granola bar from the twin. Kaoru had argued that he wasn't hungry, insisting that he was fine, but Hikaru wouldn't budge. And with a defeated sigh from the model, Kaoru took the small packaging and Hikaru won the battle, silently rejoicing at the fact.
Hikaru watched happily as the model chewed at the bar, working his mouth slowly and taking tiny bites. Kaoru huffed and stuck his hip out in aggravation, however Hikaru remained standing. Watching and not satisfied until Kaoru had finished the entire granola bar.
Only then did Hikaru smile warmly. turning with a small bounce in his step as he took his place in a red leather chair. He fiddled with his phone, only glancing up now and then to watch his brother pose for the camera, looking ever so flawless and elegant.
The photographer requested Kaoru to take his shirt off and Hikaru's head snapped up. Kaoru's face had took on a look of discomfort. He hesitated slightly before quickly tugging at the hem and pulling it off, handing it to a staff members waiting, outstretched hand. Kaoru left his brother feeling practically breathless, unable to believe that he himself looked anything like his twin. It seemed almost unreal, for Hikaru could never pull off the beauty and immaculate composure Kaoru effortlessly possessed. Kaoru was stunning, gorgeous...skinny.
Kaoru was too skinny.
Hikaru starred at the ribs protruding from Kaoru's pale body. Raising his gaze, Hikaru took in the sunken in cheekbones, the size of his arms and legs, the flatness and unhealthy site of Kaoru's belly. Long, lean, and thin...so so thin. Hikaru looked around and it just made him so angry. Because nobody seemed to care. Nobody cared that this boy-his brother-was standing there, looking as though he could easily be snapped in half if he even moved the wrong way. Kaoru could collapse at any given moment and all anyone would worry about was if they got the shot. Because a damn picture was worth more than the state of a living human being.
Hikaru continued to stare, eyes filled with hurt and compassion with the tainted beauty before him. Looking ever so fragile and completely breakable. Suddenly, identical hazel eyes met his own and Hikaru didn't miss the flash of panic that shown briefly in Kaoru's.
"I-I, um...Excuse me." Kaoru's voice resounded throughout the otherwise silent room. The constant click of the camera came to a halt, the photographer only looking slightly annoyed at being interrupted.
"Is there a problem, Mr. Hittachiin?"
"I-I think...I need to use the restroom."
The photographer sighed, before nodding his head and giving a careless flick at his wrist.
A quick and mumbled 'Thank you' and Kaoru left the room.
Hikaru followed.
He followed him all the way down the hallway, all the way down the quick flight of stairs, and all the way to the last stall in the boys restroom. Because he knew and Hikaru wasn't going to leave his brothers side. Never. This circumstance was no exception.
As Kaoru emptied his stomach into the toilet, Hikaru fell to his knees beside him and stroked at the twins hair soothingly. He murmured quiet assurences, heart breaking at the gut wrenching sobs that wracked Kaoru's figure. Hikaru rubbed at his back, kissed his clammy cheek, anything to comfort the broken boy beside him.
Hikaru hated it. Hated himself for being so cowardly and not doing something sooner. He shouldn't have waited for it to get this far. He should have known that the granola bar was too much, too soon.
Hikaru hadn't even realized that he was crying until Kaoru placed a hand on his shoulder. Hikaru looked up and watched as Kaoru gave him a shaky smile.
"It's okay." Kaoru whispered.
And oh.
Apparently Hikaru kept repeating the words 'I'm sorry' without even noticing.
Shaking his head, Hikaru sniffed. "It's not. It's really, really not."
"This isn't your fault."
"It's not yours either." Hikaru harshly said. "It's theirs. All of them out there. The media, the staff, it's...it's-"
"It doesn't matter," Kaoru cut him off. "It still happened...and everything will be okay. I think...I think I want help. And if you'll just stay by my side throughout it all..."
"Of course." Hikaru said, the intensity behind his voice scaring even himself. "Always. I'll always be by your side."
"I...Okay." Kaoru nodded, looking ever so determined and strong. "Okay."
Hikau nodded as well and squeezed his hand. "Okay." he whispered.
And even though it was terrifying, the twins carried forward with every inch of confidence shining throughout.
-x-
Hikaru's father was not happy when told about Hikaru's decision to stay in New York longer. However, Hikaru didn't care. Although he would miss his friends back home, the host club, his father...Hikaru felt he deserved to spend more time with the family he never grew up knowing. And that was exactly what he told his dad. Which in turn made him shut up, thankfully.
And then there was Tamaki who just wouldn't shut up. When Hikaru had finally gotten the chance to call and explain everything to Tamaki, Hikaru had to pull the phone away in order not to risk some sort of ear damage. Kaoru was sitting beside him and just giggled, amused at the blonde's screaming and uncontrollable cussing.
Eventually Tamaki calmed down somewhat when told it was only temporary, and Hikaru would be back no later than the end of the year.
...Maybe. However, Hikaru left that one little word out.
Besides, Hikaru just wasn't ready to leave Kaoru. Just the thought of being separated caused gut wrenching pain. It was...unusual. The dynamic between the twins. One day they hardly knew each other and the next they knew every little detail. Always together, always in sync, practically living in each others minds. At first they assumed it was just a twin thing. However...it seemed to go beyond just that. Hikaru wasn't willing to dwell on it too much and neither was Kaoru. They had each other now, which was ultimately most important.
So, no. Hikaru wasn't going back to Japan and leaving Kaoru. At least not right now. Not so soon when they had just barely discovered each other.
It took some convincing, but eventually his father agreed. Only condition being that Hikaru continue his schooling in New York and that he promise to visit soon. Along with Kaoru. Which of course, neither twin had a problem with. Hikaru really did miss his father and Kaoru simply wanted to 'meet the damn man who helped bring him to this god forsaking world.' Kaoru's words exactly.
Hikaru's twin was kind of perfect.
Especially since he was getting better.
Kaoru was getting better and Hikaru was so proud. The amount of relief Hikaru felt when discovering this notion was infinite.
It's been hard–god has it been hard–but Kaoru was determined to get better. Slowly, he ate more. Starting with small portions and slowly making his way up to a full blown meal. It was a monumental moment, that night at the dinner table. Hikaru had watched as Kaoru ate the last forkful of his steak with potatoes and nearly cried. Kaoru actually did cry.
Their mother had gotten Kaoru the best therapist in the city, whom he had weekly sessions with, along with a nutritionist that would keep careful track of Kaoru's diet. Kaoru was so overwhelmed with the support, which sometimes lead to an onslaught of heavy emotion. Whenever Kaoru had these particular moments, Hikaru was always there to comfort him.
"I don't think I would've been able to handle all of this...if you weren't here." Kaoru had admitted one night. It had been a bad day, one of his worse ones. It had left the model sobbing hysterically, clutching and scratching at his stomach in hateful anger. He had even lost himself for a moment, drifting into his own head as he listened to the torment and hatred that demonized his brain. Hikaru was there for it all, not hesitating to pull Kaoru into his arms and whisper reassurances.
"You're strong." was all Hikaru said. Then he kissed the top of his head and continued stroking his back and hair.
And he was. Kaoru was so incredibly strong, it left Hikaru speechless.
"I love you." Kaoru whispered into Hikaru's chest.
Hikaru's hand stilled as he glanced down at his twin in surprise. Kaoru was sitting in his lap, clutching at Hikaru's shirt and face hidden from view. However, Hikaru could still see the beginnings of a blush painting Kaoru's beautiful, pale neck.
Hikaru smiled. "I love you too."
After that day, there seemed to be an ongoing progression in Kaoru's health. He finally stopped hesitating when eating food, a healthy glow settled upon his cheeks, and most importantly...Kaoru looked happy.
"I'm so proud of you." Hikaru randomly said one day, cutting Kaoru off from his rant about some girls fashion mishap. He pulled Kaoru into a tight hug, the model stumbling in surprise.
The younger twin–they had recently discovered whom was older, much to Hikaru's amusement and Kaoru's annoyance–blinked before shaking his head in exasperation.
"Were you not listening to a word I said?" Kaoru exclaimed, before letting out a huff and returning the embrace.
"No, not really." Hikaru mumbled into Kaoru's shoulder, only sounding a bit guilty.
Kaoru rolled his eyes and smiled. "What even brought this on?"
Hikaru shrugged.
"Just thought you should know."
It took awhile for Hikaru to realize his feelings–even longer for him to simply acknowledge them.
Because Hikaru knew this wasn't normal, the thoughts circulating through his head and the sudden way his heart would speed up whenever Kaoru was around. How his palms would sweat, as shivers would run up his spine even from the simplest of touches–the simplest of looks. His stomach would lurch, twist, tumble– and Hikaru didn't know why. He had never felt like this around anyone before.
But he noticed things about Kaoru. The annoying glint he got in his eyes whenever his hair wouldn't part right. The way that whenever he was nervous or stressed he would pick at his nails. That one laugh Kaoru absolutely hated and would blush in embarrassment over because he insisted it sounded like a dying hyena.
Hikaru thought he sounded adorable.
Besides, dying hyena or not, that specific laugh was Hikaru's favorite. Because it wasn't the careful chuckle Kaoru let out when talking to other models. It wasn't one where he hid behind his hand while modestly turning to the side.
No, it was a full blown laugh that radiated happiness and joy. All boundaries set aside, Kaoru was uncontrollable as he would clutch his sides and wipe away tears of mirth. Not giving a care as to what others thought until given the chance to collect himself.
They were Hikaru's favorite because he never saw Kaoru laugh like that with anybody but himself.
In Hikaru's eyes, Kaoru was precious. Was it narcissistic to believe that Kaoru was the most beautiful person he had ever seen? Hikaru didn't think so, because there were these slight differences that distinguished the two. Hardly noticeable, but there. And it left Hikaru clinging, desperately hoping that he wasn't going insane. That it wasn't so blatantly wrong to think these thoughts. But it was, and it hurt.
Because what could Hikaru do? Absolutely nothing.
That was the worst part. Acknowledging how hopeless all of this pining was. He supposed he could find someone, develop a romantic relationship and devoid those feelings towards Kaoru. The trick was, however, that Hikaru never noticed anybody else anymore. It was always Kaoru. Sweet and wonderful Kaoru, whom would always remain caring and attentive. Especially when he would drop all those icy barriers and reveal the person he truly was. The real Kaoru that left Hikaru feeling breathless and so so lucky. Because Kaoru trusted him enough to show his true self.
Hikaru didn't want anybody else.
He only wanted Kaoru.
But that option was so incredibly dangerous and Hikaru wouldn't dare risk anything.
So Hikaru decided to hide these feelings and hopefully they would go away. Nobody would know and as long as Kaoru was always there, everything would be fine.
Hopefully.
-x-
"You've been acting weird lately." Kaoru commented, hopping off the small stepladder and pushing it aside.
Kaoru had insisted on decorating Hikaru's room because according to him it was too 'bland'. Which was ridiculous in Hikaru's eyes because this wasn't even his permanent room and Hikaru hardly spent any time in there anyways. He was always in Kaoru's room.
Hikaru was laying on the bed, tossing and catching a small ball he had found.
"Have I?"
"Yes." Kaoru said, snatching the ball in mid air before placing it on a desk. "Is there something wrong?"
Hikaru sat up. "Why would something be wrong?"
"I don't know." Kaoru glanced down at his nails. "It's just felt like you've been avoiding me."
"What do you mean? I'm always with you."
"N-not..." Kaoru sighed and bit his lip. "Not avoiding me I guess, just...distancing yourself? We haven't really been talking the way we used to. And you always get this far off look in your eye and it's...I don't know. Maybe I'm just overreacting."
"No." Hikaru shook his head and quickly took Kaoru's hands into his own. "I'm sorry, I know I haven't really been myself lately. There's just been a lot on my mind."
"Well why wont you talk to me about it?" Kaoru finally looked up from his lap and Hikaru cursed at seeing the tears beginning to shine in the model's eyes.
"It's...complicated."
"I miss you, Hikaru. I miss being us." Kaoru took in a deep breath. "Is it me? Did I...do something?"
"No! No of course not!" Hikaru exclaimed, clutching tighter at Kaoru's hands.
"Then what is it!"
"I...I can't tell you."
A few moments of silence passed between the two.
Slowly, Kaoru nodded before releasing Hikaru's grip from his hands. He stood up and made his way towards the door.
"Kaoru wait!"
Pausing at the doorway, Kaoru's head was down but slightly turned.
"I thought you trusted me." Kaoru whispered brokenly.
"I-I do, it's just–"
"Then why is it so hard for you to tell me?"
Hikaru paused.
Kaoru deserved everything. He deserved all the love and affection in the world. Nothing but happiness should surge through the models body. Never any tears, never the feeling of heartbreak and loneliness. Only the stars, the sun, and the moon combined.
Hikaru would do anything to make Kaoru happy. He would at least try. And if that left himself facing his own piece of heartbreak and rejection, then so be it. But he was going to try.
Finally coming to a decision, Hikaru stood up and walked towards the younger twin.
Once Hikaru stood in front of him, he gently lifted up Kaoru's chin and used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away a few tears.
"You're going to hate me." Hikaru said softly, wrapping his arms around Kaoru's thin waist.
"Kaoru looked up and stared into the eyes identical to his own.
"Nothing could make me hate you." Kaoru whispered, cheeks turning a light shade of pink.
Neither twin knew who leaned in first. Ultimately though, it didn't matter because the tight sealing of lips overthrew any further arrangement of thoughts. Only warm pressure and feelings of contempt raced through the bodies of both Hikaru and Kaoru, as they shared a unified embrace that would forever dictate forbidden desire.
And though it was different and taboo, it didn't feel wrong.
Love could never feel wrong.
-Owari-
Discalimer: I do not own Ouran High School Club or any of the characters used in the making of this fic. Obviously there would have been various scenes of Hikaru and Kaoru making out if I owned anything.
Oh god, I hope this was a reasonable enough ending for you all. My fingers would literally hesitate over the keyboard like 'Moreee! It needs more!' but then another side of me was just like 'Shut up. This is the perfect place to end.' But honestly, I don't know lol. I've been working on this story for ever and it was meant to go up a long long time ago, but then school decided to bite me in the ass. But it's finally finished and now I can move on to this other story I've been working on!(x I'm pretty satisfied with how this came out, I've been itching to write a story between the twins since I first saw the anime like...literally years ago.
And then I recently re-watched the anime, refreshed my yaoi fangirl feelings towards the twins, and finally sat down and wrote something.
And it's finished! It's finally finished! Yaaaay!
Thank you so so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Also, I apologize for any typos and/or grammar mistakes that might be found. I am my own beta and not a very good one at that, soo yeah(x
Reviews and comments are always appreciated, please don't hesitate to do so:P
-Starr-