A/N: A quick punkcop one-shot from a prompt on tumblr last night during the "punkcop revival". Prompt was "punkcop + drowning". TW for abuse and implied suicide so please read at your own risk. If you do read though, leave a review! It's my first time really writing for punkcop, but it's meant to be written slightly AU so there's that too. Enjoy? XP

She hated couples who said that they were drowning in their love for each other. They had no idea - no fucking clue - what they were saying. Their feelings were just scraps, puddles.. they were nothing compared to how Sarah felt for Beth.

Sarah's feelings were oceans. They were an irresistable pull, an endless tug. And they always led her right back to the shore that was the safety of Beth's arms. A safety that hers alone.

She never expected to love someone so much, or so deeply. But she had overheard Mrs. S say once that Sarah never did anything half-assed, whether it was a grudge, a deal or a relationship. Sarah always committed herself, S had said. Even if that commitment gave her more heartache than pulling away would have.

Sarah had told herself that this time, this time with Beth, it would be different. Not in terms of the commitment, because in that Mrs. S was completely right, but in terms of heartache. There wouldn't be any this time, she vowed to herself. There just wouldn't be.

Beth had agreed.

Had.

That was before she started seeing someone else. Before she left in the mornings with only a slight, chaste kiss against Sarah's cheek before she even had a chance to open her eyes and returned at night with a guilty creak of the front door.

Sarah could see that the strain was getting to Beth, the tear and pull of opposite feelings, of a head undecided and a heart left wanting. She saw the strain in the pills, in the beer bottles littered amongst the barely disturbed sheets and began to feel the familiar scratching comfort of heartache.

It was supposed to be different. Sarah had vowed - they both had vowed.

With no other options, Sarah decided to push. Beth needed to make a decision, and she needed to make it right then. Sarah wasn't going to be the one scrambling for the scraps of the remnants of Beth's affections. She could either get out and go be with the mystery person, or she could be with Sarah.

It was then that Beth confessed her love. Reminded her that they had made a promise to each other. That they were fully committed, whatever and however that looked.

Bullshit.

And Sarah shoved her out, yanking bottles out of the cold sheets and throwing them after Beth's quivering body.

If you loved me, you wouldn't leave me! If you loved me, you wouldn't have to drink four bottles of this - shit - just to stomach having sex with me! If you loved me, you wouldn't rush to turn off the lights before I could touch you!

Beth pleaded, and her voice, her tone... Sarah couldn't handle it. Another bottle flew from her grasp, shattering just above Beth's head from where she had sunk to the floor, cowering and terrified.

Sarah was losing control.

This always happens! -another bottle showered Beth with shards- Everyone else gets their happy endings, which are complete bullshit! and I thought I was going to have that with you, but you just -crash- left me!

Through the rain of glass, Beth tried one last time to explain. That she was in love with Sarah but things weren't right and Sarah was changing - but Sarah was past the point of listening.

Mrs. S always said that Sarah always committed herself in everything she did. And now, with one final bottle raised over her head and darkness in her eyes, she was committing herself to one final thing.

Blackness.