Felicity knew that something had to give a few months ago. She could track it to the exact moment she knew that things would never be the same again.
She had been rushing back to Verdant to get her tablet that she had forgotten. Her mind had been somewhere else, thinking about the bomb that she had dropped on Oliver about his mother and sister.
She had been so lost in thought that she didn't hear them until she saw them. Sweaty, and writhing together on the training mats.
Oliver and Sara.
She guessed she should have seen that coming.
She had backed quietly out of the liar and once the door shut behind her she had felt the heartbreak. She literally felt like her heart was shattering. She clutched her chest and raced to her car.
She had spent the rest of the night crying, until she physically had no more tears left. She went to sleep that night and promised herself that those would be the last tears she ever cried over Oliver Queen.
She had kept that promise and a few others she had made to herself in the light of day.
That first day facing the new couple was the worst. Oliver didn't even look at her, he was too busy fussing over Sara.
He didn't pull her aside and explain, nothing. It was like, her feelings didn't matter to anyone.
She promised herself that she would find a life outside of Oliver Queen. She had to for her own health. She was starting to hold an alarming amount of anger inside. Anger towards the situation, towards Oliver, towards Sara, even Diggle and Roy. She didn't know where the anger was coming from but sometimes she found herself picturing punching them in the face. Hard.
She knew by the end of the first week that she needed an outlet for her anger or she would ruin friendships she valued greatly, for nothing.
She enrolled in a few classes at her gym to see which one she liked the most. She had loved them all though. Kickboxing, Street Fighting for Women, Self Defense, and an MMA class. It took up a lot of what little free time she had but she had made it work.
She took one class before arriving at QC for the day, another on lunch, and another one after leaving QC. She rotated so she had a day off from one class each a week. It was exhausting on top of her work load but she was now able to look at Sara and Oliver and not want to physically harm them.
She had yet to tell them of what she had seen, she didn't know when, or if, she would.
She was making her way to Verdant for the night, after a particually rough MMA class. The instructor used to fight in the UFC and it showed. He expected perfection and she had started off far from that. He had worked with her though, more so than the other students she noticed, and she was improving.
After class he had pulled her aside and told her as much. He also had asked her out for a drink sometime. They had agreed on this coming Friday and she was actually looking forward to the date. Travis was handsome and kind, and smart. Something she didn't find in one man too often.
She had planned her schedule down to every minute, she didn't want the team to know she was training somewhere else so she needed to be on time to the club tonight or they would ask questions. She would have made it too, if Travis hadn't pulled her aside.
Now she was running super late and already had two missed calls from Diggle.
She didn't even have time to change so she rushed down the stairs in her sweaty workout gear and hoped nobody asked where she had been.
She should have known that things never go her way.
"Where were you?"
Oliver sounded mad, and she guessed he had a right to be, but it still rubbed her the wrong way. Would it hurt him to hold some of that in? Lord knows she had.
"Sorry I'm late. What's the plan?" She chose to ignore Oliver's question.
"Nothing. We decided not to patrol tonight. Oliver is taking me to dinner." Sara chimed in from Felicity's seat at the computers. She didn't even bother to turn around, just kept working on what looked to be adding her contact info into the alert system Felicity had set up in case of an emergency.
"Oh, then I can go?" Felicity hoped so, she was exhausted from her training so a hot shower and her DVR sounded amazing.
"Sure." Again, Sara answered. Guess she was the boss now.
She stared at the back of Sara's head and had to clench her fists to keep from snapping back at the woman and inform her that she was not talking to her, but was asking Oliver and Diggle.
Once she had a hold on her temper she turned to look at Oliver and Diggle. They were both looking at her fists with confusion. That was when she realized that she still hadn't untapped her hands.
Well, shit.
"Felicity, why are your hands taped up like that?" Diggle walked over and inspected her hands while Oliver looked on through narrow eyes. Diggle's question piqued Sara's interest enough to have the other woman turn around and get comfortable in her chair.
"Comfortable, Sara?"
She didn't mean to snap but Sara was moving in on too many things in Felicity's life. She wasn't letting the woman take her chair too. Petty, she knew. She just didn't care.
Sara looked started at her tone and started to stand and apologize.
"No, no Sara. Keep your seat. You have more of a right to it than I do anyways. You did after all figure out how to access all of my information, login and program yourself right into it."
Diggle took a step back in shock and Felicity knew then that she had let all of the venom she had in her, escape into her tone.
She didn't hate the woman, she just had a lot built up.
"Felicity, apologize to Sara!" Oliver was using his loud voice so it took Felicity a moment to process what he said. When she did, she saw red.
She didn't know where it came from but she calmly walked right up to Oliver and punched him right in the face. She heard a crunch and was satisfied to see the blood running down from his nose.
"Felicity!" Diggle was standing there shocked but moved forward to pull her back anyways. Sara was watching silently from next to Felicity's chair.
"Apologize!? You want me to apologize to her?!" She was beyond using her loud voice and if the step back everyone took wasn't proof enough, she saw the sadness enter Sara's eyes when the other woman realized that Felicity had reached her wits end.
"Felic-" Oliver started only to stop when she glared at him.
"No, Queen you listen. You don't get to talk." He nodded that he wouldn't interrupt her.
"I need to say this and then we won't speak of it again." She waited until all three of them nodded after Diggle threw Oliver a towel and then took a deep breath. She would be laying herself bare, but she knew now she needed to get it out in the open in order to move on.
"I haven't been around as much lately, and when I was it wasn't the same and there is a reason why." She looked to Sara and saw the other woman had hung her head. "We all knew of my feelings towards you, Oliver." His eyes widened but he didn't interrupt. "Sara, you even commented on them the last time you were here." Oliver turned sharply to look at Sara.
"Oliver, you and I had that talk after Russia, and I thought you were giving me hope of a 'one day' type scenario. One day we could be together. And I held on tight to that. You weren't with any other women and I thought that meant something. That you were waiting for me too." He had a sad smile on his face but let her continue.
"Then I saw you two together that first night." Sara gasped and Oliver shook his head in disbelief. "I had forgotten my tablet and came back for it. Neither of you heard me walk in and I left just as quite. Oliver, you said I would never lose you, but that night I did. I lost you because I let you go. I knew in that moment that you would never be able to be with me the way I wanted you to." Oliver looked sad but she had to finish. She looked over to Diggle and he was glaring at Oliver.
"I went home and cried myself into an exhausted sleep. When I woke up I had a new lease on life. I would stop living in a cave where my life revolved around Mr. Oliver Queen and The Arrow. I had to do something on my own that didn't involve anyone here, I just didn't know what that would be. In the following weeks I caught myself wanting to hurt you, physically. All of you." She looked around and saw the shock.
"I know that is not like me, I realized that the heartbreak was changing me. I didn't have an outlet for my anger, nobody ever talked to me about how I might be feeling, it was always just about how Sara was adjusting to being home. I have nobody I can really talk to. About anything. Even the non-Arrow related things. Like if I spilt my coffee on my new skirt, or broke a heel. I have nobody."
She smiled sadly at her makeshift family.
"I realized that was how both of you must have felt, alone. It was not my right to be mad at you two for finding someone. I just didn't know how to handle the anger and hurt that was still overpowering me. I had packed my bags numerous times, and was just going to leave town."
Oliver started to move forward but he stopped when she held up a hand.
"I never could board the plane though. I got as far as the gate twice, and couldn't board. So, one day I decided to join a workout class at my gym. It was a kickboxing class, and I realized in that first lesson that it was a great outlet for the anger. So I joined Street Fighting for Women, then Self Defense, and last an MMA class geared towards women. I go every morning, during lunch, and after work before coming here. I rotate them throughout the week."
"That's what the tape is for then?" Diggle asked.
"Yeah, I just came from the MMA class, that's why I was late. The instructor pulled me aside after to tell me how much I had improved. He kept me for longer than I planned, which delayed me getting here."
"And are they helping?" Diggle seemed to be the only one able to talk right now. Sara and Oliver were staring at each other, seemingly having a private conversation.
"Yeah, they are. On top of my workload at QC, then what I do here, adding the classes have really taken a lot out of me. What they give me though, is more than worth it. I was always fit, but now I know how to use those muscles and how to do it correctly."
"Felicity, I am so sorry." Sara was the first to speak and she walked forward but stopped right before Felicity.
"For what Sara?" Felicity really didn't know why the other woman was apologizing.
"You were right, I did acknowledge your feelings towards Oliver and then I come back and we get together. It must have seemed very insensitive and rude to you. Please, don't hate me though. I can't have another woman hate me."
"Sara, I don't hate you. I was mad, and hurt beyond words but that doesn't matter. I realize now that you two are good together. You get each other in ways nobody else can even dream of. Oliver and I were not meant to be together, otherwise he would have moved heaven and hell to make it happen, we both know that."
Sara nodded sadly and they all turned to Oliver.
"Felicity, it seems like I am always apologizing for my actions with other women. Especially to you."
"You don't have to do or say anything Oliver. Without trying to sound bitchy, I am over it. I am over you."
He looked crushed and Sara must have noticed.
"Oliver, you couldn't have expected her to wait around forever."
"I didn't. I just didn't think it would feel like this."
"Imagine how she has been feeling, Oliver." Diggle did not sound happy, not at all.
"Guys, stop. It doesn't matter. Oliver I am sorry for whatever you are feeling right now, this is why I hadn't said anything. Sara was right though, I can't wait around only to watch you be happy with other women. I am not programmed like that."
He nodded and changed the subject. "So those are some intense classes. But if you wanted to train, we could have helped." He gestured to him, Sara, and Diggle.
"And I may start training down here with Sara and Diggle, if they don't mind. Sara, I'm sure you can teach me some tricks for being the smaller of the two fighters. And Diggle, you are just a good teacher. Oliver, I am not trying to punish you or anything, but I don't know how comfortable I would feel training with you."
He nodded sadly again and hung his head. She felt bad, but she had to look out for herself now.
"I wasn't kidding about being tired though guys, I am exhausted and already sore from tonight's sparring. I had the instructor and he is tough!"
"He?" Diggle piped up, protective big brother mode in full gear. "You have a man sparring MMA-style with you?! You could be hurt!"
She rolled her eyes, "Travis would never spar that way with me. We do the more wrestling-type moves. He used to fight professionally, and has stressed that a woman of my size has a better chance in hand-to-hand when they are on the ground and not trading punches. So he is focusing on that for me."
"Sounds like he knows what he is talking about. Do you think I could sit in on a class with him? When is your next one?" Diggle seemed really interested since she said he used to fight in pro's.
"Sure, my next class with him is this Friday but we will have to do the Saturday class since we won't be making the Friday class."
"Why not?" Sara asked.
"Umm, well we have a date." She mumbled it and hoped they would drop it.
Nope.
"Date? Did you say date?" Sara seemed shocked.
"Yeah, he asked me out after class tonight, we agreed on Friday, he is having a sub come in for the class and I am just skipping it."
"Good, Felicity." Diggle squeezed her arm. "What time is the class Saturday, text me the details of where, and I will meet you there."
"Saturday, my self defense class is at 5am, the kickboxing is at 7am and the MMA class is at 9am. All are at the same place so just come for whatever class you want to watch. It's the gym right down from my apartment."
"I know the one. I want to watch them all, so I will see you there at 5am. Have fun on your date."
"I will, thanks John. Goodnight." He walked up the stairs without even sparing a glance at either Sara or Oliver.
Her phone alerted her to a text and she saw Diggle had sent her one.
'I am beyond proud of how you have taken control of the situation and are looking out for yourself. Love you girl.'
She had to blink away the tears to type a 'love ya big bro' right back.
She looked up to see Oliver and Sara having another silent conversation.
"Good night you two."
She turned to walk out when Sara called for her to wait.
"Are we okay Felicity?" Sara looked worried.
She thought about it for a minute, she was with the man she loved. But did she really love him like that anymore? When she examined her feelings, she realized she didn't at least not right now.
"Yeah, Sara. And Oliver. We are good. All of us. I just had to sort out how I was feeling and getting it all off my chest has helped a lot. I love all of you guys like the family I never had. I want all of us to be happy. You two are, so I just need to work on making myself happy now. And if that involves a man, then it does. If not, then okay. I am just not going to live in limbo anymore."
She said the last while looking at Oliver.
"And Oliver, you don't get to feel bad about anything involving me. You have a wonderful girlfriend and a whole team that have your back through thick and thin. Be happy. Don't take for granted what you have in life, none of us have time for that."
He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Did you really want to just leave?"
"Yes, Oliver, I did. I was hurting and alone and I felt I just needed distance. But then I started getting angry. I told myself that I was needed, and more than that, that someone-anyone wanted me here. So I could never go through with it. I am glad I didn't."
"Me too." It was quite but she heard him anyways.
"Sara, I hope we can get closer. I feel like I was pushing you away and now that I am healed I want to try and get closer to you. I need a female friend that I can be 100% honest with, and I hope you do too."
"God Felicity, you have no idea how much I need that!" Sara launched herself across the room and the two women were locked in fierce hug.
"Then it's settled. Girl's night, my apartment this Saturday. We can catch you up on all the chick flicks, paint our toenails and whatever else you do at sleepovers. You can crash in my guest room if you wanna make it an adult sleepover and open up some wine."
"Deal Smoak. See ya then!"
Sara left without a backwards glance towards Oliver.
"She won't be mad at you for anything I revealed tonight will she?"
"Yeah, she will. Not your fault though. I wasn't honest about where you and I stood before we got together. I made it seem like I had talked to you about the feelings between us, when I hadn't. She doesn't like to be jerked around emotionally, who does, and she is upset that I did that to you, by being with her."
"Well, I guess I see her point, but she will come around Oliver. You two love each other and have too much history to let this come between you. Hopefully, once she realizes I don't hold a grudge she won't either."
"I hope so."
"Word of advice, be honest with her Oliver. You both deserve a relationship centered around honesty for once. Neither of you have to hide your past or present with each other, enjoy that while you have it. Nothing is promised to any of us. She is the only woman on the planet that you can be 100% honest with, don't forget that."
She squeezed his arm and turned to leave for the night.
"She isn't the only one Felicity. She is just the only one that I haven't ruined my chances with."
She froze halfway to the staircase and looked back to lock eyes with Oliver.
"Nothing but time is forever, Oliver."
He smiled a small smile that reached his eyes this time, and nodded his head. She didn't know what lay in her future but she felt much better about it than she did walking down these steps. She knew Oliver and Sara would give the relationship an honest effort, and she really did hope they found happiness in each other.
If they didn't though, and if somehow in the future her and Oliver were available and the feelings were still there then maybe they would try to find happiness in each other's arms.
Maybe one day.
Until then, she would seek her own happiness and support her family while they searched for their own.