Chapter 1:
The Princess Bride…'s Date… or something parodic or whatever. I don't know; I can't think of a good chapter title. Shut up.
Greetings, friends! It is I, your humble lemony narrator here to regale you with more tales of, uh… Frozen stuff; I guess (This is what I get for trying to sound more articulate). Enjoy...! If that's something you're capable of doing while reading this.
Meanwhile, In the Non-Descript Ice Lands...
Somewhere, in the middle of this cold, barren wasteland was a cave; wherein a strange, dark creature resided, staring at an image of Elsa in his magical mirror… spooky, huh?
"Oh, Queen Elsa," he whispered, "The first human with powers! There's so much potential in you; I thought you would be the one and yet…"
He strolls through his SECRET LAIR, stroking his chin as he goes about his evil monologue.
"I watched you for 13 years, as you hid; and what did you do when you finally decided to reveal yourself...? Build a skating rink! So, you wanna be 'goodie-goodie' with all the normal people, huh...? Use your gifts to play fun and games...? FINE!" he stands back in front of the mirror, cracking his fingers, "Let's play some games...!"
Back in the Kingdom of Arendelle, our favorite snow queen is all snug in her bed, taking a well-deserved rest; after all, it's only been a few days since the whole 'accidentally freezing the entire kingdom/nearly being killed by a foreign ambassador/finally reuniting with her sister after 13 years' thing… and today is the first time she finally has to perform her queenly duties, after all these years of hiding. Sleeping 'till noon sounds pretty reasonable, if you ask me… But no one is, so Elsa soon hears the sound of her loyal servant Kai knocking on the door.
"Excuse me, your majesty…?" he asks, lightly tapping on the door.
Elsa groans, pulling her pillow over her head. "Gimme five more hours…"
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Miss Elsa," Kai says, grinning slightly, "What would the people think…? Ever since you've re-opened the gates, your subjects have been dying to meet you... in a, um... manner of speaking."
"Fine…" Elsa mumbles, "Just let me get ready…"
"Yes, your highness." Kai says, grinning as he walks off, "I know she's excited to see her sister again; but I think she's been spending time with Anna a bit too much...!"
Elsa yawns, stretching as she arises from her deep slumber. "Anna better not have stolen my toothbrush again…"
Soon, Elsa is all prettied up; strutting confidently into the Main Hall and sitting her adorable tush down on the throne… Is it creepy that I said that? Nah, it's not creepy… Though, it probably is now that I'm dragging it out… Can someone help me stop…?
"So; what've we got today, Jarvis…?"
"You have been spending too much time with Anna! And speaking of...!"
"Speaking of wha-" Elsa immediately hears a familiar voice reverberating through the other side of the wall.
"EXCUSE ME! THE QUEEN'S SISTER IS COMING THROUGH!"
"Oh, boy…!" Elsa chuckles to herself, as Anna bursts through the door.
"Hey, Elsa," Anna runs up to hug her. "I've got exciting news!"
"A new chocolate store just opened…?"
"Uh… well, that too; but I've got something else...!"
"Oh, really…?"
"Kristoff just asked me out on a date…!"
"Well, that's wonderful; congratulations, Anna…!"
Anna glances around before awkwardly looking up at her big sis. "Um… anything else…?"
"What do you mean…?"
"You're my older sibling; don't you have any words of wisdom for lil' ol' me...?"
"Well...!" Elsa laughs, "Being isolated for over a decade doesn't leave room for a lot of social interaction… and that includes dating. So…"
This isn't the answer Anna wanted; so, she decides to alter her strategy by switching her maturity to that of a twelve year old. "Oh, come on…! You've gotta have something…! PLEEEEEEEEEEASE...?! I'll be your best friend!"
"You're already my best friend."
"Well, then I'll be your, uh… best-er friend...! And I'll give you my desserts for a month!"
"Sorry, Anna," Elsa chuckles, "You're on your own!" Elsa gives Anna a pat on the back as she walks off in a huff.
"Well, that went swimmingly..." Anna thinks to herself, "Surely, there's someone I can talk to...!"
"Olaf, you're technically a guy, right…?" Anna leans over Olaf, expectantly.
"Oh, um… yeah, I guess so!"
"I'm gonna go on a date with Kristoff; don't 'cha wanna give your cool aunt some pointers…?"
Olaf blankly stares at her.
"Olaf, I just-" Anna sighs. "What are some things you like...?"
"OH…!" Olaf giggles, "WELL, I like to take long walks on the beach, relax in the sauna, roast marshmallows (not to be confused with my brother marshmallow)… although, now that I think of it, I like pretty much any heat-related activity." Olaf laughs again. "One time I stuck my head in the fire place and I had to have Elsa make me a new one…! By the way, what's a date?"
"Well…" Anna glances around, trying to think of how to explain this. "When two people like each other, they go out and do things they like… and, um… if they like each other enough…"
Olaf gasps in realization. "YOU GET MARRIED…!"
"Um… no; we're more like friends... except we make out a lot. It takes a lot of time before considering marriage!"
"Oh… I think I get it now…! But if Kristoff liked you enough to ask you out on this "date", shouldn't you just be yourself instead of worrying about what he wants from you…?"
Anna thinks for a moment. "Nah…! Nice talking to you, Olaf!" Anna waves goodbye as she runs off through the town. "Don't go sticking your head into any more fireplaces…!"
"I'm not making any promises!"
Later, that night…
Anna nervously paces back and forth through the palace.
"Okay, Anna, calm down… This is just your first date with someone who doesn't want to kill you and you have no idea how to handle it…! It-It'll be cool…! Yeah…! You are strong…! And confide-" Suddenly, a loud yelp reverberates through the hall, as she hears a loud knock coming from the front door. "COMING…!" She dashes to the front door and opens it… "HELLO, GORGEOU-" Only to find Olaf instead. "Oh, um… Hi, Olaf…! What are you doing here?"
"I know it's almost time for your big day and I, um… wanted to help out."
He bashfully takes out a corsage from behind his back; Anna smiles, taking the corsage and putting it on her dress.
"Thank you, Olaf…" She bends down and hugs him.
"By the way, Kristoff's here."
"WHAT…?!" She exclaims, standing up [while still holding Olaf, by the way] and coming face-to-face with Kristoff. "Um… Hi…!" Flustered, she drops Olaf on the ground. "Oh, Olaf; I-I'm so sorry…!"
"That's okay…!" Olaf laughed, trying to put himself back together.
"Um…" Kristoff said, worried, "Do you… Do you want us to help…?"
"Nah, don't worry about me; go enjoy your date, you lovebirds, you!"
Kristoff laughs nervously. "I don't know if we're "lovebird", persay-"
In response, Anna gives out a [nervous] hearty cackle... making everyone look at her like she just escaped from the insane asylum. "Um… Yeah, what… What he said…!"
Kristoff [very politely, of course] takes Anna by the hand; both of them waving to Olaf as they walk outside.
"So," Kristoff said, helping Anna onto his carriage, "Um… what do ya' wanna do…?"
"What do I wanna do…? I-I dunno…! What do you wanna do…?" Anna turns away, wiping sweat off her brow. "That was a close one," she thought to herself, "I'm totally gonna nail this whole dating thing!"
"Well, uh… Hold on for a minute!" Anna nods as Kristoff walks over to Sven, whispering in his ear.
"What should I do…?!"
"Buy a book on dating…?" Sven imaginary responded, in Kristoff's goofy voice.
"You're not helping!"
Sven makes a wry grin, showing off all his pearly whites.
"Okay, wise guy; no carrots for a month!"
… And then he does a complete 180 and frowns; showing off none of his pearly whites (Yes; that bit of description was completely necessary, shut up). "Alright, alright; well… why don't you take her out for dinner or something?"
"A bit unoriginal, don't you think…?"
"She's staring at us, Kristoff."
Kristoff looks over at Anna; who's leaned over to the side, giving him a distinct "What the hell are you doing?" kind of look.
"… We'll get back to this later." Kristoff stands up, nervously coughing as he walks over to Anna. "So, how's a romantic dinner for two sound…?"
"Sounds wonderful…!"
Kristoff climbs onto the carriage; nervously turning away as he wipes sweat off his brow, leaning in Sven's ear. "Why do I ever doubt you…?"
Later, that night… again…
Anna and Kristoff walk out of some sort of dining establishment. Truly, I am a master of prose.
"Wow, Kristoff," Anna exclaimed, rubbing her belly from satisfaction, "You sure know how to pick good—BURP! Oh, um…" She giggles, "Excuse me…!"
"Sure…!" Kristoff wryly grins, "As soon as you tell me what you wanna do…!"
"Aw, NUTS…!" Anna yells, as she starts to contort her face.
"Anna," Kristoff laughs, "What are you doing…?"
"I'm thinking!"
"You were supposed to be doing that for the past few hours, weren't you…?"
"SHADDUP…!" Suddenly, she thinks back to the conversation she had with Olaf earlier… and an IDEA sparks in her head! "OOH…! OOH…! Um… what about the beach…?"
Kristoff looks at her and raises his eyebrow, bemused. "This late at night…?"
"Sure!" Anna exclaimed, dragging Kristoff through the town, "It'll be fun!"
Anna and Kristoff are lying on the beach, looking up at the stars.
"… And back when we were kids, well… Elsa still had her little, um… "Conceal, don't feel" thing going on, so I didn't really have many people to talk to… Most of the time, my only friends were the paintings… and the stars."
"I know how you feel…" Kristoff said, glancing over at her, "Before I found Sven… and the trolls, of course, there… weren't really many options… But, of course, that, uh… definitely isn't the case now."
They both look at each other, somewhat dreamily.
"So…" Kristoff said, scratching his neck, "Do, um… Do you mind if I…?"
Anna pulls Kristoff in, kissing him on the lips. "I had a great time tonight…"
Kristoff grins, pulling her in for the big finish…
The Next Day…
Anna leans back in the bathtub with a sigh; humming as she giddily blows bubbles across the bathroom.
"So…!" Elsa said, leaning against the doorway, "I take it you had a good time last night?"
"Yyyyup…!"
"Kai came yelling to me about all of the sand you got on your dress… and in your shoes… and hair… need I go on?"
"No; I think I've got the gist of it."
"Good, because I was just wondering, you didn't uh… well… you know…"
Anna looks over at Elsa, raising her eyebrow.
"… Fondue…?"
It took a moment for Anna to register. "Oh…! Oh, no! We didn't go any further than smooching…! For half an hour…!"
"I'll take your word for it…!" Elsa says, sighing with relief, "Enjoy your bath, Anna." She waves, shutting the door as she walks out.
"Damn it, Elsa…" Anna leans further down in the tub, pensively staring up at the ceiling. "… I really want some fondue now."