Harry Potter and the Swearing old Granny
Disclaimer: I own no characters except the old people, and uh yeah that's it.
Harry was again kicked out of the Dursley's household that summer. He called for the night bus and went strait to the Leaky Cauldron.
When he arrived there his stomach growled with hunger. The last time the Dursley's fed him food was this morning at breakfast. All it was were 4 grapes and a thin slice on an apple. He found some money in his pocket and counted it, he had just enough there to buy some lunch, and he checked his watch, HOLY GRAM CRACKERS! It was nearly five o clock. Harry rushed into the Leaky Cauldron and ordered some ham and a potato.
He sat down at a table, as he started eating his potato's he realized he needed some salt. There was none on his table. He looked at the table next to him and screamed. There was a VERY old witch with no hair (well there was a little on her chin), no teeth, and only one nostril.
"What are you looking at?" She hissed at him.
"Uh, nothing ma'am, can I borrow your salt, since your not using it" Harry just made a mistake.
"GO TO HELL!" She screamed.
"Uh, sorry, I'll just go and ask..."
"NO, B@SSTARD! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, B!TCH! NO ONE ASKS HELGA M. GINKLE TO BORROW ANYTHING @SS HOLE! SO JUST BURN AND ROT IN HELL YOU @SS WIPE!" She shrieked. Harry fell on the floor laughing, while the rest on the restaurant was silent.
"A swearing granny!" Harry laughed while gasping for breath and still rolling on the floor.
"THIS AIN'T A JOKE B!TCH, GO TO HELL OR ALL KICK YOUR @SS THERE!" she yelled. Harry laughed even harder.
"Wait till I tell Ron I met a swearing granny this summer!" Harry laughed.
"YOU @SS HOLE, YOU BETTER BEHAVE CASUE I'M YOUR NEW SH!TTY DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS TEACHER B@SSTARD!" She screamed. Harry widened his eyes and stopped laughing.
"HOLY SH!T!" Harry screamed.
"Ginkle, stop messing with this boy," A very old man called from the back of the room. " He's only a boy, now Harry, can you give me a quarter, I LOVE QUARTERS!" The old man started cackling evilly. Harry screamed with terror.
"Get away from me you flaming psycho!" Harry spat at the old man's feet he turned around to get to leave when he bumped into a very short man with no teeth and a rainbow afro on.
"Excuse me Harry dear, I was just wondering if I could have some powdered iced tea, and a teddy bear, because I get scared at night, and ohh I always wanted some crushed lima beans because I never had teeth...." The man rambled on. He looked around, old people galore were staring at him all with different expressions, one smiling oddly, one sticking her wrinkly tongue
"I'M NOT SANTA WHO GIVES PEOPLE THINGS, AND I HAVE NO AMERICAN QUARTERS ON ME AND- HERMIONE!" Harry screamed with joy.
"Harry, what on earth are you doing here this is old peoples night!" She laughed.
"Ohhhhh- that explains a lot" Harry said. " WAIT! Then why are you here Hermione?" Harry asked.
"I'm here for the free Bertie Botts every flavor beans and Chocolate frogs, where did you think I had all that candy I give to you on Christmas?" She smiled and laughed.
"EW- That stuff is six months old?" Harry said wrinkling his nose.
"Well- er- yeah, sorry." She said.
So the night turned up great, Hermione and Harry left the old peoples night (after they got 4 dozen of each candy) and spent that night shopping. And it turns up Harry didn't need to give that old man quarters or give the rainbow afro old guy powdered iced tea, and most of all Harry wasn't an @ss wipe and he was not intending to go to Hell, well, not any time soon.
Hope you liked my story! Tell me if I should continue! PLEASE!
Disclaimer: I own no characters except the old people, and uh yeah that's it.
Harry was again kicked out of the Dursley's household that summer. He called for the night bus and went strait to the Leaky Cauldron.
When he arrived there his stomach growled with hunger. The last time the Dursley's fed him food was this morning at breakfast. All it was were 4 grapes and a thin slice on an apple. He found some money in his pocket and counted it, he had just enough there to buy some lunch, and he checked his watch, HOLY GRAM CRACKERS! It was nearly five o clock. Harry rushed into the Leaky Cauldron and ordered some ham and a potato.
He sat down at a table, as he started eating his potato's he realized he needed some salt. There was none on his table. He looked at the table next to him and screamed. There was a VERY old witch with no hair (well there was a little on her chin), no teeth, and only one nostril.
"What are you looking at?" She hissed at him.
"Uh, nothing ma'am, can I borrow your salt, since your not using it" Harry just made a mistake.
"GO TO HELL!" She screamed.
"Uh, sorry, I'll just go and ask..."
"NO, B@SSTARD! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, B!TCH! NO ONE ASKS HELGA M. GINKLE TO BORROW ANYTHING @SS HOLE! SO JUST BURN AND ROT IN HELL YOU @SS WIPE!" She shrieked. Harry fell on the floor laughing, while the rest on the restaurant was silent.
"A swearing granny!" Harry laughed while gasping for breath and still rolling on the floor.
"THIS AIN'T A JOKE B!TCH, GO TO HELL OR ALL KICK YOUR @SS THERE!" she yelled. Harry laughed even harder.
"Wait till I tell Ron I met a swearing granny this summer!" Harry laughed.
"YOU @SS HOLE, YOU BETTER BEHAVE CASUE I'M YOUR NEW SH!TTY DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS TEACHER B@SSTARD!" She screamed. Harry widened his eyes and stopped laughing.
"HOLY SH!T!" Harry screamed.
"Ginkle, stop messing with this boy," A very old man called from the back of the room. " He's only a boy, now Harry, can you give me a quarter, I LOVE QUARTERS!" The old man started cackling evilly. Harry screamed with terror.
"Get away from me you flaming psycho!" Harry spat at the old man's feet he turned around to get to leave when he bumped into a very short man with no teeth and a rainbow afro on.
"Excuse me Harry dear, I was just wondering if I could have some powdered iced tea, and a teddy bear, because I get scared at night, and ohh I always wanted some crushed lima beans because I never had teeth...." The man rambled on. He looked around, old people galore were staring at him all with different expressions, one smiling oddly, one sticking her wrinkly tongue
"I'M NOT SANTA WHO GIVES PEOPLE THINGS, AND I HAVE NO AMERICAN QUARTERS ON ME AND- HERMIONE!" Harry screamed with joy.
"Harry, what on earth are you doing here this is old peoples night!" She laughed.
"Ohhhhh- that explains a lot" Harry said. " WAIT! Then why are you here Hermione?" Harry asked.
"I'm here for the free Bertie Botts every flavor beans and Chocolate frogs, where did you think I had all that candy I give to you on Christmas?" She smiled and laughed.
"EW- That stuff is six months old?" Harry said wrinkling his nose.
"Well- er- yeah, sorry." She said.
So the night turned up great, Hermione and Harry left the old peoples night (after they got 4 dozen of each candy) and spent that night shopping. And it turns up Harry didn't need to give that old man quarters or give the rainbow afro old guy powdered iced tea, and most of all Harry wasn't an @ss wipe and he was not intending to go to Hell, well, not any time soon.
Hope you liked my story! Tell me if I should continue! PLEASE!