The slow, cracking noise that the fire made as it danced atop the small blocks of wood in the cramped fireplace acted as a white noise for Levi as he sat still on the couch in front of the warm flames. The tequila in the small glass that Levi slowly spun around with his hand had been poured hours ago, but Levi couldn't focus on downing the purple liquid.
He could only focus his mind on the person that poured the tequila in his glass for him.
"Joseph," he whispered, his grip on the glass tightening slightly. "Fuckin' Joseph."
Joseph. The person he loved, yet hated.
Whenever Joseph would come near him, Levi couldn't understand the clusterfuck of emotions that crowded his mind. He felt angry because Joseph made him happy in a way that made him upset and confused since he couldn't understand why Joseph could make him feel disgusted, frightened, desirous…
"Damn it!" Levi cried, jolting up from the couch and throwing the glass at the wall.
Once the glass hit the navy blue-painted wall, it shattered into an unrepairable amount of pieces, representing how Levi felt at this moment.
Right when all of the pieces landed on the crimson-colored carpeted floor, Joseph suddenly burst into the living room. "What happened?" Joseph shouted.
Levi gasped and instantly sat back down, acting as if nothing had happened.
"Um…," Joseph said, walking over to the couch. "Levi? What did you do?"
"Nothing," Levi muttered.
"Levi. Tell me the truth."
"I… threw the glass at the wall. And?"
"Why?"
"I was frustrated."
"Because?"
Levi drew in a sharp breath through his gritted teeth as if he were in pain.
In a way, though, he was.
"Reasons," Levi replied, simply.
"What reasons specifically?"
Levi opened his mouth to speak but shut it the instant it hung open. "You," he finally said. "The reason is you."
Joseph gasped. "W-wait, what?" he said, confused. "Why? Did I do something wro-"
"No! No, no. No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just… it's me. It's me."
"Wh-... what do you mean?"
"I mean it's me who's fault it is that I'm acting this way."
"But didn't you just blame me?"
"Yes, but… b-but…" Levi trailed off, unable to find the words to form a full sentence.
The air between the two of them stayed stagnant until Joseph sat down on the spot next to Levi and turned towards him, then grabbed him by the wrists. Levi's gaze shot over towards Joseph's face in surprise. "What?" he blurted. "What do you want?"
"I want you to tell me the truth," Joseph said.
"Wh-what? That was the truth you dumbass!"
"I can't help but feel you aren't being completely honest with me."
"Well, I'll be honest on one thing; I'm not."
"Then tell me the truth, Levi!"
"I-"
"The full truth!"
Levi paused. He thought of ways to explain his epiphany to Joseph without sounding weird, but he couldn't think of anything. Might as well just tell him straight-up, Levi thought with a sigh.
"Well," Levi began, "I'm just mad because I don't… understand how you're able to turn, twist, and mutate my emotions into new ones."
"What do you mean by that?" Joseph asked.
"I mean… what I mean is, you make me feel so many emotions at the same time it feels like they're mixing and turning into a whole new kind of… feeling."
The way the fire moved in the fireplace, how it swallowed a small black of wood whole in its fiery embrace, represented how his emotions would curl together and mesh.
"That's nice to hear," Joseph giggled. "At least, in my opinion. It lets me know that I can fluster someone so bad they feel confused about their emotions."
The two of them laughed quietly as Joseph wrapped his arm around Levi's shoulder. Levi leaned closer to Joseph, settling in his arms.
"Hey," Levi blurted, "can we, um… stay like this for a while? I like this."
Joseph smiled. "Sure," he said. "I don't mind."
Levi smiled back, then they both looked at the fire.
He wanted, so badly, to tell him how he actually felt, but… he couldn't. His emotions wouldn't allow that, and nor would their friendship.
So they just sat there, watching the fire slowly shrink into a small flame.