I Will Remember You
Jake: "Jake." My mom called softly, opening my bedroom door. Inside the room I was on my bed, quiet tears rolling down my cheeks. I still couldn't believe it. Somehow, I felt almost like Mom would be telling me Marco had come over, or that he was on the phone. Like maybe the doctors were wrong and it wasn't him who had died. Or that it was all a bad dream and I was late for school.
"Jake," my mom continued, "Marco's father said to give you this." She laid a book with blue leather binding gently on my bed and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.
I wiped my eyes clear and picked up the book. It was a journal. It hadn't been opened yet, and I couldn't find a key to get through the lock.
Wait a second. There was a key in the book Marco was always reading when he was in the hospital. I got out of bed, steadying myself on the headboard for a moment. I'd been in bed the past there days, ever since Marco had…died. I felt dizzy for a moment, but went ahead to my bookshelf.
I found the book without any trouble, its worn look (a side effect of so much use) vibrantly contrasting with the new look all my books held. I hadn't had much time to read lately, what with the war. I opened the short novel, and removed the tape holding the key into place. I slide the key into the lock of the journal and opened it to the first page.
This Journal Belongs To: Marco Joshua Bradley
April 12, 1999
Dear Diary,
That is how you start these things, right? Dear Diary? I don't really know, I've never kept one before. I can't really write much in here, you never know who will find it. Then again, it does have a lock. I just got this diary or "journal" for my birthday. Dad gave it to me…said I looked like I had a lot to write down. I finally got around to writing in it, though I don't really get the point. All a diary does is remind you of things you want to forget.
April 15, 1999
Dear Diary,
Mom's alive. I saw her with my very own eyes. Well, at least my borrowed gorilla eyes. And I wasn't seeing things because Jake saw her too. I can't believe she's alive. For two whole years we thought she was dead. For two whole years my dad was in mourning. For what? Nothing. The yeerks have ruined my life, and now they will pay. I will hunt down every single one of those slimy slugs for what they did to my family.
April 27, 1999
Dear Dairy,
Jake was made into a Controller. He's back now, the yeerk starved, but it only made the fight seem more real. I mean, he's my best friend, I know him inside and out; and the yeerk still fooled me. If Ax hadn't caught it, if the yeerk hadn't slipped, it would have fooled me until I was dragged down to the yeerk pool, kicking and screaming. That's very depressing.
May 3, 1999
Dear Dairy,
We just learned about the "Ellimist". An all-powerful being that can erase all memory of me in the blink of an eye. It gave us the chance to go to another world, start Earth over. Before that he told us we were doomed to lose the fight. We said no. But I wonder…did we make the right choice? Did we just doom the human race, or did we save it? If we left, there would be no one left to fight the yeerks and everyone would be enslaved. Yet at the same time, a new branch would be started. Like Noah's Ark, only it's Noah's Spaceship or Noah's Time and Space Portal. And now that we've stayed, we might actually win…or the human race could be slaves forever. That's something to think about…time travel is confusing.
May 6, 1999
Dear Diary,
Ax finally told us how he eats. He eats with his hoofs. 'Nuff said.
May 9, 1999
Dear Diary,
Who ever thought that baby skunks could be cute? Or that Visser Three would be stupid enough to bath in grape juice? Or that termites could be almost as creepy as ants. Those things don't have any minds of their own. Cassie should feel happy for them. At least they escaped that ultimate slavery. But instead she's pretty upset about it. Women.
June 4, 1999
Dear Diary,
Well, it's finally happened. Jake's gone nuts. Not that he was sane before, it's just official now. He thinks we went slightly back in time and that we all died. Then he refused to go on the mission we were planning. Oh well, one less near death experience.
June 10, 1999,
Dear Diary,
Rachel, the mighty Xena, has a weakness. She's allergic to a crocodile morph. How did we find this out you ask? Well, she fell into a crocodile pit, (Those gymnastics are really paying off.) rescued this kid by morphing the crocodile, and then she made a hole in her kitchen ceiling by conveniently falling through her bedroom floor. As an elephant. Then of course the little idiot told us she'd already "ejected" the DNA (Laymen's terms, she burped it up.) when she really hadn't, all so she could see that dork, Jeremy Jason McCole.
June 28, 1999
Dear Diary,
I don't have much time to write. I'll just say that Tobias got his morphing powers back, complete with his old human self as a morph! Sometimes the Ellimist can be really tricky. But I wonder…did Tobias actually want it this way, or did the Ellimist trick him?
September 15, 1999
Dear Diary,
I haven't written in a LONG time. The reason behind this is both that I was too lazy, and I lost the diary in the depths of my closet. Ooops. Anywho, so much has happened that I can't even remember it all. But the most important is; I think Mom might actually be dead this time. She drowned, and I let her. In fact, it was my bright idea. I couldn't save her…I tried, but I couldn't. But, then there was that frog dude, and that sub Rachel heard…but is it possible that she actually survived? And the real question is, do I wish she had?
September 24, 1999
Dear Diary,
The Isoort are a very annoying species. The Howlers are a very loud species. The Crayak is a very evil species. And the Ellimist is a very impolite word species. I need not go into anymore detail of our latest mission. Except for this one underlying fact…Jake and Cassie finally kissed!
October 11, 1999
Dear Diary,
Well, Mom didn't drown, but she might have splattered. I think I might have killed her again. I don't know what I wanted. Did I want her to die so the Visser would be dead and she would be at peace? Or did I want her to live so I could someday free her. All I do know is that I never want to go through that again. It goes for a lot of lost sleep when you think you've killed your mother, yet you're still not sure.
October 29, 1999
Dear Diary,
Okay, as annoying and reckless as Xena is now, she's even more so when split into the vicious and the meekly. I mean, geez. It was downright scary. She even said I was funny! And CUTE!! It was amazing. I don't think I'll ever get over it. Then her double tried to kill me…several times.
November 13, 1999
Dear Diary,
Dad got remarried. To my math teacher. Unfortunately, her poodle came with the package. That is one vicious animal, I used him to scare off William Roger Tenant. Hehehe. Guess what? Mom's back form the dead again. She phoned me. Well, at least the Visser did. She needed us to crash a party with the Council of Thirteen. So, we did. I almost got Mom back, but she said that she had to stay…that if she left, an all out war would start. One we couldn't possibly win. She gave up her freedom for a chance that we might win. I wish I could be as brave as her.
November 22, 1999
Dear Diary,
We went on a mission tonight. We're all fine. We actually made it, though Ax had a close call when he went after him. Uh-oh. Dad's coming.
December 3, 1999
Dear Diary,
I got a date. I can't believe it. Actually, of course I can believe it! Who wouldn't want to go on a date with me? I saw Mom again. Gabby was with her, you know, that girl I used to go out with, but she moved? Now she's Visser Two. I understand why the yeerks would want her. I mean, she's a black belt in karate, she's tough, and takes boxing. I just wish they hadn't taken her… Oh, who's my date? A really nice girl named Jamie. Jake and I have known her since Kindergarten, and I've had a crush on her just as long. What's funny is, she asked me out…Really!
December 10, 1999
Dear Diary,
I just got told that I have a type of cancer called Leukemia. I have to go to the hospital and stay there for a little while. Dad is pretty shaken up about this. Nora too, I guess. Though I don't really think she's that worried. She puts too much faith in medicine and doctors. I haven't really told anyone this, but I'm really scared. I don't want to die in some hospital bed with needles and tubes sticking in and out of me. I don't want to die at all. I mean, I have a girlfriend now! Oh God, Jamie. I haven't even told her yet. Will she pity me? I hate pity. Pity is almost worse then the thought of dying. I don't want to die…
December 27, 1999
Dear Diary,
Christmas came and went. It wasn't really that big a deal. There was this party type thing for the younger kids. I might have actually gone, just for something to do, but I was kept in bed because of a series of tests. The whole gang came over; we had a sort of Holiday party of our own. It was okay, but we didn't get any food, Ax ate it all! Jamie came too. I was really glad she decided to come over. She's never around and I miss her.
March 3, 2000
Dear Diary,
My. Hair. Fell. Out. I am now bald. NOT a nice feeling. This is because of the chemotherapy I've been put on. They also have me on a list for a bone marrow transplant. Nobody (Dad, Nora, Jake or any of the guys.) had the same type as me, so I'll have to wait. Wait for some stranger who knows nothing about me to say, "Hey. I'll get a painful operation to help this kid I don't know." Yeah, that's going to happen soon. None of the guys know my hair fell out, only Dad and Nora, because I wear a wig. I don't really want them to know, not even Jake. And especially Rachel. I'd never hear the end of it.
April 7, 2000
Dear Diary,
I'm getting worse. I know I am. All the nurses are being really nice, even the ones who thought I was annoying. They probably still do, but they feel sorry for me. It's a big tip-off that you're dying when someone who used to avoid being on your floor is suddenly being sugary sweet. Plus I can read the charts on the end of my bed and once you're around doctors enough, you start to understand their language. Even Rachel's being really nice, and everybody's looking all sad, like I'm already gone. Just yesterday I heard my dad crying. My dad. I hate seeing him cry. He's been so happy since Nora came, and now I've gone and ruined it. I want him to be happy again. I can't die! It'll kill my dad; I'm the only bit of Mom he has left. And besides, I have to save the world, right? What right do I have to be lying in a hospital, too weak to move anymore when my friends are still risking their lives? What right do I have? I don't; I don't have ANY right. I hate my body! I can't move properly! I can't save the world! I don't want to be sick…no, I CAN'T be sick! It's not allowed. Jamie can't even look at me any more! I'm making her sad too. I can't even hug her any more, tell her…tell her that everything will be all right. Because, guess what? It won't. It'll never be all right.
April 30, 2000
Dear Diary,
What's being dead is like? I've excepted that I'm going to die now. Everyone knows it. Jake knows it, with the way he always looks so sad. Dad knows it, with the way he's always crying in the chair by my bed. Nora knows it, she's always buying me new stuff and sitting with my dad, biting her lip and staring into space. Tobias and Ax know it, they don't even come anymore. They don't want me to know, but they've already said their good-byes. Jamie knows it, always holding my hand, pretending not to cry, still hoping it'll all turn out. The girls know it, pacing and sitting with Jake. Poor Jake. He's a wreck. I try to imagine how I'd feel if it were him in this bed, if it were my best friend dying. I can't, I only see myself. So, I wonder what being dead is like? Do you really go around walking on clouds, with wings and the whole get-up? I doubt it, I don't think it would be that easy. I don't know, I just hope it doesn't suddenly stop. I tried talking to Jake about it, but he refuses to talk much a bout death, or anything. I wish I could make them all feel better, I'm hurting everyone. I'm not that afraid of dying if you really leave your body and go someplace else. But I'd don't want my life to suddenly end and there's no more, like the end of a movie. That's what I'm afraid of, of just being gone.
MAy 11, 2000
Dear Diary,
I'm weaker then ever. I can barely lift the pen. I know I'll die soon and this'll probably be my last entry…but who knows? Maybe I'll be able to hold on a little longer. I don't need a will; I don't have enough stuff to have a will. But, ya know, I'd like to write that the guys are the greatest friends I could ever of had. I'm really going to miss them.
***
That was the last entry, written the night before he—
His funeral was that weekend. My last chance to say good bye to my best friend in the world, the best I'll ever have. No one will ever be able to top him, no one.
I walk up to the casket where he's just lying, like he's asleep. Yeah, that's right. He's asleep, not dead. Asleep in Civics class, I better wake him up or the teacher will yell at him and he'll get another detention. If he gets too many more detentions they'll have to expel him and his dad will be mad, so I better wake him up.
Oh my God. I'm snapping. I'm cracking up. Going insane at the sight of my dead best friend.
Rachel:
What'll life be like without Marco? With him dead and buried in the cold hard ground. Nothing will be the same.Jake sits next to me, sobbing. He's just been to the casket.
"Jake, it'll be okay. Don't worry." I whispered to him. He looked at me for a moment like he couldn't figure out where he was, then his eyes turned cold and hurt and angry and desperate all at the same time.
"No Rachel, it won't be all right. You know why?" He asked, then his voice started getting louder until he was shouting. "Because Marco is dead! He's dead and he's never coming back! He's dead, he's dead, he's DEAD!! How can it all be okay?! He's lying in that box and he's freaking dead! Dead-dead-deaddeaddeaddeadDEADDEADDEAD DEAD!!!" At this point of his outburst I took him outside because people were starring, and he was upsetting everyone even more. As we were leaving I saw Marco's father cover his face with his hands.
"Jake! Snap out of it!" I screamed at him. He was hysterical, still chanting the word "dead" at the top of his lungs. Then, he stopped.
He looked up with red swollen eyes.
"He's gone, Rachel…He's gone." he whispered. I held out my arms and just hugged him for a long time while he cried on my shoulder. Just me holding my cousin in the funeral parlor parking lot at his best friend's funeral.
Jamie: How did it happen? Why did it happen? Why do people close to you die? Why did Marco have to die? God can't need him that much; he's just one kid. Just one teenager among millions. Yet he's the one who had to go.
I sit down in a pew. It's amazing how many people are here. His friends, his family, me, most of the kids in our grade, and some even younger or older, all of them somehow connected with Marco. All of them were missing him. Jake misses him so much that the poor guy went hysterical and had to be dragged out.
I
miss him, more then I thought I could. The actual service started when the choir began to sing…"I will remember you.
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories."
A/N: I decided to write this to try to give more depth to its sister story, "This is Our Cry". I was reading it over and I realized that there wasn't very much detail on how they were feeling or how any of the guys reacted to Marco's death. I hope you liked it, maybe if I'm lucky enough to have written something well, someone, somewhere might have even let loose a tear or two. My goal is to be like the fabulous writers who can do that. I've decided to dedicate this to my two best friends for the simple fact that I haven't dedicated anything to them yet. They'll be know simply as "Lily St. R" and "Sister Dearest" 'Kay. Bu-bye.
Ani-Bookworm#1