Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ideas or characters, just my self.
Author's note: This is suppose to be a spoof of some final fantasy Viii stories including my own. Please remember this is only humor!
The Ultimate spoof of all Fanfic
It was a quiet day in Balamb Garden, to quiet. The birds weren't singing their lulling songs; the sun didn't shine radiantly. And well everyone wasn't happy either. Rinoa and Squall were sitting alone in Squall's room.
Rinoa: You know Squall I don't think we were meant to be, are fate wasn't written in the stars and well I'm a teenager and I need to be free not stuck in some deep meaningful relationship.
Squall: What does this mean?
Rinoa: Well everyone says I'm a half-witted floozy and a whore who knows maybe their right oh yeah and I'm a Sorceress so we can't possibly be together.
Squall: I don't know, maybe I was just forced into all of this, everyone just keeps on saying I have to take care of you. Plus Quistis is looking pretty good.
Rinoa: Okay, I agree we should see other people preferably Seifer for me.
Squall: But I thought he was with Quistis?
Rinoa: Then why has he been sleeping with me?
Squall: WHAT?!
Rinoa: Joking Squall, gosh you are way too easy to mess with well bye.
Squall: Bye…
Meanwhile Quistis was sitting alone by her self, feeling mighty sad about Squall and Rinoa when suddenly the door opened.
Squall: Quistis I love you.
Quistis: Is this some kind of joke?
Squall: No, I love you more than the world.
Quistis: Jeez the world's awfully big are you sure Squall?
Squall: Yeah pretty sure, everyone tells me your really hot and I was stupid to go for that whore Rinoa.
Quistis: Now you really don't believe that?
Squall: Now I do, because I love you.
Quistis: Okay, I love you too.
Squall: So what do we do now?
On the other side of Garden Zell has fallen into some hard times, so bad did he feel that thoughts of mortality presented themselves every second. He thought he should do it, he had to do it to end the eternal pain of the hot dog shortage. How could he live without hot dogs? Hot dogs were the only beauty in this mundane world, the only sparkle in his eyes. Everyone would be fine without him, they wouldn't miss him, he thought. Zell leaned over the edge of the cold balcony, his pulse quickened and his palms grew clammy, as he looked down at his fate. So this is how it was going to end, he thought. He always had imagined going out in some glorious battle for freedom or good, not this. But Zell couldn't live without hotdogs, and well there just weren't any hot dogs. Oh well, he thought. I go to a better place where there are hot dogs. Zell climbed up on the narrow ledge wiping the sweat from his forehead, and wished it all away.
"Good bye cruel world, I go to a better place where there is hot dogs," he shouted and jumped to take his final breath.
Quistis was the first to arrive and she couldn't believe her eyes. Zell was caught in a tree and screaming for help.
"Goddamn it, what the hell I can't even commit suicide right the hell. Ahhh not Quistis, no don't look at me!" He yelled.
"I just came to tell you that they got hot dogs in, are you ok?" She asked.
"Now, I am! Get out away I'm gonna get myself a hot dog tonight!" He yelled and jumped down.
Rinoa inhaled the salty air of the quiet town. The wind whipped her raven hair in her face and the chilled air made her quiver. She stepped cautiously over the cobbled walkways, and past the stone dwellings. She had just escaped and ran off far away after the incident. The sunset above made the sky fade into darkness. Enveloping the sun with pink and purples cascading out. The sight of the end she thought. She had just terrorized the hotel, blowing it to smithereens. Squall truly had to understand things where over and this was her statement to the world that Timber must be free, though what exactly did blowing up the hotel have to do with Timber's independence? Oh well, they know what I want. She ran as she saw a figure jumping into the choppy waves. She saw the familiar face of an old friend, a blonde with cold dormant eyes. That seemed as if their very life had been drained away. He seemed to disappear into the ocean with a grim smile on his face, mocking the girl.
"NO!" Rinoa yelled after Seifer. But his head disappeared under the tyrant waves, never to be seen again. "Damn you Elle, not the cute ones!" She yelled at the author threateningly. "All get you Elle! What the hell kind of name is Elle?" She screamed in anger.
Meanwhile back in Balamb Laguna has mysteriously appeared bringing with him a girl. She was short, shorter than Selphie, cold blue eyes, and had hair like Ellone. Everyone gathered to see the spectacle, even Rinoa. Squall stepped forward and gleamed at the figure coldly for her face was familiar.
Laguna: I found her trying to slip some kind of poison into my food. Thought you guys might know what to do with her.
Squall: Stand back everyone, she's dangerous, she's one of them!
Elle: Yeah, yeah I'm a Fanfic author, so what my oh-so cute Squally?
Irvine: You made Selphie hate me, and you broke Squall and Rinoa and killed Seifer and made Zell almost commit suicide your evil!
Elle: Hehe no I didn't most of those ideas were rip-offs of other authors stories and I was bored, you know what happens when I'm bored I write stupid fics like this one!
Rinoa: Hey I'm challenge you to a fight Elle!
Elle: Umm, why?
Rinoa: Because you killed Seifer and all and broke up me and Squall!
Laguna: Yeah, and what was with Final Fantasy VIII Return. I mean I fell in love with some evil blonde twenty years younger than I Elle that would never happen did!
Elle: Stop calling me Elle, it's annoying, how about Tera? That is like my real name! Gosh Laguna you should be thanking me! Oh well Rinoa you're on, and whoever wins gets Squall okie!
Rinoa: But he's too old for you!
Elle: Yeah, so what? You afraid?
Rinoa: Of you? You're shorter than Selphie!
Selphie: Hey short people rule!
Elle: Thank you Selphie, tee-hee!
Rinoa: How are you going to fight me then?
Elle: By resurrecting Seifer and making him fight you!
Seifer magically is alive again.
Rinoa: Fine then I'll use Squall!
Elle: No! I don't want him to get hurt again. Fine never mind let's just end the stupid fic on a happy note, Squall and Rinoa kiss and Quistis and Seifer kiss and Selphie and Irvine kiss and Zell you go off in a corner! Laguna and Christine kiss and we all live happily ever after yeah!
Everyone kisses and lives happily ever after.
The End