Title: All Along
Rating: T
Pairing: Jack & Kate. (Yes, Sawyer is in this story, but it's not really him that's the problem.)
Summary: 5 years post rescue, Kate is still dealing with her past and how it affects her relationship with Jack. Strongly Kate centered, lots of character angst, but in some way it will make you happy. I don't know how that works either.
Status of fic: WIP
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, all of it belongs to JJ and co. I just did the writing.

Notes: Okay, so yeah I'm starting a WIP, it's been on my mind for a while to do one. I tend to stay away from them because dialogue is my weak point. Those that have read my one-shots on livejournal or LF know that I just like to get in a character's head and bring out what they're thinking. Well I took this opportunity to do this with Kate, and it may seem completely angsty and mean of me at first. This will be updated and completed, I promise, I have an outline already set up. I'm hoping for a good number of chapters, around 20, and a good time with you guys. This is already posted on LF, but I thought I'd like to bring it here.

She nervously chewed the end of her sunglasses as she rested in the shade of the tree. Leaning against the bark, she squinted across the crowded park, watching as the people passed by. The usual visitors were there, she immediately recognized the young man with brown hair walking his lab, his usual errand every Thursday. She smiled in the direction of the young mother with her small child, she always found them entertaining to watch. The patterned scene unfolded before her, and she knew by memory that he would be coming soon.

The California sun was making her sweat, despite the branches that directly blocked her from the rays. It used to worry her, walking out in public, but her fears had calmed into comfort, and now she made daily trips out into the sun. It had been a long time since Kate had ran.

She didn't hesitate all those years ago, when she was handed the dead girl's passport and ID. The rescue boats on the horizon, the girl's husband had handed them to her as a gift, he knew it was her only way out, and what his wife would have wanted. As soon as her feet had hit the pavement, Kate's legs began to work. Breaking into the familiar rhythm of her shoes against the cement as she fled the scene. Running before the cameras came, before anyone could say goodbye.

But it was five years later, and she was able to enjoy the sunlight once again.

She noticed him at once, jogging down the cemented path several yards away. His short hair already slick with sweat, beads making it down his now cleanly shaven face. She smiled as he stopped breifly and brought up the bottom of his gray shirt to wipe his brow, briefly exposing his chest, and making her blush. Kate watched him every Thursday, when she could get out of the house. He always made this jog. The hospital was a block away from the park, and he was able to conveniently clear his head before beginning his long rounds. In a way, seeing him there made her happy, but a part of her was still broken, and would continue to be. To her, Jack would always be in the distance, away from her reach.

She made herself sick with her pining, but it made her more sick to think of going on too long without seeing him there. Her smile broadened as he pushed a soccer ball back to a young boy, flashing his familiar bright smile as the boy ran off in the other direction, kicking the ball once again. She remained tucked away in the corner of the park, he never saw her there, and Kate was sure that if Jack ever did glance in her direction, he wouldn't let himself believe it was her that he saw. Kate came to see him by himself. To watch him normal, happy. She came to assure herself that five years ago she had made the right choice. She was a burden to herself, she didn't need to burden him.

Kate drew herself immediately out her thoughts, her smile fading as he disappeared behind the line of trees. She considered staying there longer, until he returned on his way back to the hospital, but she let herself pull away from the tree and find the path back towards her home, where she belonged anyways. Her apparant border-line stalking was complete for the day, she told herself this as she playfully rolled her eyes, and placed her sunglasses back on her head, pulling herself back into reality.

The worn out apartment complex greeted her with the familiar smell of cigarette smoke and stale beer. Opening the door to her apartment she threw the keys against the counter and fully intended to lay on the couch until she was forced to get up.

"Where ya' been?" A voice called out, startling her, turning her around in the direction of the kitchen table. Sawyer sat there, his hair combed back nicely, a new suit on.

"You scared me." She spoke, relieved. "I just went out on a walk."

He nodded his head, knowing better. He didn't have an education past ninth grade, but he wasn't ignorant. Sawyer knew that he wasn't who she thought about constantly, and it wasn't his name she mumbled in her sleep. She was off watching Jack buy groceries, or go into work. He knew, to some level, that it hurt him inside. Though long ago he void himself of emotions, it hurt him to see her torn away from Jack, and it hurt him knowing how far he had fallen into second place. But he never confronted her about it, it was him she had ran to three years ago. Coming in from the rain, her cheeks stained with tears. He opened up his door to her then, and he would continue to offer her his home. Pulling a cigarette out of his pocket he stood up from the table and walked over to where she stood. "I thought I'd come home early today."

"So, uh, how's this con going along? That's what you were out doing, right?" She spoke as he walked past her, then turned and flashed her his familiar dimpled grin. The other survivors changed, on several levels, after the crash of flight 815. But it didn't surprise Kate at all to see Sawyer's motto firmly standing, he would never change his stripes.

"Yeah, I hooked her in this morning. Briefcase ordeal." He lit the cigarette and took a quick drag. "Should have this one done by the end of the week. Simple."

Kate nodded her head as she changed her plans of resting on the couch, and instead looked towards her bedroom to lay her head. "I'm going to take a nap." She stated, walking out of the room, as Sawyer found the couch and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table.

Closing her door, Kate quietly fell onto the bed as she held back tears. Angry at herself for becoming emotional, for being so vulnerable. She had made the right choice, she told herself again. Jack is a doctor, respected in his field. She is a criminal, with no place in the world. The place for her was here, in this hole in the wall of an apartment, with the only other person she knew that didn't belong as well. Jack didn't need her, and though she needed him, she cared too much to take him through the ordeal of knowing Kate Austen.

And she was sure, that if she continued to tell herself this, she would begin to believe it. And that's what she needed to do.