Lives swallow the
infatuation
Cleverly seduced
Evil's in the stink of you
Rise
and fall we decompose
I remember the day that it became
apparent that I loved her. I remember it like it was yesterday. I can
almost taste the feeling of raw frustration and confusion I was
feeling… I wanted revenge.
We were on a mission, we at the time
being Scott, Jean, Logan, Bobby, Hank, Ororo, Kitty, Peter and
Warren. Scott and Warren have since departed and as for Logan, well
he's Logan, he comes and goes as he pleases. The rest of us stay
faithful to the cause… to Professor X… to… sometimes I'm not
sure why we stay; well I stay because of her, I stay because she
stays.
The objective was to seize hostages which the brotherhood
had held captive for unknown reasons. The Brotherhood was at its
strongest then with Magneto's leadership and Mystique's stealth;
they had succeeded in the assassination of 4 anti-mutant politicians
within that week alone. Now, Magneto is jailed and Mystique; well
she's turned over a new leaf here at the mansion, her and I have
grown close, she was in fact my foster mother for years.
"Stay
close!" Cyclops had ordered. It wasn't a usual Brotherhood
hideout. It was more secretive, more eerie, more… evil. It was
maze-like, almost like one of those hideouts in a comic book. The
wrong turn could cost you your very life.
"I think we should
split up" Ororo had suggested and Scott reluctantly agreed. It
wasn't the best of options but it was the only way we'd cover the
grounds and find the hostages.
I really didn't want to be
there. I was having a bad day, bad week, bad month, bad year… a
freakin' bad life if you wanted to go that far. Gambit had left the
X-men a week ago, not just leaving the X-men but also leaving me with
nothing but a note saying he was bad for me and I should move on and
don't fret over his leaving.
"Kitty and Colossus… go with
Storm, Warren with Jean and I, Bobby and Rogue with Hank and since
you're not gonna listen to whatever I say, you may as well just
wander off alone now Logan" Scott said. It was obvious, he had done
that so Logan would be far away from Jean.
"Go with popsicle;
I'll go with kiddo here alright Furball?" Logan said to Hank, not
really waiting for an okay because permission wasn't something that
mattered much to him.
"What's wrong, kiddo?" Logan had
asked when we were away from Hank and Bobby.
"Well Gambit's
gone and I'm pretty sure it's because he couldn't touch his
girlfriend without being killed!" I had said, fighting tears.
"Look kiddo, if that's why he left then he wasn't any
good."
"But…" I was determined to counter, to protect
Gambit's reputation, I had to put the blame on me. "You don't
know what its like to be afraid of your powers" I said.
"Yeah….
I do!" He said, his claws now protruding from in between his
fingers.
"Does it hurt?" I ask referring to when he bears his
claws. It's a question I asked when we first met and he didn't
answer me then but him and I had grown close, almost a
father-daughter or big brother-little sister relationship and I knew
he would answer truthfully that time.
"Yeah… it does" he
answered "now keep up!" he said, increasing his speed. We had
been walking for almost 15 minutes when he used his hand to stop me.
Motioning for me to be quiet, he extended his claws and crept forward
as a bolt of fire flew past us, missing us by less than inches. It
was the work of nobody but Pyro.
"Stay here kiddo!" Logan
said running off into the direction where the flame had come from.
Part of me thinks he knew I wouldn't stay and part of me thinks he
was just in so much of a rush to catch the bad guy that he forgot to
think of the possibilities of me actually staying but nevertheless I
started walking in a different direction than Logan had gone in and
before I knew it, I was lost, yet I continued walking. I was
frustrated, irritated, aggravated and just plain angry and I didn't
care that I was in danger, I didn't care that I was lost, I didn't
care if I just fell and died in a instant, I really didn't care.
Walking backward, looking at the ceiling, I bumped into what felt
like a person. Frightened, I had grabbed it with my ungloved hand and
knew instantly not only from the texture but also from the terrified
sigh that was heard that I had touched skin. I turned around, not
letting go and realized I had in my hand, Pyro's wrist and
something came over me; I didn't want to let go!
Rest
against the sore
Push breath and pull
Ripping out
compassion
Instincts adapting
Sin sings a moan
In slides
night
Unite and spread the heart apart
And smile of pain
Not
that Pyro had done anything to me personally because he really
hadn't. I just wanted revenge on anyone. I didn't ask for this
power! I didn't ask to be this way, I didn't ask to be able to
kill people with a single touch.
Well, at that moment, starring
into Pyro's blue eyes, his face pale almost as if Bobby had iced
him again, right that moment, I wanted him to die. Not because he'd
done anything personally to me just because I wanted revenge! My hand
was lightly gripping his wrist; I didn't have to have a tight grip
on him, he was too weak to retaliate.
He was struggling to
breathe and the air around me darkened. I could feel a rush of warmth
through my body, either adrenaline or simply his powers of
pyrokinesis surging through my body, becoming mine! I could see,
taste, smell Australia as if I had been there recently and the same
for Vietnam. I was absorbing his memories. I was effortlessly
absorbing him and I didn't want to stop. I wanted to kill him. I
wanted revenge!
I can't show my true embrace
Now that
you're subdued
I begin to weaken you
Rise and fall we
decompose
I wanted to feel sorry for him. He was a bad guy, yes, but he didn't deserve this. Then again, I didn't deserve to be burdened with this power. I didn't let go. This wasn't me! It was my frustration and my frustration wanted him dead. I kept thinking what the rest of the X-men would think of me if they saw this. I was no better than Pyro, or Mystique or Magneto, if anything I was worse, still I refused to let go!
Prey on
the masses
Conscience relapses
The less we think and
more we
drink our actions are casual
While sin sings a moan
I was becoming him. I could feel him inside of me. It was almost as if I were drinking him like I would a soda. Everything he had been through, I saw. Still, I didn't let go!
Lives swallow the
infatuation
Cleverly seduced
Evil's in the stink of you
Rise
and fall
We decompose
It wouldn't be long, I could feel his body becoming limp and cold. This wasn't me! I wanted so much just to let go but my frustration wouldn't let me!
Distance
is safer than trust
Honestly honesty's a fable in
love
Calloused
Shedding skin I start to grin as malice
Becomes
my fuel
I wanted him to hurt because I had hurt, not because of him, of course not, he hadn't done anything personally to me, it was myself that hurt me. I suffered because of who I am; still I wanted him to suffer!!!
I can't show my true
embrace
Now that you're subdued
I begin to weaken you
Rise
and fall we decompose
Shedding skin I start to grin as
malice
Becomes my fuel
Before I knew it, I was crying,
tears streaming down my face as I continued to absorb what was left
of the almost lifeless body below me and that's when she grabbed
me, not touching any skin of course, she knew better than that!
"We've been looking for you. Are you okay?" She asked. I
nodded but didn't dare to look at her as she ushered me back to the
Blackbird in silence. She looks back at Pyro, he wasn't dead, and
I'm sure she looked at me but I wouldn't know, I was too busy
looking at my feet, avoiding eye contact. I'm sure she was
disappointed in what I had done. It was obvious I held on for longer
than was needed to weaken him and get away safely. It was painfully
obvious that I held on in attempt to kill him.
When I stepped into the Blackbird, I looked at none of the X-men, none of the hostages, not even Logan and especially not her. She was the only one who knew what I did but it felt like they were all judging me. I didn't dare look into any of their eyes. I went to my seat, strapped in and just stared at my ungloved hand. The seat next to me was empty, for some reason Bobby had decided to sit next to Kitty instead of his usual seat next to me but I was glad because I wanted to be alone but then she came and sat next to me. I was still staring down but I caught a glimpse of her red hair and knew it was her. She usually sat up front next to Scott or next to Ororo depending on who was piloting but she sat next to me. And for some reason, something compelled me to look up and into her green eyes and instead of seeing disdain which I was sure she felt for me after seeing what I did to Pyro, I saw understanding, caring, love from this women who was nothing to me, not even a mentor like she was to Bobby and Kitty, she meant nothing to me, until I looked into her eyes and then she meant the world. Without saying a word, she took my gloved hand and started caressing it and I wondered what it would feel like without the glove. From that day, Jean and I became inseparable. I knew I LOVED Jean Grey but I wouldn't dare tell her.