Dear Diary, 2-18-2012

I keep replaying that night. I regret it. I regret trusting him. I thought he would love me forever. I just wanted someone to love me. But he turned out just like my father. Just like him. He raped me. But the way this mystery man did it, was so different from how my dad does it. My dad, he is harsh. His hands are mean, not that the mystery mans weren't. But his were softer. Not kind. But softer. Its scary to think that I have gone through this so many times, but every time, its scarier. It never ends. Each time I wonder, will this be the last time? Will he kill me? Will he realize that he is hurting me, and stop? I am only 14. I can only take so much. But I need to. To take all of this. I think its a way for my dad to make me strong. To make me, stronger in life. To be able to hold up better then he did.

When I met "Justin" online. I thought he was real. He told me everything I wanted to here. I put my heart into his hands. I told him everything. About my dad. What he did. I told him that my dad raped me, and the whole time he just wanted me into his bed to do the same thing. He told me that he would never hurt me, that I would be his heart and soul every second of every minuet of the day. That I would be his everything. His only. That no matter what happened in my past, he accepts me. That he would protect me and get me out of hell. But instead he just helped dig ten feet into my hole.

I feel... alone. Alone doesn't put it correctly. Because it is so much more. Its more then just alone. Its this never ending pain. Where you don't know what is going on anymore. You get to this point, where nothing in life matters. Life doesn't matter. So the last resort is death. That might sound crazy Diary... and I know this is my first entry. But after last night.. I can't do anything alone anymore. But I don't have anybody. So I will have a pen and paper. Maybe this will be enough. Probably not. But it will have to work.

Love, Sierra.

Oxox

P.S. I think that things are getting worse. I feel so empty again. I hope that it doesn't resort into the worst. Because I remember those days.. and going back is the last thing I want to do. Even though it seems like I never left.

Hey guys..So... lol... I am really trying to figure out something new to do that I am really into.. lately I have been falling apart. I just want a story that is me. Just me fully. And its really hard to do this. But I am going to. This is my new story "Don't forget me when I am gone. I know this chapter is short. But I am going to update. I am sorta interested in this story. I am kinda stupid with stories though, I will start one then become uninterested in them. I don't want to do that, but I do. I try not to. And I am sorry. But I am going to try a lot harder. A lot has been on my shoulders. Writing is my escape... and I haven't escaped for awhile. Sorry guys for the vent session. But thank you for reading this. Please Review and tell me if I should continue. I will be writing in Victorious because soon I will be putting in Tori and Trina.

God Bless you guys!

Sierra~~

P.S.- most of my stories you will see I use my name as the main character or W/E but its because I suck at figuring out names. So I have decided to use mine till I actually publish a book, lol. BYE NOW! :D