Ok, had to get this out... it's been swirling around in my head all day and not letting me get anything done with Coping. I got this idea after watching 1x12 again and watching Best take Andy's dad's badge from her then looking down at my dad's badge I really got to thinking... so there's some of me in here too.
This is about Andy contemplating the Shield and everything it represents.
Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue.
The Shield
I'm staring down at my dad's badge right now. The shield on it is shiny and bright I can see my reflection in the metal. Twirling it around in my hands and feeling the weight of it, it feels heavier than it really is; I guess it's not just the physical weight but the emotional and mental weight that comes with it.
I just watched a mother, not just a mother mind you, but a soldier as well, put a gun to her head and threaten to pull the trigger. If Noelle hadn't have been there I don't know what I would have done, but I do know that we might have been short one soldier all because I couldn't pull my shit together. I just kept thinking about how the shield turned my dad into an alcoholic because of all the shit he saw and went through, and how the duty of being a soldier turned this mom into a hard-ass that couldn't even bring herself to let her daughters in for fear of the fall.
What if that happens to me, if I let the weight of this badge bring me down will I become like them? Will I end up hurting everyone I love and lose the most important people to me because of this job? Do I want that?
The shield brings hope, it means to serve and protect. So, what happens when the one who carry's it needs the hope? What happens when the badge becomes too much and I realize I can't do it anymore? Do I fall back on alcohol or will I end up with the barrel of a gun digging into my temple?
Twirling the badge in my hands one more time I look up at Sgt. Best, "I don't know what to do. I don't want to end up like my dad, but I love this job." He looked at me with a sad look in his eyes and slowly reached between us and took my dad's badge out of my hands.
"First I think we should get you your own badge, it's a nice gesture keeping it in the family."