Disclaimer:none of these character belong to me
Summery: takes place after wrecked, Buffy is still having trouble living, can Spike help her before it's to late?
rated pg-13
Help
chapter 1:In the night
Buffy fiddled with the small cross in her hand. She was torn between wanting to laugh at herself for thinking she could keep out Spike with a bunch of garlic, and wanting to cry. "Why damn it, why do I have to feal like this" she asked herself. She couldn't do this. Not another vampire. Not another impossible relationship.
She threw the cross across the room in frustration. She was rewarded with a satisfying crashing sound as the cross it her dresser, knocking off some of her possessions. She fell back in bed and looked at the ceiling.
Don't go to sleep, don't go to sleep She begged to herself. If she slept she'd have another dream about him. Him and his whole masculine male self. Why was he the only one she could stand to be around these days? him and Dawn. She loved Willow and everyone, but she could only take so much of it.
It was them that tore her out. Removed her from her peace. How could she face them everyday. She tried, tried so hard to let it go, but she couldn't.
'Every slayer has a death wish' Spike had said to her once. well she had a big heaven load of death wishes. A wish for that peace.
She got out of bed and stood by the window. She opened it up, breathing in the fresh night air. She looked at her clock, it was tree in the morning. Only four more hours to go.
She looked down outside. There was a shadow. It was him a shadow in the night. He noticed that she noticed him and looked up at her, and gave her his famous cocky grin. Yay she thought sarcastically to herself. Now she had to deal with him. She really didn't want to.
That's a lie an annoying voice at the back of her head said. It was right. A part of her had been hoping, praying that he would show up. That he would laugh at her garlic, make some sexual innuendo and touch her.
It didn't matter how he touched her. It could be a hand on her arm, a brushing of his fingers across her cheek. Or maybe a hand on her back, maybe both hands on her waist. Or maybe he could just take her head in his hands and passionately kiss her.
No! Bad Buffy bad! she scolded herself. Her body screamed for his touch, but she couldn't give in. She had to stay strong, fight her addiction. That's all it was, a weird twisted addiction. It couldn't possibly me more then that. Could it?
She shook the thought away "Go away" she shouted at him.
He answered her by walking inside the house. She ran down stairs to meet him "I said leave" she told him.
"Oh come now luv, don't get your nikkers in a twist, I'm here to check on the bit" he said. He walked past her and went upstairs to Dawns room.
"She's sleeping, you can come back tomorrow" she told him.
He didn't listen. He just walked right into Dawns room and sat at the edge of her bed. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder, being careful not to jar her fractured arm. "Hey niblet, it's me" he said softly.
Dawn opened her eyes a little and looked up at him. "Spike?" she asked a little confused, and a little dazed from the pain medication. "What are you doing here?"
"Glad to see your so happy to see me" he said, "I'm just here to check on you, how ya fealin'?" he asked.
"I'm fine" she said, and fell back to sleep.
Spike smiled down at her then stood up. He walked to where Buffy was standing and ushered her out of the room. when they were in the hall way he whispered to her "So, what the situation with red?"
Buffy looked at him, then the arm he had on her shoulder then back at him. "She's sleeping. I think she's on some sort of magic withdrawal, she seems really devoted to giving it up though" she said.
"I hope so" Spike said, "Wouldn't want another incident like last night, now would we?" He started to gently stroke her shoulder with the thumb of the had that was on her.
Buffy nodded in agreement, and began to lean slightly towards him "Okay, well I better get going now" Spike said and walked down the stairs and out the door.
Buffy frowned as she watched him leave. How does he do that? she asked herself. She ran down stairs and out the door, needing to have contact with him. Guess willows stronger then me she thought with little regret. She went outside, and he was there, waiting for her, smoking a cigarette with that damn arrogant look on his face.
"New you couldn't stay awa-" Spike started, but was interrupted by a foot hitting his face. And it wasn't Buffys foot either. They both looked at the girl who had kicked him.
She had long red hair that was up in a pony tail behind her. Her eyes were green, a bright green, like Buffys eyes. her small mouth was formed into a small smile. She looked young, couldn't be older then Dawn. She was wearing a red velvet shirt that buttoned up the front. She had on a long loose fitting blue skirt, that looked like it would fall off her petite waist. The girl was beautiful. Her skin was pale and shined in the moon light.
She opened her mouth to speak "Sorry" she said, "But he was kind of bothering me. You must be Buffy, Well, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Ezra" She held out her hand for Buffy to shake.
"Well, It's uh, very nice to meet you, um... Ezra, and may I say, good job with the kicking of Spike, and well I don't want to be rude, but who are you, how you know who I am?" she asked, shaking Ezras hand.
"Wait, I know this" Spike said. "She's a vampire slayer, she's replacing you, because you died, right" Spike smiled and leaned back against the tree.
Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "No Spike that's impossible, Kendra, you know Kendra, remember the girl your girlfriend killed? well any ways, Kendra was my replacement from the first time I died. each slayer only gets ONE replacement. Kendra Died, and Faith replaced her. If Ezra is a slayer as she says, It means that Faith died." Buffy said. Spike looked confused.
"OOooo" Ezra said scrunching up her nose, "Your a smart one" she pointed at Spike, " But He is not" she said.
Buffy looked at the young girl. Her humor, her facial expressions, her attitude. They al reminded her of Faith. "Oh yeah" Buffy said, "Your definitely Faiths replacement" he looked down at the ground, feeling sad. That means that faith dead she realized. She grieved for a moment. Faith was, well crazy, but still. She had had such a hard life.
"So, faith is dead then?" she asked, a little afraid of the answer she knew was coming.
"Yeah, I think she took some type of overdoes at the mental house or something." Ezra said, "They don't really give you the details, just okay, now your the slayer."
Buffy nodded, it made sense, a slayer cant be contained, to much energy, too much primal instinct. "well, why don't we go inside" Buffy suggested. The three of them walked inside. "so where are you staying while your in town?" Buffy asked when they were in the living room.
"Well actually, that's why I'm here. You see, the watchers council is slacking off or something, because, I have no watcher. They told me to come to sunny dale and work under your direction until a watcher is assigned to me." she explained.
Great, just great, Buffy thought, send the young fifteen year old slayer to the old unwanted slayer who was raised from the dead, who by the way already has a fifteen year old to take care of. "Well, I'm afraid we kind of have a full house, you can bunk with Dawn I guess" she said. "Or you can always stay at the crypt with Spike." she said jokingly.
Ezra looked Spike up and down, "Tempting, but I think I'll stay here" she said. "Just point me in the direction, I'm tired, and I'd like to sleep, we can get to know each other in the morning right?" she said.
Buffy looked at her, a little suprised at how at ease she was with all of this. "Um, I guess I'll set up a bed for you, Let's just hope Dawn doesn't freak when she wakes up and finds a stranger in her room. She had a little accident yesterday, and she broke her arm, so, she might be a little dazed from pain medication. ya know?" Buffy said.
"What ever" Ezra said, "Just roll out a map and Ill sleep."
"Okay" Buffy said. She set up a bed in Dawns room, and woke Dawn up, trying to explain what happened, she just nodded and went back to sleep. Ezra laid Down and fell asleep immediately.
Buffy checked on Willow and then went to her room, where Spike was waiting for her. He was lying on her bed, his legs crossed, his arms propping up his head. "Been waiting for ya luv" He said.
"Your a pig Spike" she said, "Now leave" Her heart wasn't in the words though and he could tell. She lied down next to him on her bed.
Spike smiled at her and opened his mouth to say something, but Buffy cut him off "Just don't say anything, and you can stay until I fall asleep" she said. He nodded. She sat up and pulled her sweatshirt off, revealing a green tank top, then lied back down, and rested her head on his chest. "But when I'm asleep you need to go" she said through a yawn.
He wrapped his arms around her, and she was asleep within five minutes. Spike stayed there for a few minutes, but then got up. He tucked her in under the blankets, and took a minute to look at her and worship her. Her ran his hand along the smooth skin of her shoulder, then down the length of her arm.
He looked at her arm. Her skin was golden, she was scratched from there night of passion. He ran his hand along her arm again then turned it slightly to do the same on her inner arm. And that's when he noticed. The scratches on her am couldn't of come from the other night. They were to precise. Little x's in a line from elbow to wrist. Some were almost healed, but some looked like they had just closed up.
He looked at her other arm and found the same pattern. He put his hand on her cheek, "What have you done to yourself pet?" he asked her sleeping form. He kissed her cheek and left, as she gad told him to. Tomorrow luv, tomorrow we'll have a talk he promised her in his head.
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"BUFFY!!!!" Buffy was awoken by her sister screaming for her. She looked at her clock. It was 7:30am. Probably the most sleep she had gotten since she came back. "BUFFY!!" her sister called again.
Buffy groaned and got out of bed, "What is it Dawn" she called to her sister as she walked downstairs. She went into the kitchen to see a very upset Dawn looking at a very annoyed red head. "Oh" Buffy said. "Dawn this is Ezra, Ezra this is Dawn" she filled Dawn in on what had happened the previous night (leaving out her falling asleep in Spikes arms) and then went upstairs to shower.
She turned the hot water on all the way, not bothering with the cold water. It would feal cold to her any ways. Steam poured from the shower, and floated through the bathroom, misting over the mirrors.
She pulled off her clothing and stepped into the shower, feeling the water pour over her. It left bright pink marks on her skin as it fell. She tried to focus on the burning of her skin, but finally gave up and turned on the cold water, relieving her skin.
She looked at the marks on her arm. She took the blade out of her razor and reopened the oldest cut. Just enough to bleed lightly. Nothing. No pain. She ran the blade deeper into her arm, blood ran heavy from it this time, she still could barely feal it.
'You came back wrong' Spike voice taunted her in her head. She held her arm under the water and watched as the blood ran thick with the water, until it cleared and became just water again. She ran soap over her body and washed her hair, then stepped out of the shower.
She slipped on her bathrobe and went to her room. She herd Dawn laughing with Ezra down stairs, and Willow whimpering in her room. She opened her closet and picked out a long sleeve blue shirt, and pulled it over her head. She picked out a black skirt, and finished dressing. She ran a comb quickly through her hair, then pulled it back into a sloppy bun. She looked at herself in the mirror.
She felt as though she were looking at someone else. She had dark circles under her eyes. Her face looked hollow, and she had lost some weight, that she couldn't really afford to loose. She looked like an empty, like a hollow shell. That cant be me she thought to herself. She put on some make up, trying to add some life to her face, and went down stairs.
When she got down stairs she found Dawn and Ezra giggling over a piece of paper. "Hey Buffy, your boyfriend left you a note" Ezra said.
Buffy rolled her eyes at her, "Spike, is NOT my boyfriend!" she said.
"That's not what it sounds like from this note" Ezra said, "Buffy" she began to read the note, "I need to talk to you about last night, come see me when you wake up. Love you always Spike" she finished.
Buffy was fuming with anger, "That's just Spike, he's like obsessed with me" she tried to explain. "Tell her Dawn" she looked at Dawn for support.
"Oh yeah, that's just Spike" she said, nodding sarcastically. "So, um, Buffy, what happened last night?" Dawn asked.
"Nothing, He was here to check on you when Ezra showed up, he probably just wants to talk about Ezra" she said. "Why don't you to go get dressed and we can stop by his crypt on the way to the magic shop." Buffy suggested.
"Why are we going to the magic shop?" Dawn asked
"Because, I'm like Ezras watcher or something, I need to train her....I think" Buffy said, "Now go upstairs, Ezra, your about the same size as me, let me see if I can find something for you to wear, come on. Dawn, five minutes" she said sternly. Dawn was known to take forever to dress if she was planing on seeing Spike.
They all went upstairs. Buffy picked out a pair of work out clothes for herself and then one for Ezra. She then took a long look at Ezra, then picked out a knee length gray skirt, and a green tank top and tossed them at her. "Try those" she said, "You can rummage through my shoes and see if any of them fit you.
She went down stairs and sat on the couch, rubbing her temples. She had been getting head aches lately, but she didn't mind much. At least when her head was aching she was feeling something.
"Are you okay Buffy" Dawn said putting a concerned hand on Her shoulder.
"Yeah I'm fine, you guys ready? lets go" Buffy said shrugging off Dawns concern. She stood up and looked at Ezra. Damn it she looks better in that then me she thought to herself, "You can just keep that" Buffy said to Ezra, "We'll go shopping and get you some new clothes latter, unless you have things, like on the way or something" she said.
Ezra shook her head. "Nope, all alone in the world, no parents, no watcher, no clothes. However, the watchers council gave me money."
"How thoughtful of them" Buffy said sarcastically. With that they started out the door and walked to Spikes crypt.
When she got there she had Ezra and Dawn wait outside. If he was sleeping naked, she didn't really think he'd want to have 2 giggling fifteen year old girls around. He wasn't upstairs so she figured he was sleeping. She went downstairs to what he used as a house area. He was sleeping.
Great, now I get to wake him up again Buffy though annoyed to herself. "Spike" she said. no response. "SPIKE!" she shouted. Still no response.
She walked over and reached out a hand to wake him up, but thought better of it and looked around for something to throw at him. She saw one of his boots lying on the ground so she picked it up and tossed it at him.
"Ow, bloody, sodding hell! Those are steal toed, that hurt" Spike said as he woke up. He sat up and turned to his legs were over the side of his bed. This Time he was not sleeping naked, he was wearing plaid pajama bottoms.
Buffy had to contain her laughter. Of all the things she thought of Spike wearing, plaid pajama bottoms were not on the list, "So, what do you want to talk about, Ezra, I'm assuming?" She asked him.
Spike stood up and shook his head, "No, that's not it" he said. He took a step towards her. She took a step back. "It has nothing to do with any of our little incidents lately either" he said.
This confused her. What could he possibly wanting to talk about. Maybe Willow. "What do you want to talk about?" she asked him.
He took a step towards her again. This time she didn't step back. He walked over to where she was standing and grabbed her hand. She tried to pull away but he wouldn't let her. He used his other had to push up the sleeve of her shirt and turned her arm so her palm was facing the ceiling, exposing the marks on her arm. "This is what I wanted to talk about" he said.
he rand his finger down the length of her arm, "Buffy, did you do this?" he asked her. She only looked at him. She didn't know what to say. How could she explain to him, that she was just trying to feal? "Buffy your hurting yourself, I'm worried about you" Spike said.
She pulled her arm away, he let her this time. "It's not your place to worry" Buffy said. "What I do is my business, and nobody else's" she said. She started to turned and walked to the ladder leading to the top part of his crypt.
He stopped her by grabbing her waist and pulling her to him. She leaned her head back against his chest for a moment. "Buffy, I love you and I'm worried about you. This isn't healthy behavior" he said.
"Let me go" she said. He didn't. She struggled a little bit but he still didn't let her go. "Let me go!" she shouted, trying to put force into the words.
He turned her around and grabbed her shoulders. He grip was firm. It almost hurt. He leaned in until there noses touched, "Buffy, why cant you let me help you?" he said. And then he kissed her.
For a second she wanted to. She wanted to let him in, and stay there in his arms. No! she told herself sternly, and pulled away from him. "Because your evil" she said. "You may prance around in sheep's clothing, but your Evil, you don't even have a soul, I cant except help from you. Your Dead" she said. her words were harsh and she knew it, But she couldn't continue on like this. That night they shared was a mistake. The biggest mistake of her life.
She turned and left. Spike let her. he clenched the mussels in his throat and sat on his bed. Her words hurt. Allot. But she didn't mean it. She may of thought she did but she didn't. And he couldn't just let her continue to hurt herself. "Great job of not being her whipping boy Spike" he said to himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end chapter one
Summery: takes place after wrecked, Buffy is still having trouble living, can Spike help her before it's to late?
rated pg-13
Help
chapter 1:In the night
Buffy fiddled with the small cross in her hand. She was torn between wanting to laugh at herself for thinking she could keep out Spike with a bunch of garlic, and wanting to cry. "Why damn it, why do I have to feal like this" she asked herself. She couldn't do this. Not another vampire. Not another impossible relationship.
She threw the cross across the room in frustration. She was rewarded with a satisfying crashing sound as the cross it her dresser, knocking off some of her possessions. She fell back in bed and looked at the ceiling.
Don't go to sleep, don't go to sleep She begged to herself. If she slept she'd have another dream about him. Him and his whole masculine male self. Why was he the only one she could stand to be around these days? him and Dawn. She loved Willow and everyone, but she could only take so much of it.
It was them that tore her out. Removed her from her peace. How could she face them everyday. She tried, tried so hard to let it go, but she couldn't.
'Every slayer has a death wish' Spike had said to her once. well she had a big heaven load of death wishes. A wish for that peace.
She got out of bed and stood by the window. She opened it up, breathing in the fresh night air. She looked at her clock, it was tree in the morning. Only four more hours to go.
She looked down outside. There was a shadow. It was him a shadow in the night. He noticed that she noticed him and looked up at her, and gave her his famous cocky grin. Yay she thought sarcastically to herself. Now she had to deal with him. She really didn't want to.
That's a lie an annoying voice at the back of her head said. It was right. A part of her had been hoping, praying that he would show up. That he would laugh at her garlic, make some sexual innuendo and touch her.
It didn't matter how he touched her. It could be a hand on her arm, a brushing of his fingers across her cheek. Or maybe a hand on her back, maybe both hands on her waist. Or maybe he could just take her head in his hands and passionately kiss her.
No! Bad Buffy bad! she scolded herself. Her body screamed for his touch, but she couldn't give in. She had to stay strong, fight her addiction. That's all it was, a weird twisted addiction. It couldn't possibly me more then that. Could it?
She shook the thought away "Go away" she shouted at him.
He answered her by walking inside the house. She ran down stairs to meet him "I said leave" she told him.
"Oh come now luv, don't get your nikkers in a twist, I'm here to check on the bit" he said. He walked past her and went upstairs to Dawns room.
"She's sleeping, you can come back tomorrow" she told him.
He didn't listen. He just walked right into Dawns room and sat at the edge of her bed. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder, being careful not to jar her fractured arm. "Hey niblet, it's me" he said softly.
Dawn opened her eyes a little and looked up at him. "Spike?" she asked a little confused, and a little dazed from the pain medication. "What are you doing here?"
"Glad to see your so happy to see me" he said, "I'm just here to check on you, how ya fealin'?" he asked.
"I'm fine" she said, and fell back to sleep.
Spike smiled down at her then stood up. He walked to where Buffy was standing and ushered her out of the room. when they were in the hall way he whispered to her "So, what the situation with red?"
Buffy looked at him, then the arm he had on her shoulder then back at him. "She's sleeping. I think she's on some sort of magic withdrawal, she seems really devoted to giving it up though" she said.
"I hope so" Spike said, "Wouldn't want another incident like last night, now would we?" He started to gently stroke her shoulder with the thumb of the had that was on her.
Buffy nodded in agreement, and began to lean slightly towards him "Okay, well I better get going now" Spike said and walked down the stairs and out the door.
Buffy frowned as she watched him leave. How does he do that? she asked herself. She ran down stairs and out the door, needing to have contact with him. Guess willows stronger then me she thought with little regret. She went outside, and he was there, waiting for her, smoking a cigarette with that damn arrogant look on his face.
"New you couldn't stay awa-" Spike started, but was interrupted by a foot hitting his face. And it wasn't Buffys foot either. They both looked at the girl who had kicked him.
She had long red hair that was up in a pony tail behind her. Her eyes were green, a bright green, like Buffys eyes. her small mouth was formed into a small smile. She looked young, couldn't be older then Dawn. She was wearing a red velvet shirt that buttoned up the front. She had on a long loose fitting blue skirt, that looked like it would fall off her petite waist. The girl was beautiful. Her skin was pale and shined in the moon light.
She opened her mouth to speak "Sorry" she said, "But he was kind of bothering me. You must be Buffy, Well, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Ezra" She held out her hand for Buffy to shake.
"Well, It's uh, very nice to meet you, um... Ezra, and may I say, good job with the kicking of Spike, and well I don't want to be rude, but who are you, how you know who I am?" she asked, shaking Ezras hand.
"Wait, I know this" Spike said. "She's a vampire slayer, she's replacing you, because you died, right" Spike smiled and leaned back against the tree.
Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "No Spike that's impossible, Kendra, you know Kendra, remember the girl your girlfriend killed? well any ways, Kendra was my replacement from the first time I died. each slayer only gets ONE replacement. Kendra Died, and Faith replaced her. If Ezra is a slayer as she says, It means that Faith died." Buffy said. Spike looked confused.
"OOooo" Ezra said scrunching up her nose, "Your a smart one" she pointed at Spike, " But He is not" she said.
Buffy looked at the young girl. Her humor, her facial expressions, her attitude. They al reminded her of Faith. "Oh yeah" Buffy said, "Your definitely Faiths replacement" he looked down at the ground, feeling sad. That means that faith dead she realized. She grieved for a moment. Faith was, well crazy, but still. She had had such a hard life.
"So, faith is dead then?" she asked, a little afraid of the answer she knew was coming.
"Yeah, I think she took some type of overdoes at the mental house or something." Ezra said, "They don't really give you the details, just okay, now your the slayer."
Buffy nodded, it made sense, a slayer cant be contained, to much energy, too much primal instinct. "well, why don't we go inside" Buffy suggested. The three of them walked inside. "so where are you staying while your in town?" Buffy asked when they were in the living room.
"Well actually, that's why I'm here. You see, the watchers council is slacking off or something, because, I have no watcher. They told me to come to sunny dale and work under your direction until a watcher is assigned to me." she explained.
Great, just great, Buffy thought, send the young fifteen year old slayer to the old unwanted slayer who was raised from the dead, who by the way already has a fifteen year old to take care of. "Well, I'm afraid we kind of have a full house, you can bunk with Dawn I guess" she said. "Or you can always stay at the crypt with Spike." she said jokingly.
Ezra looked Spike up and down, "Tempting, but I think I'll stay here" she said. "Just point me in the direction, I'm tired, and I'd like to sleep, we can get to know each other in the morning right?" she said.
Buffy looked at her, a little suprised at how at ease she was with all of this. "Um, I guess I'll set up a bed for you, Let's just hope Dawn doesn't freak when she wakes up and finds a stranger in her room. She had a little accident yesterday, and she broke her arm, so, she might be a little dazed from pain medication. ya know?" Buffy said.
"What ever" Ezra said, "Just roll out a map and Ill sleep."
"Okay" Buffy said. She set up a bed in Dawns room, and woke Dawn up, trying to explain what happened, she just nodded and went back to sleep. Ezra laid Down and fell asleep immediately.
Buffy checked on Willow and then went to her room, where Spike was waiting for her. He was lying on her bed, his legs crossed, his arms propping up his head. "Been waiting for ya luv" He said.
"Your a pig Spike" she said, "Now leave" Her heart wasn't in the words though and he could tell. She lied down next to him on her bed.
Spike smiled at her and opened his mouth to say something, but Buffy cut him off "Just don't say anything, and you can stay until I fall asleep" she said. He nodded. She sat up and pulled her sweatshirt off, revealing a green tank top, then lied back down, and rested her head on his chest. "But when I'm asleep you need to go" she said through a yawn.
He wrapped his arms around her, and she was asleep within five minutes. Spike stayed there for a few minutes, but then got up. He tucked her in under the blankets, and took a minute to look at her and worship her. Her ran his hand along the smooth skin of her shoulder, then down the length of her arm.
He looked at her arm. Her skin was golden, she was scratched from there night of passion. He ran his hand along her arm again then turned it slightly to do the same on her inner arm. And that's when he noticed. The scratches on her am couldn't of come from the other night. They were to precise. Little x's in a line from elbow to wrist. Some were almost healed, but some looked like they had just closed up.
He looked at her other arm and found the same pattern. He put his hand on her cheek, "What have you done to yourself pet?" he asked her sleeping form. He kissed her cheek and left, as she gad told him to. Tomorrow luv, tomorrow we'll have a talk he promised her in his head.
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"BUFFY!!!!" Buffy was awoken by her sister screaming for her. She looked at her clock. It was 7:30am. Probably the most sleep she had gotten since she came back. "BUFFY!!" her sister called again.
Buffy groaned and got out of bed, "What is it Dawn" she called to her sister as she walked downstairs. She went into the kitchen to see a very upset Dawn looking at a very annoyed red head. "Oh" Buffy said. "Dawn this is Ezra, Ezra this is Dawn" she filled Dawn in on what had happened the previous night (leaving out her falling asleep in Spikes arms) and then went upstairs to shower.
She turned the hot water on all the way, not bothering with the cold water. It would feal cold to her any ways. Steam poured from the shower, and floated through the bathroom, misting over the mirrors.
She pulled off her clothing and stepped into the shower, feeling the water pour over her. It left bright pink marks on her skin as it fell. She tried to focus on the burning of her skin, but finally gave up and turned on the cold water, relieving her skin.
She looked at the marks on her arm. She took the blade out of her razor and reopened the oldest cut. Just enough to bleed lightly. Nothing. No pain. She ran the blade deeper into her arm, blood ran heavy from it this time, she still could barely feal it.
'You came back wrong' Spike voice taunted her in her head. She held her arm under the water and watched as the blood ran thick with the water, until it cleared and became just water again. She ran soap over her body and washed her hair, then stepped out of the shower.
She slipped on her bathrobe and went to her room. She herd Dawn laughing with Ezra down stairs, and Willow whimpering in her room. She opened her closet and picked out a long sleeve blue shirt, and pulled it over her head. She picked out a black skirt, and finished dressing. She ran a comb quickly through her hair, then pulled it back into a sloppy bun. She looked at herself in the mirror.
She felt as though she were looking at someone else. She had dark circles under her eyes. Her face looked hollow, and she had lost some weight, that she couldn't really afford to loose. She looked like an empty, like a hollow shell. That cant be me she thought to herself. She put on some make up, trying to add some life to her face, and went down stairs.
When she got down stairs she found Dawn and Ezra giggling over a piece of paper. "Hey Buffy, your boyfriend left you a note" Ezra said.
Buffy rolled her eyes at her, "Spike, is NOT my boyfriend!" she said.
"That's not what it sounds like from this note" Ezra said, "Buffy" she began to read the note, "I need to talk to you about last night, come see me when you wake up. Love you always Spike" she finished.
Buffy was fuming with anger, "That's just Spike, he's like obsessed with me" she tried to explain. "Tell her Dawn" she looked at Dawn for support.
"Oh yeah, that's just Spike" she said, nodding sarcastically. "So, um, Buffy, what happened last night?" Dawn asked.
"Nothing, He was here to check on you when Ezra showed up, he probably just wants to talk about Ezra" she said. "Why don't you to go get dressed and we can stop by his crypt on the way to the magic shop." Buffy suggested.
"Why are we going to the magic shop?" Dawn asked
"Because, I'm like Ezras watcher or something, I need to train her....I think" Buffy said, "Now go upstairs, Ezra, your about the same size as me, let me see if I can find something for you to wear, come on. Dawn, five minutes" she said sternly. Dawn was known to take forever to dress if she was planing on seeing Spike.
They all went upstairs. Buffy picked out a pair of work out clothes for herself and then one for Ezra. She then took a long look at Ezra, then picked out a knee length gray skirt, and a green tank top and tossed them at her. "Try those" she said, "You can rummage through my shoes and see if any of them fit you.
She went down stairs and sat on the couch, rubbing her temples. She had been getting head aches lately, but she didn't mind much. At least when her head was aching she was feeling something.
"Are you okay Buffy" Dawn said putting a concerned hand on Her shoulder.
"Yeah I'm fine, you guys ready? lets go" Buffy said shrugging off Dawns concern. She stood up and looked at Ezra. Damn it she looks better in that then me she thought to herself, "You can just keep that" Buffy said to Ezra, "We'll go shopping and get you some new clothes latter, unless you have things, like on the way or something" she said.
Ezra shook her head. "Nope, all alone in the world, no parents, no watcher, no clothes. However, the watchers council gave me money."
"How thoughtful of them" Buffy said sarcastically. With that they started out the door and walked to Spikes crypt.
When she got there she had Ezra and Dawn wait outside. If he was sleeping naked, she didn't really think he'd want to have 2 giggling fifteen year old girls around. He wasn't upstairs so she figured he was sleeping. She went downstairs to what he used as a house area. He was sleeping.
Great, now I get to wake him up again Buffy though annoyed to herself. "Spike" she said. no response. "SPIKE!" she shouted. Still no response.
She walked over and reached out a hand to wake him up, but thought better of it and looked around for something to throw at him. She saw one of his boots lying on the ground so she picked it up and tossed it at him.
"Ow, bloody, sodding hell! Those are steal toed, that hurt" Spike said as he woke up. He sat up and turned to his legs were over the side of his bed. This Time he was not sleeping naked, he was wearing plaid pajama bottoms.
Buffy had to contain her laughter. Of all the things she thought of Spike wearing, plaid pajama bottoms were not on the list, "So, what do you want to talk about, Ezra, I'm assuming?" She asked him.
Spike stood up and shook his head, "No, that's not it" he said. He took a step towards her. She took a step back. "It has nothing to do with any of our little incidents lately either" he said.
This confused her. What could he possibly wanting to talk about. Maybe Willow. "What do you want to talk about?" she asked him.
He took a step towards her again. This time she didn't step back. He walked over to where she was standing and grabbed her hand. She tried to pull away but he wouldn't let her. He used his other had to push up the sleeve of her shirt and turned her arm so her palm was facing the ceiling, exposing the marks on her arm. "This is what I wanted to talk about" he said.
he rand his finger down the length of her arm, "Buffy, did you do this?" he asked her. She only looked at him. She didn't know what to say. How could she explain to him, that she was just trying to feal? "Buffy your hurting yourself, I'm worried about you" Spike said.
She pulled her arm away, he let her this time. "It's not your place to worry" Buffy said. "What I do is my business, and nobody else's" she said. She started to turned and walked to the ladder leading to the top part of his crypt.
He stopped her by grabbing her waist and pulling her to him. She leaned her head back against his chest for a moment. "Buffy, I love you and I'm worried about you. This isn't healthy behavior" he said.
"Let me go" she said. He didn't. She struggled a little bit but he still didn't let her go. "Let me go!" she shouted, trying to put force into the words.
He turned her around and grabbed her shoulders. He grip was firm. It almost hurt. He leaned in until there noses touched, "Buffy, why cant you let me help you?" he said. And then he kissed her.
For a second she wanted to. She wanted to let him in, and stay there in his arms. No! she told herself sternly, and pulled away from him. "Because your evil" she said. "You may prance around in sheep's clothing, but your Evil, you don't even have a soul, I cant except help from you. Your Dead" she said. her words were harsh and she knew it, But she couldn't continue on like this. That night they shared was a mistake. The biggest mistake of her life.
She turned and left. Spike let her. he clenched the mussels in his throat and sat on his bed. Her words hurt. Allot. But she didn't mean it. She may of thought she did but she didn't. And he couldn't just let her continue to hurt herself. "Great job of not being her whipping boy Spike" he said to himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end chapter one