Disclaimer: C.S. Lewis (*salute*)

A/N: Ok, I'd just like to forewarn you that I will not write exactly how Susan gets into Aslan's Country, but in the last chapter I will verify that she does. You'll see what I mean if you stick with me. : This is just a little something I needed to get out of my system :D

Chapter title came from Josh Groban's song She's Out of My Life. I used it as a title for this chapter because Susan's denial of Narnia hurts and wounds her siblings so much. Read on to find out *nods*

Chapter 1: It Cuts Like a Knife

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Edmund leaned back in his seat, flipping the pages of his book on chemistry. He, Susan and Lucy had decided to stay home while Peter and Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie went out to run some house errands. However, Edmund knew Susan wouldn't stay long. She planned the night out, and mum and dad just let her. What they didn't know was how much of it was really hurting the other Pevensie siblings.

"Dad, does Susan have to go out that much?" Edmund asked his father one night in the den, seating himself on a chair in front of his father's couch.

"Well, Edmund," Mr. Pevensie smiled understandingly and joked, "You're going to have to lend your sister to her friends too, you know. She's growing up."

"Yes, but-" Edmund cut himself off, unknowing of how to explain things to his father. Susan had changed. She was no longer Queen Susan the Gentle. Now, she was just Susan.

Edmund suddenly stood up.

"Ed, m'boy?"

Edmund looked back at his father, his dark eyes overwhelmed with sadness.

"Is something wrong? Did you and your sister quarrel?" Mr. Pevensie's face creased with concern.

"No, dad," the son smiled reassuringly, "I'm fine."

But that night, while he was alone in his room, Edmund hugged his pillow tightly, imagining how Susan would have done the same when he was just a little boy. Then, he, King Edmund the Just, did the only logical thing. He threw himself on the bed and wept bitterly.

Edmund sighed and shut his book. It was hopeless. What was the use of studying if his brain just wouldn't take it in. At that moment, a loud sob came from outside in the hallway and light footsteps came running towards the study. Edmund furrowed his brow worriedly and Lucy bounded inside, tears streaming down her round cheeks, her eyes red from the effort.

"Lucy!" Edmund exclaimed, shocked.

Lucy sobbed again and cannoned into her brother's open arms, crying and crying into his chest.

Edmund looked up to see Susan in the doorway, her hair made, her face made, her clothes made. She was a doll. A doll made out of stunning beauty outside, but Edmund wasn't so sure anymore about the inside.

"What happened?" he asked slowly, his deep voice asking—commanding Susan to tell the obvious truth.

Susan sighed and rolled her eyes, "She's seventeen, when is she going to grow up?"

"Susan!" Edmund said loudly, "What in the Lion's Mane is that supposed to mean?"

Susan raised her eyebrows, "Lion's Mane? Where did you get that, Ed? Surely not one of your Shakespearean plays."

Lucy let out a muffled scream into her brother's chest and hugged him all the more tightly. Edmund looked helplessly at Susan, his heart wrenching with the evident pain the Lucy could obviously no longer take. He planted a firm kiss on Lucy's head, "Stay here, Lu," he whispered gently.

Lucy reluctantly let him go and Edmund strode to Susan. His older sister walked ahead out on the hallway and into the next room, the family library.

"Susan, what is the matter with you?" Edmund asked defeated, although he knew very well what the answer would be. He followed his sister and closed the door behind him.

Susan huffed, "Edmund, we are no longer children. You're nineteen for crying out loud!"

"And what does that have to do with anything?" Edmund snapped, "Why can't you just admit to the truth?"
"What truth?" Susan yelled, "That I am Queen Susan the Gentle of the Radiant Southern Sun?"

Edmund bit his lip, swallowing the sob that threatened to escape, "Su," he said slowly, "You know who you are. How could you forget?"

Susan closed her eyes and mentally counted to ten.

"Susan, how could you?" Edmund asked again.

"I know absolutely nothing of what you're talking about, Edmund Pevensie.

"Oh really?" came the retort, "How can you do this?" Edmund gestured to the door, referring to a devastated Lucy waiting outside, "How could you have forgotten twenty-four years of glorious reign?"

Susan cursed under breath, but Edmund went on, "How could you forget the Beavers, Mr. Tumnus—" Edmund blurted the last part out, "Caspian?"

Susan froze at the name and her eyes widened. She masked it as quickly as possible, but Edmund couldn't help but let a victorious smile creep slowly on his lips.

"I don't know any beavers, I don't know any Tumnus, and I sure as anything don't know any Caspian!"

Edmund had had it, and for that he freely allowed his dark eyes to fill with tears, "Susan, Aslan's waiting for you."

Susan stared at her brother, muted by his words. Aslan, she thought and then she heard a loud and thundering roar in her ears. A roar overflowing with power, a roar running rich with truth, a roar from a great beast; a lion. The Lion.

"Susan!"

Edmund's voice strangely drowned the roar as Susan collapsed to the floor, cowering in fear. Her brother ran to her and took her in his arms, "Su? Su, what's wrong?"
Susan stared at her brother coldly, "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice rose with her every word, "How dare you!"

"What?" Edmund's nose wrinkled in confusion.

"Get away from me!" Susan screamed and pushed her brother as she scrambled to her feet, "I don't want anything to do with Narnia, or Aslan, or what-have-you, Edmund. Just leave me alone!"

Edmund clenched his fist. He refused to sink to her level by raising his voice. Instead, as calmly as he could, he said, "You know they won't leave you, Su," he said, "You were the one who let them in, in the first place."

Susan set her jaw and said steadily, "You are so childish, Edmund," she whispered, "Nineteen years of age, and you still insist upon games we used to play."
"Well, maybe it's because they aren't games, Susan," Edmund said, longing to embrace his sister, hoping that would make her remember. Why couldn't she remember? Why did she just push the memories away?

Susan stood in silence, unable to respond and Edmund paced away from her, running his hands in his hair, "Look, Su," he said, "I don't know how much longer we can keep arguing, alright?"

Susan raised her chin, "Well, don't think I'm making it Pax just yet, Edmund Pevensie."

Edmund shook his head and turned to face his sister, startling her with the tears running freely down his boyish face, "I won't force you," he said softly and walked to his sister, kissing her on the forehead, "But I'll always love you."

Susan bit her lip, her chin quivering.

Edmund had now walked out the door and closed it behind him, calling out Lucy's name. Susan stopped biting her lip and at once, a sob let itself out. Her own tears ran down her cheeks, ruining the mascara from her eyes, mixing with the blush-on and rouge she had applied, showing off the Susan underneath the mask.

Susan sobbed even more and hugged herself tightly, just as she used to do when Edmund was just a little boy, or when Lucy was just a little girl, or when Peter was just the same. Susan missed that. She used to hug her siblings every night before, but ever since she had insisted to forget, she stopped.

I try, Edmund, she thought, her heart tearing apart with the numerous wounds already inflicted upon it. But sometimes, it's much easier to forget. Susan knelt on the floor and left herself to her sorrows, unconsciously praying: Aslan, help me.

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