Gale has heard people say that if someone tells you something enough, you start to believe it. He thought that was stupid until now. He was positive the Prim, er, problem, wasn't his fault, and he was all ready to give Katniss a list of the names of people who are to blame. But then she's accusing him of it so blatantly, and he remembers everything he's tried to forget about the past year, and how she saw him with Beetee in the design room late one night. He can't deny that. And now, when she asks him about the bomb, he just doesn't know, and he tells her so. He can't lie to her again.
By the look on her face, he guesses that this is over, at least for her. Whatever they had over the years. She keeps telling him that that feeling was only him, but he knows her better than she thinks. She loved him once. Before the games, before Peeta, and maybe even after that too. She was just too confused to admit it and now it's all over, so she might as well go on hiding her love. (At least, that's what he tells himself when he thinks he's going to cry. She loved him. She loves him.) He wants closure though, and she's not ready for that yet. She just takes his arrow and watches him slink away through the door, like a dog with its tail between its legs.
The second he leaves her room, he forces himself to remember everything he'd planned to say. He tells himself that after Snow is dead, he'll find her and explain what happened. She'll have to see that he didn't order that bomb at that particular moment. Coin did. Coin! Oh god, is that why she's aiming at Coin instead of Snow? Please don't do it, Catnip, he wants to tell her. Don't ruin what little you have left. Don't make me clean this up. It sounds selfish, but she's done some pretty conceited things too, so it doesn't matter.
She does it anyway. (Did he ever think she wouldn't?) She watches Coin die, not moving until hands clasp around her arms, and then she only gnashes her teeth towards the pouch on her shoulder. Baker boy is stopping her now. Why? Does he want to have the honors of killing her with all the special skills Snow taught him specially? Bastard. Even if he wants to save her, Peeta's not doing her many favors by leaving her in the hands of an angry crowd of soldiers.
But when she screams his name, Gale understands why Peeta does nothing. She expects Gale to kill her. To pull out a gun, and shoot her right in the heart. He can't. His eye twitches uncomfortably as her face contorts in pain and rage. He wants to be able to do what is best for her. He wants to make her happy, even if that means doing something wrong. It's just that he still loves her, and he's not the strong army commander everyone seems to think he is. He's weak. He can't stand the idea of never seeing her again, of never fixing this. He needs hope, and if she dies at his hands, there is none. Even if she says it's over, he still loves her with a fiery passion that no one could ever understand. He still wants to wake up and laugh at his silly dream, and then go to meet his Catnip in the woods, where he'll tell her he had a dream that she fell in love with the son of a baker townie and then she'll laugh too, somewhat uncomfortably, because love is just so not what she wants.
In the blink of an eye, he's in District Two like a coward, because of course he never did get around to telling her his side of the story. (Another promise he didn't get to keep. How many more?) There are plenty of attractive girls there who want him, because he's the rich, hot, young leader of the rebellion. He even sleeps with a few in an attempt to rid his mouth of the taste of her skin. But it's impossible to erase the minty flavor from his mind, as he finds out after the last girl leaves her number stuck to the refrigerator before she leaves. He burns it once he's sure she's gone. Maybe if he succumbs to his need, he can imagine a life with Katniss.
Except that she's getting married. Everyone wants it to be on live TV, like some sequel to the rebellion, but those that know Katniss (including Gale) insist that it be a private ceremony. He gets a fancy invitation a few months later. She must have just made up her mind to invite him because the wedding is in three days when he finds out. He cancels all his meetings for two weeks to fly out to District Twelve, even though he knows that it'll only take a few hours for her to become Bread Boy's wife.
He finds her a few minutes before she walks down the aisle. She bites her lip like she doesn't know what to say. All he can think is that her hair is done the same way it was on the day of the Reaping, and that he'd like to go back to that day so he could go make Effie Trinket choose a new slip of paper. One that didn't change everything for him.
"You look beautiful Catnip," he murmurs. She nods awkwardly.
"It's strange to be in a wedding dress again. I haven't worn one since, well… You must remember." He knows. The day that Cinna basically killed himself by putting her in a dress of Mockingjay feathers.
"Of course you haven't."
"How've you been?" Gale wants to scream at her for asking such a stupid question. How's he been? Broken, lost, deserted.
"I think you know," he says instead. Katniss sighs to herself.
"Gale…-"
"Katniss." She winces at his use of her full name. No Catnip? He pretends not to notice. He doesn't want to have to feel attached to her. He doesn't want to be her security blanket, her pity project, the one she goes to when Peeta slips into one of his moods.
For a moment, she just stares at him. Her eyes tell him a story he didn't think he wanted to hear. They tell him of how confused she was the day she shot Coin, and how badly she wanted to forget that he designed the bomb. She just couldn't. Suddenly, some wedding planner or something comes and whispers that the music should be starting soon. A little girl runs down the aisle tossing out flowers. Katnisses, posies, dandelions, and-primroses? Gale imagines that it was Peeta's idea. Katniss isn't deep enough to do something like that.
Katniss swings her mournful, soulful eyes back at Gale. He stiffens. This is it. She's about to get married.
"Please let me be happy," she whispers as she turns towards the slowly opening doors. Gale bows his head regretfully. They aren't the same Gale and Catnip who did everything together anymore. They have no responsibility to care about each other anymore, even if he still does. He doesn't need to be there, torturing them both. It's too late to go into the church now anyways. He should let her get on with it.
He looks at her for a second more, sees the way her face lights up when she spots Peeta standing proudly at the end of the aisle. Gale's throat constricts. Didn't he know this was going to happen? Yes. Didn't he want to come? No. He wanted to come remind her why she didn't want to do this, and he wanted her to run away with him, just like he suggested all those years ago. She just wants to be happy, though. She doesn't want to worry about how her actions affect him. Finally, he forces himself to turn away and trudge down the church steps. His eyes water as he carefully shuts the thick mahogany door behind him. It's time to set her free. He knew it then, and he knows it now. Whatever they had is over, at least for her.
A/N: Not my best, but I like it. Please review! BTW, I don't own THG, CF, or MJ. I just love Suzanne Collins. Seriously. She's a genius. Anyways, review! Thanks for reading!