Commander of my life…
"Thank you commander." I blushed a gentle pink and took the small daisy from his fingertips and gingerly tucked it into the strands of my (h/c) braid.
"You're too grateful toward me." He gave a slight smile through his wearied expression, hours of horse riding outside of the walls causes saddle sores and back aches - it was nice to sit on the grass for a while rather than on horseback. Not only was I sitting on horseback for those many hours I was also unorthodoxly on edge. Not just from the titans roaming around freely, but it was the strange fact that whenever a titan would come close to me it would either collapse dead or have its legs removed from the shin down. I don't know if it was from one of the other riders or some angel was protecting me
"How long do we have till the next supply point commander?" I asked quietly and stood up from the patch of grass glancing down at the commander who was till sitting there analysing. Beginning to untied my horse from the willow tree next to Erwin's mount and checked him over waiting for an answer from the commander. Erwin sighed and stood up with effort his eyes locked to mine conveying concern.
"I have told you already Little Dove call me Erwin. I am your friend and commander; you can talk to me like a normal person. And to answer your question... I doubt we will even make it to the next supply point."
"Sir!" One of the scouting legion members called Armin sprinted over and stood in salute catching Erwin's attention away from me and to the now grown male before him. Armin and I are good friends for the three years we have been training to go outside. I admire his smarts and his vibrant blue eyes that seemed to assess what he should say or what he should do before talking to me. I waved to him from behind the commander. Armin gave me a small smile in acknowledgment before his attention snapped back to the commander. Erwin stepped in front of me giving almost shielding me away from him.
"What is it solider?" Erwin's gaze trailed back to my face before sending a glare at the younger over his shoulder. His tone of voice coming out irritated.
Which is very different from his usual calm front it caused me to raise an eyebrow and look away from him. Although this was nothing unusual for me. Erwin always seemed different when he is around me compared to others. And I think people have noticed especially since our relationship has developed to the point of… I'm not sure exactly?
"Um... The casualties have been totalled and we have lost over 20% of our force and a further 30% have been injured and most of those are unable to ride their horses. What shall we do commander?" Armin responded with hesitation his ble hues flitting everywhere for signs of danger. Erwin sighed, his ice like eyes turning to Armin's his body not moving away from me.
"Okay Alert. Tell the Squad leaders to head back to wall Maria." Erwin rumbled in that authoritative tone that made me giddy inside.
"Yes Sir!" Armin shouted and sprinted off in the general direction of what I could assume was Levi's squad first.
"As for you (y/n). You will be riding with me. I don't want you to be hurt." Erwin ran his hand up my arm and rested it against my cheek sending tingles up and through my body. I tried to desperately supress my blushing since his moves startled me as he doesn't unusually show affection in public. Since our relationship went public people have questioned its moral. Considering the fact that he is thirty and I have only just turned nineteen. Neither one of us cared what others thought and generally we would only exchange passing glances brushes of fingertips or kisses when we were in a stair well together. But since we became an item his ideals toward other men talking – touching or looking at me had turned aggressive.
"Come along Little Dove time to go." Erwin smiled gently and stepped over to his horse taking hold of its bridal and guiding him toward the small group congregating. I pulled at my horses reins and guided him to follow Erwin's horse.
"How comes I have been moved to the middle with you Sir? Even Eren is one back from you..." Erwin's body stiffened when I questioned about Eren's position. I tried asking it with a gentle tone in hope he wouldn't be upset with me for talking about another man.
Waiting for his response was unsettling, he was clearly composing himself not to yell at me for calling him Sir or talking about Eren. He especially hated me calling him 'Sir' or 'Commander'.
"Little Dove what did I say about calling me Sir?" He hissed and the grip on the reins of the horse's bridal tightened, causing his mount to fidget from the pull of his owner.
"Not to do it." I mumbled and my head slumped in dismay to the floor. I don't mean to do it, it's force of habit and I think he knows that but it still makes him angry.
"Oh little Dove... I can't protect you from the titans if you're off in the scouting team. I could never live with myself if you were to be killed." Erwin stopped walking and turned around to face me. His free hand taking mine into his giant palms. "You wouldn't want to see me hurt. Would you...?" Erwin mumbled and brought me in for a hug. His hands carefully holding my figure in his embrace, as if I as a delicate bird that was ready to fly away should he do anything rash.
"Never would I want to see you hurt Erwin." I could feel him smile into my (h/c) hair and breath out a gentle and seemingly triumphant sigh. I know I have become more and more lenient with him in what he is allowed and not allowed to say, once upon a time when Erwin wasn't so close to me. I would have laughed at the idea or even the notion of being protected by someone, I could defend myself. I'm a capable woman who was to say I wasn't? But little did I know Erwin was chipping slowly away at that wall to the point where he can tare chunks out of that wall and I would allow it because I am so ignorant to his polite and his ways and chose not to see the obvious signs. This isn't a healthy relationship and I know that all too well.
People wouldn't tell me this though, if someone would mention it to me they would have endless workloads. The only person who hasn't had that problem yet is Eren...
Reiner has had nothing but manual labour jobs which, kept him away from everyone only a week ago after he was caught by Erwin holding me in an embrace whilst placing kisses on my forehead and cheeks.
Jean had been sent off to the interior to serve as a communicator to the garrison and scouting legion he is rarely in the headquarters for longer than two days. He was caught sending me loving gazes and dodgily written love notes. I tried to hide them from Erwin but he found the stash hidden in the box I was going to burn that evening and he went mad. I can still see the rage on his face as he screamed that he was going to kill Jean in the worse way possible. I can still remember clearly when Erwin flipped over his desk own desk in rage and grabbed a knife from the back of his pocket and jammed it repeatedly into the paper screaming profanities and death threats. After he kept repeating to me that he won't let someone come between us… Ever.
The only person who has hit on me without being sent off or having a stupid amount of work is Eren and I wouldn't consider him lucky.
I fear for his life as much as I fear Erwin would one day snap at me and yet I couldn't stay away from him. I don't know whether it is his looks or the way he engulfs me into a tight embrace whenever he hugs me, or when he breaths on the shell of my ear, or on my neck before nibbling at them when we are alone. Or how I have specific privileges compared to others.
"Come along then Little Dove back to the Wall." Erwin smiled down at me and tipped my chin up to face him, before planting a small kiss on the edge of my nose, his icy blue eyes looking to me for a sign of approval. I smiled at him lightly and closed my eyes letting myself become lost in the moment of love and caring.
"Hey (y/n)!" Historia called to me as I exited the stables from putting (h/n) away.
"Hi Historia!" I waved and strolled over to meet her where she was standing. Besides Erwin only Historia had been nice to me and not threatening when I had first entered the survey corps. In fact, I owe her my gratitude for many things, she introduced everyone to me. She even introduced me to Erwin properly.
"So how are things with you and Erwin? Is he still acting possessive since you both became a couple?" Historia questioned quietly and linked her arm in with mine.
"Yea... He really hates me talking to other men. You should have seen the way his face twisted with anger as I asked about Eren." I mumbled to her as we both walked to the mess hall for the evening meal of more than likely mash and vegetables but it's more than some have behind these walls. I can be grateful for that.
"Maybe Eren just reminds him of titans and makes him angry? You know Erwin will do nothing to hurt you. Although I'm starting to question that. " Histora released my arm as we both entered the hall my eyes trailing over the many faces of the other recruits who had already eaten or eating their meals in silence, too much death had been seen for anyone to make conversation or carry one.
"I guess I see what you mean but I do like Eren he is lovely to talk to, minus the genocidal tendencies." I whispered and smirked along with Historia. Historia and I slipped over to the serving counter in silence from there on hoping to not attract too much attention by the clicking of out boots on the floor. I reached the destination of the serving counter and noticed only a couple of serving bowls left to our luck. As I picked up one of the bowls I didn't notice the large hand resting on my shoulder before turning me to face them.
"Oh hello Erwin." I smiled at him not registering the anger on his face.
"So is that the way you think about other men and not me." Erwin hissed as his grip on my shoulder became tighter and tighter as he snatched the bowl of mash out of my hands; his knuckles turning white at the grip he had on the wooden bowl. My smile disappeared and turned to a look of regret, I just shouldn't have said anything about anyone.
"You're sitting with me." He growled and pulled me away from Historia without being able to say goodbye. The confusion and look of worry on her face was clear as I was pulled very vigorously away. I looked into my hands hoping those staring would look away from me and back to their own dinners. I know what all of them are thinking. Erwin shoved me onto an empty chair at the front of the hall before slamming the bowl onto the table in front of me causing me to jump in fear.
"Eat, little dove." Erwin seethed his hand smashing against the table as he dropped his body into the chair next to me. The silence was deafening me as my eyes were locked into the mash hoping by not looking at Erwin it wouldn't make him anymore angry than he already was. I could feel his eyes boring into my skull, which made me shiver. After I had finished my food I sat back in the chair and finally seeing everyone's eyes on me as if I was something out of this world everyone judging from afar. Erwin suddenly threw himself up. His fists hitting the table as he screamed,
"Everyone get the fuck out!"
No one moved at first, I moved my eyes from the empty bowl to his face which was fill of rage his eyebrows drawn close together giving a dark appeal to his face. He looked like he could kill. Slowly one by one people stood from their seats their faces confused and worried.
"Did you not hear me! I said, everyone GET THE FUCK OUT!" He smacked the table again. This time cadets scurried to leave, I arose and left, depositing my bowl in the washing try before I made a bee line for the exit. Allas my efforts were futile since people were in the way in a rush to leave "Not you little dove!" Erwin shouted from his position. I stiffened and stopped in my tracks silently begging he would just let me go, adrenaline pumping through my body as I turned around to him, that's when I heard the doors to the hall slam closed causing me to swallow in terror.
"Come here (y/n)." Erwin growled before kicking the chair back away from him. His breathing ragged and uneven. His body arched over the table, like a lion ready to pounce on its prey. Erwin's predatory eyes following my movement as I walked up to the table just beside Erwin.
"Yes Sir." I mumble. He hissed out and grabbed my shoulders vigorously and slammed my back against the table top. My hands pinned against the smooth wood above my head as I cried out in pain from the sudden jarring of my back.
"What have I told you about calling me Sir?" He moved my hands to his left one freeing up his right hand which caressed the side of my face. I strained to speak as I knew that anything that was going to be said that wasn't what he wanted to hear, he would more than likely hurt you. To be honest I was grateful he hasn't done anything rash yet. "Is that the way you think about other men then? That I am not good enough for you?" He growled, I didn't notice him slip his hand down my body and grip my thigh before prying it open enough to push his hips in-between the gap created. He began to generate friction between his bulge and my clit. I moaned out in pleasure and irritation. The creaking of the table echoed under the weight of Erwin and I gave the impression of those who may be listening we were fucking.
"Erwin, please stop." He hissed out in glee when I used his name, he gripped my breast and pressed his lips to mine in a long passionate kiss. I could feel his bulge against the fabric of our clothes and I whimpered out in fear of what he will do next.
"Say my name again, (y/n)." He muttered whist resting his forehead on mine. I stayed quiet not wanting to say his name.
"Say it." Erwin pleaded his eyes closed in erotic pleasure as his hands continued to massage my breasts and dry fuck me as if this were the last thing he were ever to do.
"Fucking say it!" He yelled his eyes opened wide with anger and pleasure as he was reaching his climax. I jumped at his sudden tone change and thought better than to disobey him further.
"Erwin..." I could feel him growl low within his chest and release in his trousers, the warm goo seeping down his leg and between my tights made me cringe in distaste and disgust. Erwin didn't care and instead pressed his face between my breasts taking in my smell.
"Don't ever talk about another man again. You are mine and no one else's." Erwin mumbled into me, stroking my shoulder and letting his left-hand slip from my wrists to lay to rest in one of mine. I looked to the ceiling knowing there was nothing I could do that could curb Erwin's addiction to me, he was becoming more and more violent because of it and I knew it was only a matter of time before he either hurt someone else... Or worse yet, he will hurt me.