Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. I don't know who they belong to currently, but I do know it's not me.
A/N: As per usual on staycation, my OLTL muse comes back to life. What is slowing it down, however, is that recently I've found full length episodes on YouTube and I fall in love with it all over again. Anyway, a long time ago I wrote "His Promises"- this is a sequel of sorts and follows John and Natalie through the aftermath of the tornado and subsequent departure to Thailand. I've stolen some of the dialogue from the show and changed the timeline of events a little. I hope you enjoy it just the same. And if you want more before my staycation is over- reviews are always helpful in that regard.
She was beautiful when she was asleep, he'd always thought so. He look at her hand in his, hoping that maybe he'd get more chances to see her like this. He wasn't sure he could put into words how scared he had been this whole night, and he hadn't even been hurt. Seeing her in pain, knowing how bad it was, that was far more frightening to him than if he had been in her shoes. Knowing he'd almost lost her for good had put a lot in perspective for him, he'd made a lot of promises. He hoped he got the chance to make good on them. She made him question everything he knew, but he knew he wasn't going to miss another chance with her. If she'd let him take it, he'd make it worth her while.
Her eyes fluttered open and met his immediately. He felt a smile pulling at his lips, remembering how her eyes always sought his out when she woke up. She smiled, though he could tell she was sleepy. Probably from the blood loss and the drugs she was on for the pain, not to mention it was late and she was probably tired.
"Did I hit my head or did they give me the good stuff?" she whispered through her smile, "Or are you really here?"
"Yeah, I'm really here" he whispered back, "and you look real pretty"
"What? This old thing?" she joked, "They took the dress off to stitch me up"
"Shame" he said softly, "That was a real good dress"
"You think?"
"Well, you wore it real nice"
"Yeah?"
"yeah" he said.
"are you okay?"
He nodded, "I'm all good. And you're going to be okay"
She nodded, "So what are you going to do about David?"
"I don't know" he said, pushing her hair out of her face.
"Liar"
"Well" he said, "I'm not doing anything tonight"
"John-"
"Go back to sleep, Natalie. I'll still be here when you wake up"
"I need another dose" she smiled.
He smiled and leaned over, gently kissing her.
"Go to sleep" he whispered.
He pushed her hair back again, wanting a reason to touch her face. He watched sleep overtake her. He held her hand again. He knew she was going to have questions when she woke up and by then she'd be with it enough to make him answer. Truth be told, he did know what he wanted to do about David Vickers. But right now, that seemed to be the furthest thing from his mind. Right now, all he wanted was to watch her sleep tonight and wait for word that she was going to come out of this okay.
It was a few hours later, but not quite morning yet when she woke up again. He saw her waking up and brushed her hair back, giving her hand a gentle squeeze so she knew he was still there. Her eyes immediately found his and they had an entire conversation before she even spoke.
"Hey" she said.
"Hey" he said, "How you feeling?"
"Better" she said, "How long have I been out?"
"Just a few hours. Mike said they gave you something for the pain"
"Have you been here all night?" she asked, though she already knew the answer because he was still wearing the tux he'd worn to the wedding.
"No" he said, "I called your mom, she came and sat with you for a while"
"Please tell me you got checked out"
"Well, Mike poked me a lot" he said, "but he says I'm fine"
"Good" she said, "Are Cris and Evangeline okay?"
"Cris is fine- I checked on Evangeline while your mom was here. She still can't see"
"That's awful"
"Hey" he said, "we're all going to be fine"
"Where'd my mom go anyway?"
"Kelly and Duke got brought in, she went to sit with Kevin"
"What? Are they-"
"I don't know" he said, looking back at her hand in his, "I was waiting for your mom to leave by then"
She smiled, "So" she started, "You're still here"
"Yeah, I'm here" he said.
"Are we going to talk about this?"
"About what?" he said, pushing her hair back.
"You kissed me" she said through the biggest smile.
"Yeah, I did" he said.
"It was a hell of a kiss" she said.
"Yeah?" he said, "I thought- I thought it might be my last chance to kiss you"
"That kiss might have saved my life"
"I think that kiss saved my life, too" he said, quietly and pushed her hair back, "I asked you for another chance"
"I remember"
"I know I don't deserve one. I know- I know I screwed up. A lot" he said, "but, you know, when you weren't waking up- I- I made a lot of promises to myself and- I want to try to do right by you this time, if you let me"
She smiled, "I'm sorry I scared you"
"I needed it" he said, "Thinking about life without you in it- made things pretty clear"
"We were really good together"
"I'm starting to believe that now" he said.
"No more lies?"
"No more lies" he said.
"And no more 'Lone Ranger'?"
"What if I say I'll do my best" he said, "You know, I- I want to be better at this, but I'm not sure if I can- you might need to call me on that"
"I can live with that" she said, "and you know I will"
"Yeah, I know you will" he said through a smirk.
"So since we're in this together" she started, "what are you going to do about David?"
"I don't know" he said.
"You're a lousy liar" she said, "You've known what you're going to do for twenty five years, so start talking"
"I have to find him first"
"Does it change anything? That you know him? Could you still hunt him down and kill him?"
"Yeah, I could"
"Is that what you're going to do?"
"I won't know til I find him"
"You're not answering me on purpose. You just said we were in this together"
"Yeah, well, looks like you're going to be sidelined for awhile"
"I can still think"
"I just want you to focus on getting better. I'm not doing anything until I know you're getting out of here no worse for wear"
"Okay" she said, "Can I ask what you want to do?"
"I want justice"
"You want more than that and we both know it"
"You know what I really want?" he said, "I want you to be okay. I want to be able to take you out of here. But more than anything, I want to be able to take you to AC to meet my dad" he pushed her hair back, "And Vickers took that away from me"
"John, I'm-"
"I'm not doing anything until I know you're okay"
"I'm going to be fine. I'm worried about you"
"You don't have to worry about me"
"You really don't get how this partner thing works, do you?"
They turned at the knock on the door, seeing Viki step inside.
"Hey mom" Natalie said.
"Hi darling" she said, "I need to talk to you"
"I'll give you two some time" he said and squeezed her hand before turning to leave, "I'll be back soon" he said before he left.
"You know he's been here all night?" Viki asked.
"Yeah" she said, "He saved my life"
"So I heard" she said, "And you two seem to be getting along. You know when I was here earlier, he was waiting at the door for me to leave" she said.
"Yeah, he told me" she smiled, "but what did you need to talk to me about?"
"Kevin found Kelly and Duke"
"Yeah, I heard, are they-"
"Duke didn't make it" Viki said.
Natalie took a deep breath in, trying to keep her emotions in check, "How's Kevin?"
"He's not doing so well"
A tear rolled down Natalie's face.
"I'm sorry Mom" she said, "Go be with Kevin. He's going to need you a lot more than I do"
"I just wanted you to know" she said, and kissed her daughter on the forehead, "I love you" she said before leaving.
"Kelly's just fine, Dr. Lord. She got through the surgery with no complications"
He'd been heading over to talk to Michael about the case, but it seemed it wasn't the right time. He was about to head back to Natalie's cubicle when she heard Dorian talking on the phone.
"David, of all the times for you to be in Bangkok..."
Well. It looked like he was going to Bangkok. He knew he had to tell Natalie, and he wanted to see her anyway. When he walked in, her mom was gone and Natalie was crying.
"Hey" he said, and immediately took her hand and wiping the tears off of her face, "What's wrong?"
"Duke didn't make it" she said.
"I'm sorry" he whispered, "I didn't know"
"That's what mom came in to tell me"
"Is there anything i can do?"
"You're doing exactly what I need" she said, "You looked like you were going to tell me something when you came in. Was it about David?"
"I found him"
"Where?"
"Doesn't matter" he said.
"Yes, it does" she said.
He shook his head, "He'll still be there when you're in the clear"
"Have you thought about this?"
"I don't need to think about it. I'm not leaving until I know you're okay"
"I-" she was at a loss for words.
She didn't have the opportunity to speak as the door opened and in walked Spencer Truman. John was immediately on his feet and defensive.
"Get out"
"Lieutenant, I'm going to need a minute with the patient to discuss the prognosis, would you mind stepping outside for a moment?"
"Like hell I will" he said, "Where's Mike?"
"he went to see his new wife, I offered to cover his rounds for him"
"She'll wait" he said.
Spencer went to step around him and towards Natalie.
"Ms. Buchanan-" he started.
"Get. Away. From her" John said.
"Lieutenant, last I checked you have no legal right to Ms. Buchanan's medical information"
"I would prefer he stay" Natalie said, "and if it's all the same to you, Dr. Truman, I would rather hear Michael's prognosis from another doctor"
"Unfortunately, your options are limited" he informed them.
"Okay" Natalie said, "what's the deal"
"We expect you're going to make a full recovery, but we're going to keep you over night for observation" he said, "A nurse will be in shortly to move you to a room upstairs for the night"
"Thanks" she said.
Spencer left.
"guess I am sidelined" she said.
"I know you, you won't be sidelined for long"
She smiled, "Damn right"
"sounds like you're going to be okay" he said.
"Yeah, thanks to you"
"You'd've been fine. You're a fighter"
"You know it" she said, "but you did save my life"
"yeah, well, you saved mine" he said.
They were interrupted when the nurse came in.
"Ms. Buchanan?"
"yes?"
"I'll be taking you to your room"
"I'll give you some space to work" John said, "What room?"
"846" the nurse answered.
"I'll be up in a few" John told her before leaving.
Natalie nodded and John left the small room.
"Word on the street is he didn't leave you until the paramedics got there. He's been at your side all night"
"Yeah" Natalie said.
"The way he looks at you" the nurse said, "You are one lucky woman"
"I think so"
John went to get a cup of coffee and to began to think of all the things he had to do. He had to get Bo to let him take leave, get to Bangkok, somehow get a gun across international borders. He had to tell Natalie. He promised he wouldn't lie to her again. He knew that wasn't going to be easy.
He took one sip of the coffee and immediately put it back down. He thought the stuff at the station was bad, it had nothing on this. He walked out of the waiting room and dialed.
"Hey, I'm working on something, I could use your help" he said, and listened to his friend's answer, "I need to find someone in Bangkok"
"Bangkok, huh?" he heard over his shoulder.
Natalie had stopped the nurse from moving the wheel chair she was in and was waiting for him to respond. This was not how he should have handled it. He knew her, he knew she wasn't going to let this go.
"I'll call you back" he said to his friend on the phone and hung up before he could even hear the reply on the other end.
Natalie was still waiting for an answer, and he wasn't about to have this conversation with this nurse watching them.
"I'll take it from here" he told the nurse.
"Sir, that's against-"
"Yeah, I know, but I also know she's not going to let you take her to her room until I answer her" he said, "Listen, I'm not going to let her walk"
"846" the nurse said and walked away.
John took the handles of the wheelchair and started for the elevator.
"So Bangkok. That's where David is"
"Yeah" he said.
"When are you leaving?"'
"Not yet" he said.
"Why not?"
"Well, I have to get you settled in your room" he said as they made their way out of the elevator.
"So what happens when you get to Bangkok"
"Look" he said, walking into her assigned room and leaning down next to her, "I haven't made any plans yet. No flight, no feelers, just the one phone call to a friend in the FBI that might be able to help me"
"Okay" she relented, "You'd tell me if you were leaving"
"Yeah, I would" he said.
He stood and pulled the covers back on her bed. He turned towards her and gingerly put one arm under her knees and the other behind her back and lifted her.
"MM" she said and he paused, their eyes only inches away from each other, "I remember this quite nicely"
He smirked and gently laid her in the bed, beginning to tuck her in.
"No, this isn't right, you're supposed to be in here with me"
"You're hurt"
"You heard them, I'm going to be fine"
"And when you are fine-"
"What?" she flirted.
"We'll talk" he said, smiling and softly touching her face.
"I had a lot more than talking in mind" she said, softly.
"Well, you know I'm not so good at talking" he said, flirting back at her.
"No, but you're plenty good at other things, McBain" she said through a smirk.
"So are you, Buchanan"
She smiled and ran her hand down his face.
"Will you do something for me?" she asked.
"what?" he asked, pushing her hair back.
"Go home"
"Natalie-"
"Just til morning"
"No, I'm not leaving"
"Listen" she said, "I don't want you to go. I don't. But it's God only knows what time, I'm only asking you to leave for a couple hours. Long enough to shower and take off that tux that's still covered in my blood"
"You shouldn't be alone"
"Both my parents are here"
"With Kevin"
"I'm just going to sleep" she said.
"I like watching you sleep"
"Please?" she asked him, "Just until the sun's out. I don't want to see my blood on you anymore"
"Fine" he relented, "Only a couple hours"
she nodded, "And when you come back in the morning-"
"Yeah?"
"You can bring me real coffee?"
"Sure thing" he said, "Um-"
"what is it?" she asked him.
"One of the promises I made" he mumbled.
"John, what is it?"
"Do you mind if- can I kiss you?" he asked shyly.
"I was hoping you would"
He leaned over and gently kissed her. he leaned out after only a moment, but didn't go anywhere.
"That was weak, McBain" she teased him.
He couldn't help himself, he kissed her full and deep. When she backed out, he inhaled.
"Now, that's a goodnight kiss"
"I shouldn't kiss you like this in public" he whispered.
"Why not?"
"I have trouble stopping" he whispered.
And in a moment, he was kissing her again. God, it was everything he remembered and then some. No, he wasn't ruining this if he could help it.
"Natalie" he whispered.
"go" she said, "before I can't stop"
"I'll see you in the morning" he said, before taking his leave.
It was shortly after 6:30 when he got back in his car to go to the diner before going to the hospital. He'd used the night to make arrangements, left a message with Bo and he was just waiting for him to call him on it. He had a flight in only a few hours and he knew Natalie wasn't going to like it. But the bigger surprise was that he already missed her, and he couldn't imagine not seeing her for however long he would be gone. He'd made the promise to toss the case for her- but he also knew he wouldn't be able to do everything else he'd promised himself if he didn't see this through.
When he came in, her mom was with her. He was about to turn around and wait, but her mom saw him and kissed her goodbye.
"Hey" she said, once her mom was gone.
"hey" he said, setting her coffee and bagel in front of her "You look pretty" he kissed the side of her face before sitting down in the chair her mother had just vacated, "Cream, no sugar. And I took the liberty of getting you real food"
"Thanks" she said, taking a sip of her coffee.
"I didn't think you'd be up yet" he said, "It's still early"
"Yeah, I heard Mom come in, and- well, she's been up all night, I could sacrifice some of my beauty sleep"
"You don't need any beauty sleep" he muttered, pushing her hair back, "how's the leg?"
"Just a scratch" she teased, "Did you sleep any?"
"I'll sleep when I'm dead"
"I should have known" she said, and ran a hand down his face, "I just want you to know, the last twenty-four hours- it's worth it to have you"
"Natalie, listen" he said, taking her hand, "I'm going"
"Alright, get me out of here let's go" she said, starting to get up.
"No, get in the bed" he leaned over and sat her back down and tucked her in, "You're still here for a reason"
"It's just a cut"
"And they're worried about you being able to walk again-what are you thinking?"
"Yeah, cuz you'd handle this real well if you were in this bed"
"I would" he rebutted, though they both knew that was a blatant lie.
"So what? I have to do what you say now?"
"Yeah, that'll last real long"
"You're not getting out this by cracking jokes, start talking" she said, "Are you going to Bangkok?"
"Yeah, I'm on the next flight"
"Looks like you'll earn some frequent flyer miles"
"You know I have to do this"
"No, you don't. You want to. You can't wait to fly halfway around the world to kill him"
"Well what am I supposed to do?"
"You can't go" she whispered.
"why not?"
"You could end up in a Thai prison, or worse. Do you think that's going to make your dad happy?"
"Well, he would have done it for me"
"I'm not telling you to let it go"
"Well, that's good cuz it's not your problem" he knew he shouldn't have said that, he knew he shouldn't be this angry. She knew exactly how to get under his skin.
"Just- have him extradited. Go through the proper channels. But no good is going to come of you confronting him alone" he looked away from her and she grew desperate. She didn't want him to ripped from her so quickly, "Please" she begged and he still didn't look at her, "John, do it for me"
"I would do a lot for you" he said, "But not this"
She didn't expect how much that would hurt. Just when she'd thought it was going to be different.
"Well" she said, "at least I know you didn't lie to me"
"and here you thought I couldn't change" She looked so sad at how he'd reacted. He hated that, he hated knowing he was the reason she was so upset.
"You know what would make me believe that? Listen to me for five minutes"
"I don't have five minutes" he snapped. Why couldn't she just let him go? , "I've known he was there for at least twelve hours, someone has tipped him off by now"
"So you think he's running because he knows you're after him?"
"And he's right to run"
"So you get to Thailand. Then what?"
"I track him down. Beat him til he tells me the truth. Beat him until he tells me what it was like to watch my father fall"
She saw how serious he was, and hoped she could talk some sense into him.
"And you think the Thai authorities are going to turn a blind eye?"
"They won't know"
He may have ventured beyond reason.
"And what if they find out? This Thailand we're talking about. They put people to death for that stuff"
"I don't care" he snapped, "It's what I have to do"
The sight she saw in front of her scared her more than she'd expected. She took a breath and prepared to say it.
"If you to Thailand" she started and felt the pain she was causing herself, "I won't be waiting for you when you get back"
She didn't want to say it. She didn't want this to be their reality. But she also knew she couldn't live with herself if this was how he was going to act.
He was scared. He'd always thought she'd be there for him, maybe with someone else, and maybe not happy about it- but he could see how serious she was.
"Is that a threat?"
He genuinely wasn't sure how he felt.
"I'm just stating facts" she said, "If you to Thailand and you do something stupid-"
"You'll what?" he asked, "You'll never to talk to me again?"
"Not to punish you, John"she said, "I can't live like this"
He'd promised himself he wouldn't hurt her anymore. He could see how much pain she was in and he hated it. His only consolation was that she was a lot stronger than this, and he knew she could get over it. He'd hurt her just as bad before and she'd forgiven him, and that gave him hope she'd do the same this time. And that this would be the last time.
"I thought there was a change. But it's taken you all of twelve hours to prove to me that everything is exactly the same as always was and will be"
God, he hated it when she cried. But she knew him, she knew what to expect from him and what she'd been getting into when they'd talked last night.
"when you found out who killed my father and you told me, what did you think I was going to do?"
"I knew exactly what you would do" she said, sadly.
"Then what's the problem?"
Damn him. Didn't he get it? He'd kissed her and breathed the life back into her, she thought it had been the same for him. He'd kissed her goodnight last night, they'd talked about being together. Why did he have to continue to assert that this was no big deal?
"I thought we had a connection" she said, and fought the tears, "I thought there was an us"
"There is" he said, with all the conviction he could muster. Nothing hurt him more than her thinking there was nothing between them. There had always been that connection, he thought it would always be there, and he couldn't stand that she might think differently.
"Not to you" she said, and she could hear the sadness in her own voice, "You do what you want, when you want and if it's fine by me, great, but if it's not , it's my problem"
He heard the truth behind that and he wished this were different. He knew it would easier to give in, to hold her and say he was sorry. But he also knew this would haunt him for the rest of his life if he didn't do something now. And damn it, he was angry. How could she accuse him of not being a part of them? He'd felt that connection for a long time now, and this made that no different.
"Well" he said, and he could hear the spite in his voice, "If I'm such a jerk, it won't be that hard to get over me, will it?"
She tried. She really did. She tried to let him walk out the door without trying to talk him out of it one more time. She just couldn't.
"You can't wait to get out of here. You're acting like-" you don't want me. Was what she was going to say before he started yelling.
"I can't be who you want me to be Natalie" he knew he shouldn't be yelling at her like this. He desperately wanted to be the person she thought he was, but he knew he fell short in many aspects.
"You've said that before" she said. She knew he could do better, he had last night. He had told her he'd never move on and then asked her for a chance. He was what she wanted, she just didn't understand why he still didn't know that.
"I'm going after Vickers. You knew I would"
"Fine. Let me go with you"
She couldn't let him do this. She couldn't let him throw away all he'd worked for, throw away his life, throw away any chance the two of them had at being happy. She'd protect him from himself if that was the last thing she did.
"No" He couldn't let her come. She'd tear her stitches and he didn't want her to lose any more blood than she had already.
"Yeah, things have really changed, huh?" she hated when he was stubborn.
"Things change all the time" he said, "If you were waiting for some new and improved version it's not going to happen" He knew he'd never be good enough for her, he never had. He only hoped she hadn't changed her mind on if she wanted him or not.
He'd already improved. He'd improved when he didn't leave her all night and when he didn't jump on a plane the second he found David. Why didn't he see it the way she did?, Why didn't he know how much she needed him? "That's not it, John" she yelled, losing her mind, "I can't lose you again. Do you not get that?"
He looked at her for a moment. He was an idiot sometimes. She only wanted for him what he wanted for her, and that was something he understood very well. She felt like she was losing him, and that was a feeling he did get very well. He'd almost lost her last night and it had scared him more than he thought possible.
"I do" he said, and realized he owed it to her, "I do" he sat down and looked at her face, afraid for him, "This isn't just about me" he pushed her hair back, "You could've died, you think about that? You need to stay here and I need you to get better" he hoped she understood that, that if she wasn't okay, he could care less about if he made back from Thailand or not, "And I'll have Michael tie you to this bed if I have to"
She saw how worried she was about him, and in any other situation she probably would have thought that was a good thing, but right now, he was in far more danger than she was and he was blind to it.
"I am so worried about you, John"
"You don't need to worry about me" he told her.
"This is wrong" she whispered.
"Yeah" he agreed, "but it's what I have to do" he said, "and I know that you know that and- you know me"
"Yeah, I do" she said.
"I have to go" he said and leaned over, kissing her forehead, knowing she wouldn't let him kiss her like he wanted to right now, "I hope I can see you when I get back"
She didn't watch this time as he walked out the door. As soon as the door shut she made the call. And right after that, she ripped the IV out of her arm.
"Sorry John" she whispered, "you're going to see me a lot sooner than that"