Delusions of You
I decided to take a darker route to my previous stuff. But i hope you all enjoy it just the same.
Bella's POV
Charlie would kill me if he ever found out what I'd had to resort to just so I could hear that voice again. He would probably march me down the station himself and put me behind bars just to teach me a lesson.
I couldn't care less about he'd do to me though, so long as I had a little of the white stuff on me then breaking the law was fine in my book. It sounds even worse coming from the mouth of the Chief of police's daughter, but I've realised that life isn't as peachy as everyone makes out, is it?
That white stuff was the key to my delusions of Edward's voice. Every minute I was high, I could hear him scolding me for my stupidity. These words were ironic in my opinion, because it had to be the smartest thing I'd ever come up with. It meant I didn't need to visit the ER every week because of my frequent accidents involving motorbikes, and it kept me away from the cliffs, even though I doubted that I'd try cliff diving anytime soon.
It was just a couple of sniffs a week and I'd be in blissful happiness. His voice would shout and scold and chastise me in every way possible, but I didn't care. It felt like he was right next to me, trying to keep me safe from harm.
Sadly he couldn't prevent it. No one could.
Not even Jacob.
Mike was the only one who endorsed it actually. He was the one who'd introduced me to cocaine in the first place. He saw how much I was hurting, how much I wanted to get away from my miserable life, so he gave me a hit and there it was.
My new spark of life. My new method of creating delusions of the one person I would love for the rest of my life.
It didn't matter to me that Mike had assumed I was his bit on the side now, so long as he gave me the cocaine for free I'd do anything for him.
Edward wasn't here to stop me, and Jacob had told me how much he disapproved of my habit the day he'd found me high at home.
Charlie had gone out fishing with Billy one Saturday, so Jacob invited himself over to keep me company. When I answered the door he recognised my dilated pupils and some powder under my nose and put two and two together.
It was horrible that day. He threatened to tell Charlie what I was up to. So I thought fast and kissed him with so much passion that it scared me. I'd never been able to kiss Edward that way; I'd never been able to express myself with another guy so easily.
With Mike it was different. I shut all emotions off and let my body do the talking. My brain didn't need to be active when I was with him.
After we'd finished kissing I'd taken Jacob's hand and went to lead him to my room, but he refused. He told me I was high and that I was stupid and if I ever approached him in that way again he'd shop me in.
Edward's voice had agreed with him at that point after all the screaming he'd done at me.
But they didn't realise how much I craved male attention. They didn't know how much I wanted to fill that void that was currently residing in my chest.
They knew nothing of my pain.
That's why I had Mike. My junkie partner. My sex buddy, in a way.
We could be friends at school and then in the afternoon we'd do a few hits and have raw meaningless sex.
I knew it was wrong for the both of us, but whilst we were under the influence nothing else mattered.
It didn't matter that Jessica was going out with Mike; it didn't matter that my first time had been whilst I was on narcotics.
None of it mattered so long as I could hear his voice.
The voice of reason.
But my reason for living had left me, so now I was living as dangerously as possible.
I, Isabella Swan am a junkie.
But what junkie would tell you that they did it to hear delusions of the man who'd left them behind?
Not many.
This is my life, and this is my spiral into insanity. All because of my delusions of Edward Cullen's voice.
You likie? Would love to know you're opinion. Reviews (equals) loves.
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