Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but would not mind owning Sesshoumaru ggrrrr :).
Sesshoumaru storms in growling about fangirls writing him out of character, plus about his er sex life. He sees Inuyasha in his way and decides to spar with his half brother to blow off some steam. "YO BAST-", Inuyasha yells, but never gets to finish as Sesshoumaru cold cocks him in the jaw. "WHAT THE F**K DID YOU HIT ME FOR?!", growls Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru looks at his brother with blood red eyes and growls," It was not my intention to seek you out to hit you little brother, but I felt the need to hit something or someone!" Inuyasha glares at him and yells, "What crawled up your ass this time?" Sesshoumaru whom is at his wits end growls,"FANGIRLS"
Now normally Inuyasha would laugh at his brother's silly vent, but decides to cautiously ask, "O-okay what did they do this time?" I know we vented over how they powdered up our names and stuff, so what is the problem now?" Sesshoumaru growls, " Fan girls seem to think I am some powdery, love sick puppy whom would swoon at any females feet!" First I never swoon. I mean hello, I am the Killing Perfection, not some baka spouting off words of love!" Sesshoumaru explains,"Sure I'm the sexy one in the group (Inuyasha scowls at him and snorts), but that does not mean I'm going to drop my mask and recite love poems off hand. I have my own ways of showing my er passionate side." So I need to make up some rules for the fangirls, just so they know me well."
Sesshoumaru writes up some rules and announces to the fangirls:
Rule number one: My name is Sesshoumaru! Not Sesshy, Sessho, Sesshou, Maru, Ruru, Fluffy, Fluffy Sama, Fluffy Pants (looks at Inuyasha for calling him that and gives Inuyasha the evil eye of death), nor any silly name that degrades my malehood. You Should know that I am the Killing Perfection, not some kawai fellow.
Rule number two: For those that seem to have an imagination about my malehood or the size of it, you hentais will refrain from comparing it to the size of large animal's organ. How I use it or the size of it is my mate and I own's business, not anyone elses. Sesshoumaru's pairings yell: He is as big as a rhino!" Sesshoumaru scowls at them as they blush and giggle).
Rule number three: My mokomoko (or the thing on my shoulder) covers my tail. Yes I have a tail as I am a dog. It is neither fluffy or cute. Just ask Inubaka at how deadly it can be. Sesshoumaru's pairings giggle and blurt out, "His tail also turns him on!" Sesshoumaru looks at his pairings with an evil look that says, "I know where you women sleep!"
Rule number four: Do not expect me to be some love sick puppy that will swoon at your feet. This Sesshoumaru was created to be the Killing Perfection, so that is how I live around my enemies. Unless, you want passion from me, than be prepared because I will using my own version of killing perfection since my pairings like it rough (Sesshoumaru lustily smiles).
Rule number five: Do not assume I am a human hating monster. After all my ward Rin is a human whom I adore and care for as my own pup. Rin puts a crown of flowers on Sesshoumaru's head. A flowery Sesshoumaru grits his fangs with a smile that says, "I love my ward, I LOVE MY WARD!"
So those are the rules I am laying can either agree to them or be prepared to be poison sizzled. After all these claws were meant for looks ladies. Sesshoumaru flexes his claws and gives the fangirls an evil look.
Sesshoumaru looks at the fangirls whom are thinking about those rules he brought forth. They shrug off his threats and scream, "Sesshyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy we love you fluffy!" Fangirls dogpile (no pun intended) on him with kisses.
Sesshoumaru: Why Me!!!!