So this is my first Star Trek Fanfiction written in Spock's POV. It's also the first Star Trek Fanfic I've actually posted. Please R&R. I'd like to know if my "Spock Voice" fits his character. Don't worry, in later chapters you'll find out who he's having feelings for. Although…It seems somewhat obvious. To me at least. Anyway, the more reviews, the quicker I'll update! Thank you!

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I had always wondered what it would be like; ever since I'd been a child. A human kiss; living most of my years on Vulcan, it was an experience I'd been deprived of. And I'd only experienced a Vulcan kiss once in my live. The first time had been when I was a small child; with my first crush. I couldn't remember what it had felt like to be honest, having been so young. But it seemed logical that the kiss could not have been as powerful as it should have been; both of us had been so young, and not really knowing what we had been doing. The desire to experience either intimate exchange was something I'd carried with me for most of my life, which was odd, seeing as any other physical contact was unappealing to me, in most occasions.

Although, while I had been in a romantic relationship with Nyota, and we did engage in human kisses whilst given the rare opportunity; the kisses between the two of us had been illogically…dissatisfying. The moment those thoughts made themselves known in my head, I regretted them. Nyota was a lovely woman, and there no logical reason behind finding myself not as attracted to her as she was to me. It was not in my nature to hurt others, and bring about emotions such as heartbreak, but I could not find it in myself to resolve the lack of desire for her, so I had no other option. Staying involved in the relationship would only end worse, and would hurt us both more than ending it sooner.

My longing for a true, as human's may refer to as "mind-blowing"- and although I found this term confusing and illogical, I could not find another term that made sense of how I was feeling - human kiss, and the sudden and unexplainable feelings I was suddenly experiencing did not bring me any sort of comfort. On the contrary, it put me in a permanent state of discomfort. I also found these feelings, and the inappropriate thoughts that same with these feelings, were keeping me from doing my job up to my usual standard. Although my desire to perform to the best of my ability as the new first officer on The Enterprise was something I'd – up until recently – kept as my first priority, my desire to explore, or – if need be – resolve, these feelings was strangely greater. And this realization put me in a difficult position that I'd never thought the need to prepare myself to be ready to handle, let alone handle it well.

"Spock; you okay?" A voice snapped my attention back into reality. I blinked to bring myself fully back out of my thoughts, and stood up abruptly.

"Yes Captain. Permission to attend to my personal quarters for a short while, sir." I requested, making sure to stand up straight, and keep my composure completely formal. He furrowed his brows, most likely due to confusion. Then, he shrugged – a physical gesture he knew I was not particularly fond of, but he continued to use consistently – and then nodded simply.

"I don't see why not…" I did not wait for further response. I turned on my heel sharply and head for my personal quarters. On my way there, I saw my mother walking leisurely through one of the halls. In an attempt to avoid interacting in conversation, I simply nodded and walked past her. But, despite my wishes, I could hear her footsteps speed up to catch up with me, and then she was at my side.

"Everything alright, Spock?" My mother asked me, her voice full of worry. I nodded curtly as I entered the authorization code to enter my quarters.

"Of course, mother. Just a small distress; nothing a simple distraction cannot diminish." I dismissed, and walked into my quarters. She followed me inside, and touched my arm, in order to get my undivided attention. Reluctantly – another feeling I found myself guiltily feeling; I had no reason to feel reluctant towards my mother– I turned to face her. She raised her hand up to touch my face, and I grabbed her wrist gently to stop her, trying my best not to offend her.

"I assure you mother; I am fine." I told her half heartedly. She tilted her head as she looked at me worriedly, despite my efforts to prevent it.

"It was you who once told me that fine was unacceptable." She spoke softly. I looked at the ground, using the moment to collect myself.

"Tell me what's on your mind, Spock." She continued, unaware of just what she was asking.

"That would be very unwise." I answered slowly, and quietly; in somewhat of a haze as I tried not to lose myself in my own thoughts again. I remained looking at the floor; but I knew she was still staring, and her gaze made me nervous.

"And why is that?" She asked, the concern evident in her voice.

"Not even I understand the thoughts in my head. It would be illogical to expect you to." I regretted the words immediately, afraid that they would hurt her. I hadn't meant to imply that she couldn't understand me – her own son. I looked up at her apologetically.

"That was inconsiderate. I," She began talking before I could finish.

"There's no need to apologize, Spock. All I want from you is to talk to me. Trust me with whatever is going on inside that amazing mind of yours." Her small praise of my mind only made me feel more uncomfortable. She grabbed my arm gently again, and guided me so that we could sit on my bed. I looked up at her, trying to keep myself composed. She smiled, although it was a sad smile, and rubbed her thumb against my arm to try to comfort me.

"Let me know what's going on with you." She repeated. I looked down at her hand, deciding it would be less uncomfortable for me to focus my attention there as I spoke, instead of at her constant stare.

"I am regretting my decision not to purge myself of human emotion." I admitted quietly. It took a moment for her to answer, seeing as I'd probably taken her off guard.

"Why is that?"

"Although I've experienced human emotion all my life, I've never experienced a feeling quite like this before. I'm unable to understand and control it." She sighed at my words.

"Something tells me this has something to do with romantic feelings." She observed. Despite my efforts, I looked up at her.

"I…yes. How did you," She answered the question before I could ask it.

"No one actually understands what love is. Or why they feel it for someone. That is why it is as powerful as it is. It is, as you would say, illogical. That's what makes it as great as it is. Sometimes the greatest things in life are the things that are impossible to understand." She explained to me. I shook my head.

"It is not great; it is discomforting. I've always understood, on some level, what I was feeling. Or at least why I was feeling it. I do not know what to do with these feelings. Ignoring them is not working the way I'd hoped. It has, if possible, made it worse. I'm completely helpless in this situation. It is most unsettling." I told her, my eyes still fixed on her hand.

"Spock. Spock, look at me. Please." She requested, a hint of desperation in her voice. I looked up, unable to deny her wishes.

"You are never helpless, Spock. No matter what the situation. You just haven't figured out how to help yourself yet." I looked down again.

"I do not know if I will be able to." I felt so weak for saying the words, but they were true. I had no idea how to handle the situation. She moved her hand away from my arm, and ran it through my hair; an –unsuccessful – attempt to comfort me. I gently stopped her, and stood up.

"Thank you, mother; for attempting to help my situation. But I do think I am in need of some rest." I said, a little more curtly than I'd intended. She smiled sadly at me once again as she stood up.

"Alright, Spock. But if you need anything, you know where to find me." She reassured me and stepped forward towards me. I nodded.

"Thank you, Mother." She stroked my face with her hand again, and this time I did not pull away. I still did not pull away as she pulled me into a hug. I embraced her as well, allowing myself to be comforted. For the moment, at least.

"Goodnight, Spock." She said as she pulled away.

"Goodnight, Mother."

TBC.