This ain't a fic. Sorry 'bout that.
I simply wanted to post some of my ideas (and write them down first) before I accidentally forgot about them. Rush Ahead still has priority. Then I need to finish that one Skyrim fic I started but didn't finish because I got, ehm, Bulldozed. But then I'd like to re-write some original fairy-tales with my 'unique' touch. :)
Or – if anyone is interested, this could serve as a prompt to amazing people whose ideas are just as crazy as mine. Just please promise to send me the link if you write something, because I'd really love to read it.
The Ugly and the Beast
(Warning for… eh… almost bestiality? Honestly, is it bestiality if the 'beast' is both smarter and more smart-ass than you?)
The Merchant is caught trying to steal from the Beasts rose garden… and promises his beautiful daughter to serve as the Beast's bride, if the Beast only lets him go. So far so good. Only…
On the way back, the Merchant, being the greedy man he was, realized that his beautiful daughter could easily marry the local baron who was making eyes at her lately. Why waste her on the Beast when his other daughter would suffice? And if anyone asked, well, fathers consider all their children beautiful, right? Not like he was lying…
The Beast is in for a shock when his 'beautiful bride' appears on his doorstep.
On the upside, at least he isn't the ugliest thing around anymore.
Snippet 1
She threw her bag on the freezing ground and looked around. No one came to greet her… nor to throw her out. And the gate was unlocked. That was something at least. Nobody was around by the looks of it, but she decided to announce her presence anyway.
"Well, milord, you asked for a bride, so here I am," she wiped the sweat from her spotted forehead and pushed the thin, greasy hair out of her eyes.
Silence greeted that proclamation. Nothing moved in the creepy, old, abandoned looking castle. If she didn't know her father had no sense of humor, she'd think this was some sort of elaborate joke. Or was even The Beast disgusted with her looks?
"No refunds!" She called into the still emptiness of the front garden.
Hearing no response, she picked up her lone bag and started dragging it towards the second gate. The gate that was really far away. How courteous of her new husband to come and help her out.
She sighed. This will take some time.
Snippet 2
"Do you know what's worse than being the beautiful daughter of a greedy merchant?" She snorted bitterly, "Being the ugly daughter of a greedy merchant. Not only are you a commodity, you're a worthless commodity."
She sighed and looked out of the dark-tinted window. Or maybe it was just dirty. "Honestly, this is the best I could have hoped for. At least I'm gone from there," she added in a whisper.
Related ideas
- The Merchant didn't try to take the roses for his daughter. He tried to take them because it's obviously some new kind of roses, very durable, able to withstand such harsh, cold temperatures. The court ladies might pay a hefty sum for that curiosity. Not to mention the interest from Lord 'Bluebeard' whose beautiful white roses always somehow turned red… and so he always hunted for some fresh batch and was willing to pay in gold.
- This debacle just might be The Ugly's best chance at freedom from her father. Her best, and probably only, chance at marriage. Best chance at happiness. She might not love her husband (yet), but she'll try her hardest to be a good wife.
- The Beast actually kind of likes his wife. She makes him smile and laugh (she does it mostly just to find out where he's hiding right now). And she isn't disgusted with his looks at all…
- The Beast doesn't turn back when they kiss. Nor when they have sex. He never turns back. Needless to say, his 21st birthday is a stressful affair, as both he and his beloved wife try their hardest to break the curse before clock strikes midnight. Doesn't she love him? Doesn't he love her? Is it even possible to break the curse, or was that just a cruel joke from the Enchantress and he was to die anyway?
Midnight comes... midnight goes and the Beast is still alive.
The Enchantress comes to check on them. My, isn't she shocked to see them? Turns out that to break the curse, you actually have to want to break the curse…
Oops. (Blushing wife and husband are blushing.)
Because, in the end, the Beast is quite happy with his appearance, thank you very much. After all, superhuman strength and senses, lots of muscle and the ability to intimidate business partners into upholding their end of a bargain aren't that bad… Plus, his lady wife really doesn't mind his looks or body. When he 'puts his back into it', she really, really doesn't mind…