"Yeah?"
It's not like Lance is expecting a warm, fuzzy greeting from Keith, but the brusque tone still gives him room to hesitate. Maybe calling Keith was a bad idea. How, exactly, did he talk himself into this, again?
The boy on the screen is wearing his old black t-shirt instead of his Marmora uniform; his bad hair is even messier than usual. "Did—did I wake you up?" Lance asks.
"Yes."
"Oh, sorry!" Lance squeaks. Lance isn't supposed to squeak—especially with Keith, of all people. Confidence, confidence. Lance needs to get it together.
"Did you need something?"
Yes, but Lance doesn't even know what he can ask for. For once, his words have left him. What's he supposed to say? Hey Keith, I want you to leave all your super important Blade stuff and come home, because I feel like something might be wrong with Shiro, but I can't even figure out what the problem is—if there's even a problem to begin with. Hey Keith, I want you to come home because I'm not you, and Shiro won't talk to me again, no matter how hard I try. Hey Keith, I want you to come home because I miss you, and I don't want to deal with this alone.
Nope, not happening. "I—I can call back."
Keith frowns. "Something wrong?"
Maybe. "No, I was just, y'know, wondering how you're doing," he says, aiming for casual and missing the mark completely.
Keith raises an eyebrow. "Since when do you care?"
Lance recoils, but he relaxes a bit when he sees the corner of Keith's mouth quirk up—it's not actually an accusation.
"Couldn't find anyone else on the ship to talk to, huh? You've gotta be desperate if you called me just to chat."
"Ha, yeah." Not completely untrue—'Team Punk' (so uncool) is working with Coran on upgrading the ship's power system, Allura and Lotor are discussing weird Altean magic stuff together (but not together together, because no way), and Shiro is… well, Lance doesn't know what Shiro's up to, because he doesn't actually tell any of them. He's more distant than ever.
"Things are good here," Keith says. "What've you guys been up to?"
The response catches Lance off guard. Keith actually wants to chat? …Okay. He can do this. "Well, uh, where should I start? When's the last time you talked to any of us?"
"A while ago. Probably before Zarkon was defeated."
"You serious? That was ages ago. You really haven't talked to anyone since then? …Not even Shiro?"
"No," Keith confirms.
"I would've thought you guys would be talking all the time."
"No, not in a while."
"Any reason…?" Lance is being far from subtle, but it is Keith he's talking to.
"Just haven't had much time."
"Yeah. Kolivan's got you working hard, I bet."
"Yeah. Lots of missions and stuff. But… Lance, I—I found my mother."
Lance's jaw drops. "No way. That's amazing, Keith!"
Keith has always been hard to read when it comes to any emotion that isn't anger, but the omnipresent crease in his brow has smoothed out; his eyes are soft. He's happy. It's been months since Lance has seen him wear anything even resembling a real smile. How can Lance ruin this moment for him, especially with a problem that might not even be real?
"Yeah. Her name's Krolia. She's a member of the Blade. I've been learning a lot from her—I actually have a mission with her tomorrow."
"That's awesome, man. Are you allowed to tell me what you guys are up to?"
"I don't see why not." Keith pauses. "Well, I do, but this is a secure line, and I know I can trust you."
Something about that sends a shiver down Lance's spine. Trust. So much of Voltron is built on trust. But lately…
"You alright, Lance?"
"Yeah, yeah! I'm good. Sorry, just zoned out there for a minute," Lance says. "So, mission tomorrow. Tell me about it. Tell me about your mom. What's she like? Is she purple? Is she as grumpy as you? …Is she hot?"
The dynamic of their conversation falls into familiar territory, laced with harmless jabs. Keith tells Lance about some of the missions he's been on. Lance talks about finding Pidge and Matt's dad, the adventures they had with the sentry Pidge and Hunk had reprogrammed, and all the cool stuff Allura's been doing. He keeps it light and glosses over anything to do with Shiro.
Eventually, Keith interrupts Lance's numbered list of reasons Lotor is a prick. "Okay, I get it, he's a jerk. I should probably get some sleep before the mission tomorrow. But thanks for filling me in on everything that's been going on. I appreciate it."
Lance bids him goodnight, and the screen vanishes. He sighs, posture slumping. He should've said something. "You had one task," he mutters to himself.
His fingers hover over the touchpad as he deliberates calling Keith back. But that would be stupid; he should let him sleep. Let him spend time with his mom, catching up on nineteen years of lost time. This maybe-or-maybe-not-a-problem has waited this long; it can wait a little longer. It's probably nothing, anyway.
But what if…?
In the end, Lance decides to leave him a message. "Glad we could catch up. I'm sure the others would love to hear from you too—you should call Shiro when you get a chance. Good luck on the mission tomorrow. Let me know how it goes."
He hits send, and then heads off to pester Hunk and Pidge. He'll figure out how to bring up what he meant to later; he's got time to figure it out.
…
…Or not. Lance isn't expecting Keith to call him back the very next day.
"You said to let you know how the mission went, didn't you?" Keith says, when it's clear he's caught Lance off guard.
"Yeah, I didn't think you actually would, though," Lance admits. His insecurities slip through before his brain can catch up. "Didn't think you'd actually want to keep talking to me if you didn't have to."
Keith looks a bit like he's been struck. "I—I'm sorry if I—"
"No, wait, wait, I didn't mean it like that," Lance backtracks. "Sorry. You're good. We're good. It's just, not everyone wants to talk to me these days. Have you—have you called Shiro yet?"
"Not yet."
"Why not?"
Keith doesn't answer right away.
It's the opening Lance needs. He doesn't want to, but he presses onward anyway. "Keith, why didn't you come back?"
"Come back from…?"
"You left us to go on a mission to track down Lotor. But after we found him—or he found us—you didn't come home. Now he's here, and you're still out there. Why?"
It's not like Voltron was still doing ice shows (much to Lance's chagrin). Up until recently, when they started playing the 'let's cater to Lotor's every whim' game, they'd been doing the kind of stuff Keith lived for. Big, front line, action-y stuff—rescuing people and fighting bad guys and all that. Keith would've loved flying through those lava tunnels.
Keith doesn't have an answer for Lance. "I…"
"Was it because of Shiro?"
Keith blanches, giving him away. "What? No! Of course not—"
"Because I wouldn't blame you if it was."
"W-why would you think…"
"Shiro's been acting weird," Lance says. "It's been a gradual thing, and looking back, it started quite some time ago. I'm guessing you saw it before any of us."
"I don't… what do you mean? Weird how?"
"Weird like he's distant, and harsh. Really harsh, sometimes. He snaps at us. He pulls rank to get his way, and does stuff without consulting us first. He'll apologize afterward sometimes, but it's never a real apology—like, I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt but I'm still right. He doesn't respect our decisions. Undermines them. It's like we're just subordinates, not part of a team… Like we're means to an end, instead of his friends. And it—it hurts, you know?"
The lighting is low, but Lance can still catch the way Keith's eyes glisten from behind the screen. "I know," Keith whispers.
"When did you first notice?" Lance asks, softly.
"…After he escaped from the Galra the second time, I guess. But it was only with me. I assumed it was just because I was being such a shitty leader."
"You weren't," Lance shakes his head. "Different, maybe, but not bad."
"Well, I made a lot of calls he didn't agree with, and he wasn't happy about it. Not to mention I'd taken the Black Lion from him. Leading Voltron and flying the Black Lion? That's, like, everything to him. I thought having that back would help him. And he was only really like how you described when he was around me. So, I guess I thought maybe he'd be better off if I wasn't around."
Lance winces. "You honestly thought that?"
"I… I don't know," Keith says. "Maybe leaving wasn't the right call."
"No, it wasn't," Lance says. "Not for that reason, anyway. I mean, it's awesome you found your mom, and that probably wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been with the Blades. But, Keith, no. You're important to him. To all of us. We miss you, man."
Keith ducks his head. He sidesteps responding directly, instead saying, "So if it wasn't me, what do you think it is? …Could it be trauma? His—his PTSD or whatever getting worse?"
Lance had suspected Shiro might have PTSD, but he didn't know the full extent of it. "Maybe. He was already having memory issues, right? And flashbacks."
"He was barely sleeping, had nightmares when he did… Had panic attacks, sometimes," Keith divulges. "He was way more on edge than before and, yeah, more distant. He—he didn't come back the same the first time he escaped, either. So, I don't know, maybe the second time just…"
"I… I didn't know it was that bad," Lance admits. "That could explain a lot of the recent stuff. At least from what I remember about PTSD from that health course back at the Garrison, the increased distance, the aggression, the outbursts, the recklessness… that could all be part of it."
Keith's eyes are wide and he's… trembling. "Then he was… and I just…" He wraps his arms around himself."I shouldn't have—"
"Hey, listen," Lance says, before Keith can spiral. "I know we're no substitute for you, but he's not alone here. He still has the rest of us. He… he came to talk to me, once, about some stuff that was bothering him. And… I feel like there might be more to it. There might be something else going on."
"He… came to talk to you?" Keith looks concerned.
"Hey, I know I'm not you, but it's not like I can't—"
"No, it's just… he doesn't do that with anyone unless something's really wrong."
Lance can count the number of times Shiro's confided in him on one hand. With one finger. And while he'd been glad Shiro had opened up to him… maybe it's worse than he thought.
"So what'd he say?"
"Well he told me about these headaches he's been having."
"Yeah. He's been having them since he escaped from the Galra the second time. He said it was probably the lack of sleep catching up to him, not to mention all the concussions he's had."
"Okay, but he said they feel 'weird', and more recently, he's been noticing a pattern. He said they get worse before a mission."
"Leading missions is stressful," Keith offers.
"Specifically when he's making a decision. One that goes against what other people are saying."
Keith frowns at that.
"Like when we said going to the Kral Zera would be way too risky so we weren't going to go along with it, so Shiro decided he'd go behind our backs and bring Lotor there himself."
Keith's frown deepens. "I was wondering why you hadn't told us about that plan, and why you sent him there without backup. That was really dangerous. We weren't expecting any of you guys to be there. We almost blew the entire place up. They would've been caught in the explosion if I hadn't deactivated a bunch of the bombs."
"Yeah. And this was right after he'd given Lotor his bayard during the prisoner exchange I told you about. Also without telling us."
"He… why would he—?"
"I'm worried, Keith."
From the tension in Keith's jaw, it's clear Lance isn't alone in the sentiment. "Has he told you anything else?"
"He… he only talked to me the one time. He's back to shutting the rest of us out; I can't get through to him again. But that one time, he said that sometimes he feels like he's not himself. And from the way he was talking, it didn't sound like a metaphor. He said it feels like he's not always in control. He—he sounded scared, Keith."
"I'll… I'll come back."
Lance wants Keith to come back. He does. But… "But you just found your mom."
"Yeah," Keith says, wilting slightly. "She's my mother. But you guys are my… I can always go back if they need me, but right now, this is more important. The Blade will understand—if there's something bigger at play here, I need to help figure it out. And Shiro—Shiro's always been there for me. I have to be there for him."
"I… yeah. I'm sorry I couldn't take care of this myself. I don't know what to do anymore," Lance admits.
"No, I shouldn't have left this on your shoulders. Thanks for looking out for him, and the rest of the team. …I'm glad you called."
"Yeah. Yeah, me too."
…
Red is more than capable of retrieving Keith on her own, but it's probably a good thing Lance came along. When Keith steps into the cockpit, he brings with him a tidal wave of emotions. Guilt, regret, fear, sorrow.
"Hey, man." Lance gets out of the pilot seat, putting a hand on Keith's shoulder. Feeling the minute tremors under his red paladin armour, Lance does away with his inhibitions and pulls him into a hug. "I'm sorry you have to leave your mom so soon after finding her."
Keith shakes his head. "No, I… I shouldn't have left Voltron in the first place. I should've come back sooner. What if—"
"Hey. It's gonna be alright," Lance soothes. "Shiro's gonna be fine."
The words are for his own comfort as much as Keith's, and Lance isn't sure he even really believes them. Keith might not believe them either, but he relaxes a fraction and says, "Yeah. You're right. Thanks for coming to get me."
"Of course. I'm glad you're coming home." He holds fast, and Keith's tension slowly bleeds away. "Everything's going to be okay. We'll figure this out together."
