Fraser 3

Hannah Fraser Mr. Pelz

Literature/ Writing

24 February, 2010

I Still Love You, Beth Cooper

Squeal to Larry Doyle's I Love You Beth Cooper

Denis didn't see Beth until the week before he left for college…

"Beth Cooper."

And she was fat.

"Denis Cooverman."

Baby fat.

The eerieness of Beth's hit-and-miss prediction that she was going to get fat made Denis feel very uncomfortable.

But Beth Cooper wasn't the only thing that changed. Denis Cooverman also changed.

After the Lake Hakaka police officer dropped Denis at his home and spent the whole month of July bed ridden with growing pains something in him changed. Like a caterpillar morphs into a butterfly, "The Penis" became a Johnny Deph, or a Clive Owen, or a James Bond even.

He exercised, the uncontrollable sweating ceased, and his acne cleared (with a little help of Proactive).

Denis Cooverman was hot.

"Beth Cooper."

But he never got any cooler.

"Denis are you…alright?"

"What?" He was looking at the moon popping out of her. "Oh, I'm sorry, uh, yeah, I'm fine."

There was a pause.

Denis spoke again, "How are you."

"I'm fine, you look like you're doing well." And she added with a frown, "For the most part."

Denis faced the same problem that occurred when they were alone in the car on Old Tobacco Road. No response, nothing clever to say, and he realized that nothing really interesting happened this summer.

To fill the silence he blurted out, "Who's the father?"

By the broken-hearted look on Beth Cooper's face, he knew he said something wrong.

"Don't tell me it's—"

"Yeah," she interrupted. "It's Kevin's."

Denis's heart sank and hid in the vines of his intestines. This was the worst new ever. It surpassed the news that Beth even had a relationship with Kevin-from-the-army, surpassed the news that his Great-Aunt Peg passed away, and defiantly surpassed the news that his secret shame, Patty Keck, did indeed get that stomach stapling and looked a lot like Keira Knightly.

"Oh." He whispered.

"I know, he wasn't good for me, I know." Beth waved her hands in the air then smiled.

She cradled her baby belly as she said, "My parents already went through that. I told them about that night—and what he did to you."

Denis had a flash back of three harsh beatings from Beth's ex-army boyfriend. For some reason he felt better to know that her parents said that Kevin was a bad idea.

But it still didn't heal the wound that she was having his baby.

"You know Denis, you're a great guy, and for two months I've been thinking about how much of a nice guy you were.

"So, Denis Cooverman, would you like to go out with me?"