"The Hunger Games"
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the Inuyasha Characters. They are the sole copyright of Rumiko Takahashi and are presented in this story for fanfiction purposes only.
Summary: He was the great Inutaiyoukai. There was only one thing that could destroy him…only one thing of which he sought so desperately to conceal but how long could he keep this up?
Notes: This is a story that just came to me from working on "Innocent Enough" There is a certain scene that has really been kicking my butt. I am trying to finish but I don't like to put out anything that is not my best. This is a very unusual story for me and didn't make since until the end. [laughs] It may be a bit of a riddle for some of you but I think you will understand over time. Oh well, enough talk. Enjoy! :)
He couldn't take it anymore!...the rich, biting aroma of her blood which filled his nostrils and overwhelmed his senses.
Another night and again, he was forced to seek shelter away from the girl as she slept…The girl that caused him to avoid food at all costs, that taunted him night and day by her innocence.
The way she laughed. The way she played…compelled him to watch her intensely like a leopard lying in wait.
So caught up was he in his musing over her that he could not sleep.
Indeed, he had not slept for years; nevertheless, he dreamed a thousand dreams and they were all of her.
He could hardly tear himself away from her angelic gaze whenever she looked at him.
If she so much as breathed, he heard every breath.
If she pricked herself on the thorns of a scarlet rose, he could swear that the crimson bead that formed from her pale, tiny hand was more rich than the splendor it possessed.
No, not tonight would he find any peace.
She was there in the dark, in the still quiet of his mind and never did she depart.
He shifted his leg as he sat high up in an old oak tree looking out over the land. Some distance away, he could see the smoke rise from the burning embers of the lowly campfire and instantly strayed into a long buried memory…
[There she was…but a child again, running, laughing and playing until she stumbled over the exposed roots of an evergreen, dreadfully scraping her little knee. In a moment, he was there unsure of how to proceed. 'Should he try to comfort her?' Yet, she wasn't even crying. 'Perhaps, he could heal the wound.'… He knew it was a mistake. For as surely as he had healed her, he had indelibly wounded himself. At first, it was tart and then it was smooth. It slid down his throat like the rich taste of a delightful saké. Nothing in this life could possibly describe the intense hunger that seized him all at once. He was beset by thoughts of sinking his terrible fangs into the child's creamy, lithe flesh. The more he licked the bleeding wound, the more it enflamed him within. He could hear his beast growl in his head and the gentle voice of the little girl speak without. "Lord Sesshoumaru, are you okay?" In a brief moment of clarity, he thankfully returned to his senses but those beautiful, trusting eyes were there to greet him in all his glory. With orbs as crimson as the robe of the fire rat, he turned away quickly, secretly ashamed of his inability to control himself…and so, he ran. For days he flew, wandering the skies like a lost bird, knowing in himself that he had partook of that which was forbidden. It would prove to be an error most grievous...]
So long ago it was and yet so near.
He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.
Even there, high up in the trees, he could detect the scent of her hair, the beat of her heart.
How often did the taste of her blood return to him. He could still feel the way it slid over his tongue and caused his frame to quiver with fear. Yes, he did fear her. She would bring him down to the grave if he were not careful.
He would look up to see the stars but for the image burned into his fiery orbs.
A youkai could go without for years but how long was too long?
'For what reason should he torture himself any longer,' he mused. Could he not just put her away? That would be the most honorable thing to do. After all, she had no family and no one to look after her and; therefore, would not be missed.
Oh, how long did he yearn to taste her, if only for a moment. Just once, he imagined. It would be the most glorious moment in all his long years. Yes, to conquer her would be his greatest battle.
"Do not think such things." He scorned himself. He would overcome this trivial want. It would not get the better of him. After all, he was not just some inu but a great, fearsome youkai lord. It was beneath him to give in.
Even the slightest touch of her hand sent him into a dreamlike state from which he could hardly escape.
That simply would not do.
Daily, the smell and metallic taste of her blood gnawed at his innards like a ravenous wolf chewing on a bone. How terrible was the thought that he both wanted and hungered for her.
Never before did he have to restrain himself from taking his fill of raw flesh but if she ever knew that he needed such to survive, it would turn her away from him. He was sure.
A youkai must absorb a life force to maintain their presence in the mortal world. It was just that simple. Yet, nothing was simple between them. She was his prey and he was her savior but could he save her from himself?
How long could he quell his natural urges?
If he did not find a solution soon, he would have to do the unthinkable or die a slow and wretched death.
Little by little, his strength would fail him. His senses would dull until, eventually, he would be but a memory – a ghost lurking at the gate between the land of the living and the realm of the dead.
He would not become a shikigami to be summoned like a common house dog and given access in return for favors.
'What then would he do..?'
Consuming the one he loved was unthinkable and yet, strangely, it sated something within him that needed to possess her, to be one with her in spirit, soul and body. But if this was so, then how could he ever hope to embrace her or look upon her soft and lovely face again?
Since she had been in his company, he had put all thoughts of the beast to the back of his mind. To him, the terrible entity that lurked within him was now nonexistent or was it?
He thought he had had it under lock and key all these years but suddenly, it was working hard now to be set free. He pretended he was not the terror that lay on the lips of little children at night when they awoke from a most frightening dream. He was not the tale of wary men who recounted stories of a beautiful but deadly haunt lurking in the forest just beyond the village.
He was not a beast! Yet, neither was he a man.
How long had it been since he transformed into his true self; moreover, why did it bother him to appear before her as he truly is?
"She would be frightened of him," he reasoned but that was not the whole truth.
In all honesty, he was ashamed of the brutality of his nature and was desperately afraid that she would reject him. Could she truly digest the fact that he was indeed, a youkai and not a man?...that he consumed souls in order to exist? It was a question he did not wish to know the answer to. Still, he could not deny what he was. He had claws and not hands, fangs and not teeth, orbs and not eyes, fur and not hair. He loved the smell of rotting flesh and the taste of fresh blood and hated the smell of flowers and perfumes. Yes, all the things in which a woman, a human woman might take delight.
How could he relay this to the very thing he loved?
Would she who was flesh understand that he craved flesh?
Would she whose life force was in her blood understand that he delighted in the taste of blood?
Could she understand if he did not share her love of fragrant flowers and perfumes? She would be disappointed, shocked, even heartbroken.
So then, what could he do?
He could not remain two forever. He had to choose what would he be, if not a youkai then what?
Men feared him and creatures were too lowly for him.
He arose from his retreat and walked slowly back to the camp. Carefully, he bent down over her sleeping form then, suddenly, planted a light kiss on her lovely forehead.
There would be no spilling of blood tonight, no thoughts of consumption. For, how could he ravage his own heart or mar his own flesh? After all, that is what she had become to him and nothing now, be it lust or need, could bid him further.
As he stared deeply at her peaceful, sleeping face, it occurred to him that indeed he did hunger but not for food. He did lust but not for blood.
Quietly, he removed his heavy armor and gently lay down beside her. Like the child she was, she began to stir, unconsciously snuggling closer until he enclosed her in his warm, powerful embrace.
Instinctively, he grazed her soft lips with his own until they willingly parted for him. Then, with complete abandon, he dove his way in and swam in the sea of pleasure which saturated every fiber of his being. It was sweet and delicious and would forever be so.
Could an inu even know what sweet tastes like? With having had only blood and bone to savor, he was quite certain it must be like so.
She opened her eyes, causing him to shake uncontrollably. There it was…the fear that threatened to engulf him and this time, he would let it.
Startled, he felt small hands aggressively wrap around his neck and slender legs tightly straddle his waste.
He could feel those hands, those tiny little hands, pulling at his obi and he let them. For this was the night he would make his choice – to live or die.
A little while…
Then, he lay naked between the gangly legs that held him and the tiny hands that grasped him.
He dared.
He dared to come near death's door and stand at the gate between the land of the living and the world of the dead.
A minute later…
He did not think…He did not breathe.
This was the moment when the time for playing games would cease and hunger would find its place.
With nothing but the sword of resolve in hand, he plunged into the darkness and was spirited away, never to hunger again…