Warning for (homo) sexual themes and Iruka's (very) dirty mouth.
o0o
If Umino Iruka was surprised to see one of the most famous jōnin in the village standing on his front porch he didn't show it. "Kakashi-san," he said pleasantly, opening his front door, "What can I do for you?"
Kakashi seemed almost surprised to see him. "Iruka-sensei."
"Yes?" Iruka raised one eyebrow, and looked pointedly at the large brass 'Umino' nameplate above his door. "Were you expecting someone else?"
Kakashi scratched at the back of his head, obviously nervous. "No."
Iruka waited, but no further explanation was offered. He considered just shutting the door in the hopes that the jōnin would leave of his own accord, but his curiousity was too strong. "Why exactly are you here, Kakashi-san?"
If he had to hazard a guess, he would say that he had the tiniest inkling that the jōnin had a crush on him. He wouldn't tell anyone this, of course, he wasn't that vain, but Kakashi's erratic actions towards him over the past few months reminded him a little too strongly of those he'd seen all too often in his classroom. Was he comparing an extremely powerful shinobi to a twelve-year-old boy with a crush, teasing his love interest by kicking her and pulling her hair? Yes. Would he ever tell Kakashi that? Hell no.
"I'd like to come in," Kakashi said.
Iruka paused. He didn't know what he'd expected, but it hadn't been that. Kakashi wasn't eloquent at the best of times, but that was blunt, even for him. He surprised himself by accepting, moving out to one side so the jōnin could pass. "Okay."
Kakashi stayed where he was.
Iruka shrugged to himself and started walking down the hall. "Follow me, then."
Kakashi followed, his head completely still but his eye darting from side to side, mapping all the possible exits and danger spots. Or at least, that's what Iruka assumed he was doing.
"I suppose you have something to say to me," Iruka said easily, perching on the arm of his sofa and motioning for Kakashi to sit down.
Kakashi ignored him and instead stood with his back pressed against the wall. "Your house is very cosy, Sensei," he said, although he didn't look at all comfortable.
"Well, I guess it is," Iruka agreed, nonplussed. "It belonged to my parents and I haven't really changed anything. I don't think you came here to tell me that, though, did you?"
Kakashi looked down at the floor. "No."
Iruka waited for him to say something more, and almost wondered why he bothered. The jōnin obviously felt uncomfortable sharing his reason for showing up out of the blue and while Iruka was curious he had no intention of pushing for answers. That would be way too much hassle for his only day off. My day off? That could be it. "Ah, just checking. Tsunade-sama didn't send you here, did she? To ask me to work?"
Kakashi blinked – or at least Iruka thought it was a blink, it was hard to tell with one eye permanently covered. "Maa, Sensei, why would the Hokage send me on errands like that?"
Iruka could feel himself turning red, and cursed himself for not thinking it through before speaking. Of course an elite like Kakashi would never be expected to run stupid little errands like that. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking. It's just that people are usually wary about asking me to work on my days off. I have a bit of a reputation for getting, well, kind of violent I guess."
Kakashi shrugged and dug his hands deep into his pockets. "Well, that does make sense. You do work fourteen-hour days most of the time, and you usually only get Sunday's off, if that. And even then you spend a part of that time marking students' work."
"Yes, that's right!" Iruka grinned, elated that finally someone understood that he wasn't simply a robot built for other people to dump their troublesome jobs and feelings onto. "Wait, how do you know my work schedule?"
Kakashi obstinately refused to meet his gaze.
"Ah." Iruka smiled. Maybe his 'school-boy crush' theory was closer to the truth than he'd imagined. Well, he could work with that. It wasn't like he had anything planned for the rest of the night, and it had been a long time since he'd gotten laid. Plus, well, he couldn't say that he'd never fantasized about being with Kakashi. Hell, everybody probably had. "So you've been following me around, then?"
Kakashi stared hard at the ceiling.
Iruka hopped down from the couch and took a few steps back towards Kakashi, who looked down and eyed him warily. "Am I right," he said slowly, hoping desperately that he wouldn't get a kunai to his throat for what he was about to say, "In thinking that you came here to get closer to me?"
Kakashi gave the tiniest of nods, so quick that if Iruka hadn't been watching so closely he would have missed the gesture completely.
This was not the way Iruka had imagined an encounter of this sort to happen with the notoriously perverted jōnin, but that only made him more curious. He stepped forward again, and, with a burst of unprecedented courage, placed his hands on Kakashi's shoulders. He's… shivering?
It was barely noticeable, but it was there; a subtle quiver in the jōnin's long, toned limbs. "You're shaking," Iruka said dumbly, before catching himself. "I mean, why? Aren't you – you're always reading smut, in public. And doing dirty things, right?"
"They're more like adventure novels with sex in them," Kakashi mumbled, his gaze centred somewhere around Iruka's collarbone. "I skip over the dirty bits."
Ah. He hadn't expected that, but then the jōnin was known for his weird surprises. He could work with this. Iruka slid his hand slowly down Kakashi's chest and very carefully tugged the zipper of his jacket down. Kakashi breathed in sharply. Iruka felt along the inside of the jacket and yanked out the famous little orange book, flipping it open nonchalantly. "So you're saying," he drawled, "That you've never read, 'Masami trembled as Isamu's knowledgeable fingers trailed feather light touches down her stomach to her quivering mound' -"
Kakashi squeezed his eye shut and tensed all over. Iruka let out a huff of laughter, unable to help himself. "Oh, that is too cute."
"I'm not cute." Kakashi scowled and folded his arms across his chest. "I am an elite ninja. My job is to kill people."
Iruka grinned at him, a mischievous sparkle in his eye. "Oh, I won't deny that you are very talented at dispatching the bad guys," he conceded, "But what I'm talking about is you getting all red and shaky when I mention how much I want to feel your cock in my ass."
A noise that could only be described as a whimper escaped Kakashi's lips and the tall man took a step backwards, conveniently trapping himself against the wall. Iruka took a predatory step forward. "Is that what you want? To bury your cock in my tight heat? To fuck me against a wall, maybe?"
Kakashi shook his head sharply, jaw clenched tight.
Iruka frowned, his brow furrowing, and let his eyes drift down the length of Kakashi's body. "But I can see that you are very aroused, Kakashi-san," he said, squatting down so his face was level with the jōnin's obviously erect member and giving it a brief lick through the uniform pants, "You've even made a little wet patch. You're terribly excited, Kakashi-san."
Kakashi made an unidentifiable noise in the back of his throat. "Stop talking, Iruka-sensei," he choked out.
"But why?" Iruka pouted cutely, gazing up at the jōnin and fluttering his long eyelashes. "You have such delicious reactions. And if you don't want to feel the muscles of my ass wrapped around your throbbing organ then you're going to have to tell me what you do want because after all your damn teasing I'm not going to leave with nothing. Perhaps you want me to do you?"
Kakashi looked almost frightened, an expression Iruka had never expected to see on the famed Copy-nin's face. He straightened up and took a few steps back. The jōnin seemed mere seconds away from forming the seals for a transportation jutsu to get the heck out of there, so without putting much thought into it Iruka moved forward again, tugged down the mask, and kissed him. Kakashi's mouth was warm, wet and – clumsy? Iruka pulled back and stared at the jōnin, whose eyes were half-lidded, lips slightly parted, cheeks flushed pink.
"Oh Kami," he breathed, "You've never been kissed before, have you?"
Kakashi's eyes snapped open and he seemed to be looking everywhere but at Iruka, unintentionally telling him he was right on the money. "Damn." His mind clouded with dirty thoughts that he struggled to fight away. The fact that Kakashi was a complete virgin – something he had never, ever considered – only served to turn him on more.
The jōnin pulled away from him, his voice commendably smooth given the tightness of his pants. "I thought you, of all people, would be nice about this. I obviously failed to notice the fact that you're a closet pervert. Good day, Iruka-sensei."
"Wait!" Iruka grabbed for his wrists and held them apart so he couldn't effortlessly form seals. "I'm sorry, you're just very cute to tease. Please don't run away."
Kakashi glared. "Not. Cute."
His muscles were tensed and his eyes on high alert but at least he'd stopped trying to pull away. Iruka counted that as a minor success, and decided it was safe to push further – carefully. Making sure to keep eye contact he let a slow smile spread across his face, wrinkling his nose cutely and pumping as much warmth into it as he could. Everyone he came across commented that his smile was his best feature, and he wasn't ashamed to use it to his advantage.
Kakashi's mouth twitched, and his eyes remained wary. "You're a Venus Flytrap," he said accusingly.
Iruka raised an eyebrow, and when nothing more seemed forthcoming asked, "How so?"
"You look all sweet and innocent and then put out that smell so people will come close for you to eat," Kakashi explained, without really explaining at all.
Iruka frowned, unsure whether to laugh or be offended. "Putting aside the fact that you seem to think I eat people, did you just tell me I stink?"
"You smell good," Kakashi said flatly, staring intently at the air just above Iruka's right shoulder.
"Oh?" Iruka took a small step forward. Kakashi tried to take a step back, effectively flattening himself against the wall. Iruka frowned again. "Are you frightened of me, Kakashi-san?"
Kakashi focused harder on his patch of air. "I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything."
" 'Supposed to be' doesn't mean anything," Iruka said with a shrug. "Being scared is not something to be ashamed of. Everyone's afraid of something."
"I'm not supposed to be afraid," Kakashi repeated, louder this time.
"Yeah, I get it." Iruka sighed. "You're a big tough jōnin and you should be ashamed of being scared of an itty bitty chūnin like me, right?"
Kakashi bit his bottom lip and worried it with his teeth. "That's not what I meant."
Iruka rubbed his nose irritably. "I know. I was being facetious. You were raised to be nothing short of perfect, right? So realizing that I, of all people, can get under your skin bothers you."
Kakashi looked away, mumbling something unintelligible.
"I'm sorry?" Iruka raised an eyebrow.
"I said, 'not perfect'," Kakashi said quietly. "I wasn't raised to be perfect. I was raised to be the perfect weapon, which is very different. I don't want to be that any more."
"And where do I fit in this reinvention plan you've got going for yourself?" Iruka asked casually.
"I want to have… have sex." Kakashi whispered the last word, and refused to take his eyes off the floor. "Like a normal person."
"And you figured I'd be the perfect scapegoat for your sexual experiment because I'm nice, and I'll let you do whatever you want, right?" Iruka concluded for him, feeling inordinately disappointed. He'd thought that perhaps Kakashi actually felt something for him, only for him to turn out to be the practice model. Joke's on him, right? "Well, you should probably find someone else. I'm not all that interested in being your toy."
"Toy?"
Kakashi had a blank look on his face that really didn't befit someone of his level of genius. Iruka scowled and shook his head. "Forget it, Kakashi-san. I'm sure you have a lot of money saved up. Go find yourself a nice prostitute. 'Normal' sex is supposed to be between a man and a woman anyway, according to society."
Iruka turned and began to walk away. So what if it was his own house? If he left he could go on a nice long walk, and when he got back there would be no infuriating jōnin standing in his living room.
"Wait." Kakashi's hand clutched at his shirt, his grip tentative. "I just want this. I don't want a toy."
Iruka turned slowly to find the jōnin pushing his precious Icha Icha into his chest. "Take it."
Surprised, he took the book without thinking. "Hang on, why are you giving me this?"
Kakashi shook his head, patted the book a couple of times, and stepped back, visibly nervous. "Read it. I will leave now. You shouldn't have to leave."
With that last confusing statement he placed his hands together and disappeared. Iruka stared down at the book in his hands, shaking his head. What on earth…?
o0o
Iruka sat at his desk, obstinately trying not to think about crazy jōnin and instead finish grading his students' tests. It wasn't working.
He hadn't seen Kakashi for two weeks, not since the 'incident' in his living room, and for some reason that irked him. It seemed like before now he'd seen the crazy jōnin several times a day, and this sudden Kakashi-less period either meant that the jōnin was avoiding him or that he had previously been going out of his way to cross Iruka's path. Or possibly both.
What was even stranger was that he still had Kakashi's book, burning a hole in his satchel. For reasons beyond his knowledge he couldn't help but carry it around with him, even though he wouldn't deign to read the dirty thing. It just felt wrong, somehow, to leave it lying around when he knew how much the jōnin cherished it. He didn't understand why Kakashi hadn't come to claim it back, seeing as it meant that much to him.
Why? A voice in the back of his head piped up. Why does it mean so much to him? Iruka rolled his eyes at himself. It's none of my business, not that I care anyway. Besides, it's just porn, isn't it? It has to be, because Jiraiya-sama writes it, and everyone knows he's a dirty old pervert.
"Enough," Iruka said aloud, shoving all thoughts of silver- and white-haired perverts aside. "You have work to do."
He managed to grade three more papers (a B, C+ and a C-, these kids weren't learning anything) before the little voice slunk back in. He must have a reason. And you know that you've always wanted to unravel the mystery that is Hatake Kakashi, right? You have the chance now. I bet no one else has ever touched that little orange book of his, and yet he gave it to you.
Iruka scowled, muttering to himself. "You're not going to shut up until I read the damn thing, are you?"
Who knows, maybe you'll like it?
Sighing, he reached down and rummaged through his bag, pulling out his hand when he felt the soft, worn cover that was iconic of Kakashi. Now that he had it in his hands he was almost nervous to start reading. What if it actually did alter his perception of Kakashi? It could be a bad thing.
Shut up, it's just porn. You've probably done dirtier stuff than is written in here.
Iruka took a deep breath, and flipped it open.
"For my brave little trooper, Kashi-kun. Love, Jiraiya?" Iruka scrunched up his face. "Gross. What's with all the love hearts? Oh, hey, hey, hang on." Staring at the date, messily scrawled in Jiraiya's loopy handwriting, he made some quick calculations. "No way. He would only have been eight – Kakashi has been carrying this thing round for nineteen years? And what sort of irresponsible adult would give smut like this to a child, anyway?"
Iruka sighed. Well, he knew exactly what irresponsible adult would do that, and he could only hope that Naruto's chastity was still safe after travelling with the pervert for so long. Does this mean that Kakashi has a thing for Jiraiya-sama?
He shuddered and pushed the thought away. That was something he definitely did not want to think about. "Well, I might as well read it if I've come this far."
o0o
Two hours later found Iruka away from the desk and lying on his bed, the book illuminated by the soft glow of his bedside lamp. He just couldn't put it down.
The writing was incredibly sub-par and naïve and the sex scenes were beyond cliché, but underlying the trite plot and wooden characters was a certain brutal honesty and awareness that got to him.
Actually, no, that wasn't it. The book was terrible, and he couldn't lie about that, even to himself. What really made him unable to tear his eyes away were the carefully printed notes on nearly every page, written in Kakashi's shaky hand. He'd obviously been adding to them over the years, as the writing seemed to get smaller and neater the closer it got to the edges of the pages.
The naivety and simple purity of the things that Kakashi had written made him feel like a monster for treating him the way he had. How were you supposed to know he was like that, when he hides it from everyone? the little voice spoke up in his defense. Iruka decided to agree with it, if only because it eased his guilt a little. True to his word, the jōnin didn't seem to have actually read any of the sex scenes – those pages were mercifully blank of any comments. The only thing he could find that remotely alluded to anything of the sort came after a particularly lengthy, violently erotic passage, and it made his heart clench tight in his chest.
'If you do this, they will love you. You need to be a Confident, Charming Individual.'
Underneath that, the ink clear in comparison to the faded scrawl of the last line, was simply,
'I like his smile.'
Iruka screwed up his nose and was surprised that he felt a pang of jealousy at the words. Now he wanted to know whose smile was so amazing that Kakashi had to write it down. No one's smile was better than his, right? He could make the jōnin forget all about this mystery man's stupid smile and – wait. Does that mean I want to date him?
Iruka waved the thought away. He still had a couple more chapters to read.
o0o
Iruka stood on Kakashi's front porch, almost afraid to ring the doorbell. He'd been ashamed to realize he hadn't known where the jōnin lived, and then surprised upon seeing the place. Kakashi lived in a rundown cottage surrounded by a jungle of weeds. He obviously didn't check his mail, because although there had only been a few letters inside it had taken Iruka a good five minutes to wiggle open the rust-encrusted letterbox. He'd brought them down the drive in what he'd thought would be an act of goodwill, but now he wasn't so sure it would be appreciated. One of the envelopes was actually addressed to Hatake Sakumo, the date long since faded away.
He jumped when the door swung open, and cursed his nerves. It was a lot harder being on Kakashi's turf than his own, and he was suddenly very aware of the fact that this man was a legendary shinobi.
"If you're here to see me, then come inside," Kakashi said quietly. "But if you're here to stare at the paint on my door, by all means continue to do so."
Iruka flushed red, but followed him inside nonetheless. He'd gotten this far, and he was no quitter. "You – you – yukata," he said eloquently, staring at the jōnin in amazement.
Kakashi folded his arms across his chest – whether in defiance or discomfort Iruka wasn't sure – and shrugged lightly. "Does it bother you?"
Iruka shook his head. He'd never seen Kakashi wear anything other than a plain jōnin uniform, now that he thought about it, and he'd never expected to see him in anything else. But a yukata – somehow it was incredibly sexy, the long, folded fabric making Kakashi seem almost as if he came from another era.
"My father was very traditional," Kakashi said shortly, seeming to feel like an explanation was needed.
Iruka nodded and tore his eyes away so he could let them wander around the room. It was at the same time cluttered and tidy, a vast number of knick-knacks and books lined up neatly across the shelves, all covered in a thick layer of dust. If he hadn't known better, he would have assumed that no one had been living here for years.
"Do you need something?" Kakashi asked abruptly.
"I wanted to apologise," Iruka said. "I said some things that were probably quite nasty, and I teased you when I shouldn't have."
Kakashi blinked at him; shrugged. "Maa, Sensei, I've heard a lot worse than that. I do take S-class missions, you know."
Iruka's heart sunk. This Kakashi was not like the one he'd been reading along with in Jiraiya's book, the one he wanted to build a connection with; he wasn't even the same Kakashi who'd been nervous and stuttering in his house nearly two weeks ago. This Kakashi had all his walls up and had no intention of letting anyone in.
Iruka swallowed hard and pushed on regardless. "You gave this to me." He pulled the little orange book out of his jacket. "And I read it. I was wondering – I was wondering if when you said you wanted to have sex what you really meant was that you wanted to have a relationship with me."
Kakashi's eye took on a guarded look. "Isn't that what it always means?"
"Well, no." Iruka scratched his nose, unsure how to put it. "Sex is not the same as love. It is possible to have sexual relations but not be in a relationship."
"But after you do the sex part, then you love each other," Kakashi said stubbornly. "And after that everyone is happy."
"Idealistically, that would be nice, but that's not the way it works in the real world." Iruka handed the book back to Kakashi, who took it hesitantly. "Usually you like someone first, you date, and then you get to the sex."
Kakashi stared at the book in his hand like he didn't know what it was. "So Icha Icha is not real," he said flatly. "I see."
'Are you – are you alright?" Iruka didn't know whether to be pleased he'd made the right assumptions or whether he should feel sorry for Kakashi, who seemed to think that real life relationships happened the same way that they did in Icha Icha.
Kakashi continued to frown at the book, turning it over in his hands. "This is useless, then."
Not thinking, Iruka blurted, "If you're going to throw it away, give it to me instead!"
Kakashi raised his eyes from the book slowly and stared hard at Iruka. "Why would you want this," he dropped the last word harshly, imitating Iruka, "smut?"
Iruka cringed. "I get it now, that it's not really porn," he conceded, but couldn't help adding silently, though it is terribly written. "And I know it's important to you. I just don't want to see you throw it away."
Now that he actually thought about it, he wasn't sure why he'd said what he did. He'd just spoken on impulse. The book just seemed to contain so much of a secret Kakashi that, admittedly, he'd grown quite fond of. And he wasn't sure if that Kakashi was ever going to show up again, now that he'd managed to hurt his feelings.
Kakashi looked down again, rubbing the pad of his thumb slowly in circles on the cover. Eventually he spoke. "I won't throw it away."
Iruka smiled in relief. "I'm glad."
Kakashi looked as if he were about to speak, but then shook his head and gripped the book tighter. After a short, pained silence, he said, "Maa, Iruka-sensei, you should probably leave now. Thank you for returning this."
I don't want to leave. The thought hit him out of nowhere, and Iruka was surprised to realize that it's true. He can't help it; it's who he is. Now that he'd seen some of the layers that made up Hatake Kakashi he wanted to see more, to dig deeper. And it didn't hurt that he was physically attracted to the man, at least.
"Kakashi-san," he said carefully, "I know we started this the wrong way. I misjudged you, viewing you how the village does, and it was wrong of me to decide who you are without getting to know you. And you did the same to me, so I guess we're even in that."
Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose, unsure how to continue. "I guess what I want to say is that I'd like to get to know the real you, and for you to get to know the real me."
Kakashi stared at the book a little longer, and then shifted his gaze to Iruka. "So," he said slowly, "We start as friends, right? The sex comes later?"
"Yes, that's it." Iruka grinned. Though if you keep looking at me like that, it's going to be a lot sooner rather than later.
"I think I can do that." Kakashi nodded decisively. "So, what do friends do?"
o0o
A/N: I am so very very tired right now. Please tell me that this story makes sense because I really don't even know if it flows right or anything. I wrote the smutty part ages ago but never had any context for it and then my context changed the plot completely… I blame it on Kakashi.
I hate it how so much yaoi manga hinges on 'seme is soo in love with uke that he can't control himself and rapes uke. Uke realizes that it felt good and he now loves seme. Cue happy ending'. Ugh. Anyway, I assume that's what Jiraiya's writing would be like (dashing hero persuades reluctant virgin into mind-blowing sex) so here Kakashi's assuming that if he can somehow have sex with Iruka Iruka will magically fall in love with him. What a (warped) cutie.