FicawesomeGiftEchange- TAKE 2
Title: Never Second Best
Writtenfor: Beegurl
WrittenBy: One Brave Lamb
Rating: M for language
Summary/Promptused: Our couple are neighbors and at least one is currently attached/married to someone else.
...
"Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
For the First Time - The Script
...
I'll never forget the day he came back into my life. I had been lounging lazily on the front porch swing, intermittently writing down random thoughts and words that popped into my mind, as I relished in the spring breeze. Loud thumps and curses broke through the tranquil peace I had found for myself and I scowled in it's immediate direction, only to lose all coherent thought once I spotted his immaculate form.
The breeze made his bronze locks dance wildly in the wind and I felt all the air leave my lungs in a quick burst. His shirt was clinging to his back, stained with sweat but outlining his muscles with delicious accuracy. I could see the strong, square outline of his jaw, littered with a delicate stubble and decided in that moment that before I died I would have to feel it against my skin.
Startled by my thoughts, I shook my head to clear it. I could feel the heat rising up in my cheeks and took in several lungfuls of air, I had no clue what had come over me. I let my eyes drift back to his form and noticed that he was pulling boxes from the back of his truck and they seemed to be just a little too heavy for him. I laid my notebook down on the swing and walked to the front door calling out for Emmett.
"Hey Em, I think the new neighbor might need a little help. Would you mind coming out here?" I kept my eyes trained on the bronze-haired man across the fence, my nerves a jumbled mess. I didn't know what was causing me to react so viscerally, but I continued to try and shake it away.
A few moments later, Emmett came bounding down the stairs, pulling his old Forks High Football shirt over his head. I smiled at him graciously, loving the fact that he would always offer help to anyone who might happen to need it. He gave me a gentle kiss, before smacking my ass as he made his way off the porch and over to the neighbors yard.
"Jackass," I called after him, before stepping inside and slipping on my sandals. I most likely wouldn't be lifting anything myself, but it never hurt to be neighborly. I made my way across the yard at a leisurely pace, keeping my eyes trained on the ground for any obstruction that would send me flying face first into the grass. I could overhear Emmett's booming voice making introductions and smiled.
"Yeah, she said it looked like you could use a little help and asked me to come over. I'm Emmett, by the way, Emmett McCarty. And this, is Bella." I saw Emmett's hand motion in my direction and I rolled my eyes as I smiled, lifting my face to meet the stranger.
But he wasn't a stranger. As soon as I saw those bright green eyes, my smile grew ten-fold. I may have been fourteen the last time I saw them, but I would know those eyes anywhere.
"Oh, my God. Edward?" I questioned in shock.
His breathtaking lopsided smile lit up his face and he moved quickly to scoop me up in a tender hug. I couldn't contain the laugh of pure joy that escaped me.
"Holy shit, Bella! I can't believe it's you." His honey like voice whispered into my hair.
We heard an awkward chuckle before Emmett spoke up.
"I guess introductions weren't needed, huh?" I let go of Edward and glanced over to see him rubbing the back of his neck and eyeing us both with a mixture of amusement and confusion.
Edward let me go and I smiled up at him, before turning to explain.
"Emmett, this is Edward. I told you all about him, remember? He was my best friend until his family moved just before my fifteenth birthday." A light of recognition flickered in Emmett's eyes and suddenly the jubilant smile that graced his face looked strained.
"Oh, right. Edward...uh, Cullen, wasn't it?" He questioned while furrowing his brow.
"Yeah man, it's nice to meet you," he said, extending his hand.
"Likewise." The word was muttered and held a sour note, which left me searching his face for any clue, as to what was going on, but he steadfastly refused to meet my gaze.
"Well, let's get this done, shall we?" He asked, hefting two large boxes into his arms and following Edward into his house, leaving me more than a little confused, and alone, in the driveway.
…
The months sped past. Edward came over a couple of times to spend time with Emmett and myself, but Emmett seemed to keep his distance. I kept assuring Edward that he'd done nothing wrong and tried to talk to Emmett about it on several occasions. He'd simply give me a look that made me feel angry and stupid at the same time. I wasn't sure exactly what was bothering him, but it was beginning to affect all areas of our lives.
Edward was a doctor at the local emergency room, and working nothing but midnights made it hard for him to really socialize and make new friends. My heart went out to him, after all, I had known this man for over twelve years. So one morning, I took two cups of coffee out to the porch after Emmett had left for work, made myself comfortable on the porch swing and waited for Edward to get home.
It quickly became our routine and it was silently agreed upon that we would simply keep it to ourselves until Emmett finally got the stick out of his ass.
That time with Edward was wonderful. We talked about everything we missed in each other's lives after his move. I sobbed when I found out his mother, Esme had passed away the year before from breast cancer and he seemed shocked that Emmett had arrived the year he left and we had been together off and on for six years.
We would spend a couple hours each day catching up, or just enjoying the others company. It was peaceful and I loved having Edward back in my life.
One windy morning, I made my way to the porch with our two cups of coffee. I sat down on the edge of the deck and let my head rest against the wooden plank. I hadn't wanted to get out of bed so early, but I refused to miss my time with Edward. Within minutes his car had pulled into his drive and he lumbered lazily towards me with a sleepy smile on his face.
I giggled softly at his disheveled appearance and held his coffee out to him.
"Oh, thank you, Jesus," he moaned as he melted onto the porch beside me and I laughed loudly, ignoring the fluttering sensation in my belly from his moan.
"Don't make fun of me, Bella. It was a shit night at the hospital." He sighed smiling slightly at my laughter, rolling his shoulders.
"What happened?" I questioned, trying to muffle my laughter by taking a sip of coffee.
"Three accidents, two domestic disputes and an overdose. I felt like I never stopped moving. Of course, there's also Lauren, who simply refuses to accept that I'm not interested," he groaned letting his head fall forward.
"Oh, Edward. I'm sorry." I said sympathetically, brushing away the hair that had fallen into his eyes.
He smiled when his exhausted eyes met mine and I let my hand fall slightly to stroke the dark circles under his eyes.
I was just about to tell him that he needed to go get some rest when a car door slamming a few feet away startled us both. We looked up in surprise to see Emmett storming towards us both, anger written across his features.
"What the fuck, Bella?" I shrank back from his volume and scrambled to get to my feet, as Edward hopped lithely to his feet and tried to diffuse the situation.
"Emmett, man you have it all wrong. We were just talking.." Edward's words were cut off abruptly as Emmett threw a hard right hook at his face. I heard myself screaming, but couldn't make myself move.
"I don't want to fucking hear it Edward! Go home. Just leave us alone!" Emmett raged and Edward turned to look at me in question, holding his right eye. I felt tears streaming down my face and nodded for Edward to go ahead and leave. I would check in on him later and just wanted to get him out of harms way for now.
He kept staring at me for a moment, hesitating a moment too long for Emmett who shoved him roughly in the direction of his house. He put his hands up in surrender and after one last look in my direction, he left.
Emmett stormed into the house, brushing past me angrily and slamming the screen door. I stood frozen in shock for a few moments, blinking away tears. I had no idea what had come over Emmett and was more than a little worried about Edward. Taking a deep breath and squaring my shoulders, I walked into the house and made my way to the kitchen where Emmett was waiting.
"What the fuck was that, Bella?" He whispered harshly, not turning and meeting my gaze.
"Really, Em? You just attacked Edward, for absolutely no reason and you're asking me what that was about?" I fumed, infuriated by his actions. He spun quickly, anger flashing in his dark eyes and he laughed without humor.
"No reason, Bells? Are you fucking serious?" He continued his almost manic laughter while I stared at him dumbly, not comprehending what he was trying to say.
"Shit, you really don't see it, do you?" He asked after his laughter died down.
"See what, Emmett?" I nearly growled, I was becoming increasingly frustrated with him and his talking in circles was not helping. He sighed heavily and shook his head.
"Bells, do you remember when we first met?" He asked softly, leaning against the sink with his arms crossed.
"Of course I do, Emmett," I scoffed rolling my eyes, agitated that he was changing the subject.
"Yeah, I do too. There you were, sitting on a picnic table, looking completely lost. So much so, that I thought you were new, too," he smiled slightly recalling the memory. "I was thrown off center, you were just so pretty that I was almost afraid to talk to you - and you know I'm not afraid to talk to anyone," we both chuckled a bit at that, it was the truth, Emmett made friends everywhere he went.
"Anyway, when I got the courage to talk to you and I asked you why you were so sad, what did you tell me?" He questioned seriously, staring intently into my eyes.
I swallowed dryly, suddenly remembering that day vividly and bit my lip.
"I, uh, said that the boy I loved moved away and I didn't know how to be there without him." I choked a little on the words and my voice was no louder than a whisper.
"Yeah and for four years, you didn't even look at another guy Bella. You had plenty of friends and everyone loved you, but you kept your heart hidden away. Then, when you finally started going out when we were at UW, it was always with someone safe. It would last for a month or two and then that guy would just..go away. You were never really broken up about it, you just shrugged it off."
I couldn't handle his stare anymore, so I turned my attention to my finger nails, as I began picking at them absentmindedly.
"God, it took me almost a year and a half to convince you to go out with me. Every time I'd ask you'd say the same thing. We were friends and you didn't want to mess that up. You were so fucking scared of letting anyone get close enough to hurt you. But finally you caved and I never knew why, but I was so thankful that you did." He shook his head, then scoffed.
"Now, all of a sudden Boy Wonder shows back up and everything is different. We hardly talk anymore, we rarely have any time to spend together but you were always smiling and seemed so happy that I didn't question it," he rolled his eyes as he turned back to the window.
"I had hoped when I kept my distance from Edward that you would too, that you'd follow my lead or at least realize why I was upset and instead you two got even closer," he turned back around and threw his hands up in the air, "I thought you got over him a long time ago, Bella, and yet I see it every time the two of you are together. You both act like you're the only two people in the world! You get lost in this little Bella and Edward bubble and are completely oblivious to anyone but the other person!" He was getting angry again and I was beginning to lose my composure. My chin trembled as I tried to hold it together, but I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.
"You both say you're best friends, but the way he looks at you Bella, it's like a man dying of thirst and you're the very last drop to drink," he said shaking his head.
"No, Em, you've got it -, " I started but he cut me off and his words brought me up short.
"And you look at him in the exact same way, Bells," he hung his head with a humorless laugh, "You've never once looked at me the way you look at him. I guess I knew a long time ago that I'd never have all of you completely; I'd take what I could get...but I honestly didn't think this guy was ever coming back. He was gone for twelve years. Yet here we are and to be honest, I feel like a fool." His words were mumbled and directed at the floor.
My mind was racing. I mean, of course I knew I always loved Edward, but I was fourteen when he left. All girls are overly dramatic at that age. And I didn't date in high school because I had known those boys all my life. I couldn't imagine being with them at all, so I waited for greener pastures.
It was true that I was scared to start a relationship with Emmett, but that was because he meant so much to me and I didn't want to lose that when and if things didn't work out. I explained all of that to Emmett who just stood there listening passively, not affected by my words in the least.
"So then, tell me this Bella, why wait to spend time with him until I'm not home?" He asked while raising a challenging brow.
"Because you were acting like an ass, Emmett. I wasn't going to lose Edward again, because you were being a jerk. And it would have happened too. Edward would have felt bad for causing problems...and it wouldn't be the same." I couldn't understand why he wasn't comprehending this.
"Alright, Bells. But what about now? Now that you know how I feel and why I feel that way, are you going to continue to see him?" I found myself gaping at him, shocked with what he was asking.
"What? Are you saying that I have choose?" My heart was pounding in my ears and I felt sick to my stomach. Emmett stared at me for a moment and then nodded.
"Yeah, Bells. It's either me or him, you can't have us both. You can't give yourself wholly to either of us with the other one in your life, so yeah...you have to choose." I was at a loss for words and simply stared at him in shock.
"But Em, we're just - " But he cut me off again.
"Don't you dare say friends, Bella. We both know it's more than that." He said through gritted teeth.
"You have to choose."
I shook my head, tears forming rapidly and slipping down my cheeks.
"Em, I can't...I can't choose. I just got him back and you know I love you. Please don't do this." I begged shamelessly.
He let out a large breath and nodded.
"I know you love me, Bells, and I love you too, but...its not enough." He made his way over to me and kissed my forehead lightly, before turning to walk out of the kitchen. "I'll come by later to pick up my things."
And then he was gone.
...
I spent the next two days in bed. I couldn't bring myself to do anything but think. I had cried for a while after Emmett left, but eventually the tears stopped and I realized that I wasn't as upset about his leaving as I was that I had hurt him. That realization brought me up short and planted a sour seed of guilt in my stomach.
The day after the argument, he came by to pick up his things saying he was going to stay with a friend in Seattle for a while and I simply nodded, knowing that there was nothing else I could say. He had been right when he said that ever since Edward returned we had drifted apart, but the honest truth was that we had only stayed together out of comfort, more so than anything else.
Still I couldn't shake the guilt I felt and told him that, apologizing that I hadn't seen it myself. I cried because the thing I was most afraid of when we first started seeing each other was happening, but he assured me with a smile that given some time, we would be fine. That he wanted me to be happy and he wouldn't stand in the way.
I was afraid to see Edward. I hid under my covers in the morning, until I'd hear him pull up in his driveway, get out of his car and make his way into his house. I don't know what terrified me more, Edward feeling guilty about his part in the destruction of my relationship, or not returning what I was beginning to accept as very real feelings toward him. So I hid, under the covers, like a five year old girl.
I finally got out of bed on day four and began going through the motions of daily life. Shower, eat, clean, bed, repeat. It wasn't all that exciting, really. I knew I would eventually have to pick up my notebook again and write, otherwise the bills wouldn't get paid, but I had no energy for it. I told myself that I had enough in savings for a small break, and I needed to get my head on straight before I tried. Some might call it procrastination. I called it survival.
I felt completely alone. I wanted to talk to Edward about Emmett and everything I had discovered. I wanted to talk to Emmett about my fears and loneliness. I knew that I couldn't do either, so I resigned myself to watching crappy movies on cable and sticking to my depressive schedule.
Late in the afternoon on day eight, the doorbell rang. I groaned as I pushed myself up off the couch and made my way to answer it. I paused for a second in the foyer, looking at my refection in the mirror before shrugging and opening the door. I nearly jumped ten feet in the air when I realized it was Edward, looking as tired as I've ever seen him, holding out two cups of Starbucks with an unsure smile.
"Edward?" I questioned weakly, feeling raw and exposed.
He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, before sighing. "Bella, could we talk for a minute? I brought coffee and thought maybe..," he nodded toward the porch swing and I took a deep breath before nodding in acceptance and stepping outside.
We sat down facing each other on the porch swing, and after he handed me my coffee we were quiet for a while, simply looking at each other. I didn't know what to say, so I just kept drinking my latte waiting for whatever would come.
"Emmett stopped by the other day." He finally stated and I nearly choked on my drink.
"What did he do?" I asked frantically while trying to wipe away the coffee that had dribble down my chin. Edward smiled and leaned forward, rubbing his thumb tenderly across my bottom lip getting what I had missed, before letting out a sigh.
"Apparently, he felt that there was more going on between the two of us than we let on, or even knew ourselves. He told me about your argument and..." His words trailed off as his eyes searched my face.
I felt myself turning pink under his gaze, so I looked down at my cup. Keeping up eye contact was too much for me at the moment.
"And?" I questioned after several moments of silence.
"And...he told me all about you in high school. How you talked about me non-stop for nearly two years. How even as recently as last Christmas, he'd find you staring at an old scrap-book my mother made for you, tracing the pictures with your fingertips. He told me that if I didn't take the second chance I'd been given, that I was a fool and you deserved better." His words made me look up quickly, wide eyed and lips trembling.
"Please don't cry, Bella," he murmured, placing his cup at our feet and cradling my cheeks in his hands. "I swear, I had no intention of coming between the two of you, but I couldn't stay away either. I missed you so much when my family left; I didn't fit in at my new school - everyone saw me as a geek, so I threw myself in my studies and tried to forget. When I finished my doctorate, I asked my dad to put in a good word for me here..I just wanted to come home. I figured you would already be married, hell you might have even moved..but I just wanted to come home to the one place where I always belonged, and then you were here and I couldn't just let you go again." His voice was soft and his thumbs kept brushing away the tears that were falling steadily from my eyes.
"I resigned myself to being your friend, sure that it would be enough and it was. Until Emmett showed up at my doorstep six days ago and told me we needed to talk. I thought about coming over then, but I didn't want you to feel pressured. So I kept my distance hoping to see you out here one morning. But Emmett's words kept haunting me. I want to be someone you deserve and Bella I don't care how long I have to wait, I just need to know that when you're ready, I won't be waiting in vain." His eyes searched mine and I couldn't really fathom what I was hearing.
I swallowed loudly, and leaned forward pressing my lips to his. The kiss was soft; tentative. I didn't know how to vocalize what I wanted to say, so I hoped this would be the answer he needed. After a moment, realizing his lips were still against mine I went to pull away - which seemed to snap him out of the daze he had been in because he pulled me back to him and kissed me firmly. A small noise escaped the back of my throat when he wrapped an arm around my back and held me close to his chest. He tenderly sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and as I wrapped my arms around his neck I traced his top lip with my tongue, relishing in the small moan that escaped him and the butterflies that had seemed to bloom in my stomach.
He opened his mouth to mine and our tongues slid against one another, in a dance they seemed to know of their own accord. His arm flexed around me, bringing me closer as my hands made their way into his hair. Slowly the kiss waned to gentle sucks and soft pecks before we broke apart, with heaving breaths.
"I swear, Bella, I wasn't expecting that to happen." He murmured breathlessly resting his forehead against my own.
"I know. I'm the one that kissed you, Edward," I smiled timidly, feeling heat rise to my cheeks which caused him to chuckle. He pressed on more soft kiss against my lips before pulling back, just enough to see my face.
"Will you have dinner with me tonight? I don't have to work for the next two days and I promise we'll go as slow as you want. You don't have to -" I cut him off placing a finger to his lips and smiled.
"Relax, Edward..we have all the time in the world."