The kids on tumblr seem to like this, while I'm like "meh." But since they like it, I'm posting it. Be nice it's my first AA fic.

Pointless headcannon below is pointless but read it if you want.

How to Be a Heartbreaker by Marina and the Diamonds reminds me more of Dahlia Hawthorne than anyone else.

Obviously, she is a heartbreaker. She deceives, she looks pure, and she's had so many boyfriends – boys wrapped around her finger. We can never be sure of the total amount. But we do know of three: Doug, Phoenix and Terry.

And each one of them originally refused to believe the truth. (Doug had to find out that she stole poison, and Dahlia is an angelic looking beautiful girl, and I can assume he was disheveled and eventually tried to save another of that feeling… But we saw how that worked out.)

Since I like KristophxDahlia, I figured that I'd throw that in here since I've been meaning to do a fic about them for a while.

I also think I'll put one of Marina's subtext in here (Be the first to run) and make that rule five. This way, we have a nice five rules.

Characters and song aren't mine.

Rule #1 – You gotta have fun

Her fake breathy laugh works wonders on boys. And she finds it endearingly amusing that boys will think they're funny when their jokes are shit and Dahlia finds them to be incredibly uninteresting.

But that's what she finds so fun – the boys just can't see anything. She's opaque to them, without a hint giving her away.

Since they're so uninteresting, they're not worthy of her real laugh – a high pitched little laugh that sounds like little chiming bells – and they don't even know her real name.

So she fake laughs some more and sips her drink, internally laughing at how fun it'll be to break this one.

Rule #2 – Don't get attached to somebody you could lose

In all the boys Dahlia's met – the ones she didn't even pull through with her plan and the ones who were actually smart enough to go through with her plan – she has never felt a thing for any of them.

They were all too dense and so annoying the only thing she could feel was hatred or pity. They were gorgeous men, really, but they were stupid as fuck and she could never even understand why there was a physical attraction when they were too stupid to know what anything means.

There were some smart guys amongst the duds, but yet, she still wasn't impressed by anything they said. At least they could hold more of a conversation compared to the pregnant silence that she received when some of the boys didn't know what a certain word meant.

And then there was him.

He was beautiful – the bluest and clearest eyes she'd ever seen, so clear she could almost see her reflection – and everything about him touched her as 'keeper.' His blonde locks curled in an unimaginable way, and Dahlia soon found herself to be awkwardly staring, so she turned around in her seat.

He hadn't noticed her thorough eye inspection of him, but he did notice the beautiful girl in the corner, all alone.

And, being the gentleman he was, he sat next to her.

Whenever he spoke, he said something Dahlia could always find a response to. The silences were there, but not because either couldn't understand. Whenever she responded or spoke to him, she felt a fluttery feeling coarse through her whole body, especially her stomach, and she didn't understand. She felt something she couldn't be sure of.

When he introduced himself as 'Kristoph', she had to ask if he was German, and he responded with a yes in his native tongue, to which Dahlia giggled, really giggled in her high pitched laugh that sounded like chiming bells. And if that wasn't bad for her, she gave him her name, her real name. Something in him made Dahlia want to tell the truth.

And by the time they were kissing and touching in his apartment, Dahlia felt whatever it was she couldn't name full time. She named it, but not love; perhaps 'infatuation', but that still didn't feel right. Whatever it was, she was getting attached – something you never do when you're a girl like her.

And Dahlia could do nothing but wonder why she wasn't internally screaming at herself.

Rule #3 – Wear your heart on your cheek

Dahlia was not one to show her true feelings, acting or not. She hated talking about the problem, and if anyone asked the question of 'what's wrong?' she hated them instantly.

So she never wore her heart on her sleeve – she hated wearing fucking sleeves anyway. She wouldn't show her real feelings; only from one side would you be able to see them. And the side that you could was not the side where the next target was sitting. This was so she would never get hurt.

Sadly for her, it didn't always work. Boys would sense an unease and ask things like 'is there something wrong?' and Dahlia felt like punching their lights out.

Instead, she smiled her sickeningly sweet bubblegum smile and reply with "Of course not!" when on the inside, she wanted to roll her eyes and leave.

Then, after that, she goes back to showing only a side of her fake feelings, and the real ones are pushed to the other cheek.

And that's how the smart boys almost figure her out, but are still too dense to actually realize it.

She's sure Kristoph has figured her out by now, as well as dozens of other boys.

That makes her smirk.

Rule #4 – You gotta look pure

Dahlia knew she was pretty. She had always known, with her grey eyes and red hair and pale, silky skin that she was drop dead gorgeous.

And boys seemed to think so, too.

So she used that to her advantage. Any person would do what she said if they fell for her eternal charms. All she had to do was bat her eyelashes once or twice, and there was a stampede of boys lining up.

She used this to fake her personality, too. It was easy to fake cry and pretend that she was super sensitive. It was easy to make stupid nicknames for stupid boyfriends who weren't going to last that long. It was easy to act like a doll in public, and be a bitch in reality.

That was the simple part.

And it was certainly easy to leave a boy wanting more after she kisses them goodbye or goodnight.

One thing she had learned is that if you act all nervous about it, but actually kiss them well enough – she had experience – that they will want nothing more than to stick their tongue down your throat.

Pigs, all of them.

Rule #5 – Be the first to run

There was no 'morning after' for her. No snuggling or spooning or shit. It was whisper a fake 'I love you' before they fall asleep and get the fuck out of there. She would laugh on her way home. It was really easy to get a boy to fall in love with you. She enjoyed breaking hearts. She was always the first one out of there.

Exception with one boy – Kristoph.

She stayed the first night and the few nights after, but by the time the week was up, she was terrified of what was happening to her.

She was scared that she might actually be in love with someone she had only meant to break. And so, she had to follow what she had done previously. Except this time, there was no fake I love you. She was frightened that she would actually mean it this time, and wouldn't be able to leave.

She said nothing and left.

But, she spited herself for getting attached, knowing that it was all her fault, but still trying to blame someone else.

Like always.

She was used to breaking hearts, but this was the first time a boy broke her heart.

And he had done it unintentionally – he had done nothing. She was the one who broke her own heart.