Chapter 1: At the Elf Council Place Thingy
Garin the Red (Garin) awesome wizard
Esgalhir (esgalhir) elf…kinda mild
Andariel (Andariel) human….queen of…youll find out
Ross Sackville-Baggins (Ross) pyro hobbit
Thaliondol (Thali) semi-sedist elf
Perin Poolrage (Peri) cheeky dwarf
Merimac Goodbody from Gamwich. (Merri) Depressed hobbit
Scene: Merri and Esgalhir are waiting for the rest of the group before they can go talk to Elrond. Merri is a somewhat arrogant (but sometimes so depressed you want to smack him) hobbit that everyone thinks should have been the correct person for this job. Esgalhir is an elf (the same height as Merri) and her weapon is the bow. She worships and is madly in love with Merri, even though he doesn't share the same affection. Merri has a knife and a small buckler, and Mithrael armor underneath that was given to him by his narcotic uncle.
"I wonder whats taking the rest of the group so long to get here?" asked Merri.
"I don't know Merri, but I think this gives us a wonderful time to talk to each other." Esgalhir (screw it, too hard to pronounce, abbreviation now gonna be Esgy) replied.
"Like what?" Merri thought. Ohhhhhh boy what was she thinking about now?
"Oh I don't know. You, me, us, our fut….." Esgalhir was cut off by a large flapping noise. Garin had appeared on his red dragon. It was about the size of a horse. (Garin is me and a very somewhat loco wizard. He is also a pyro. He bears a staff and a nice sword and a gut.)
"Sorry I'm late. Had to boil the cat. It was being stubborn, and I was looking for a good lunch." The other two just stared at him in disbelief. Over the hill they could see another shadow in the distance.
"Ooooh Ooooh! That must be be Thali! See the arrows! That must be her!!!" exclaimed Esgalhir.
"Ummmm…..no. Shes too short, and those "arrows" are too thick. It must Peri." Garin explained. (Peri was a nice little dwarf, but she was somewhat of a homicidal narcotic. She carried a spiked mace, and used it to flatten orcs and trolls whenever she got the chance. She was overall nice, but you wanted her in a fight. The only problem was she was a narcotic. You see back in the day the Pixies had invented their own powder drug. After technological advances they were able to mass produce it for larger races. Now you were supposed to sniff it, but Peri loved the stuff so much, she gulped it right down. The "arrows" are really hundreds of tubes containing pixie dust for Peri. Once she gets five tubes down she goes absolutely insane and kills anything that's green. That's how the Sahara Forrest got turned into a desert. (She's also BI!!!! Ok there!!! I SAID IT!!! Peri and Thali are BI!!!! You gotta appease everyone)*this is revenge to all the fanfic girls that made every loty GAY in their fanfics*)
As Peri walked towards the group, two riders on horse back…(three sir)……three riders on horseback could be seen in the distance. These were Andariel (shes a trinity styled bitch queen of…well you'll find out later), Thali (the fast action bow wielding chippy but not so much and in a dark by elf way) and Ross (Pyro hobbit prankster who burned half of the shire just so it could get put on a map). Loud explosions and streams of fire seemed to be flying off of Ross's pony as he played with his toys. The four reached the stairs.
"So what are we here fo……" Andariel asked before being cut off. The huge elven doors opened revealing a big elaborate corridor with a rectangular table. At the end sat Elrond looking very displeased as usual.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH its pretty," said Gir (yes that cute little psychotic robot from invader zim. He rules, and he must be included in this story). Everyone looked down at the robot questioningly.
"HHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!" said Gir again. Then he waddled into the extravagant elfish hall. They all sat around the table and waited quietly.
"Now you all no why you have been called here." Spoke Elrond.
"OOOOHHHH I know I know!!! You're gonna do the red pill blue pill decision on us aren't you?? I love that part of the show…." Exclaimed Gir. Again, everyone had learned to just ignore the little, whatever he was, except for Elrond who was quite puzzled. (heee hee hee, sorry all, I had to do that.)
"Anyway, the ultimate danger you are all about to be thrown into…………………" Elrond began to say but an extremely loud EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE was given off by Andariel and Ross was thrown across the room and landed in a pile of swords. The dragon thought for a moment he was a bird and was almost intent on catching him when Garin told him to sit down. Everyone looked at Andariel.
"He poked me!!!!" She exclaimed.
"Arhmmhmm…..as I was……" Again Elrond was interrupted by a loud EEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEP and Peri was thrown across the room. Draco was starving and, with his tongue hanging out, was ready to gobble Peri up in a bite. Everyone looked at Thali.
"She grabbed my butt and then poked me!!" She exclaimed.
"Arhmmhmm…..as I was saying…..the first fellowship has failed." explained Elrond.
"YEAHHH!!!!" cried Gir.
"No, Gir, that's a bad thing." explained Elrond.
"YEAHHH!!!!" cried Gir.
"Nevermind, anyway, They have been brutally mutilated in the caves of Moria. We need you all to go get the ring and complete the quest." Everyone looked at each other speechless. Except for Peri.
"Wooooooooo hooooooo!! We get to go to the caves!!! We get to go to the caves!!! And where there are caves, there are pixies!!!! And where there are pixies, there is dust!!! LOTS OF IT!!! Wait a second………ok who stole one!!?? WHO STOLE ONE OF MY TUBES!!!??? MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSS!!!! (hee hee, had to add it)" She began to glare around the room. "I had 327 tubes when I started this journey, I had two, but im down to 324!!! WHO TOOK ONE!!??"
"It wasn't me!!!" exclaimed Gir. "I think it was the Dragon. He went like this." Gir then made a face as if he was chewing the pixie stick like a dragon.
Everyone began to glance around the room, trying to figure out if anyone looked high. All of a sudden a loud chomping sound and one big gulp came from Draco the Dragon. Everyone turned around to see him licking his lips with red sparkly dust on his mouth and wood chips in his teeth.
"Told you," exclaimed Gir.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU WILL PAY!!!"
"We have no time for this!!! Now you all must find that RING." Exclaimed Elrond.
"Wait, didn't you say they were brutally mutilated?" Asked Garin the Red?
"Doom!!! doom doom doom doom doom doom doom," exclaimed Gir as he did a happy little hobbit dance.
"Yes, by 5,000 orcs. Were sure they were all tortured, by I know you all will be able to find the ring."
"Doom!!! doom doom doom doom doom doom doom," exclaimed Gir.
"So you're saying theres no chance at all? Great……." Garin smirked.
"Doom!!! doom doom doom doom doom doom doom," exclaimed Gir.
"GIR????" questioned Garin.
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAATTTT?????" replied Gir with an innocent look on his face.
"Have you been annoying us with you doom song?" asked Garin.
(Holding back from not singing out) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" said Gir. He then smiled. "You need a hug."
They all filed out of the hall, saddled up, and headed out.
"Wow, this is gonna be such a fun trip," exclaimed Thali, "Me and Peri will get to know each other, I can practice my zodiac positions, and I can practice my witchcraft and fetishes on the orcs!"
And so the fellowship marched onwards. In the lead was Garin in lead on Draco and was playing with his staff (shut up you sickos). Andariel was cleaning her swords. Peri was slurping down another pixie stick while bouncing up and down on her pony while Thali staired at her ass the entire time. Esgalhir was stairing at Merri who was stairing at himself in a mirror. Ross was figuring out how to make C-5. Gir was somehow in a dog suit slurping down a slurpy. They would all head to the MINES OF MORIA A A A A A (echo trailing sound).
Garin the Red (Garin) awesome wizard
Esgalhir (esgalhir) elf…kinda mild
Andariel (Andariel) human….queen of…youll find out
Ross Sackville-Baggins (Ross) pyro hobbit
Thaliondol (Thali) semi-sedist elf
Perin Poolrage (Peri) cheeky dwarf
Merimac Goodbody from Gamwich. (Merri) Depressed hobbit
Scene: Merri and Esgalhir are waiting for the rest of the group before they can go talk to Elrond. Merri is a somewhat arrogant (but sometimes so depressed you want to smack him) hobbit that everyone thinks should have been the correct person for this job. Esgalhir is an elf (the same height as Merri) and her weapon is the bow. She worships and is madly in love with Merri, even though he doesn't share the same affection. Merri has a knife and a small buckler, and Mithrael armor underneath that was given to him by his narcotic uncle.
"I wonder whats taking the rest of the group so long to get here?" asked Merri.
"I don't know Merri, but I think this gives us a wonderful time to talk to each other." Esgalhir (screw it, too hard to pronounce, abbreviation now gonna be Esgy) replied.
"Like what?" Merri thought. Ohhhhhh boy what was she thinking about now?
"Oh I don't know. You, me, us, our fut….." Esgalhir was cut off by a large flapping noise. Garin had appeared on his red dragon. It was about the size of a horse. (Garin is me and a very somewhat loco wizard. He is also a pyro. He bears a staff and a nice sword and a gut.)
"Sorry I'm late. Had to boil the cat. It was being stubborn, and I was looking for a good lunch." The other two just stared at him in disbelief. Over the hill they could see another shadow in the distance.
"Ooooh Ooooh! That must be be Thali! See the arrows! That must be her!!!" exclaimed Esgalhir.
"Ummmm…..no. Shes too short, and those "arrows" are too thick. It must Peri." Garin explained. (Peri was a nice little dwarf, but she was somewhat of a homicidal narcotic. She carried a spiked mace, and used it to flatten orcs and trolls whenever she got the chance. She was overall nice, but you wanted her in a fight. The only problem was she was a narcotic. You see back in the day the Pixies had invented their own powder drug. After technological advances they were able to mass produce it for larger races. Now you were supposed to sniff it, but Peri loved the stuff so much, she gulped it right down. The "arrows" are really hundreds of tubes containing pixie dust for Peri. Once she gets five tubes down she goes absolutely insane and kills anything that's green. That's how the Sahara Forrest got turned into a desert. (She's also BI!!!! Ok there!!! I SAID IT!!! Peri and Thali are BI!!!! You gotta appease everyone)*this is revenge to all the fanfic girls that made every loty GAY in their fanfics*)
As Peri walked towards the group, two riders on horse back…(three sir)……three riders on horseback could be seen in the distance. These were Andariel (shes a trinity styled bitch queen of…well you'll find out later), Thali (the fast action bow wielding chippy but not so much and in a dark by elf way) and Ross (Pyro hobbit prankster who burned half of the shire just so it could get put on a map). Loud explosions and streams of fire seemed to be flying off of Ross's pony as he played with his toys. The four reached the stairs.
"So what are we here fo……" Andariel asked before being cut off. The huge elven doors opened revealing a big elaborate corridor with a rectangular table. At the end sat Elrond looking very displeased as usual.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH its pretty," said Gir (yes that cute little psychotic robot from invader zim. He rules, and he must be included in this story). Everyone looked down at the robot questioningly.
"HHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!" said Gir again. Then he waddled into the extravagant elfish hall. They all sat around the table and waited quietly.
"Now you all no why you have been called here." Spoke Elrond.
"OOOOHHHH I know I know!!! You're gonna do the red pill blue pill decision on us aren't you?? I love that part of the show…." Exclaimed Gir. Again, everyone had learned to just ignore the little, whatever he was, except for Elrond who was quite puzzled. (heee hee hee, sorry all, I had to do that.)
"Anyway, the ultimate danger you are all about to be thrown into…………………" Elrond began to say but an extremely loud EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE was given off by Andariel and Ross was thrown across the room and landed in a pile of swords. The dragon thought for a moment he was a bird and was almost intent on catching him when Garin told him to sit down. Everyone looked at Andariel.
"He poked me!!!!" She exclaimed.
"Arhmmhmm…..as I was……" Again Elrond was interrupted by a loud EEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEP and Peri was thrown across the room. Draco was starving and, with his tongue hanging out, was ready to gobble Peri up in a bite. Everyone looked at Thali.
"She grabbed my butt and then poked me!!" She exclaimed.
"Arhmmhmm…..as I was saying…..the first fellowship has failed." explained Elrond.
"YEAHHH!!!!" cried Gir.
"No, Gir, that's a bad thing." explained Elrond.
"YEAHHH!!!!" cried Gir.
"Nevermind, anyway, They have been brutally mutilated in the caves of Moria. We need you all to go get the ring and complete the quest." Everyone looked at each other speechless. Except for Peri.
"Wooooooooo hooooooo!! We get to go to the caves!!! We get to go to the caves!!! And where there are caves, there are pixies!!!! And where there are pixies, there is dust!!! LOTS OF IT!!! Wait a second………ok who stole one!!?? WHO STOLE ONE OF MY TUBES!!!??? MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSS!!!! (hee hee, had to add it)" She began to glare around the room. "I had 327 tubes when I started this journey, I had two, but im down to 324!!! WHO TOOK ONE!!??"
"It wasn't me!!!" exclaimed Gir. "I think it was the Dragon. He went like this." Gir then made a face as if he was chewing the pixie stick like a dragon.
Everyone began to glance around the room, trying to figure out if anyone looked high. All of a sudden a loud chomping sound and one big gulp came from Draco the Dragon. Everyone turned around to see him licking his lips with red sparkly dust on his mouth and wood chips in his teeth.
"Told you," exclaimed Gir.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU WILL PAY!!!"
"We have no time for this!!! Now you all must find that RING." Exclaimed Elrond.
"Wait, didn't you say they were brutally mutilated?" Asked Garin the Red?
"Doom!!! doom doom doom doom doom doom doom," exclaimed Gir as he did a happy little hobbit dance.
"Yes, by 5,000 orcs. Were sure they were all tortured, by I know you all will be able to find the ring."
"Doom!!! doom doom doom doom doom doom doom," exclaimed Gir.
"So you're saying theres no chance at all? Great……." Garin smirked.
"Doom!!! doom doom doom doom doom doom doom," exclaimed Gir.
"GIR????" questioned Garin.
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAATTTT?????" replied Gir with an innocent look on his face.
"Have you been annoying us with you doom song?" asked Garin.
(Holding back from not singing out) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" said Gir. He then smiled. "You need a hug."
They all filed out of the hall, saddled up, and headed out.
"Wow, this is gonna be such a fun trip," exclaimed Thali, "Me and Peri will get to know each other, I can practice my zodiac positions, and I can practice my witchcraft and fetishes on the orcs!"
And so the fellowship marched onwards. In the lead was Garin in lead on Draco and was playing with his staff (shut up you sickos). Andariel was cleaning her swords. Peri was slurping down another pixie stick while bouncing up and down on her pony while Thali staired at her ass the entire time. Esgalhir was stairing at Merri who was stairing at himself in a mirror. Ross was figuring out how to make C-5. Gir was somehow in a dog suit slurping down a slurpy. They would all head to the MINES OF MORIA A A A A A (echo trailing sound).