Author's note: This fanfiction takes place after the episode Heart of Gold, or Objects in Space, if you never saw that last one. Inara has already decided to leave Serenity, and she and Mal's feelings for each other have, as of yet, not been truly acknowledged. :D
Hope you enjoy! ~ Lizzy88
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Reader
A Firefly Fanfiction
Inara Cera gently folded up one of her delicate silken shawls and placed it into her trunk, biting her lips to keep from crying. She still wasn't sure that leaving Serenity was the right decision. Her heart ached as she thought of Kaylee and Wash, of River, Shepherd, and Simon, Zoe... and especially Mal. Oh, she was so close to telling him... and whenever her tongue was forming the words, the image of him bedding her good friend seemed to burn into her eyes, closing off all rationality and bringing up that burning feeling of anger and hurt. She blinked fiercely over her trunk and threw some incense and candle holders into it just as her shuttle door was cracked open and River Tam peered owlishly around the corner at her.
"River! Come in, dear. Its okay. Come sit on the bed, here."
River, gazing wide-eyed around at the ceiling of the shuttle, completely ignored Inara and the haphazard stream of belongings strewn across the floor. She slowly made her way into the center of the room and stared at the door.
"Hmm. Interesting, how they talk like that, isn't it?"
"Like what, honey?"
"Him. Angry. Always angry."
"What?" Inara looked sharply at her just as Malcolm Reynolds strolled into the room. River rolled her eyes over at Inara and slumped onto the bed. Inara glared at Mal even as her heart performed its familiar leap at the sight of him.
"Yes? Is there something I can help you with?" She tried not to look straight at him and kept her tone brisk and business-like.
"Yeah, we'll be landing on Persephone soon," He said brusquely. "So make sure that you... you have everything." He wasn't looking at her, either.
"I'll do that." They fell silent, and River laughed manically, rolling on the bed and kicking her legs.
"Oh the silly silly people. Fahng-tzong fung-kwong duh jeh this is!" She cackled again. "Boo-tai jung-tzahgn-duh! Ha!"
Mal bristled. "I don't know what she's talking about, but y'all say your tearful goodbyes right about now sos I don't have any drama on my boat come touch-down." He turned and stalked out of the room, his brown coat billowing around his ankles.
Inara took a deep breath as he left and wiped angrily at her eyes. River looked sideways at her. "Love makes us do silly things, doesn't it dear?" she said, sounding like Inara herself.
"What?" She seemed to say that a lot around River.
"Love. It makes you crazy. Not entirely sane, I said. I said that! Really... crazy in the brain pan like me, you are!" She frowned and furrowed her brow. "He loves you though. He's guh jun duh hwoon dahn, but yes. He does. Love... Think about that... but you won't, huh? Never, you never do..." She trailed off and mumbled, then left the room skipping, leaving Inara stunned into silence.
...
Simon Tam smiled wearily as Inara walked into the infirmary. Jayne had recently sliced his hand to the bone while working in one of Serenity's many secret cargo holds for smuggling goods, and Simon was cleaning up bandages and blood.
"Inara. Hi." He threw down the sterilizer he was using to wipe down the counter and studied her. "Is something wrong with River?"
Inara shook her head. His mind always jumped to his sister, bless the man's heart. "No, she's fine... I just had a question about her."
"Well, you know that all my findings are subjective-"
"Oh, I know. I just was wondering- Mal says she's a reader. How true is that? How well can she read a person's mind?"
Simon leaned back against the counter looking thoughtful. When he spoke, it was slowing, as if he was contemplating every word. "I wouldn't quote me on this- I could be wrong, but I don't doubt that River can read the mind of every person on this ship just as easily as you can read a book."
Inara felt a thrill of excitement and fear. She worked hard to keep her voice steady and offhand. "Would she... would she tell me something she knew, if it meant something to me?"
"I don't know."
"Thank you, Simon."
"No problem," He said distractedly. "Are you thinking about staying Inara? Nobody wants you to go. Not even the Captain."
She stiffened. "I'm sorry, but I don't believe Mal knows what he wants." And she left, eager to find River.
...
Mal leaned on the back of Wash's chair, watching as he piloted Serenity towards their final destination.
"You're going too far east."
"Don't backseat drive."
"You're gonna kill us all."
"Good."
"You should slow down."
"You just don't want us to get there."
"Why's that, exactly?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
They glared at each other for a few minutes, then Mal almost fell over as the ship jarred suddenly - they had entered the atmosphere of Persephone. Serenity clanked and jangled as Wash took them down towards a docking bay. They landed with a lurch that threw some of Wash's toy dinosaurs to the floor, and a sudden silence. Wash looked up at Mal.
"You okay, Captain?"
Mal stared blankly out the grimy windshield. "Yeah. I'm fine. Lets just do the job and then let the Ambassador off." He shook himself and left the room quickly, looking determined. Wash sighed and picked up his dinosaurs.
...
Inara stood on the bridge and watched Jayne and Zoe pack up the Flying Mule with supplies and weapons. She was always needlessly worried when they went out on a job- of course it usually wasn't them that she fretted about. Mal strode purposefully into the cargo hold, his head held high, a revolver in his hand. He looked dangerous and ready for anything. He barked a few orders at Jayne, then glanced up at the bridge. Inara looked quickly away, feeling a blush heat her cheeks. Companions shouldn't blush, she had always been told. Hide your emotions away. She could feel Mal's eyes, intense and wary, and refused to look up until his gaze had passed over her. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked into Shepherd's kind, lined face.
"Is something troubling you?"
She shook her head, smiling grimly. "I'm just watching them leave for the last time."
"Ah. You don't have to go, you know."
"Yes, I do."
"If you say so..." He gave her another sympathetic smile and walked off, his hand's clasped behind his back.
Inara frowned after him, then heard a loud bang behind her. Wheeling around, her bangles and shimmering scarves swirling, she saw River crouched on the bridge, her eyes wild.
"River! River..." Inara bent down to look the girl full in the face. Those wide eyes were rather disconcerting. "River, may I ask you something?"
"Maybe..." River stared upwards distantly.
"River, you can read minds, correct?"
River's head snapped around, making Inara jump. She didn't say anything, but Inara continued, taking her attention as an affirmative.
"River, could you tell me what someone is thinking?"
"No." She didn't even pause to think about it.
"River-"
"No!" Her voice echoed rawly through the cargo room. Inara grabbed her arm as River stood.
"No, no, no I shouldn't -secrets... not allowed- not allowed!" River's voice was rising to a scream. Out of the corner of her eye Inara saw Mal and Zoe climbing up the stairs towards them, weapons drawn.
"Secrets... he doesn't want you to know..."
Mal was getting closer. Inara leaned close to River. "Just tell me what he's thinking, River. You know what I want to hear."
River's gaze shot daggers. "He wishes you never set foot on this ship." And she ripped her arm out of Inara's grip and sprinted away, leaving Inara crouched on the floor.
Mal and Zoe had finally reached the bridge where Inara was sitting, looking shocked and hurt.
"What happened? Did she hurt you?" Zoe helped her to her feet.
"No, no..." Trying to hold together her composure, Inara smoothed out her skirts. "Nothing like that. I think I must have said something that upset her, somehow. We were just talking."
"Fong luh..." Muttered Mal, looking after River.
"She's not crazy, Mal. She's just... been hurt."
"Yeah. In the mind." He glared at her. Zoe looked between them both, hoisting her gun into a more comfortable position, looking unsure.
"I'm gonna go back to the mule, Captain,"
He didn't respond. He was looking sullenly at Inara. The tense silence stretched out to breaking point before he finally said, "You know, Kaylee is pretty cut up that you're leavin'. You could pay her a mite more attention."
The words stung. "Its not like this is my fault."
Mal bristled and took a step towards her. "And gawi-gawi long duh dong is that supposed to mean?"
"It means if you weren't- if you hadn't..." She was seeing red.
Mal laughed darkly. "Oh-ho! Really? As if I haven't sat around here watching you bring every gorram talentless jien huo in the verse onto my ship and doing with them what you please! That's your job, Inara and I don't need a sermon from you about my ways when you've been..." He seemed lost for words. "With countless men. And women. And the one time I do it-"
"It didn't have to be with her!" The words cracked like a whip over Mal's stream of insults. Silence fell once again, no sound except for their harsh breathing. He took a step even closer to her, the distance between them seeming extremely small and intimate. The anger burning between them seemed to heat the air around them. Their eyes bored into each other before Inara turned on her heel and stormed away. Mal spun and punched the wall. "Dammit."
...
Mandarin Translations:
Fahng-tzong fung-kwong duh jeh - a knot of self-indulgency
Boo-tai jung-tzahgn-duh - not entirely sane
Guh jun duh hwoon dahn - a real bastard
Fong luh - loopy in the head
gawi-gawi long duh dong
Jien huo - cheap floozy
Gawi-gawi long duh dong - what the hell