Chapter 1 - In the Form of a Question
Notes: Based on "Oracle of the Ages". No relation whatsoever to the TV show.
It's not mine. Oh God, I wish it were. If it were, I might actually have money. But alas, I am broke. Don't sue me, unless you really really want to take possession of my stuffed animal collection.
"Are you ready?"
Ralph (1) took a deep breath, leveled his sword, and swallowed. "Ready."
It was a fine summer day, the birds chirping, the sky cloudless, the grass green. Not that Ralph took any notice at the moment. He was currently engaged in one of the many mock battles he had to endure in his training with Link. This was the fourth one since they'd started, and he had yet to last more than a few minutes.
Ralph charged forward, careful to keep his left guard up. He'd lowered it last time and been down in about ten seconds. As expected, Link jabbed towards his left, testing the defenses. When they proved sound, he danced away, feinting left and slashing at Ralph's right side. Again Ralph managed to block him, though with slightly more difficulty.
Link stepped back a second time, and the two circled each other warily. Ralph could see the battle glint in Link's eyes; the thrill of the game. Bracing himself, he charged forward again, hoping to bash his way into and under Link's defenses.
Meeting his sword head on, Link threw the point of his blade nearly to Ralph's wrist and twisted his entire arm in a circular motion to the left. Ralph lost his grip on the weapon and it slid from his sweaty fingers to the grass. Barely a second later, Link's sword was leveled at Ralph's throat. (2) Ralph blinked at it.
"I win," said Link, hiding a grin.
Ralph sighed, slumping to the ground when Link lowered the blade. "That makes five. Can we take a break?"
"Sure." Link sheathed his sword and lowered himself to the grass next to Ralph, who noticed that the elf was sweating hard.
"So, I guess I did put up a decent fight then." At Link's blank look, Ralph pointed to his forehead. "You're sweating."
Link wiped a sleeve across his head and blinked at it when it came away wet. "So I am. Well, you are getting better. Good enough to be a decent challenge, anyway."
Ralph snorted and lied back on the grass, closing his eyes against the harsh midday sunlight. "Yeah right. If you call twenty seconds a challenge."
Ralph heard what sounded suspiciously like a giggle come from Link. "Well, that's more than the five seconds you lasted the first time we battled. And before that when you barely knew how to use a sword properly."
"I'm never going to get this right," Ralph groaned. "I'll be stuck letting you protect Nayru for the rest of my life." He cracked an eye open to look at Link. "You're lucky. You can protect everyone. Including Zelda. I mean, your rescue was just... amazing!"
"Oh God." Link's shoulders sagged. "Please don't talk about Zelda right now."
"What?" Ralph sat up, suddenly concerned for his friend. "You two have a lover's quarrel?"
Link rolled his eyes. "We're not lovers. I don't even really like her. It's *her* that's infatuated with *me*."
"You mean... you two aren't together? You're not... interested in her?"
"No." Link covered his face with his hands, making the rest of his speech slightly muffled. "I don't like Zelda, I don't like Maple, I don't like Impa, I don't like Syrup, I don't like Madam Meowmeow, I don't like Malon, I don't like the Maku Tree, and I don't like any of the other twelve thousand girls who have hit on me. Even the Oracles made a pass, and they're not even really interested!"
Ralph blinked. "All those girls... haven't you ever really liked anyone? I mean, you've been so many different places, and met so many people..."
Link removed his hands and look at over at Ralph. The other swordsman thought he looked rather tired and worn. "Three."
"Hm? ...What? Three what?"
"Three people that I've ever really liked. Only one that I've ever really fallen in love with."
Ralph straightened up a bit. This could be interesting. "Oh yeah? Who were they?"
"Well, let's see." Link began to tic them off on his fingers. "The first one was Sheik. I thought he was Zelda for a while, but when the relationship got serious, I discovered that he was... er... definately male." (3) Link blushed slightly and looked over at Ralph, only to find the other boy unmoved. He didn't seem to care at the revelation that Link had a male lover. Instead, he seemed only curious about the other two romantic interests. Slightly shakily, Link pressed on.
"The second one... well, that was of no consequence really. Just a village boy that I met on one of my travels. It was no more than a crush really, and never went anywhere."
Ralph grinned. "Was he handsome?"
After two or three seconds of embarassed sputtering, Link managed to be slightly coherent.
"What... what do you care? I mean... you like girls, right?"
Ralph shrugged. "Never really thought about it before. The only person I've really cared anything about in my life has been Nayru, and she's an Oracle. Oracle's don't have relationships, so I was careful not to fall in love with her. Still, she's my friend, and protecting her never really left me much time to explore other relationships. I don't suppose I'll know whether I like boys or girls until I've been with both. Anyway, who was the third person? That's got to be the one you're in love with, right? Or was that Sheik?"
Link shook his head. "No, the thing with Sheik was just... a fling. But I can't tell you who the third guy is."
"Why not?" Ralph tilted his head at the elf, frowning slightly. "You told me who the other two were!"
"Yeah, but, this is different. The last guy... well... I met him on this quest, and-"
"-And I know who he is," Ralph finished. Link nodded gloomily.
"Well, let me guess. Hm... come to think of it, there aren't all that many guys around."
"Don't." Link shook his head sadly. "Just don't. Don't guess. I'm not going to tell you."
But Ralph was already lost in thought. "It's not Tingle is it?"
Several emotions flashed across Link's face, from embarrassment to outrage to disgust. "I told you, I'm not going to tell you."
"So it IS Tingle then!"
"NO! Of course not! Yeesh, he's over thirty years old!"
"So what? You're... what?" Ralph made random circular gestures in the air. "Fifty? Sixty?"
"Well... yeah... but that's not the point. I'm an elf. For me that's only about eighteen or so. Besides, that guy's a nutcase. I'd never be interested in him."
Link was about to open his mouth to say something else when he noticed that Ralph looked thoughtful again. Finally realizing that he wasn't going to get out of this, Link just surrendered to the inevitable.
"Is it one of the boys from the village?"
"No."
"It is a guy, right?"
"Right."
"Is he human?"
"Yes."
"It's not one of the palace guards, is it?"
"No. Look, would you stop guessing, please?"
Ralph frowned. "Oh, fine. But can I just have one more guess?"
"Fine," said Link, sighing gustily. "But just one, alright?"
Ralph nodded. "Alright."
They sat for a few moments in silence, until Link's patience ran thin. "Well?"
"Hm?" Ralph looked up at him. "What? Oh... no, I'm not going to use it now. I'm going to wait until I think I'm positive I know who it is, then see if I'm right." At Link's dismayed look, Ralph only grinned. "Didn't think I was going to get it right, huh? Well don't worry, I'll figure it out." He paused for another second. "Wait a minute. Is it-"
"Ralph!" They were interrupted by the call of a feminine voice nearby. Ralph scrambled to his feet.
"That would be Nayru. I have to go. I'll see you later, I guess. Don't worry, I'll think of who it is!" With that, he grabbed up his sword from where it was lying forgotten on the grass. "Bye Link!"
Link stood up to watch him go. When Ralph was out of earshot he muttered, "That would be correct Nayru."
(1) I've never been very fond of the name "Ralph", especially for a romance story. Oh well, I'll live if you will.
(2) I know absolutely nothing about swordfighting, but I think I saw those moves in a movie once, so just play along, okay?
(3) Yes, yes, I know. Sheik *is* Zelda. But you never know! Someone pointed out to me that they have different eye colors. ...Fine. It's AU or something. Happy?
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.
or
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author.