Title: Where the Flowers Bloom
Pairing: James/Lily, Severus/Lily, Lily centric
Rating: R
Word Count: 11,298
Summary: Face paint and sweat dripped in dilated eyes and down sun stung cheeks, marchers protested, young blood spilled on foreign soil, and the euphoria of free love lingered in the air. It was the summer of Eggmen, white rabbits, and R-E-S-P-E-C-T. She stared out of the bus window at the rolling green hills and open highway, hoping her thousands of miles of travel would be worth her escape from that town. She never expected that hot, madcap summer of 1967—the summer of love—to change her life in ways she never thought possible.
Warning: AU MWPP (that should have been clear from the summary), drug use, sexuality, language, damn dirty hippies. Oh, and images.
Disclaimer: I obviously don't own HP.
A/N: Yes, new story I've been working on for a while. This is chapter 1 of 8 and was originally posted yesterday (May 19, 2008) at my fic community on LJ called "acciosalmon". So I urge you to go to community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/accio(underscore)salmon/770.html to see the fic with images and the letter as an actual letter, unlike below due to all the restrictions on , and it's just...prettier overall. Also, I credit a few of my lj friends for helping me out with this and betaing :) In case you were worried, NO, I haven't given up or forgotten my other WIP The Long and Winding Road. But I really needed a break from it.
--
Mom, Dad, and Petunia Tuney,
By the time you read this you'll probably already have tried to call the police or something rash like that. Just so you know, I'm fine (FINE). As I said to Mom the other day, I can't keep this up. I can't keep up the staring and the way people even look at you whenever you leave the house. I'm 18. I'm an adult now, and maybe it's time for me to do adult things try to go off on my own. At least for a little while. I have a bus waiting for me at the station. I'm should be going to California (Yes, California. Yes thousands of miles away. YES, California.). I figure a change of environment will do me some good; I'd go absolutely crazy staying at home a second longer.
I love you two all so much (even YOU, Tuney) and I promise to call. I'll be safe, I'll eat my vegetables, and I'll remember to wear clean underwear, so please, please, please don't worry. I'll be back home soon when I feel this has all blown over.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Especially sorry to you, Tuney. Honestly to the bottom of my heart I didn't mean for all of this to happen. It's my fault, really, for getting you all and myself into this mess. Hopefully my absence will get you all some much needed peace. If anyone asks, I'm sure you can make up something creative enough. And tell Emme I'll try to give her a ring when I can.
Love,
Lily
P.S. Don't bother coming to California to track me down. Logistically the state is really just too big, but other than that you'll never guess where I'm going.
--
Heels clicked and clacked on the even sloping cement, wheels rumbling behind her from her large trunk. This felt right. It should have felt right, rather. She'd heard about this part of the city. It was the place where all the runaways went. The drop outs, the junkies, the intellectuals, the artists, the musicians; the ones who wanted a life more fruitful than the one they were living or just wanted fun for the summer. They wanted one of love and peace and damning establishment.
Lily didn't know what she was damning exactly. Politics always made her overly emotional and frustrated; she was all for peace and love and the music supporting it, but it was much easier said than done. And she wasn't a junkie and, though she found herself rather intelligent, she didn't flaunt it. So why she found herself clutching a scrap of newspaper with a tiny ad declaring available rooms, she didn't know. But as she approached the blue painted detached nineteenth century style townhouse, she felt doubt. Her doubt was then gripped with fear. Her fear was then strangled by one question: why?
Face it, she told herself. You're eighteen and naïve as hell. Why, oh, why did you think this was a good idea, Lily, why?
And then she remembered.
She bit her lip, releasing ever mounting tension through her nervous habit. Only another block down and she'd be there. Another block more of hearing early birds blast Side One of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band on record players and succinct high pitched psychedelic beats of keyboards from The Doors' newest single on the radio, streaming through nineteenth century Victorian windows. She panted and felt out of shape, and even the chill of early morning June gloom couldn't cool her off. Her legs tightened and her arm was sore. She must have looked completely out of place to the others who walked up and down the street with ease and without beads of sweat manifesting along their hairlines.
When she finally arrived there was already a solitary figure outside of the home, perched on the front steps in the mid-rise of the sun, a sight which painted the sky a dark blue with an accented orange hue. He…was a he—tall, with unkempt black hair that reached his shoulders and a rather large nose protruding from the front of his pouting face, smoking what looked to be a cigarette but she couldn't be quite sure from the distance or the reputation of this neighborhood.
She stopped. He didn't look up.
"Hello," Lily said shyly, smiling a fretful looking smile and waving in his direction. She repositioned the trunk, standing it up vertically directly next to her and flexing her pained, reddened fingers. She immediately wondered if it was wise to nearly bring the entire contents of her closet and dresser drawers with her. She must have looked deranged: here she was, a random young lady smiling and waving like a deranged maniac at an equally as random young man. "Do you live here?"
Then he looked up, and if he planned on looking back down at the ground immediately after, that idea seemed to dissolve when he got a good look at her. He had a very open stare—nervous, speedy glances up and down her body as though he was checking to see if he could size her up, or alternatively giving her the typical once over, gazing longer than needed at certain areas more than others.
He took another slow drag before answering, leaving Lily antsy. Her smile eased.
"Who's asking?"
Tobacco.
"Pardon?
"What's your name?"
Judy Jetson.
"Lily. Lily Evans."
"Mmph," he said around his cigarette.
"And you are…" She shuffled her heels, biting her bottom lip again.
"Severus. Severus Snape."
"Severus? That's an interesting name. Are you Italian or something?"
"No. "
"Oh. Never mind."
"Lily, is it? What an odd name. And you're a living, breathing, walking, trunk toting flower then?" he mocked with a small twitch of his thin lips, flicking out ashes with his long, thin fingers.
"I guess I deserved that. Stupid question," she replied with a brief smile, shuffling her shoes. "But the reason I'm here is to question your, er, housing."
Lily handed over the wrinkled and sweat worn piece of black and white newspaper to Severus. He squinted, exhaling a stream of smoke before reading it over. It advertised a room available at that very townhouse. He snorted and gave her clipping back.
"They've got these places in papers now?" he grumbled around his cigarette, sighing and watching the smoke escape his lips. "So, what's your story then?"
"My story?" Lily repeated confusedly, staring at this Severus character to see if he was being serious. He didn't seem like the joking type.
"Yeah. You don't just show up in Haight-Ashbury by yourself at age…"
"Eighteen."
"Eighteen without some kind of story about how you got to be where you are now," Severus said. He had a somewhat deep voice, but a tone which felt to her as if he knew he was better than others, than their words, no matter how eloquently or truthfully uttered; they wouldn't mean a damn thing to him. Despite his awkward stance, hunched over frame, scruffy hair, pallid complexion, and unappealing nose; despite the fact that he didn't possess the intimidation qualities Lily usually seemed to feel whenever around attractive men, he intimidated her to the bone. It must have been the way he looked at her, as though she were a joke, there for amusement. If it wasn't the challenging eyebrow quirk that got her it was the blank, dark, lifeless look in his eyes.
"And what if I don't want to tell my story?"
"Then I'd suggest you find another place," Severus snapped, stubbing out his cigarette. "Especially if you're just one of those morons running around just to have a good story to tell when they go back home after the summer."
"Are you even the owner?" Lily asked. "You're far too young."
"No," Severus bristled. "But the owner does trust my judgment, and if I don't like you then you can have fun finding somewhere else to be."
Weren't the people here supposed to be friendly? Accept her with open arms and an available room? Was this boy what everybody else in Haight-Ashbury was like? Her stomach contracted with regret. She made an awful mistake coming here.
She pulled herself together and regarded him as coldly as she could. She couldn't be bothered with the likes of him. She wouldn't let him get to her. She hardly even knew the guy. And yet, she couldn't stop the quivering of her throat, the feeling of failure on that cold street as everything she imagined came crashing down upon her.
"Fine, I'll find somewhere else to stay then," she said, grabbing the handle of her trunk and proceeding to walk away. But she knew that finding a place to stay was scarce. She'd end up on the street with her trunk begging for food and water. The thought terrified her. The clunks of the trunk and the sharp staccato of her heeled gait sounded louder, more daunting in her departure.
"Wait, wait, wait."
She came to a halt. For a second she thought she just imagined hearing his low, muffled tone.
"I'll give you a day, and then I'll see if you can share the space. Deal?"
Lily immediately perked up. "Really? You really mean that?"
"Yes."
"Oh!" Lily grinned, pulling a stray strand of red hair out of her face and grabbing her trunk once more as she proceeded back towards the front steps of the little townhouse, the trunk hitting her ankles and leaving red marks on her skin. "Oh, thank you, thank you! I promise I'll be perfect. Absolutely perfect."
Severus sighed, exhausted by Lily's energy. After growing impatient watching her struggle, he helped her with getting the trunk up the steps. With her hands free, she was able to fully take in the surroundings of the quaint little Victorian style house which looked so much bigger on the inside than it did on the outside.
The foyer revealed a smaller foyer with a parlor to the left with avocado-colored walls, a small wood paneled television, and an old couch as well as the remnants of an old, unused fireplace. In front of her was an opening leading to another hallway and to the left a small kitchen with bright blue walls and a yellow refrigerator as well as a table. Further down the hallway were the main stairs of the home. She approached the old staircase, admiring the creak as she stepped on the first step. Her fingers traced the old, half-hearted polished wood of the winding banister at the foot of the stairway. With each step she dragged her blue varnished digits along the railing, gathering light grey dust which sparkled and winked at her as she examined it on her fingertips.
"Hello?"
Lily blinked and looked at Severus. "Sorry, did you say something?"
He huffed with annoyance. "I asked if you were okay with the room adjacent to mine. Not that you have much of a choice in the first place."
"Yeah, sure, fine," she said. She struggled with her trunk as it clunked and became stuck on every other step. "So, when's your birthday?"
"January."
"I have a January birthday, too," Lily said, beaming. "What day?"
"Ninth."
"Thirtieth. 1949."
"1947."
"Ah, so you're twenty," Lily nodded slowly.
"Well that's nice: you can count. Twelve years of public school education clearly didn't go to waste for you," Severus said, continuing to pull her trunk.
"So, how long've you lived here?" Lily asked, slightly cowed at his latest swipe.
"A couple years I guess," Severus replied. "More people here now than ever. It's like we're all some…fucking tourist attractions or something. Fuck the bridge or trolley cars, the stiffs from Middle of Nowhere, USA want to see the so called freaks in Golden Gate Park playing bongos and smoking grass. Have you seen those buses? They give those tourists actual pamphlets of what so called 'hippies' are all about. Like dictionaries. It's as if we're animals in a damn zoo to be classified."
"You don't seem to me to exactly fit the stereotype yourself," Lily observed, taking in Severus's attire and demeanor. Sure the hair was to his shoulders and stringy, and he smelled like old smoke, but he wasn't toting beads or an ethnic print vest. He didn't have a guitar in his hands and he wasn't smiling and giving her flowers of peace. He looked unhappy in dark jeans and a black and white striped shirt. He wasn't like the people she saw earlier walking the streets who looked so at peace. He was storming.
Severus said nothing in return to her observation but simply sighed and kept walking down the herbal smelling second story. With the rising sun came quiet stirs from behind closed doors and music began to draft through what seemed to be the attic.
"So here's where you may be," Severus said, putting emphasis on the "may" bit, reminding her not to get her hopes up. He walked through his own room to a section separated by a cascade of thick wooden beads of every color under the rainbow and thick silk curtains which fell to the floor. It was a small area, but along with the thick yet unconventional separation between her space and his, she felt oddly protected, enclosed. There was a bare four poster bed, with parts rusted deep brown along the white, slender posts, and the mattress was old and lumpy and surely had seen better days, but it was practical. It was all practical.
"Simplicity," Lily said aloud and crossed her arms across her chest, tilting her head slightly.
"Simplicity, lacking trite materialism. That's become a value nowadays, really," he concurred from behind her as he set her trunk down. "I need another cigarette."
After a small breakfast of steaming tea and a dry piece of toast which lay forgotten in the bright yellow toaster from an earlier scavenger, Lily returned to her new space to get dressed. Severus in a half-hearted, dull tone promised her a tour of sorts around the district. After taking off her sweaty brown dress, she yanked off her tights and quickly pulled on a bright green dress covered in pink squares and brown sandals before running to the bathroom to freshen up. She rummaged through her miniscule makeup bag and slathered on a fresh layer of red lipstick. She puckered, looked at herself from all angles as she put on her jewelry.
She was about to step out of Severus's room, but she took a second to notice his sleeping quarters. His bed was incredibly neat, military style. Not a curve or wrinkle in sight upon the worn, black sheets. But around the bed lay a dozen books and atop the bed was a small pile of items. She lowered herself onto the edge of the bed with precision, hoping not to stir the perfection of the spread. In front of her sat an extra disposable lighter of a clear, dark green and an open pack of Marlboro cigarettes. Only four left in the worn carton. Next to that was a half written letter made out to "Mom" and she couldn't stop her eyes from greedily trying to decipher his small, cramped, compact text; she only managed to catch short words and brief phrases: "perfectly fine," "records," "no," "Tuesday," "little sleep," and "home anytime soon."
As much as she yearned to read the entire letter, she knew this was an invasion of privacy, and if he were to ever find out…
Lily got up and walked down the stairs and strode down the small hallway to the foyer.
"Ready!" Lily shouted, brushing her hair out of her face. She found Severus standing in front of the door smoking again.
He looked over his shoulder at her before turning fully to look at her, and did the same gliding over of her body, causing her to feel a sudden bout of self-consciousness, uncertainty. Did he not approve? Was she not dressed the part?
"Something wrong?" she asked, clearing her throat as an attempt to hide her growing anxiety. She bit her lip again.
"No. Nothing," Severus said and jerked his head to show that they were ready to set off.
--
The sun never felt so comforting on her freckled back before that Friday morning, nor had the grass ever been so ticklish on her bare shoulders.
"I could do this for the rest of my life," Lily said sleepily and turned over, feeling the sun's rays on the exposed skin of her chest. "Really, I could."
"Sure, if you want to look like a tomato."
Lily turned over again, resting on her elbows and peering at Severus peculiarly. They were in the Golden Gate Park, surrounded by other youths playing tambourines and frolicking about, some picking daisies and troublesome weeds from the ground and making bracelets, some smoking, singing, and reading. It was like nothing she remembered ever seeing back home. She felt such a strong pull towards a little group of people dancing and laughing in a circle. Their sweaty palms gripped flowers and pesky weeds as they sang what sounded like a Rolling Stones tune as a man with hair past his shoulders strummed on his guitar, watching.
She knew they were probably on something or other. That's what she heard about on the television at least. She remembered her mother talking about it at the dinner table, expressing her confusion at all that "nonsense" with those young people. Petunia agreed wholeheartedly, saying, "Those 'hippies' are just trying to get attention with all these drugs and protests and carrying on. Look at them hamming it up in front of the camera. How embarrassing! Haven't they got an ounce of shame?" But Lily didn't blame them. She couldn't blame them for seeking something unknown and mysterious and bigger than themselves. Petunia mocked her when she brought up such a "radical" point of view.
"Oh, Lily," she'd simper nastily while cutting her meat into perfect squares. "You have no idea what you're talking about! You're just too naïve for your own good."
But Petunia didn't matter at that moment. The only thing that mattered was Lily's bare foot bobbing to the faint tunes of the radio in the distance. Petunia didn't matter. Petunia didn't matter. Petunia didn't matter.
"Why are you in the shade?" Lily eventually asked, as she turned over onto her stomach again. She needed a distraction.
He didn't look up from his book. "Too hot."
"Oh, come on, Severus, the sun is good for you," Lily coaxed. "Look at everybody else. I thought everyone here loves this sort of weather."
He scratched his head, and then the knee of his black trousers. She realized how thin he looked, despite wearing stripes. Black and white horizontal. Petunia always said that horizontal stripes were widening, fattening. Vertical stripes were best according to her.
He exhaled, the smoke covering his face like an ethereal veil and streaming into her nostrils.
"Not everyone here is dancing in the sun, Lily," Severus said. "That's what the sheep on the TVs want you to think. Doesn't matter what we look like, what matters are our thoughts."
Lily didn't respond, feeling slightly embarrassed and cowed.
"Looks like it to me," she said, looking over at the groups having fun skipping and singing and laughing.
"We're not all happy-go-lucky. Some of us, the real intellectuals, are pissed the fuck off. We're the ones protesting and fighting the good fight. Not these people who think that dancing is going to solve anything."
"Okay, okay! Don't bite my head off!" Lily retorted.
They were silent for a while, an angry silence on Lily's behalf.
Who does this guy think he is? The "real intellectuals" my foot! Those real intellectuals are out getting stoned just like all the others, I'm sure.
Several minutes later Lily spotted a tall man with light brown hair jogging towards the two. His hair reached the bottom of his ears and his pants looked rather tight, especially around the crotch.
"Hey!"
"I think somebody is calling you."
He looked up and immediately rolled his eyes. The man was now a few paces away from him and panting before he flopped down on the ground next to Severus in the shade without a moment of introduction and moved his shades so they rested above his forehead.
"Guess what I heard," Evan panted and wiped sweat of his brow with an eager glint in his brown eyes, as though this was something that only he and Severus would find amusing."What, Evan?" Severus replied, deadpan around his cigarette.
"Guess who got a little present from the Selective Service Board?"
"Not your ass I'm guessing, Evan," he replied insipidly, tilting his head upwards and sighing, Adam's apple bobbing along his neck. She imagined anyone else in his current position would have an air of relaxation about them, but Severus still looked stiff and anxious as if such characteristics of apprehension were part of his very bones.
"Of course not."
"That idiot you hang out with? Anthony is it?"
"No, better. Much better. Potter."
Severus bolted upright and nearly choked on his cigarette. His thin lips quirked into a queer sort of smile: not quite cynical smirk, but not exactly one of utter joy. Nevertheless, the latter clearly had more prevalence across his other facial features. "Ha! If anyone deserves to get sent back in a body bag it's him."
Lily frowned. "Who's Potter?"
"A pretentious, rich bastard who lives with his friends around here. Took a year off before going to college with Mommy and Daddy paying his bills every damn month. He'll probably find a way to get out of his deployment while those of us without mansions or estates or jobs or connections are expected to spend some quality time with Uncle Sam," Severus answered. "Money talks."
"I thought you were against anyone being forced to go to war," Lily reminded him.
"I am," Severus said, stubbing his cigarette in the damp grass surrounding him in the shade. He lifted his hips upward, balancing on his long legs and using the tree as support as he fished in his pocket for another smoke. With a grunt he was back to sitting and gruffly asked Evan for a light. "But he's…bastard, that's what he is. Fucking bastard."
"How do you know him?" Lily asked.
"That's not important," Severus said with dismissal as he sharply ignited the lighter beneath a cupped hand. This so called Potter was not something to discuss at the moment, and the conversation quickly changed gears into introductions.
"So, Severus, who might this groovy lady be?" Evan said, brushing his hair back, giving her a smile, and offering his hand.
"Lily," she answered, reaching out to shake his hand but instead ended up with her hand clutched in his and reaching his lips. Lily tried to smile in return as he kissed her up and down her arm, but she felt her mouth contorting into a grimace with each sensation of his thin, wet lips on her skin. There was something about Evan that made her feel uneasy. Besides the fact that he was kissing up and down her damn arm in the same way as films depicting amorous European men, Lily couldn't decide whether it was the fact that he kept staring at her cleavage or the fact that he just had "loser" written all over him. She fleetingly thought of her father, and what he would say if this guy showed up on her door step for a date. He'd have a fit, that's what. Petunia would probably wrinkle her nose in that ugly way she does whenever something or someone has offended her. She quickly turned to Severus whose eyes were focused on Evan's face.
"Stop scaring her, Evan," Severus muttered. "She just got here, you imbecile."
"Shut up, I'm not scaring anyone," Evan countered. "I've got to go anyway."
"What do you possibly have planned?" Severus asked.
"I've got a date with Mary-Jane," Evan said with a rogue smile. "S'later. Hope to be seeing you, too, Lily."
With a wink, he stood up and walked away back up the little, grassy hillside. Severus rolled his eyes. "That's got to be the dumbest thing I've heard from him so far today."
"Mary-Jane? That his girlfriend or something?" Lily asked, wiping the back of her hand on the grass.
"Pfft," Severus snorted. "He's just getting some grass. Apparently Evan enjoys personifying drugs all of a sudden."
"Oh," Lily said. "Ha, that's what my friend Emme told me before I left. She said I'll get suckered into some sort of cult or something. And smoke grass all day, drop acid, and jump out a window."
"And do you have a problem with that?"
"What? Jumping out of windows?" Lily asked, incredulously. "Of course I have a problem with—"
"No, no, no, I mean drugs," Severus said.
"I don't know, I've never tried them. My parents would kill me. My sister would kill me."
"Let me guess, your family is obscenely close minded," Severus said.
"No, they're very open minded and accept all different sorts of things."
"And yet, they're afraid of expanding your mind to something beyond their post-war suburban comfort zone," Severus concluded and closed the book which lay open unread since Evan's sudden arrival. "Let me guess, they probably think the Kinsey Reports are books of sin, too."
"Well thanks for that information, Timothy Leary," Lily glowered. "Don't make sweeping generalizations about my family. You don't even know them."
Severus sighed. "Fine, fine. Calm down. Want a drag? Or let me guess: you've never touched a cigarette before either."
Lily peered at the harmless looking cigarette. Her mother told her cigarettes weren't ladylike and stain your teeth. But her mother also begged her not to leave, and that didn't stop her.
"Fine," Lily said, taking the cigarette from his hand and hesitantly moving it up to her lipstick smothered lips. She inhaled quickly, feeling the smoke rapidly gather down her throat, through her lungs and…she coughed. For a moment she felt so womanly; grown up. She felt like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's sans the long, slender cigarette holder or the jewels or the grace or the looks. Or George Peppard for that matter. Yet, the moment of elegance and maturity she felt was gone as fast as it came.
"Give it back," Severus said, his voice quivering and trying not to laugh as her eyes watered up, smearing her mascara. "So I was right, you've never smoked before, have you?"
Lily shook her head no while another cough rattled through her body.
"What have you done?"
"What do you mean?" Lily asked sharply, and coughed once more. Damn was he condescending.
"You know what I mean."
"Drugs?"
"Anything."
"I already told you I've never tried any."
As she anticipated, derisive laughter followed. "By now I'm not surprised," Severus replied. "Of all the places for America's most sheltered girl to end up, it happens to be here."
"Oh, shut up," Lily huffed, nervously tinkering with the hem of her dress as her face burned with embarrassment and frustration. He had a nasty laugh. The sort of laugh that makes you blush and throws off your train of thought. But she was stronger than that. She wouldn't let him make her feel like a fool.
There was another moment of silence.
"So, if I were to…say…be interested in…" she started, trying to find appropriate words to express her curiosity without coming across as more of an idiot, which Severus probably already considered her after their near hour of conversation at the park.
"Interested in…" Severus goaded on.
"In…er…in…trying…um."
"Drugs?" he finished for her, eyebrows raised with knowing challenge and a hint of surprise.
"Jesus Christ, don't look at me like that!"
Severus rolled his eyes again before standing up and stretching. His cigarette was fuming away between his fingers, as he lifted his arms above his head and stood on his tiptoes to stretch. The hem of his shirt lifted with his arms, revealing skin; skin stretching over ribs and atop his skin lay traces of hair along his abdomen and around his navel. Lily turned away, embarrassed and feeling as though her eyes weren't allowed to go there, to see something private and usually shrouded.
"Um, so, er…"
He sighed deeply as he stopped stretching and put the cigarette back between his lips. He bent his knees to balance on the balls of his feet. "How would you go about getting some drugs so you can experiment with something you've always been curious about but have been too hesitant to try on your own because oh, good Heavens, what will Mommy and Daddy think?"
You're a total and complete ass.
"Maybe, I guess," Lily spoke slowly, glancing up at him numerous times under her deep red lashes.
Severus gave her a look.
"I mean, yes, yes I do want to…try. Experimentation can't hurt, can it?"
Unless you jump out a window, of course.
Severus inhaled through the cigarette and gave her an odd look before saying, "Yes, can't hurt. Not a problem. Tonight, then."
"You mean you have some…just…on hand?"
"Sure," Severus shrugged. "Christ, Lily. You're acting as though it's hard to get around here."
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry," Lily sighed.
She grabbed her brown, leather purse and foraged through it to find her watch. She noticed the time.
"I want to see more," she said as she stood up and wiped the grass from her bottom and the front of her dress. "It's really beautiful out here. All these people and the music. I don't want to take it for granted."
"Come on, then," Severus said. "I'm getting tired of just sitting here. There's probably some Diggers performance sometime today."
The dress mocked her through the glass barrier. It really was perfect. It ran to the knee, with creamy yellow fabric and olive accents along the trim of the petit collar and pockets, the six rounded, deep set buttons lined up vertical on both sides of the long front zipper which ended just above bow of the same calming green. The cool breeze nipped at her bare legs and thin dress. It was no longer sunny. Instead the sky appeared partly cloudy, borderline overcast accompanied by a cool zephyr. She looked to her right to see Severus, quiet as he had been all day with her, still smoking and looking at his shoes.
"That color is warming me right up," Lily said with a wistful tone permeating her voice.
Severus didn't say anything.
"You don't talk much, do you?" Lily observed.
"No, I don't."
She sighed. There really was no way of breaking the ice as far as she was concerned. So she gazed back at the store front window of the second-hand store, at that dress which mocked her. Petunia would love it. She really would. Especially the sleeves. If there was one thing her and her elder sister had in common it was dresses.
Decision came over her.
"Let's go in," Lily concluded.
"No."
"Oh, come on," Lily coaxed with a simper. "Don't be a spoil sport."
"I don't need new clothes. And there's a free store right around the damn corner."
"Well I do," she replied. "It's a lovely dress. A real bargain, I'm sure."
"Capitalism at its best, I see."
"Stubbornness at its best, I see," Lily retorted. "Come on. I want to at least get a look around."
He sighed, and reluctantly began to follow her in before the door opened and out came a tall young man with glasses, messy hair, and a seemingly prim outfit of brown trousers, a wrinkled white collared shirt, and a black tie. A cigarette dangled between his lips as he put his wallet back into his pants pocket and clutched his bag containing his purchase. He turned to glance at Lily and Severus, and after a quick look at the latter began to open his mouth, perhaps in greeting, but whatever he was meaning to say was lost of his lips the moment he gave Lily another look her way.
Words must have failed him. He literally froze as he stared at her, looking right at her, mouth slightly open and cigarette threatening to fall from his mouth onto the cold cement. Something about that look unnerved her and a pleasant feeling of warmth filled her as she returned his gaze. Fixation soon transformed into fear, fear that he was staring openly at something wrong with her.
"Mind taking a picture?" Severus sneered. "Or at least wiping the drool off your face."
The bespectacled young man quickly shook his head and turned towards Severus, glancing back at Lily a few times before responding. Lily also fell out of the brief staring contest.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to acknowledge your new friend," he said with a grin. He winked at her behind his lenses. This wink wasn't like the wink Evan gave her earlier. This was playful rather than a failed attempt at seduction.
Lily felt her cheeks burning under his hazel gaze. She couldn't allow herself to look at him any closer than she already did, despite already noticing how the outer corners of his eyes wrinkled ever so slightly when he smiled smugly, or the fact that he turned his head away from her when he exhaled his tobacco (she liked to think that it was out of politeness), or how his shaggy mop of black hair literally ran in all directions.
"And who might you be?"
"Li—"
"She's nobody," Severus retorted. "Besides, do you think this is an appropriate time to go shopping? I hear our country needs you, after all."
He tensed; his eyes slowly morphed from friendly and crinkled at the edges to a flat out glare. Severus promptly grasped Lily's hand, much to her surprise and consternation despite the fact that her hand was freezing and his thin limbed palm and fingers provided needed warmth. Severus started walking, Lily in tow, but she couldn't help but look over her shoulder for another quick glance at the raven haired man. To her wonder, he was still looking right back at her.
"Hey, hey, hey! Hold it!" Lily shouted, wrenching her hand from his grasp as the duo turned the corner. "Who was that?"
"James Potter," he spat as if something bitter lingered on his tongue.
"Oh!" Lily said, rubbing her sore hand. "The bastard."
"The bastard," he nodded. "It was like he was undressing you with his damned four-eyed pseudo-mod self."
"Oh, please, you must be mistaking him with your friend, Evan. And I actually liked the way he was dressed," Lily ended softly. "Not too fancy."
"He thinks he's better than everyone else," Severus explained. "He went to London last spring and came back dressing like a damn Teddy Boy."
"A Teddy Boy?"
"English imbeciles who think because they listen to jazz, love Chuck Berry, and wear their Sunday best every damn day that they're better than everybody else."
"Is that why you hate him? Because he likes Chuck Berry and may belt I'm All Shook Up in the shower?" Lily let out a hoot of laugher. "Pretty damn petty if you ask me. And what you said was so rude. You may hate him but that doesn't mean he deserves to get his legs blown off on the other side of the world."
Severus didn't respond as they walked back to the townhouse in silence. It wasn't until they entered their room that Lily dared to speak.
"I'm getting hungry."
"Alice usually cooks."
"Is that what smelled so good downstairs?"
"Probably."
Lily sauntered off towards her small living quarter and picked up a wooden brush and began to brush her hair as she walked back towards Severus. He was now laying on his bed, coughing on yet another cigarette. He was a chain smoker if she ever knew one.
"So, do you have a girlfriend or something?" Lily asked in what she hoped was a nonchalant manner.
Severus peeked at her over his shoulder and squinted. "What?"
"I asked if you have a girlfriend."
"Why?"
She shrugged her shoulders and placed all her weight on her left side, causing her hip to jut out. "I'm just curious."
"No, I don't have a girlfriend," he said with a scoff and sat up to face her. "I mean, I'm not exactly George Harrison, am I?"
"That doesn't mean a damn thing," Lily chided as she walked over to the gilded, framed mirror and continued to brush her hair. She stared hard at her reflection, at the few light freckles around her nose, scattered on her chin and forehead. She didn't think she was anything special in the beauty department. She saw typical eyebrows, typical green eyes, typical nose, slightly plump mouth, and a chin lacking spectacular length or width; it looked just as typical. "I mean, I'm not exactly…I don't know…Pattie Boyd, am I?"
"No, no you aren't."
She wasn't exactly fishing for compliments as she would with her girlfriends while showing off a new dress or jewelry or freshly painted toenails, but his response caused her to falter her steady brushing. Looking at him through the mirror she couldn't help but feel slightly insulted.
"Well—"
"You're much more attractive than Pattie Boyd."
Lily wasn't even sure whether or not she heard him properly. He muttered an awful lot, especially when he was sitting slump shouldered on the edge of his bed like that, looking down at his fingers as the limp cigarette rest between thin lips. She smiled at his flattering remark.
"You really think so?"
Severus quickly glanced at her reflection but soon found a sudden interest in a poster on the wall. "Yes…I mean…er…haven't you seen that gap she's got in between her teeth? You could drive a damned Cadillac through that thing."
She felt her smile wither at the corners. She stopped brushing mid stroke.
"And besides, that sort of commitment is overrated anyway. Especially with, you know, young people like us. It's all about sex anyway, isn't it? There seems to be more emotional involvement in that alone than false emotion in relationships. Why should a relationship confine you to whom you perform a…completely natural act with? Most animals don't just stay with one mate their whole lives, now do they?"
"Wait, what? So you don't believe in relationships?" Lily asked incredulously, her brows knotted with confusion. She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, head tilted. "We aren't like other animals, Severus."
"Our traditional idea of relationship is still outdated and limiting," Severus started. He sat up straighter and faced her completely. His arms were crossed as well, his eyes set on hers. He had that look about him. That look he had earlier in the park when he really had something to say, and he was going to be sure she heard every word he had to spit out. "Completely chauvinistic, wouldn't you say? People in relationships are practically treated like property rather than people. Like marriage in a way. Tradition is dictating the status of relationships. Like…like sex outside of one's social or economic status…or…or race or religion or gender. It's especially bad for you girls. I mean, what has your mother told you about sex?"
"Excuse me?"
Lily looked at him in disbelief, half expecting him to crack a smile and say he was just joking. But by the end of the day she should have known that kidding around wasn't exactly in Severus' repertoire. The very thought of him even taking something without seriousness seemed even more awkward than his behavior already. She didn't expect him to even be comfortable talking about sex at all. She expected that out of that pig, Evan. But not Severus. Severus who was in such a foul mood all day. Yet his sudden change of pace suddenly didn't seem so extraordinary from a man who seemed to find pleasure in embarrassing her, making her cheeks flush a deep rose, and scoffing in her face.
"Go on, what has she told you?" he said, giving her a wide eyed look.
"For somebody so quiet you sure do get excited every now and then," Lily murmured, looking away from him.
"You're avoiding my question."
"Of course I am! It's none of your fucking business!"
"I shouldn't be surprised. A sheltered husk like you probably cringes at the very word 'sex'."
"That's a lie!" Lily shouted, throwing her brush on the surface of the bureau with a loud clank as it hit the old wood. "Just because I would rather not discuss matters such as sex and marriage with a guy I just met this morning doesn't mean I refuse to talk about it whatsoever!"
Her throat felt raw and unshed tears prickled behind her eyes as he just stared at her with his left eyebrow quirked, arms still crossed, waiting.
"Well, if you must know," Lily sniffed, mirroring his folded arm across her chest and staring at him defiantly. "She doesn't believe in sex before marriage but—"
"Exactly!" He clapped once, eyes incredibly wide now as he pointed at her. "Sexual repression at its finest. And what do you think of that?"
She tried to stop her lower lip from protruding in a juvenile pout, only causing her to bite her lip again as she considered Severus before responding. With a sniff she gained minimal composure.
"Well, I think that when you find the right person—"
"More restriction."
"Well, if you'd just let me talk!" Lily stomped her bare foot on the hardwood floor.
"Fine, we'll cut to the chase: are you a virgin?"
"I…I beg your pardon!" Lily stuttered, scandalized. Her blood ran cold. He was still mocking her. He wanted her to feel this way. He wanted her to feel so small. He enjoyed this.
"Are-you-a-vir-gin?" he repeated, enunciating each syllable in a clear, concise, voice.
"That's absolutely none of your business, Severus," she replied quietly. "Who the hell do you think I am? I don't have to stand here and listen to your…your crap. I'm going to go help Alice with dinner."
"You're being a baby! You can't even have an adult conversation!" Amusement slithered through his hooted accusation, though he didn't laugh, and barely smiled.
"Not with you I can't," Lily screamed, feeling liquid gather in the corner of her eyes, threatening to spill if she looked at him a second longer. They were tears of frustration from his antics rather than embarrassment. She marched out of the room and slammed the door to the bedroom behind her and quickly trotted downstairs. Alice was already in the brightly painted kitchen, humming and stirring a pot of boiling sauce. The cheerful colors matched Lily's mood like oil in water.
"Alice?"
"Yeah?" she responded, continuing to stir a bubbling pot on the stovetop. Alice looked up with a grin, her kind blue eyes filled with excitement. Her hair was shoulder length and brown, slightly frizzed and wilted from the steam, her nose was petite, and her cheeks were plump and flushed. Her dress was plain like her hair, a solid dark blue reaching her knees and swishing around her full hips as she took tiny steps from the stove top to the various condiment and spice filled cabinets. "Hi…Lily, is it? You came in with Severus today?"
"Yes. Do you need any help with dinner?" Lily asked, fiddling with two fresh oranges on the blue tiled counter.
"Sure! Grab a knife from that drawer to your right. No, one more over. Yes, that one! And you can help me cut this avocado into chunks."
Alice threw an avocado across the kitchen to Lily, who caught it with ease.
"You know, it might be nice to have some help around here. These men, I tell you. Revolutionaries at heart but not always in action: they're still too lazy to help out around the house, let alone cook. And I never know where Sally is half the time anyway."
"Sally?"
"Yeah, the other woman who lives with us."
"How many do live here?"
"You're the seventh: three women, four men, including my husband, Frank. We have visitors, but they don't pay rent…then again, neither does that Evan Rosier," Alice rolled her eyes. "I would tell that kid to live elsewhere but he may end up on the street."
"Severus acts as though that's where he belongs," Lily said as she put the avocado pieces into the bowl of lettuce and carrots and cucumbers.
"I would agree to a point, but that's for a later discussion. He really is a womanizing little twerp," Alice said as she got a sauce working in a small saucepan. "Have you met him?"
"Unfortunately, yes," Lily grumbled, feeling the urge to wipe her arm once more, still feeling the wet, phantom lips of Evan Rosier on her freckled arms.
"So, I heard yelling up there before you came down," Alice said as she finally stood away from the stove, watching the food bubble and boil away. "What happened?"
Lily's idle cutting and chopping made her forget all about her spat with Severus nearly half an hour ago.
"It's just…Severus started talking about relationships and all this other shit—"
"Ah, his relationship rant," Alice chuckled. "Did he talk about the origins of the word 'marriage' and all that?"
"No, but he was going on about relationships being chauvinistic and such. So he's really that passionate about it?"
"Sure, we all are to an extent. There is nothing wrong with pushing the envelope of traditional expectations of relationships. I mean, it's the 20th century, isn't it? We can't change the world if we're still afraid of loving people who aren't like us, or who don't look like us, or who we aren't used to. But Severus's opinion on it is awfully cynical. He does go a bit too far sometimes. Not exactly an idealist, that boy. Smart kid, but he'd even depress Charlie Brown, and that's saying something."
"And he was asking me…just…personal questions," Lily sighed, rubbing her face slowly to hide her blushing cheeks. "It's like he wanted to embarrass me half to death."
"Knowing Severus he may have. What was he asking you about?"
"My virginity," Lily sighed. "I mean, that is none of his business! How inappropriate!"
"Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Most girls lose it by your age—"
"But that's not the point," Lily interrupted, glaring at the sauce. "I mean, it's all relative…in a way, right?"
"What do you mean?" Alice said with intrigue, fully attentive.
"I mean…sure, many have lost their virginity if you want to get technical, but what about other aspects of virginity?"
"Go on…"
"Like…I don't know, what if a girl…hypothetically, wasn't ready—or, I mean—yes, ready…to lose it? Does it still count? What if she was…I don't know, forced or something?" Lily suggested. "Does virginity exist on a…physical plane or a psychological one?"
Alice gave her a hard look in return. Lily suddenly feared possible offense from her as the brunette slowly scratched the inside of her wrist slowly, thoughtfully.
"That's a tricky one. I'll have to mull that over. I'd say it's up to the woman really though. It's ours to take, after all, isn't it?" Alice said with a sardonic smirk. "Well, sensitivity isn't exactly Severus's thing, is it? Don't worry, he likes to get a rise out of people. If it makes you feel any better he hasn't openly admitted to ever having sex in the first place. But besides all that, I'm surprised he's even taken a liking to you."
"Taken a liking to me?" Lily parroted and wiped her hands on a nearby dishcloth as the messy green flesh smothered her fingertips and nails.
"Sure, you kids were out all day, weren't you?"
"That doesn't mean he likes me," Lily chuckled. "He put up with me, that's all."
"Believe you me, he's not too keen on you types who just got here. He thinks they're here just to be a part of something they've seen on television and films and to get stoned. Thinks they wouldn't go to a protest or actually think if their lives depended on it."
"He said you trust his judgment about who should be allowed to stay here since you own this place," Lily remembered.
"Yes, I do. He's a smart kid. You must have had a good reason to be here for him to even think about letting you stay in his room," Alice said as she drained the pasta water into the sink.
"I didn't tell him why I'm here, yet."
"Really? Well, then he must have taken a different sort of liking to you. Wouldn't have guessed Severus would be the type to give in to a little crush."
"Get out!" Lily laughed. "He talks to me like I'm five years old. You should have seen how much he berated me after we ran into that James Potter guy. He acted as though it was my fault the guy talked to me."
"Sounds like a crush to me. Who would have guessed?" Alice grinned, catching Lily's eyes and offering a friendly wink. "Come on, let's get this to the table. That's enough for now. Not expecting too many people tonight."
Dinner was quite the spectacle. Sure, not many people who lived in the townhouse were there that night, but others, friends and acquaintances alike showed up at that doorstep to see what Alice cooked, and she enthusiastically told them to help themselves and to meet Lily. She suddenly felt that warmth she was looking for from the guests and Alice's kindness as they played music and chatted about everything from politics to dress making tips. Such activity was so unlike the sulking boy at the dinner table.
"Hungry, Severus?" Alice asked from the kitchen. "We've still got some of that pasta left over. You're looking absolutely emaciated."
"Are you my mother or something?" Severus asked, pulling another cigarette out of his pocket and toward his mouth.
"If I was your mother I'd force feed you myself. Ah, ah, ah, no smoking at the damn table!" Alice exclaimed as she walked past the table, hitting the back of his head. "Christ, Severus. I just bought this table cloth from that Indian woman I was telling you about. I don't want ashes all over it!"
"Calm down, mother. I'm not hungry anyway," Severus said, sipping water and still holding on to his cigarette. Lily sat across from him, quietly tucking away at the meal she helped make.
"Look, Lily's eating. How do you like it?"
"It's great, Alice," Lily said through a cupped hand, hiding her chewing mouth.
Alice smiled and pinched Severus in the arm, teasing. "Nice to know that somebody is a little appreciative."
"I'm getting a paper," Severus suddenly announced, the little food he had on his plate was left virtually untouched.
"I'll come with," Lily said, pushing her chair out from under the table. "A walk would be nice."
"No, no," Severus swatted his hand in her direction as he began to walk off. "Just stay here. I'll be right back. Won't be worth the trip."
With that he made his way out of the front door. Lily pushed her seat back in as she finished the rest of her meal.
"See, he hates me," Lily chuckled bitterly while playing with her fork, scrapping the prongs to and fro along her empty plate. "I told you."
"Nah, you were too busy stuffing your face, but that Severus was staring at you just about all through dinner," Alice said.
"Probably because I was shoveling food into my mouth like a Neanderthal," Lily moaned.
"Well, if you ask me it's nice to have a girl around who can really eat," Alice said. "Hear that, Joan?"
"Shut up, Alice," chuckled a thin blonde who was dancing in the living room to sitar-infused Indian tunes with another girl Lily didn't know.
"Are you done?" Alice asked Lily with a laugh.
"Yeah, let me help you with the dishes," Lily said.
The two women chatted happily with one another while washing the dishes, incredibly unlike the chore it was back home, with Lily forced by Petunia to scrub dish after dish while Petunia simply dried. Her delicate, varnished fingers mustn't get pruned, unlike Lilly's which shriveled up on the tips.
"So, you have a husband?" Lily asked.
"Yes, Frank. He's at the pop festival down in Monterey right now. I couldn't go today because I was busy cleaning the house and shit all damn day. I swear, these men… Well, we'll all be going tomorrow and Sunday. Frank'll be getting in late today to pick us all up, but you'll get to meet him tomorrow, I'm sure."
"Oh, I don't have money for any sort of concert," Lily frowned. "I really wasn't planning on attending one. I'm sorry."
"So you don't have six bucks?"
"Is that all the entry is?"
"Yep," Alice said, then closed her eyes, smiling. "Great bands, Lily. Really great bands. Lots of them are local actually. Quicksilver Messenger Service, Jefferson Airplane, Otis Redding, that band Janis Joplin is in, the Byrds…oh I could just eat Gene Clark up. I really wish he hadn't left that band. Frank hates when I talk about him, but Lord, that man is beautiful! It's a shame he won't be there."
"He's really out of sight, isn't he?" Lily concurred. "Thanks for inviting me."
"No problem. We're supposed to treat each other like family, aren't we? Especially since you're staying with us now."
"I can stay? But Severus…"
"I trust his judgment, and I'm sure he'd say the same thing. Don't look at me like that. And besides, even if he said no I can overrule him," Alice said. "I own this damn place, don't I?"
Lily grinned. Severus's possible decision to kick her to the curb was overruled. Visions of looking sickly and mangy on a park bench with her trunk between her legs floated away: she was staying.
Lily came to the conclusion that Severus Snape was by far the oddest, most confusing, strangest person she'd ever had the pleasure (or lack thereof) of meeting. He had the most unusual, jerkiest walk, always fidgety, and yet that awkwardness was paired with a brazen, cruel brand of his very own superiority complex.
She took a nap in her now blanketed bed after unpacking and changing into a pair of dark blue jeans and a white shirt. There was an immense feeling of comfort and warmth there, reminding her of when she'd hide under her mother's sheets and covers until the Tickle Monster, or rather her father, got her out. She felt a pang of sadness at the memory, yearning for that moment when she was younger. When life was about playing in dirt, smelling of sweets and sandwiches and the plastic of Barbie; always covered in Band-Aids healing skinned knees, the way children were supposed to be.
Lily turned over, staring at the peach colored wall and heard music playing softly in Severus's room, as well as the springs of his bed shifting and squeaking. She slowly rose, sat up, and got out of bed, her bare feet suddenly cold, and turned on two bright lamps which provided her small space more than enough light. Walking through the beaded threshold she saw Severus on his bed with a lighter and something in his hand. The minimal lighting made his unclear actions and movements more sinister.
"Severus?" Lily croaked, quickly straightening out her voice.
"What do you want?" he said tightly.
"Oh, nothing," Lily said with nonchalance. "Just…how was your paper?"
"Riveting," he replied. "Another man lynched, another teenager killed in the jungle, and The Dirty Dozen seems to have been a smash hit. All in all, a great day for America."
"That's good to know," she said evenly.
He continued to attempt to light whatever he was holding on fire. She stepped closer to his bed, sitting on it. She could fully see what he was doing now. He had the grass, like he said he would.
"What…what are you doing?"
Stupid question.
Severus turned to her with a somewhat amused look on his face. "I am about to light this and smoke it, Lily. That's what I'm going to do. Would you like me to do a demonstration? Pie Chart? Graph?"
Ruder answer.
"No," Lily said, squirming on the bed. "Do you really think you should be doing that in your room?"
"Why not?"
"The whole room'll smell like grass."
"Does it look like I care?" he said as he finally lit the joint. Lily watched with silent fascination as smoke immediately flowed from the end.
"How does it…"
The words were lost on her lips as Severus took in a deep breath.
"…feel. How does it feel?"
A large, thick cloud of smoke escaped between his lips, swirling into her face, driving her tear ducts mad.
"Relaxing, I guess," he said at length, lifting it between his fingers and waving it towards her. "You're so protected. You know that."
"I don't want to be anymore," Lily said finally, her eyes stuck on that stick, burning with rebellion, unfurling tendrils of smoke trailing whispers of the unknown throughout the room.
"You've never smoked."
"I already made that quite clear earlier, Severus," Lily retorted.
He looked like he was about to laugh, but took another drag instead.
"Just take it," Severus said, shoving the grass right in front of her nose, between the eyes, causing them to cross. "If there's one person who needs to mellow out it's you."
She took it from him. It looked so harmless, so petty; much ado about nothing.
"Okay…here it goes," Lily trembled.
"I don't need a spectacle. I can see what you're doing."
Lily glared at him, quickly moving the joint towards her lips until Severus grabbed her wrist.
"What— "
He lowered her hand with his own before grabbing a spare piece of tissue and shoving it toward her red, pouted lips. Lily emitted a tiny squeak of protest.
"I'm not smoking this with lipstick on it. I'm not going to waste perfectly good grass on you and your vanity."
He let go of her wrist as her other hand grabbed the tissue and brazenly, staring right at the man across from her, wiped off her lipstick slowly. One sweeping wipe along the top lip and another across the bottom, leaving a ruby red stain and remnants along the little corners of her mouth. Any woman knew that lipstick was no easy job to get completely off. She threw the tissue at him. He didn't flinch.
"Is this satisfactory?" she said coldly, eyes narrowed.
He didn't respond.
Lily slowly brought it up to her lips and inhaled. A second didn't pass until she felt her nostrils burning and her throat crying for air, causing her to cough.
"You're a complete lightweight."
"I'm--so--terribly sorry," Lily hacked through shuddering coughs of smoke. "Clearly not much has improved since this afternoon. Big surprise!"
"Just relax," he suggested.
It wasn't long until she managed to inhale without a single wheeze, blowing a perfect line of smoke towards Severus.
"This isn't so bad," Lily said, passing the joint back towards Severus. She noticed him staring at the area where her mouth was and she could see the smudges of un-removed lipstick on the white stick.
"Why do you wear that junk?" he asked, words trailing at the end into a near whisper.
"What junk? Lipstick?"
"Makeup."
"I don't know. It makes me feel…pretty I guess. Beautiful."
"Well, aren't you vain."
"Well, aren't you judgmental."
"I'm just saying that maybe if Seventeen fucking magazine wasn't trying to trick you into thinking you don't look decent without makeup we'd have a lot less fake broads around."
"My makeup doesn't make me fake," Lily giggled, laughing at the absurdity of such a claim as she reached for another hit. "Fake? Me? I'm not fake."
"Make one for yourself," Severus said, suddenly possessive of the grass.
"Christ," Lily couldn't stop giggling, gripping her head tightly. Her head hardly even felt like it was there at the moment. She felt so light.
"It's not hard. You aren't completely hopeless."
Perhaps Lily would have been a faster learner if she wasn't under the influence of the drug traveling through her lungs. But it felt like it took an awfully long time to roll the damn thing. She stuck out her tongue to lick the paper. She closed her eyes momentarily and opened them to find Severus looking at her.
"What?" she snickered, finally rolling it and reaching for his lighter.
It was a success, which brought along another string of coughs. But she got the hang of it after a while, even rolling another and smoking it. They continued this for what felt like hours, smoking, exchanging a few words back and forth, saying something completely idiotic, and random moments of uncontrolled chuckling from Lily. She was even convinced a staring contest took place somewhere between Lily's coughing fit and Severus's notion that man or woman would one day walk on the moon.
Severus was finishing off his last drag and after stubbing it, peered curiously at Lily.
"Why do you wear it? Makeup."
"I told you why. It just feels nice. Accentuates parts of yourself."
Lily shrugged and took another long drag. She thought briefly of Petunia, of what she'd think if she saw her baby sister sitting Indian-style across from a man a little over a year her senior smoking grass, blowing thick streams of smoke through her lips. Oh, God forbid.
"I asked again because you gave a half-assed answer," Severus said, looking away from her as he continued. "You think that slathering your face in pressed powder is going to make you look good? I mean…you'd look fine without it. Better really."
Lily looked up at him again, her eyes feeling watery and mind hazy. Her lips crawled into a ridiculous catlike grin.
"I didn't realize you were such a charmer."
"I'm not."
She leaned forward towards him, their noses nearly touching. She stared at him under dark lashes, smirking, and whispered.
"Then why am I blushing?"
He had no answer. He had no comeback, no snappy, quick-witted reply, no sneer along his face. And without thinking, Lily took a long, deep drag, feeling the smoke race down her lungs, through her nose and out her puckered lips and felt the urge to kiss him. To kiss this rude man she was sitting Indian-style across from.
She leaned in and gave him a short chaste kiss as she stubbed out the grass, nearly gone, on the wooden side-table next to his pillow.
"You wasted it," he said as she leaned in to kiss him again, harder this time. "I can't believe you wasted it."
"Shut up," she replied and he leaned backwards, suddenly just as enthralled as she was in the idea of them kissing on that prim and proper bed.
"So this is the real you?" Severus snorted. "The innocence was an act."
"I'm just thanking you for your compliment," she breathed. Lily felt his hands run awkwardly, unaccustomed through her hair as his lips enclosed around her bottom lip, breathing into her lipstick stained mouth. The fact that he was even kissing her back shocked her. Did drugs bring out a different side of him completely unfamiliar with his quiet, angry old self? She hardly had time to think of such things as his hands and thin fingers tentatively touched her back. She gasped, craving the air of the smoke filled room.
Lily pulled away. "Your nose keeps getting in the way, you know."
He ignored her, and kissed her again. She felt she was drowning in this. Despite his thin frame he felt so heavy next to her, side by side; she felt him everywhere at once but knew he likely wasn't. Far away she felt his fingers trail down her back without pattern or plan of execution; like a sort of lust induced confusion between limbs and strong stimuli.
Lily had kissed three boys in her life.
The first was the neighborhood boy who she had known since she was in diapers. They were twelve and celebrating the fourth of July, summer of 1961, and the two kissed awkwardly as fireworks exploded in the night sky in the distance. It was the boy she thought she was in love with and, in her wistful preteen fantasies, thought she'd someday marry. Until he moved months later. It wasn't as though it was far, but 5 miles away feels like such a distance to a girl of twelve, about to begin junior high in the fall. He might as well have lived on the other side of the world.
The second was, unfortunately, with her first real boyfriend. A boy named Ruddy Davis. He was God awful and, despite that blonde hair and those blue eyes, he smelled like salami and Wonder bread, even on his breath. She supposed at fourteen it was customary to completely rape one's mouth with their unskilled tongue while Bewitched played in the background. Needless to say, they didn't last long.
The third was with a man named Oliver Hanley.
Oliver Hanley. Same old, same old, plain Jane, gawky Petunia Evans had a boyfriend who everyone thought was too good for her. And Petunia knew it, really. Lily often heard her sister chat on the phone with her friends, worried sick about what the neighbors thought of them, what Oliver would think of her new dress, and wondering if breakup was around the corner and praying it wasn't. But Petunia loved him, with his smile and well combed hair and love of athletics and natural smarts and know-how ("He has straight A's in school, you know that right?" Petunia would rave). Oh, how she'd go on about what a dream boat he was, not knowing what a pig he really was past that bright white smile and wink he always gave girls when Petunia's head was turned. How Lily loathed him. How the very thought of him made her stomach churn. She cursed herself for ever falling for him; for his tricks, for his smile and light cologne, for his fingers teasing the skin of her exposed knee and his lips curling into a sly smile, whispering impious things in her ear while Petunia was in another room, completely unaware…
With that thought at the cusp of her mind, throughout the drug induced haze, she could feel Severus's thin lips on her own, and then her chin, awkwardly moving along her neck, her collarbone, her—
Her eyes opened. She found herself humming softly despite herself, but through her dizziness managed to mutter for it to stop. The music was too loud. The breathing was too fast. The smoke was too thick. Her short buzz was short lived; her sudden euphoric, lusty stupor died.
The innocence was just an act.
"Stop," she managed to breathe, turning her body away from him.
"What—"
"Just stop it," Lily gritted out, through bared teeth, voice wavering through the diluted mist of the burning grass.
Wordless, she pushed the awkward, sullen looking man away from her. She stood, finding it difficult to stand straight, so she leaned against a poster on the wall as she buttoned her blue jeans, now shrouding the slightest sliver of rose undergarments which lay beneath. She couldn't look at him, let alone herself. She felt sick as she glanced at herself in the mirror: swollen lips, disheveled hair, wrinkled shirt, drug induced reddened eyes. Her messy visage provided a rude awakening.
She stumbled through the beads before falling onto her own bed; eyes open and dry tongue tasting of foul herb. She ran her tongue slowly, experimentally against her teeth as she stared at the peach colored wall in front of her; its simplicity and its normalcy ridiculing her. She didn't bother to take her clothes off and change, she couldn't find the energy. She felt cheap, like the cheap slut her sister said she was just days ago. In the distance she heard Severus tread across his room and change the record. Those footsteps reminded her of his existence, and her foolishness. The wail of Eric Burdon on the record player, however, took her thoughts away from such criticisms.
Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done
Spend your life in sin and misery
In the House of the Rising Sun
Her first day in Haight-Ashbury was complete. She tried to think of tomorrow's concert, of Grace Slick's beauty, and of what adventure tomorrow may bring. Yet, the hopeful fantasies of such ideas didn't ward off the nightmares from manifesting themselves that night.
Before she dozed off she heard the click, clicking of Severus's lighter igniting another cigarette.
"You're a strange girl, Evans," she heard him say, knowing she was awake. "If you think I forgot about finding out why you're here then you've got another thing coming. I'll find out whether you like it or not."
With the stale smell of smoke in her nose, she finally slumbered.
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A/N: By the way, I just categorized this under Lily and Severus as the main characters here, but I would add James in there too if would let me have three main characters. So if you suddenly don't see this in the Lily/Severus section it may be changed to the Lily/James section or, eventually, just under Lily. So I urge you, if you want to continue to get updates no matter what category, to either have this under alert or finding it just under Lily.
Feel free to review and thanks for reading! :)