Summary: A Transfiguration class goes all wrong, and the whole school is turned into cats. How will Theo finally make Dramione happen, after years of observing? Suckish summary, I know, but the story is interesting, I promise. One-shot, people who died in DH didn't die, post-war, 'Eighth year'.
A/N: Hey, guys! This is certainly the most humorous story I've ever written in my whole life. (I'm more into tragedy… Heehee. But it is kinda refreshing to do a humor once in a while…) It's rated T, just in case, for some language. Just some swearing, that's all. It isn't that much though. Just a precaution.
Anyway, to my Agony readers – the fic about Theo and Daphne and Hermione and Draco that I'm writing – I am SO sorry about the delay. I am really sorry. It's just, school's pouring stress all over my back and shoulders, my tests are coming up, my Geography teacher just went overboard with her precious little assignments, and, to make matters worse, I have a severe writer's block for both Agony and my other Warrior Cats fanfiction, Betrayal. I am so sorry. D: So this is kind of an apology for you. ;) For Betrayal readers, there's another 'apology' coming up soon!
Enjoy! :D I enjoyed writing this quite a lot. I had this idea last week, and it's only today I had the time to write it down so- oh, whatever, I'm babbling as usual. Just read and enjoy…
Disclaimer: I do not own the Potter world and its characters, only the plot of this story. ^^
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It was an incredibly normalTransfiguration class.
Normal as you can say, anyway.
As usual, Hermione succeeded into turning her teacup into a cat, which was now curling around her heels, meowing non-stop; Ron predictably struggled with his mewling cup; Harry's cup had grown whiskers and paws and was lumbering on his table, with a sound coming from it like a purr; Seamus was being reprimanded by Professor McGonagall, because he had exploded his cup and its tiny particles were now floating around the classroom, with caterwauls coming from those tiny little smithereens; Neville was staring at his cup in dejection.
On the Slytherin side of the classroom, Draco sat with a majestic, graceful white cat eyeing him with ice blue eyes silently, and Draco himself was staring at Hermione without even noticing that a smirk growing across his face; Blaise watched him in amusement with his own cat circling his heels; Theo sat next to Daphne Greengrass, flirting with her as usual, with his own cat looking like it was trying to read his open Transfiguration book(interesting that the cat he'd made had inherited his passion); Crabbe and Goyle were staring with their jaws gaping at their own respective cups.
A normal day, don't you think?
"Miss Parkinson!" snapped McGonagall. "Stop gossiping and continue with your work!"
Pansy smirked and rolled her eyes at Daphne. "Sure, Professor."
"And Crabbe! Goyle!" McGonagall looked definitely infuriated. "What are you doing, sitting there like gargoyles? Get on with-"
BANG! CRACK! BOOM! BAM!
Smoke engulfed the room and Draco coughed, feeling suddenly odd. He closed his eyes, which were watering rapidly.
When he opened them, the smoke was clearing, little by little.
He gaped. Were those the figures of cats standing in front of him?
And since when did the ceiling get so friggin high?
A rustle sounded, and his ears pricked.
Wait, what? Since when could he move his ears?
Dreading what he thought, he looked down at his hands, only to find they were not hands – they were paws.
Sod it all!
"Draco?" the voice sounded like Pansy. He looked around and his eyes landed on a slim silver tabby cat gazing at him with wide dark brown eyes.
"Pansy?" he said cautiously.
"Yes, it's me." She walked forward and gave him a sniff. "Looks like we're all cats."
"Indeed," put in a handsome black cat with emerald eyes.
Draco turned to him. "Theo?"
"Yes, it's me." He shrugged and licked a paw, drawing it over his ears. "I must say, it is fascinating to be a cat. It feels… different. But cool, and-"
"Yes, Theo, write your novel later," drawled Pansy. "Let's find the rest of us-"
"Parkinson? Is that you?" a red-brown cat padded up, staring at them distrustfully.
Pansy turned and stared him down. "What, Weasley? Oh, I see even being a cat hasn't improved your looks. Naturally."
The cat bristled and his tail stiffened. "Why, you-"
"Ron, stop it," a brown tabby she-cat walked over, touching Weasley's shoulder with her bushy tail. "It's no use fighting when we need to figure out how to get back to our usual forms-"
"Well, well, Granger," Draco leered at her. "I see being a cat has indeed improved how you look. Clearly, I don't think it's necessary for you to change. You're still as Gryffindor as ever, I'm afraid."
Hermione-the-cat narrowed her (so very beautiful, to Draco) chocolate pool-eyes at him. "There's a wise saying, Malfoy, that if you don't have anything good to say, don't say it at all-"
"Well, that's a load of bull," smirked Draco. "I'm a Slytherin-"
"-and a Malfoy," droned a cat that looked and sounded exactly like Blaise. "And Malfoys always speak their mind. Yes, Draco, we know that."
Draco rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Where's McGonagall?"
"Dunno," came a voice that sounded like Daphne. Draco glanced over his shoulder and he saw a slender black she-cat with deep ocean blue eyes walk over to join Theo. The latter noticed Draco looking and narrowed his eyes at him. "That's my girlfriend you're looking at, jerk-"
Draco rolled his eyes. "As if I intended to shag her, stupid bookworm-"
"He's got his eye on someone else anyway, Theo," said Daphne carelessly, drawing her tail down her boyfriend's – what do you call a cat-boyfriend? Tomfriend? – spine, instantly soothing him. Their black pelts melted together, and Draco's eyes lingered on them before he even knew what he was doing, and he looked away quickly. Surely it was not envy he felt at their close relationship?
Maybe you want that with Granger, whispered a part of his brain – the stupid, obsessed-with-the-Gryffindor-princess part.
Draco almost snorted. As if.
His eyes met Blaise's knowing ones, and his fur started to rise. What was it his business to-
"Class!" a cat that definitely was McGonagall strutted over to them. She stared down at them, a few white hairs sprouting from her muzzle. "There seems to have been a problem. Now, which of you have turned us all into cats?"
She turned her accusing gaze on a small cat that looked like Longbottom, who was hanging around nearby.
"It wasn't me, Professor!" his eyes widened incredulously. "I promise, Professor, I didn't even-"
She silenced him with an annoyed sweep of her long tail. "Longbottom-"
Something outside the door made an eerie, screeching sound that interrupted the Professor. She whipped her head around and stalked over to it, only to have it bang open, and a flood of cats tumble into the room.
"What in Merlin's sake-" she exclaimed.
"Ah, Minerva!" A tall, cat with a few quite long hairs growing from his chin strolled out of the tight crowd. "There you are! I was wondering where-"
"Yes, let's just get out with it," growled another grumpy-looking, black haired and black eyed cat, who could only be Snape. The cat's eyes landed on Draco and he dipped his head to him. "Draco."
"Uncle," acknowledged Draco. "How did you become like this? I thought it was just our class-"
"I don't know," the broody cat said flatly.
Theo shrugged again. "I don't really mind being like this, to be honest." He examined one of his paws curiously as Daphne watched him fondly. "I've always wondered what it'd be like. I feel so furry-"
"Theo, I said, get on with your novel later," Pansy rolled her eyes at him. "Professor Dumbledore! Why are we like this? I don't want to be a cat for the rest of my life-"
"What a tragedy," muttered Theo sarcastically.
"Don't be so paranoid," Granger scoffed. "There'll always be a way to get out of this condition-"
"Whatever, Granger, get to the point," Draco said impatiently. "Enlighten us, then."
She frowned up at him – hell, she looked so sexy – and snapped,"We should listen to what Professor Dumbledore has to say, you know-"
"Ooh, the great Hermione Granger doesn't have an answer?" Sarcasm laced Draco's tone.
Granger-the-cat pulled herself to full height, her eyes flashing angrily. "Malfoy, you're-"
"I'm what?" Draco drawled. "I'm gorgeous? Yes, Granger, I've seen you staring at me. I know you think that-"
"You egoistic, self-contained, prat!" she seethed, lashing her ever-bushy tail from side to side. "How dare you? As if I would ever like-"
"Ooh, I'm hurt," Draco rolled his eyes, a prick of something he did not want to identify rising in his stomach. "And you think you-"
"Stop arguing and get married already," said Theo coolly.
The two cats in question gaped at him and silence broke across the room and the watching mass of cats.
"What?" Theo raised an eyebrow. "You very clearly practically ooze sexual tension-"
Granger choked. "Excuse me-"
Draco merely looked on, amused. "Do we, now, Theo-"
"Yup, you do." Theo looked very knowing. Draco hated that look. He wanted to swipe his paws over his friend's face and wipe it off. "You know you do, dear old Draco. And you too, Granger. Just admit you're head over heels in love with each other and get it done and over with. Daphne, Blaise, Pansy and I are so fucking exhausted with seeing you so lovesick all the time and all over the place-"
"Excuse me?" Draco spluttered. "Me, a Malfoy, lovesick? You're deluding yourself, Nott. I, Draco Lucius Malfoy, can never be lovesick-"
To his increasing annoyance, Granger looked amused. She had the nerve to be amused! And when Draco looked at the rest of the lot, they looked amused as well! What the hell was wrong with them? How dare they laugh at him?
Just as he opened his mouth to retort, Dumbledore broke in. "Now, now, children, stop. We have more pressing matters than this fascinating, illicit affair, now, Mr. Malfoy, and Miss Granger-"
They both spluttered this time. "But – sir –!"
"Shhh," he soothed. He turned away and started to speak. "Now, students!" He commanded, drawing the attention of the crowd of confused, mewling cats in the now stifling and heated room.
"We, as you have noticed, have all turned into cats. But do not panic. We ask you to go to your common rooms and dormitories for the rest of the day - you'll find that all the doors are already open – and settle down there. We will find away to settle this problem by tomorrow. I repeat, do not panic, and certainly do not try to turn yourself back. There may be chaotic consequences, given the whole thing goes wrong!" He smiled at them ruefully and walked out, McGonagall and Snape and a plump-looking yellowish cat, probably Professor Sprout, followed after him. The rest of the cats slowly filtered out.
"Well, we'd better get to the Slytherin common room," said Daphne, walking towards the door. Pansy followed. Then Daphne stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Coming, Theo?"
"Yeah, just a bit, I'll catch up with you." She nodded and vanished into the corridor.
Theo turned to Draco, his face serious. "I wasn't joking just now, you know. I meant that you should tell her already."
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"
Theo rolled his eyes. "Stop pretending, Draco, it's getting on my nerves-"
"And why should I give a shit, if you're the one lying?" said Draco roughly, and he stomped off, his lofty white tail raised in the air.
Theo watched him go in amusement.
He had known Draco since he was seven – they had met at one of the Malfoys' celebratory balls, along with Blaise, Daphne, and Pansy – and he knew him well enough to know when Draco was lying, when he was lovesick, when he was hurt, and when – well, basically everything. Theo loved analyzing people. He liked the fact that he could know them, that he could read almost exactly what they were thinking or feeling just by the look in their eyes. Naturally, as a Slytherin, he sometimes used this to his advantage, but he did not normally go around babbling everybody's secrets to everyone else. Theo was trustworthy – unless you had once backstabbed him before. Theo, along with his two best friends, Draco and Blaise, were the masters of revenge and the art of every Slytherin vice and virtue – okay, I'm veering off topic. Theo grimaced. It was a habit, one that was occasionally annoying to his friends, to go on and on about something.
Like he already knew, Draco certainly was head-over-heels in love with Hermione Granger, the one and only Golden, prissy, Gryffindor princess. A blind rabbit could notice it. Hell, it wasn't only him who had noticed – though he was the first, having noticed it in third year while the rest only noticed this year, Theo thought smugly – almost everyone in his year, in the Slytherin house, had noticed. They were observant. Even Crabbe and Goyle, the classic pillars of stone who gaped and did nothing else, had actually noticed, too. Despite Draco's boasts that 'he could hide whatever he was thinking', he could not hide this particular feeling from anybody. It was spectacularly obvious. He teased her, he stared at her, he'd actually smiled at her once – which was certainly incredibly rare, and he practically drooled over her all the time.
Granger, meanwhile, was a little harder to read, but still easy to Theo, nethertheless – he knew that she had harbored a maddening crush on Draco in third year, too. It was only too easy for The Master Who Could Read People Like They Were Books to notice. She, meanwhile, stared at him when she thought he wasn't looking, blushed secretly when Snape put them together as Potions partners(Theo had always thought that Snape actually did it on purpose, always seeing the evil glint in his eye when he did), and tried suppressing giggles at the jokes he made which were actually funny.
Theo certainly was amused by them both.
And he had a plan.
He raced out of the door to catch up with Daphne – his partner in crime.
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Draco fumed and fumed and fumed and fumed some more while walking to the Slytherin common room.
How dare Theo and everyone else assume that he was in love with Hermione Granger? Maybe he did have this weird… attraction to her, but, it'd go away soon.
He was quite sure.
Very sure indeed.
Or are you? mumbled the part of his brain which cooed and mooned and gushed over Granger like pure stupidity.
Yes, I am! Draco snapped back. Just shut the hell up. I've got enough to deal with without you barging into my daily affairs-
And his thoughts stopped right there. Splat right there.
Hermione Granger, the object of his conflictions, was standing straight in front of him, and his heart was beating like crazy inside his furry chest.
To hell with it all, she was beautiful, cat or human alike. While he stood there stunned, the moony-idiotic part of his brain snickered gleefully. Seeeee? You and Her-mione, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G-
SHUT THE FUCK UP! Draco screeched back in his head at the infuriating voice.
What, kissing not good enough for you? the voice replied mildly. Well, then, okay. You and Her-mione, sitting in a tree, S-H-A-G-G-I-N-G-
Draco groaned, certainly inappropriate images filling his brain. No, no, no, no, no-
Granger stared at him sharply, oblivious to his inner conflict. "Malfoy, why are you standing in the middle of the corridor and moaning to yourself? You know, I have to get to the Gryffindor common room-"
"Oh, really?" Draco fired back, pushing down the irritating voice to the back of his skull, where it continued singing in that so-pesky-and-unbearable-way. "I thought you were going to the library to research there?"
She scowled. "You know very well that we're not allowed. I," she swallowed. "I wouldn't be able to get in anyway. It's too high for me to reach, we're cats-"
"Ooh, such a tale brings tears to my eyes," said Draco sarcastically. "I mourn for your precious inability, Granger-"
Granger huffed angrily and stomped in his way. "Now, look here, Malfoy-"
BANG! CRACK! BOOM! BAM! BADABOOM! BASH! CRACK! PAH!
Smoke engulfed the corridor. It wasn't exactly the same smoke as before, though- it was purple.
As Draco waited for the smoke to fade, he realized in dismay that they hadn't turned to their original forms. He still felt furry all over and the ceiling was still so friggin impossibly high.
And the cause of the mysterious smoke appeared.
"Oohh, look what we have here!" cackled Peeves, the only and only Master Of Trouble. "Malfoy and Granger! Malfee and Grangee! Malfee and Grangee, sitting on the floor, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" The cats in question grimaced, but were quite unable to interrupt due to shock. "Malfee and Grangee the cat couple! What a tale this would make!"
"PEEVES!" Granger screeched. "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE- WE- WE ARE NOT TOGETHER – OR – OR ANY NONSENSE YOU MAKE UP – "
"Ooooooooooohhh!" Peeves sniggered, dancing a jig in the air. "Malfee and Grangee have a secret affair! How sweet! Wait till everyone finds out! How people will swoon over you two-"
"PEEVES, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" bellowed Draco, his fur bristling and tail lashing from side to side. "DON'T YOU-"
"Ah-hah!" Peeves grinned in absolute malice. "Yay! Yay!" He laughed, and laughed some more, and utterly just cracked, doubling over and pointing above the two cats. He seemed unable to speak, and Granger and Malfoy looked up –
A magical mistletoe.
The mistletoe that was only found in Hogwarts, and where you were forced to kiss.
A mysterious student who had lived plenty of years ago had created his particular type of mistletoe, and it appeared in various places – leaving future students helpless.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" they screamed in unison. "No, Peeves, Help us, we- we- we can't!" Granger said in aghast.
Draco, however, was secretly dancing at the prospect of being able to kiss her. Cat or not, he bet her lips tasted spectacular.
Peeves merely cackled some more. "THE COUPLE KISSESS! MALFEE AND GRANGEE ARE GONNA KISS! WEEEEEEEEEE!" He dived away, screeching the words repeatedly across the corridor, and as his voice faded a little, the two cats heard gasps and laughter, both of surprise and shock, echo over to them.
Draco froze. No! I don't want anyone to know! This is my secret-
"Look, Granger," he said roughly at her. Granger was trying to run away from him, only to be pulled back by an unseen force back to his side. "Let's get this done and over with, people are coming-"
He was cut off as he saw the look in her eyes. Wild and panicky and full of – what the hell was that? Did she actually feel lust? Oh, fuck, this was a dream come true-
His musings were cut off as she threw herself at him and wrapped her paws around his neck, rearing up on her hind legs and forcing him to do so as well – and her whiskers tickled his muzzle as she locked her lips on his. Hell, she was a million times better than he'd imagined. He kissed her back, and to his surprise her tongue brushed across his own, fighting for dominance – they were totally oblivious to their surroundings, the fact that they were cats and the fact that their bodies were altering did not matter – it was only them, only Draco and Hermione, kissing with once-suppressed passion –
… and it did not matter that in the background, there was a stunned crowd of both students and professors, all turned human, and in the front, stood a smug Theodore Nott and Daphne Greengrass.
The moment was broken when Theo and Blaise whooped and whistled, and when Daphne laughed and clapped her hands enthusiastically, and Draco and Hermione broke apart, their lips puffy and slightly swollen and oh-so-very-pink, gaping at each other.
Only to kiss again.
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Review and tell me what you think! :D Criticism is allowed, just don't get all rude and make my stress levels worse. Tell me if you spotted any errors – I tried my best to double-check, but I don't have a beta, I do my fics alone, so… anyway, just be polite about it. :3 Favourite if you liked it! ;) Pleeeaaassee? :D And, new readers, check my other fics? 'Specially Agony, if you liked Theo and Daphne.