A/N: This fic/list is property of the LJ community Jackbuilt, and is inspired by Stargate Atlantis, which sadly, none of us own. If we did, d'you really think we'd be writing this for free? If you wish to get your brains eaten by a magnificent AU, go look us up! Basically, the whole 'Verse is a mix of Atlantis and SG:1 Character living in the same apartment house, with Jack O'Neill as the grumpy but loveable manager. For the whole explanation, you'll have to go to the Community.
Contributors:
Scarletgryphon: 1-3, 7,10, Notadate: 4, notazatarc: 5,8,9, greenconverses: 6.
The list appeared one day, tacked to the communal bulletin board hanging between 310 and 320. It was composed of a few sheets of white lined legal paper, and only a few of those lines were filled out, the words written in a neat hand that John didn't recognise. A title stretched across the top, reading "Murphy's List". John perused the list, a smile quirking his lips.
1. Water balloons are to stay outside, not in the halls.
John laughed softly; he remembered the water balloon "incident." He and Cam had been messing around one warm day, lobbing balloons at each other when a few of the other residents of the floor had gotten caught in the cross-fire. Jack had groused about the damp carpets, but it had been worth seeing Rodney looking like a slightly plump drowned rat.
2. While fun, I may not refer to myself as "Supreme Ruler of Floor 3" and proclaim said floor a sovereign country of which I am the sole ruler.
a. Nor are the other residents my minions, wingéd or otherwise
b. Neither may I proclaim one my consort.
John's smile, if possible, managed to widen. After a particularly intense Halo3 match with Rodney, Cam, and John, and fuelled by massive amounts of caffeine and sugar, the normally placid Radek Zelenka had declared the entire third floor "The Republic of Zelenka." Only when he had started singing loudly in Czech and declared that everyone were now his minions did Fate intervene in the form of a rather pissed-off Diane Biro, who, after having a particularly bad day that had included her flat-mate moving out (Thankfully, it was the beginning of the month and rent had just been paid) and a highly stressful test earlier that day, had pounded on the door and demanded that Radek "Shut up or there'd be hell to pay."
Surprisingly, Radek had just laughed and declared the petite blonde his consort, taking her hands and spinning her about. By that time, everyone on the floor had awoken, and come out to see what the fuss was. The sight of Diane in a dark green camisole and black pajama pants, prancing around with Radek in the middle of the hall, had obviously led to the next Item, which read:
3. Dancing is good. Dancing while in a cramped hallway: not so good.
After reading the List over once more, John continued on his way, still chuckling slightly.
4. Clothing is required in all public areas. Yes, the laundry room is considered a public area.
"Vala."
"Don't look at me, I wore underwear."
Rodney, who had been reading over Daniel's shoulder, coughed softly.
"Rodney?"
"Well why shouldn't I just wash everything all at once?" Rodney lifted his chin and pinned them both with a glare. "It's more efficient."
Vala giggled.
"Oh, you would," Daniel muttered.
"I'm just picturing Rodney sitting on top of a washer. I'll bet he jiggled."
"He did," Cameron said, passing by on his way to the stairs. "It wasn't pretty."
"Ew. Thanks for that," Daniel said as Cam disappeared up the stairs. "It's not like that mental picture will bother me for days or anything."
Vala laughed harder. Rodney frowned at her, tips of his ears turning slightly red.
Daniel just sighed.
At least living here beat living in his car.
Usually.
5. Fruit items are not to be used as pucks during street hockey games in the parking lot.
Sam giggled as she read the paper. She recalled a week earlier when Mr. O'Neill had organized a street hockey game out in front of the building. They'd lost the ball and the back-up, and instead of stopping their fun, Jack had hurried off to find something to fix their problem.
"Um, Mr. O'Neill, what's with the apple?" Daniel asked curiously, fixing his helmet and balancing precariously on his rarely-used roller blades.
Jack just grinned and set the fruit on the ground. He tapped it from side to side, hitting it lightly back and forth with his stick before looking up. "This'll do."
Rodney made a face from his reluctant position as goalie. "You know, I really don't think this-"
And before everyone knew it, Jack had passed the apple to Cameron, who was then ambushed and robbed of it from Murray.
The big man was surprisingly agile on the skates, Sam noted from her seat in the sidelines where she'd been keeping score.
Much to Rodney's shock and utter annoyance, Murray had performed a slapshot that struck the unsuspecting geek right in his face mask.
Laughter erupted as Jack skated over, swiping a finger over Rodney's helmet which was liberally smeared with smashed apple. He turned to everyone and shrugged. "Who wants applesauce?"
6. Blaring Johnny Cash on surround-sound speakers is unacceptable.
a. Especially during Finals Week.
"I swear to God I'm going to strangle him," Rodney said, his face buried in his physics book and hands over his head. "If he plays Hurt one more time, it's all over."
"You'll hurt him today?" Daniel asked, unable to resist himself. "Just to see if he still feels?"
Sam laughed and Rodney groaned into his textbook. From above, the final chords of Walk the Line finished off and there was blessed silence for five seconds before Ring of Fire started up. For the second time in the hour.
"I can't concentrate on anything with that noise!" Rodney exclaimed, shoving his papers away from him in frustration. Daniel didn't feel one bit sorry for him, considering this payback for the Halo3 incident.
"That's it. Next Christmas, I am buying that sorry bastard an mp3 player and loading it with songs so he can hide in a corner and angst to his whiny emo music like a normal person."
Daniel sighed and took a drink of his coffee. Johnny Cash he could deal with. Now, if it had been Vala and the Spice Girls again…
7. Experiments from "MythBusters" are not to be replicated.
a. Especially indoors.
"Rodney." Daniel nodded at the newest addition.
"What? It was only that one time!"
''You got Diet Coke on the ceiling.''
''It didn't stain.'' Rodney muttered, sulkily crossing his arms. ''Much.''
8. Leftovers are NOT a considered food item for Pot-Luck dinners.
The awful sound of someone retching could be heard just down the hall.
Murray raised an eyebrow at the dish on the table and lowly inquired, "What is that?"
John shrugged. "I dunno; found it in the back of the fridge."
"Hey! So that's where I left my Pork Lo Mein two weeks ago!" Cam exclaimed, coming over and pointing at the food table.
9.) A prank has gone too far when it results in the Landlord being pants-less.
A very irate, half-naked Jack O'Neill marched down the corridor cursing and yelling. "Alright, where the hell are all my Goddamn pants!!"
Secretly enjoying the view from a cracked open door inside her apartment, Sam turned to glance sideways at Vala with upraised eyebrows. "Does that answer your question?"
"Yes it does, thank you." Vala smiled slyly, sauntering toward the couch and flopping down amongst the pile of men's pants strewn across the cushions.
Sam turned once more to further appreciate the view of her Landlord's ass as he stormed past her door without seeing her. She smiled, looking at Vala again with a shrug.
"Boxer briefs. I never would've guessed."
10. We are not an exclusive club. Prospective residents are not to be referred to as "Newbies", nor made to do inane tasks.
Diane looked grumpily at Cam and John, who had the good grace to look sheepish.
"It only happened that one time." John said in their defense.
"Yes, and I got a restraining order served against me because of it." Diane retorted, balancing her laundry basket against her hip.
"Kavanagh wouldn't have fit in here, anyways." Cam shrugged. "Too jumpy."
"Yeah, and he fainted when Sam's experiment made a loud noise." John grinned, causing Diane to roll her eyes and shake her head.
"Well, I've got someone coming tomorrow, around three. I'd rather you not bother us."
"What about Sam?"
"What about her? She didn't do anything." Diane left, heading towards the laundry room.