Too Much Rest for the Unliving
A/N: Thanks to inkdot, soleta, kisahawklin, and tl__dr for betaing for me.
One of the advantages to being a vampire was that you had hundreds of years to perfect the art of courting. Hell, Eric had the art so perfect that all he had to do was sit there all slouched in his throne, legs splayed and his entire body projecting an air of boredom, and plenty of folks just came running. There was no effort needed on his part.
Bill was not that good.
But he was still smooth. Smooth like a, well, like something that was smooth. Really smooth. Why, just the other day he had rendered Sookie speechless with a compliment on her dress. Clearly he was charming her, because while Fangtasia wasn't what he would consider an appropriate date, it was still a date.
Now they were on another date, sort of. He was at Merlotte's, and Sookie was at Merlotte's, and that was just like a date. Of course, that meant he was also on a date with a everyone in the restaurant, but he was happy to take whatever Sookie would offer.
The best dates were the ones were she came over to talk to him straight away, which she couldn't always do on account of the other patrons of Merlotte's wanting food and the like. There she was this time, smiling kindly even at the ruffians who crushed that garlic in his general direction at the Descendents of the Glorious Dead meeting.
"Bill!" she cried happily as soon as she noticed him.
He put on his best happy-to-see-Sookie look (which, to be fair, was somewhat different from his sad-because-no-one-likes-him look) and reached out to take her hand when he saw her glancing around at the other patrons of Sam's fine establishment. She gave him a grateful smile.
"Listen, Bill," she said. "You can't keep coming around here like this. Sam's going to get upset that you keep showing up and dragging me away from work."
"If he's giving you trouble, Sookie..." Bill said. He could take care of Sam Merlotte for her. He could take care of anyone troubling-
"Bill Compton, I do not need you trying to save me from anyone, least of all Sam." Now she was glaring at him and taking her hands away and he didn't understand why she didn't just let him take care of her. He was good at that! Sort of.
Sam was staring at them from across the bar, and Bill glared right back at him. He tried to stop glaring when he noticed Sookie looking back and forth between the two of them, but Sookie was his damn it. That shapeshifter had no right to be looking at Bill like he was doing anything wrong.
"Why don't we go outside," she said, loud enough for Sam to hear her. At least if they were outside, Sam couldn't look at them like he wanted to chew through Bill's throat.
Once outside, he followed Sookie out to the bayou. She stopped when they were just beyond the parking lot and turned to face him, crossing her arms as she did.
"Really, Bill," she said. "You can't keep coming here while I'm at work."
"But Sookie," he sad, looking as sad as could be, "I miss you."
"That's real sweet," she said, "but I have to earn the money Sam's paying me. I had an idea, though. I saw in Shreveport that they had a mall open late near Fangtasia. Why don't we go there and get you a cell phone, so you can call me instead of coming by."
He didn't much like that, but if he had one of these cell phones, then he could talk to Sookie when he woke up too early to leave the crawlspace. That would have to do.
***
Bill had his funny little ways about him, Sookie knew. She hoped that in time, she could show him they weren't as charming as he seemed to believe. She could almost see in his eyes when he was thinking "mine", which was unfortunate, because she didn't belong to anybody but herself. Her grandma, God rest her, hadn't raised her to let any man control her.
He wasn't too good when it came to mainstreaming, especially not when it came to things like being around people or using "newfangled" inventions like phones. She couldn't help but giggle every time she thought about the look on the saleswoman's face when Bill called the phone newfangled.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she took it out between orders.
ase yo u bu7y mir St2kho usf, the display read.
only for a little while, she texted back before going to get Rene and Hoyt's order.
Her phone buzzed again, and she found an incomprehensible message that looked like a drunk man had typed it. Bill still hadn't got the hang of using the number keys to type, and she doubted he ever would, really.
By the time her shift was over, she had to put her phone behind the counter, it was buzzing so much. Bill had given up with the text messages and began leaving her voicemails, one after another. When she finally had a chance to listen to them, she couldn't help but laugh at his utter ineptitude.
"Miss Stackhouse, this is Bill. Bill Compton. I... Sookie, typing with the number keys is nearly impossible. If you could call me back, I would be most obliged.
BEEP
Miss Stackhouse? It's Bill Compton again. I wasn't sure if my message got through; you haven't called me back yet, and I'm not sure if I'm doing this right.
BEEP
Sookie, have I said something to offend you?" This message rambled on, and Sookie ended up laughing through most of it. She didn't mean to, it was just that his inability to understand modern technology was so... so quaint. And adorable, really. In the end, the message was cut off when he ran over the time limit.
Naturally, his next message addressed that. "This is Bill Compton again, Miss Stackhouse. My phone seems to have malfunctioned and- well, it's no matter now."
She laughed, shaking her head, and called him back.
***
The phone didn't serve to cut down on the number of times Bill showed up at Merlotte's to sit at a table, nursing a bottle of Tru Blood and brooding while she worked. After Sam saw fit to have a little chat with her about it, Sookie decided Bill just needed something to do in his spare time.
Which was all his time, really.
Cards were right out; he certainly already had a deck somewhere, but there were only so many times a person could play Solitaire before being driven straight up a wall. Board games needed more people than he knew. That was uncharitable of her, but true. Besides, then he'd want her to play them, and she'd much rather spend their time together doing other things.
Video games, though... a Playstation or X-Box might be too complicated for him, but Mrs. Fortenberry's bridge club was now also a part-time bowling league, assuming Wii Bowling counted as the real thing. If Hoyt's momma could handle a Wii, surely Bill could.
When he came to Merlotte's - near the end of her shift, for once - she beckoned him into the back room.
"I got you a present," she said, handing him a neatly wrapped box.
"Why Sookie!" She was pretty sure he was making a happy face. "I hope I haven't forgotten a special occasion..."
"Oh no," she said, smiling up at him. "It's a `just because' present."
"Why, thank you, Sookie." He unwrapped it carefully and cocked his head, puzzled. "I... thank you..."
"It's a Wii," she said, pointing at the name on the box. "I heard Mrs. Fortenberry and her friends talking about Hoyt's, and I thought you might like one. This way, while I'm at work, you have something to do."
His face fell like she'd driven a sword through his heart. "You don't want me here."
"Oh no!" she hurried to reassure him, putting her hand on his arm. "I like it very much when you come visit me, but Bill, you can't come every night. If you want to mainstream, you have to practice doing human things. And humans don't come visit their girlfriends at work every night."
He didn't look so sure, so she added, "Besides, I noticed you didn't have much to do up there in that house. I thought you might like some entertainment. I can come by after work to help you set up."
That seemed to cheer him up a little. He was so touchy about the funniest things. After a few moments, she managed to herd him out of the bar, promising to stop by on her way home. She congratulated herself on making him understand that he couldn't lurk at the bar every night.
***
Bill started out doubtful about the Wii, he had to admit. He was sure Sookie had good intentions - she certainly had with the phone, even if it hadn't turned out as either of them hoped - but really. He hadn't been much for games when he was alive, never mind now that he was dead.
"Are you sure about this, Sookie?" he asked as she was setting it up for him on the tiny TV he had.
"It's not that hard." She handed him a white stick and he turned it over in his hands, studying it. "You know how to play baseball, right? Well that's your bat and-"
It wasn't all that difficult, and it seemed to make Sookie happy for him to play baseball or bowling with her. He still couldn't stay away from the bar, though, no matter how unwelcome Sam and Arlene tried to make him feel. Sookie more than made up for them, even on the days she shooed him out as soon as she saw him. There were a lot of those days.
Then he discovered golf.
Sookie showed him how to buy games one night, and after a few false starts - using the remote to type was no easier than using number keys to type - he began buying new games. He'd never played golf in life, but after he was turned to a vampire, he had heard it was very soothing.
He supposed that might be true, but it certainly was not on the small TV he had for watching the news. The game was strangely addictive, so he ventured out to the mall without Sookie and returned with a projector, a screen, and a salesperson to set it up for him. It was like he was standing right there on the green, making his putt on the ninth hole of Pebble Beach!
Sookie eventually stopped by, a while after he bought the game. He paused to greet her with a short kiss.
"Hi Bill," Sookie said. "You haven't come down to Merlotte's lately."
"I've been attempting to decrease my score on Pebble Beach," he said, stepping around her to pick up the remote again. He had been in the middle of a good game, and didn't want to lhave to warm up all over again.
"Bill." She reached around him to turn the projector off and plucked the remote out of his hands. "I haven't seen you for a while."
"But I was in the middle of-"
"Come on, Bill," she said, unbuttoning her shirt and walking down the hall. "Lafayette was telling me about this thing called pegging."
He followed her dolefully, taking a glance back at his Wii every few steps.
THE END