I was re-watching the dollhouse episodes and was kind of disappointed that Aria never really had a good emotional scene with Ezra. So, I wrote one!
"I thought I would die in there." I whispered against Ezra's chest. "I thought I'd never get out." My breath came out in ragged gasps as images from the dollhouse I'd run out of moments earlier flashed through my mind. The bedroom identical to my own. The pink hair dye. Choosing which girl to shock. It was absolutely horrifying.
Ezra clutched me closer against his chest as I wrapped my arms tightly around him, refusing to let him go. I was so scared. God, I was terrified. I just wanted to get as far away from that hell hole as I possibly could.
"You're safe now. I've got you." He held me tightly against him and whispered soothing words in my ear.
"God, Aria, you have no idea how scared I was." The words trembled from his lips, but all I could do was hold him tighter. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he finally got to hold me in his arms again.
As I lifted my head from his chest moments later, all I could hear was the roaring of fire trucks and police car sirens.
"Come on, let's get you out of here." Ezra kept his arms around me and led me to his car. My body was shaking violently and each time he made a move to pull away from me, I immediately grabbed him back towards me. He opened the door for me and gently pushed my body onto the passenger seat of his car. Without a word, he buckled my seatbelt and leaned down to kiss my forehead. His lips lingered there for a moment, as if just to reassure himself that I was really here. After helping me get settled into his car, he walked over to the driver's seat. As soon as he sat down, I grabbed his hand and held it tightly in mine, terrified of ever letting go. We drove in silence for a while. Almost as if one of us said anything, this moment of finally being together again would disappear.
I rested my head against the window and prayed that Ezra wouldn't ask me what happened in the dollhouse. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't face the agony he would feel. I couldn't face the pain.
"Wait, where are we going? I thought we were going to your apartment." Confusion was laced throughout my voice as Ezra turned onto the street towards the only hospital in Rosewood.
"Aria," Ezra turned to me with a troubled look. "Your parents are worried sick about you. They've been on the phone with the police nonstop trying to find you guys. They're meeting us at the hospital so we can make sure you're ok before you go back home."
All I could feel was a sinking pit in the bottom of my stomach. My family. What did they go through while I was down there? What were they imagining was happening to me? A feeling of disgust surged through my body. Whatever the worst thing they could think of happening to me was, in all truthfulness, it probably had.
"How are they?" I whispered painfully.
"Th-they're eager to see you." He said simply, not offering up any more information.
As my thoughts rushed back to the dollhouse, I felt my stomach lurch.
"Ezra, stop!" I grabbed his hand fiercely as he looked over to me in fear and slammed on the breaks. I shoved my seatbelt off me as a wave of nausea hit me, and I jumped out of the car. My chest was heaving with irregular breaths as I threw up onto the street beside us. Ezra jumped out of the car and ran over to me, rubbing soothing circles on my back. I felt so disgusting. The thoughts that were rushing through my head sickened me to the point that it was making me physically ill. I just wanted to get out of this body. I didn't want to be me anymore. Not after what he did to me. Never after what he did to me.
After a few moments, Ezra led me back into the car and we resumed the ride to the hospital in silence once again.
I felt so empty. I didn't feel anything. I couldn't feel Ezra's hand holding me tightly. I couldn't feel the warmth of the heater blasting in my face. I couldn't feel anything. I didn't even know what was real anymore.
Ezra turned into the emergency room parking lot and I couldn't help the feeling of nausea rising back through my stomach. Was I really ready to see my parents? I didn't even know how long I had been trapped down there!
"Aria! Oh Aria!" I heard Ella's voice exclaim, as we walked through the front doors. I turned to see Ella jump up from one of the chairs in the emergency department waiting room and envelop me tightly in a hug. Byron and Mike were right behind her, both with looks of relief on their faces.
"Mom," The single word came out in barely a whisper as I clutched her tightly to me. I thought I'd never see my family again. I was sure they had gone through hell while I'd been gone. It had been all my fault. Everything they've gone through, every sleepless night, worried beyond belief about me, was all my fault.
"What happened? Where were you? We've been scared out of our minds, we had no idea what happened to you!" My body was shaking against Ella's. Whether it was out of fear or relief, I wasn't quite sure.
"Who did this to you? I swear we'll turn them in, you just have to tell us who it was! I can't believe that this happened! Where did they keep you? Did they hurt you? You can tell us!" Byron appeared right behind Ella and pulled me close.
I pulled away from my parents and felt my eyes fill with tears as I was bombarded with questions. My hands were shaking against my body and my vision was becoming slightly blurry. I couldn't handle it. Images from the dollhouse started flooding back into my mind and I felt sick. My breathing became irregular and I could feel the floor swaying beneath me.
Ezra was quick to appear behind me and catch me in his arms.
"Leave her alone!" Ezra was shaking in anger. "Don't you see what you're doing to her? You're hurting her! She will talk to you when she is ready! She will talk to all of us when she is ready."
A look of shock crossed both Byron and Ella's faces.
"You will not talk to us in that tone." Byron took a step closer to Ezra, daring him to speak.
Ella, however, leaned further away and grabbed Byron's arm. "Byron, no. He's right, look at her."
Ella took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently. "You can talk to us when you're ready."
I nodded without a word, as the tears that had been building in my eyes had finally escaped.
I looked around the waiting room for my friends and only saw Ashley Marin. The girls and Toby and Caleb must have already been called back.
"Aria Montgomery." The receptionist called my name. I walked over to her with Ezra right by my side. She slipped a hospital band on my wrist and led me to an empty patient room. A nurse greeted us at the door with a hospital gown in her hands.
Ezra slipped my shoes off my feet before helping me into the bed. I was so tired. All I wanted to do was sleep this nightmare away. But I knew it would be impossible. I was too scared to close my eyes.
I looked up at the nurse questioningly as she handed me a medicine cup with two pills in it.
"The blue one is to help you sleep, the white one is for anxiety." She explained with a sympathetic smile.
Ezra grabbed the fresh cup of water beside my bed and held it to my lips so I could take a sip as I swallowed the pills.
"I'll be right outside, darling. Let me know if you two need anything and try to get some rest." The nurse gave me one last glance before leaving the room.
I let out a shaky breath as she left the room. I leaned my head against the stack of pillows behind me. I looked down at my body and realized I was still wearing the clothes Charles had given me. My hands started sweating and I could feel my heart racing in my chest. I had to get out of these disgusting clothes. My hands were shaking as I tore my clothes away from my body.
"No, no, no." I kept whispering, over and over again. "Get them off. Get them off."
"Hey, hey," Ezra grabbed my hands in his and held them tightly. "It's ok. It's ok, Aria. Let me help you get washed up and changed."
At that moment, Ella, Byron, and Mike walked into the room. I looked up at them with no emotion on my face.
"I'm going to help her get washed up," Ezra explained as he opened the bathroom door and switched on the light.
"Do you want us to step out for a moment, Aria?" Ella asked tenderly, as she handed Ezra a duffel bag filled with my clothes.
I nodded, not able to speak due to fear of what would come out of my mouth if I did.
Ezra helped me out of bed and I carefully walked over to the bathroom. My whole body was aching. I watched Ezra silently as he grabbed a washcloth and soaked it in warm water before handing it over to me. As I took it from him, I felt tears well up in my eyes as I imagined what my body looked like under my clothes. Bruises. Cuts. Pain.
I couldn't let him see me like this. I could never let him see me like this. My body was tainted. He had worshipped my body before any of this had happened. But now, if he saw what was underneath these clothes, he'd run away in a heartbeat.
I looked up at Ezra expectantly, waiting for him to leave the bathroom.
"Y-you want me to leave?" He knew exactly what I was thinking.
I gave him a small nod before looking back at the washcloth in my hands.
I avoided his gaze, not wanting to see the hurt on his face I knew was there. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding when he finally left the bathroom.
My heart raced as I turned to face myself in the mirror for the first time.
My once shining brown eyes were dark and lifeless. My skin was so ghostly pale that it was obvious I hadn't seen the sun in weeks. My hands shook as I let my jacket fall from my body. I lifted my shirt over my head and closed my eyes, scared to see what my own body looked like. Keeping my eyes tightly shut, I frantically pulled my jeans and undergarments off my frail body.
I finally mustered up the courage to open my eyes and face my body in the mirror. A gasp escaped my lips as my eyes traveled over ever scar, every bruise, every scratch, every imperfection that now existed on my body because of Charles. The harsh light of the bathroom outlined every trace of bone over my malnourished body. My lip trembled and my eyes burned as I tried to keep my tears at bay.
A loud sob escaped my lips as I began clawing at my skin, wishing that I could just tear it off of my body. I couldn't look at myself anymore. I wanted it to go away. I needed it to go away.
"Aria?" I heard a voice ask.
My weak body finally gave out, and I collapsed to the ground in tears. I pulled my knees up to my chest and curled into a ball, letting my hair cascade around my face.
I didn't bother looking up as I heard the bathroom door open slowly.
"Aria, you've been in here for almost twenty minutes, are you-," Ezra stopped mid-sentence when he spotted me curled up on the floor, crying.
"Aria!" His voice was so broken in that moment, that even I started giving up hope that I would ever be okay again.
Ezra rushed over to me and joined me on the floor, enveloping me in his arms. I quickly grabbed my shirt and did my best to cover up as much of my body as I could, not wanting him to see how disgusting my body looked.
"Shh.. I've got you," He assured me. "It's ok, I'm here."
I balled up the front of his shirt in my hands tightly, as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the crown of my head.
I was so scared. It felt like this was never going to go away. I've been free for only a few hours, but part of me still feels like I'm trapped in Charles's dollhouse.
My body finally registered the feeling of the cold, tile, floor against my skin. Images of the icy, metal table I'd first woken up on, came flooding back through my mind. I had been stripped of my clothes and laid under only a sheet, drugged and unconscious for who knows how long. God knows what happened to me during the time I was under.
"No, no, no, get me out of here!" I cried, as my body shook violently with fear. I couldn't do this! "Get me out of here right now!"
The walls were closing in on me, and I couldn't escape it. I kept seeing images of the room I had first woken up in. Plain white walls. The metal table against my skin. The blinding white lights.
"It's ok! It's ok!" Ezra soothed, over and over, but it was no use.
I felt a wave of nausea hit me as the horrifying thoughts wouldn't escape my mind. I quickly pushed Ezra's arms off my body and got sick over the toilet. Ezra quietly came up behind me and rubbed soothing circles on my back, urging me to get everything out.
After a few moments, Ezra helped me off the floor and into a hospital gown since I didn't have the strength to try to get into my own clothes.
As I stood up, I heard him gasp at the sight of my frail, malnourished body. Every imperfection felt like it was magnified in the harsh bathroom light.
Ezra opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He had no words for how disgusting I must have looked.
"What did he do to you?" Ezra's voice shook with pain as his eyes traced over every flaw on my body.
"I.. I can't… I can't." The words trembled from my lips and I did my best to change into the clothes as fast as I could.
Ezra took a step closer to me and I reflexively backed away. He looked at me strangely as he watched how I responded to him.
"S-sorry." I muttered, fumbling with a loose thread on my sweater. "I'm still scared."
"It's just me." He said softly. He looked at me for a moment before reaching his hand up to delicately touch my cheek. I let my eyes flutter closed at his touch, relishing at the feeling of his soft skin on mine. His fingers traced my skin, as if reminding himself of every inch of me that he thought he'd lost.
He carefully inched closer to me and pressed his lips to the top of my head softly, against a particularly nasty cut.
I knew the cuts and bruises would eventually heal. But it felt like my shattered soul never would.
The moment between us was over just as quickly as it had begun. I felt so lost. How was I ever going to get past this?
I grabbed a pair of leggings from the bag Ella brought me to cover up the bruises and scars on my legs. I couldn't let my parents see them. They would never be able to sleep again if they knew what had happened to me.
Ezra walked me back over to the bed and gently laid me down into it.
He climbed into the bed beside me and held me tightly in his arms. I curled my body against him and tangled my legs with his. I could hear his breathing become irregular and looked up at him to find tears in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Aria. So sorry." He whispered to me, as he stroked my cheek softly. His hand delicately traveled down my body, tracing every bruise, every scar, every new blemish with a gentle touch. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you from him."
"Charles would've found a way to kidnap us either way." I stated emotionlessly, letting my gaze fall from Ezra's to the crisp white sheets on the bed.
I fidgeted with the sheet, not knowing what to say to him anymore. I couldn't tell him what happened to me. I could never tell him. He'd never look at me the same again.
I finally mustered up the courage to look into his eyes again and I was met with so much love and pain that I couldn't quite believe it.
"How can you still look at me? Or touch me? After what he did to me?" I breathed. "How could you still want me?"
"Hey," He said tenderly, tracing my cheek. "You don't know how beautiful you are. Without or without the scars."
Tears filled my eyes at his words. Maybe today he meant that, but who knows how long it's going to take me to get better again? My mind was a mess. My body was a mess. Charles had broken a piece of me so deep, that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get it back.
I felt so much darkness consuming me, all the time. Everywhere I look, I was just waiting for him to show up in his black mask and steal me back in the night.
"Please don't ever leave me," I grabbed his hand and held it tightly in mine, as I finally let the tears fall from my eyes.
"I love you, Aria. All of you. The beautiful parts and the broken parts. And I promise you're going to get through this. We're going to get through this." His eyes were filled with so much love, part of me still couldn't believe that it was all towards me. It still took my breath away that I managed to find someone as incredible as Ezra. Someone who promised to stay by my side, even after I'd gone through hell.
My body shook violently as I tried to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. I squeezed my eyes shut and Ezra pulled my body closer to his, as I tried to steady my labored breathing.
In this moment, being wrapped up in Ezra's arms, I still didn't feel safe. Charles was still out there. It was so easy for him to steal me the first time, who's to say that he won't try again? What if he tried again while I was sleeping in the middle of the night? I couldn't go through this again. I couldn't.
I hated this so much. Charles had managed to take away everything from me. The one place I used to feel the safest, wrapped up in Ezra's arms, wasn't good enough anymore. Nothing felt safe anymore.
This sleeping pill wasn't working. I was too scared to close my eyes, in fear of what I'd see in the darkness. The pain and agony was all consuming. All I could see when I closed my eyes was Charles' black 'A' mask. The fake bedroom with no windows and doors. The crippling loneliness that I was sure would never go away.
Screw Charles. He'd taken everything and everyone that I ever cared about away from me. We were going to ruin him, the way he ruined us, even if it was the last thing we do.
When I wrote this, I wanted to write about a super damaged Aria who was so distraught and torn up after getting rescued that she needed serious intervention to recover. But, Aria's character is strong and persistent and so I had to tweak that idea a little bit! Hope you guys enjoyed this, let me know what you think in the reviews!