No DBZ or affiliate ownership here. Ladies and gentlemen, Give it up for Mr. Akira Toriyama
Notes: So italics by themselves are flashbacks and italics with single quotes are thoughts. Then obviously the double quotes are for dialogue, capiche?
Shout out to HannaBellLecter whose awesome feedback keeps me going and to SarahWDBZ who inspired me to step out of my comfort zone a little. Don't know them? What are you waiting for check them out now!
"Would you like me to read that to the rest of the class?" There was no answer. Only the sound of shuffling papers and backpacks as the bell was close to ringing in the lunch hour.
"No?" He got up from his metal frame desk and meandered slowly over to the boy's seat. " Hmm...", he tapped his chin, "then why is that the third note I've seen you pass and this is the second time I've called you out on it?" He waited patiently for an answer with no hint of irk in his voice. He had a very good approach for dealing with repeat offenders passing notes. It was so easy to get riled up over print not pertinent to the study lesson, but with restrictions on what teachers are allowed to do and say getting more stringent by the hour, a nicer...sweeter approach was required.
It's really very rudimentary. Make them think they're not in trouble. Everything's copacetic. Almost..buddy-buddy.
And then read their notes to the class.
The boy's eyes averted down and Vegeta gracefully transferred the letter between them with sleight of hand. He didn't take his eyes off the paper until he made it back to his desk. The aloof look on his face made it clear that he hadn't made it to any incriminating parts yet, so he sat back down. One eyebrow raised slowly right as he heard a crackling teenage voice break through the crickets, " it's really just boring stuff about our Spanish project due next week" the boy stated anxiously.
"Is that right? ...Are you sure it isn't about your Spanish teacher? I'm sure everyone here is interested in how fast you...", his eyes narrowed in concentration as he leaned closer to the paper, "'get it up' when Miss Harkness bends over to empty her trash can." He brought the paper down to his desk and made a exasperated yet extremely confused face as he exhaled through his nose.
"Kirby" he paused, "this letter was written to your girlfriend, was it not?" He looked back and forth between the two students who had frozen shrugs adorning their shoulders. Neither looked as if they had any inclination of the slight depravity of the situation.
...The fuck was wrong with this generation?
As students began fleeing like cockroaches to the three part chime, he Let out a defeated huff and leaned his jaw into the palm of his hand, "Ginger, leave your home boy with me after class eh?"
'It'll be rewarding' they said, 'You can learn to give back to the community and enrich our youth with tools of yesteryear for a brighter tomorrow.'
Vegeta glowered at the 'Class of '98 Career Day Seminar' running through his head. He looked down at his gravel patty the school tried to pass off as a chicken sandwich."What a load. Who the fuck says yesteryear anyway", Vegeta said out loud to himself. Across the table, the gym teacher, Mr. Kakarot successfully managed to keep his bolus from decorating the table when he heard 'fuck' out in the open from another teacher.
"Shhh...Vegeta, you've already been written up for inappropriate language twice this semester. One more time an-"
"What? They'll take away my ice cream privileges?" he snorted with over-confidence.
The goofy grin never fell from his co-workers face. "No, but they might make you do chaperone duty at the halloween dance again. Remember last year?"
Never mind this generation. What was wrong with their parents generation he thought as he stood against the streamer clad wall with a questionably spiked punch in his hand. Who let their teenage daughters walk out of the house dressed like they started out in the gutter? His thoughts were interrupted by hormone incarnate walking up to him.
"Hi Mr. Ouji! Do you like my costume? I had it made special for tonight." She cocked her hip towards his and bit her finger seductively as she looked up at him. "I couldn't wear anything under it without lines showing...so I didn't.." He let out an annoyed huff at first seeing the minor's clearly intoxicated condition, but decided he could use it to his advantage to relieve some pent up frustrations. He did love the looks on their faces when he.. dominated them.
He eyed her up and down, noticing the low cut sweetheart top, lack of bottom, other than what looked to be a bikini, and a headband with rabbit ears."Why yes Noel, it's the most creative costume I've seen all night. A slut." His expression didn't give anything away but the girls face dropped dramatically as he felt a pink slip making friends with his hand on Monday. Luckily, his judgement, per the usual, was solid and the girl just stumbled off to the next pervert she could trap. An unwelcome, slightly disturbing thought of 'she could do better' passed through is head as she saw her hand rest on the bicep of that disgusting, scar-faced shop teacher.
Vegeta shuddered at the memory as Goku just smiled into the smorgasbord of baked treats he had gleaned from a few of the hopeful, single female teachers who didn't realize he was one china pattern away from being 'hitched'.
"So, Chi-Chi and I are going to a movie tomorrow tonight. She only works half-days on Fridays at the pre-school and I'm leaving after fifth period. You wanna go?" Goku innocently and whole-heartedly asked.
'Hmm...how many ways could he say no?'
'Man falling off cliff: NOOoooooooooo'
'Dog peeing on carpet: NO, No No No No-No'
'When you go to the mall on black Friday: Nope'
"No Kakarot." 'Lack luster it was'. "Maybe when something more creative than a prequel, a sequel, a reboot or a spinoff is playing." Goku half smiled "but still probably not..." Smile, meet frown.
"Besides, I have to work tomorrow night." Goku never did understand why he wanted to work this mystery job on weekends. He always seemed extra annoyed and somewhat disheartened Monday mornings. "And what little time I've got left over, well, I'd rather not spend it in a sweat factory that smells like stale popcorn, urine and HVAC mold." Vegeta glanced down at the time on his Jaeger Lecoultre Master Geographic 'well..maybe working weekends did have some perks'.
With his powder-mix mashed potatoes holding more of his interest than they should, he didn't notice the wannabe Rico Suave that always smelled of sawdust making his way over to the lunch table. "Hey guys. Happy Thursday. Only one more day till the weekend!" The shop teacher made a fist pump motion. Vegeta looked up from his potato pillow with nothing but disgust "Aren't you a little old to be underage drinking?" Yamcha took it in stride, knowing how easy it was to get on Vegeta's bad side, and decided to change the subject.
"So any plans this weekend guys? There's this new school nurse and I asked her if she wanted to see a movie tomorrow. Some really good stuff is playing ya know." Vegeta let out a humph as if he didn't just insult everything at the theater because of it's lack of originality. He lightly clenched his fists as another realization set in...How dare he change the subject when he barely got to insult him.
"Are you sure Noel wouldn't mind if you went with this nurse? No wait, that was last year. Was it Laila you were with last week?" he cruelly grinned.
"I told you, Ouji, I was just helping her with choosing a school next year. She's a senior you know?" Yamcha managed through gritted teeth.
"Yes and I'm sure magicians assistant will look good on her college application."
Romeo gave him a confused look that told him he really had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.
His voice became low to the point of threatening. "Because she's obviously good at.." he glanced south for a quick second "making things disappear."
Oh.
Hell.
"HAHA that was a good one there Vegeta" Goku interjected desperately, trying to break them of their staring contest. "b..but hey..let's hear more about this nurse.. eh? She a looker or what?"
Twenty-three, no twenty-two. Twenty-two minutes until the bell rang. Twenty-two minutes until he could say goodbye for two whole days to the hell that was being a high school teacher... Nah, fuck twenty-two minutes. This ends now. "Class dismissed. Don't forget your lab reports are due Monday. Double spaced! First student who attempts to make me cripple my vision will be made into an example...Now get out of my sight."
As the rest of the class headed for a weekend of ragers and poor decisions, an un-virgingly looking redhead walked up to him.
'And here we go'
"Mr. Ouji, I didn't know if you could help me? I can't seem to figure out this one thing you went over earlier in class " The girl leaned over his desk, intentionally setting herself up to try to get motor-boated. He leaned back from the situation as far as his chair would let him. "I get that there is a hepatic vein, but I just don't get the difference between that and the hepatic portal vein?" The girl assumed the I'm attempting to give you doe eyes position. "...you must think I'm pretty stupid, huh?"
Well...she was asking for it. Looks likes he wouldn't need to show up Monday anyway. 'Are any other schools in the area hiring?' he thought.
...
...
"Oh... I didn't mean to interrupt." A pretty blue haired woman in a white coat and heels leaned into the doorway of A117. The redheaded slut* sized her up and decided she was more in the mood for a sure thing. She would just have to track down that shop teacher instead. The tiny fetus intentionally grazed the woman's shoulder as she squeezed by her in the only-meant-for-one door frame.
"Are all the female students here that transparent?" the bluenette laughed. A small smirk crept up on Vegeta's face and for some reason unknown to him, he continued the conversation.
"I'm petty sure two of my students are a skirt hike away from being duct taped with their hands behind their back and thrown in someone's trunk. Jokes on me. I thought public schools were contributing to the increase in STD's in this country."
"Actually, that's what I'm here for!" she woman confessed with zeal.
After a few silent seconds, his eyebrow attempted to go back down, but then decided it was more appropriate for it to stay up. "Which one? Do you want an STD or to get thrown in a trunk?"
"What?! Neither moron!" He saw her blue eyes flicker with vexation before she inhaled a relaxing breath. "Sorry, I'm the new school nurse. I'm actually here for student education on sex, STD's, pregnancy and ya know...kissing boo boo's and stuff" she said with a wink. Vegeta just sat at his desk with a very convincing 'I'm not interested' look on his face.
She was pretty. She was very pretty. But lord, was she a walking stereotype. The good kind though. The sexy school nurse who wears skin tight dresses under her coat and 6 inch stilettos on her perfectly manicured feet. Probably into some kinky shit. Keeps tongue depressors and nitrile gloves on her at all times.
...
...
"..Is that a yes or...?"
"What?" he stumbled as he came out of his thoughts.
"Umm.. I asked if you have any anatomical models of the male reproductive system I could borrow?"
...
'You would...'
He let out a begrudging humph and walked across the room. "Let me check in the storage closet. I haven't taught A&P II yet this year. They might still be wrapped up...And don't even think about making a joke about that!" he yelled from the closet.
While he was cock deep in cocks, his phone started vibrating. Deciding he may miss out on a rewarding opportunity, he took the call.
13K was a pretty lucrative offer...but it seemed too easy. How ridiculous was it that someone, knowingly on the run, would really make an appearance in some place as conspicuous as a movie theater? Especially on a Friday night. Worst off, that dunderhead Kakarot would be there with his shrieking harpy. And that chromosome missing scar-face with whatever poor, pathetic...
"No fucking way."
"What was that?" she called from the classroom while playing with a trachea model. He stepped one foot out of the closet while holding a polyvinyl pelvis.
"You're the nurse? You. Are. The. Nurse? The one that sca- er that shop teacher Yamcha is going to the movies with tonight?"
"Umm, yes? And why did you say his name like it's something gross you could catch?" she clutched the thyroid cartilage, slightly annoyed. "He seems pretty nice to me and he was the first person who actually asked me for my name instead of my number." He snarled under his breath as she kept talking. "Besides it's not just us, that PE teacher and his sweet girlfriend are going to be there too."
She adjusted her attitude and gave a genuine smile, "You're more than welcome to join us?"
No answer.
Vegeta stared at her simply too long for her liking and she made a flustered hand gesture and started to walk out the door. "Thanks for the dick..dick" she grumbled just above a whisper.
"I may..make an appearance" he relented.
Stupid, tits..
He could've just stayed at home for once on a Friday, watched some scrambled porn and took the next hit he was offered. Now, because of her, he had to make an appearance in front of that shrieking harpy and those two troglodytes. Ugh.. it sounded so stupid when he replayed it in his head, enunciating 'her' and 'appearance' with a brilliant falsetto. Were they really that nice of tits anyway? From what he could tell they were symmetrical, had the right amount of give and would definitely fit in-"Wait...What is happening here?" he lambasted as he sprayed on Creed Aventus brushed off his slight case of 'bone storm' as maybe just being too long since his last ...transaction. 'When was that even?'
...
...
Ah..Ah..yes...Yes...mmmph...w..wait a second. Hold on. He let out a series of curses before getting to his point. "Seriously?! We've already tried three positions. The same physics are going to apply no matter which way the missile fires.."
God her laugh was dumb. "I know that, cutie. It just..doesn't feel right. Let me get on top.""If we have to switch one more time..I'm getting a punch card for this" he warned. All things said, her being on top didn't emasculate him like he thought it would and it gave him a nice view of her ti- "Ah..ah...yes..ah..I..I have a question" She didn't stop bucking so he pretended to listen... "Can I..Ah..that feel so good. Can I call you ..keep going...Danielle?"...
"What...?" Ministrations frozen.
"Can I call you Danielle?"
All the brain function he had lost in a firestorm of lust was slowly returning to him. Jesus Christ he did not want it to...Just five more minutes. "Ugh..al..alright...?"
Unfrozen. This didn't feel as dear penthouse as he would've imagined but there really could be worse names he reconciled. Maybe this wasn't so bad.
"Ca..Can..Ah..YES..I'm so close.. Can you call me Clark?"
..
...
You need money for an Uber?
Parking in a dark corner of the lot, away from everyone else, Vegeta locked his doors and leaned casually on his car. He hated leaning on his car. It served him well to never be a creature of habit. While his after hours forays weren't exactly debaucherous or even all that dangerous, they did inevitably make him some enemies. He adopted all kinds of nuances and idiosyncrasies, even ones he found distasteful and asinine, to avoid becoming routine. He really hated leaning on his car. But routine leads to habits, habits are predictable, and predictions leave a trail of bread crumbs. He checked his phone one last time to make sure he had the guy's face etched in his brain well enough where a mishap in a dark theater wouldn't render this bound-to-be hellish night devoid of any compensation. And god damnit, if Raditz gave him the wrong guys mugshot this time...
'Is it possible to shave his head ...and make him eat it? Eh..Worked on Nappa'
He briefly looked at the ground quickly but changed his angle towards the sky, squinting as he reached his destination. He heard foot steps in the distance as he went over his detailed plan of how to kill the bad guy, get the girl and rub it in his rival's face. Or just nab the guy and take him down to the bail bond office, same thing.
"...Easy on the eyes.."
"What's that?" Vegeta didn't even turn his head in acknowledgment. "The stars. They're easy on the eyes."
Were they? He never really gave them much thought. What was the point? They weren't fleeting or fickle. They would always be there. They were almost obnoxious with how consistent they were. So damn..reliable. "They're...adequate" he conceded as he turned his head towards a grinning sea of blue. She smirked. Normally, she would go to bat for the stars, fisticuffs and all, but Bulma had a knack for reading people. A gift she called it. Her gift told her to let this one slide. Everybody gets one.**
"You don't strike me as the type of guy that would lean on their...Model S is it?"
So much for creature of habit...
"And you presume to know this about me how? No wait, let me guess. It was those inanimate dicks wasn't it..? I should kill them for their ..insolence." One side of his mouth curled up deliciously as he paused before adding insolence to his threat.
She smiled genuinely. Oh yes. Her 'gift' had en egregious oversight: The quintessential badboy. Sure, she knew they type. She could pick them out of a lineup. A bronzed, sweaty lineup. Glorified underachievers who are centerfold ready and holding your second slice of death by chocolate cake.
In fact, a half-assed attempt at one was coming up behind her. " Bulma! Hey!"
'Bulma? So that was her name? Yeesh'
I just saw you pull up a minute ago, I was waiting in my car. Goku and Chi-"
"Mmh..Vegeta, what are you doing here? I mean it's cool that you came and everything but uh..I thought you, ya know, weren't?" Yamcha put on his best shit-eating grin.
'Vegeta? So that was his name? Yeesh'
"Well Rico, I had a change of plans, it was either this or slowly rip off a band-aid." He kicked at the ground with his patent leather shoes. What was it about that meek, perverted weakling who lacked any kind of class or pride that got under his skin so bad? Why did he always feel the need to call him out for being a lecher and take the toilet paper from the bathroom before he went in toting a newspaper?
Some questions aren't meant to be answered he conceded.
Vegeta made friends with a pillar that looked like it could keep a secret and eavesdropped as his paycheck order his movie ticket from the attendant. Not surprisingly, the grab bag of invalids he deigned to be seen with chose a movie on the other side of the theater from his victim. At least the movies started about the same time.. almost like someone conveniently wrote it that way..
Vegeta argued his way to the end seat for convenience and Bulma decided to keep him on one side with Yamcha on her other for the rest of the patrons' sake. Even after only seeing a very brief interaction between them, her astuteness wasn't needed to pick up on the (obvious) animosity between them. She looked back and forth between the two metaphorically coiled bodies.'Talk about being between a rock and a hard place...hmm.. but how har-'... "What the hell am I thinking?"
"Shh..don't talk during the movie." Vegeta rebuked with a smirk.
Her blue eyes squinted briefly and before her lips separated to put someone in their place, Yamcha unnecessarily opened his mouth.
"Hey, don't talk like that to her. Just because we've all had the pleasure of getting to know the great Vegeta doesn't mean she knows how or even wants to deal with your shi-.."
"I CAN HANDLE IT, Yamcha." A plethora of Shh's came from the surrounding audience as Bulma overzealously chastised him for interjecting. The problem with most men, is they didn't know how to handle her. She wasn't dainty or weak. Delicate or subdued. She was walking fire and the last thing she needed in her life was to be a judge for a testosterone contest. Banana eating contest? Maybe. But testosterone. No thank you.
Looking a mixture of perturbed and hurt, Yamcha leaned back into his seat and tightly pursed his lips. Bulma scowled at a smirking Vegeta before turning the other direction and giving him a sympathetic smile. "Hey, sorry for yelling, but he was just kidding, alright? Besides, I can handle myself, see?" She held up her arm and flexed a small bicep muscle before giggling.
She did have a habit of overreacting, but she be damned if she would let anyone speak for her.
Vegeta pulled his sleeve up slightly and checked the time on his watch. A few encouraging inhales and he started to stand up. As he took one step towards the staircase, Bulma grabbed his arm. "Hey get some sno-caps, will ya?
"What?"
"Aren't you going to get something from the snack counter?" she questioned honestly.
"Seriously?! Have you ever been to a movie? I'm not wasting 35 minutes waiting for the thorazine coma patient working the counter to grab some popcorn, by his hands, and drop it into a two feet deep bucket, one kernel at a time."
"Fine, jerk. I'll just ask Yamcha, I'm sure he wanted something anyway." She whispered lowly, but lacking maliciousness.
'Fucking tits.'
"Jesus.. Alright, I'll get your damn sno-caps. Just...give me a few minutes. I need to make a call anyway."
She smiled a beautiful smile. "Okie dokie."
Vegeta stalked from one side of the theater to the other, careful to avoid the ticket checker, whom he could most definitely take anyway. He pushed the doors open to the dark room and walked to the end of the staircase before it rounded to the theater seats. He peeked between the railing and the wall and carefully spied for the man. One of many firsts, luck was on his side. He was sitting second from the end and the seat beside him was empty. With a quick nod to himself, Vegeta began walking up the flight towards him and stopped at his row. "Is this seat taken?" he whispered.
The man wiped popcorn butter from his fingers on the armrest before grabbing his jacket from the seat in question. Vegeta could tell he was confused by the vast array of so many opens seats, but he silently thanked anything that the man obliged. The two men sat, side by side, while Vegeta tried to figure out how he was going to get the requested confection and get down to the bail bond office within a 10 minute span. ' Well, I'll just tell her the phone call turned into an emergency and..and.. ah..Fuck it. They'll be other tits.'
Showtime.
Vegeta turned to the man and let his eyes size him up for a quick second. The obviously worried look on the man's face prompted him to speak. "W..Why are..you looking at me?..Watch the movie." He could hear the uncertainty in the man's shaky voice. Vegeta tightly gripped the back of the seat in front of him, showcasing his tightly wound neck muscles, and gave an evil grin. "Well, I've already seen this movie and..spoiler alert...
..You die."
Authors note
* Anyone else remember these! Takes me way back to 21!
** Ha ha anyone remember this from Family Guy with Spiderman? So damn funny..but I digress..
Alrighty guys, so this chapter was more of just a set up. There will be more action soon but I needed to get the premise out there without giving too much away. This may or may not be more of a slow-burn type of story. I'm just going to go with it and see how it feels. It had a bit of a humorous feel to me too, which I wanted..but I may transition into more of a serious, darker tone. We'll just have to see. As always R and R and let me know about gross grammatical errors. Oh and I'm rating this M for language but let me know if you guys are interested in some lemonade ;) If you are (and you know I like it sowa. Woot) I may just keep twist of lime on here and post explicit stuff on AO3, but let's see what happens!