Naruto One-Shot!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Naruto except some manga and a couple box sets! xDD
Naruto started the day how he usually does, eating Count Chocula cereal and watching Wonder Pets. "Wonder pets, wonder pets, were on our way, to help a baby animal and save the day." The blonde and the kid show sang together until the television interrupted.
"Sorry to interrupt the program, but I am here to inform you that it will be a cheerfully sunny day in this fine village of Konoha" The strange buck toothed man in a fake leather tux stated. "We wish you to have a nice day and to continue the already playing program." The creepy weatherman dissolved from the screen with a flash.
"And that concludes the Wonder Pets section on our channel, it will continue tomorrow at the same time."
"NOOOOO! I'll never get to know who to take care of the sand raccoon!" Naruto fell to his knees making sure his cereal didn't splatter and fall on to the hardly ever cleaned carpet. "Oh well, I guess I better get some training done."
Naruto totally forgot about the rarely smiling, eye liner wearing sand raccoon that he had locked in a cage 3 months prior.
The blonde locked up the house and started walking towards the team 7 training field and instantly found a shop on his way there, in the shiny glass window was a brand new instant ramen maker for $45.52 on sale now for $4.99 with a sign like a television commercial reading 'BUY IT NOW! BUY IT'.
"I wonder what's wrong with it….but I do need one of those, they are so convenient." The young ninja shook out all his pockets and found that he didn't have any money on him. "Awwwwww man! This is such a big sale! I can't just leave it...oh wait!"
Naruto undid his shoelace and took off his shoe to find someone's missing $5 dollar bill. "I knew these money finding shoes was a good idea and they called me crazy! AHAHAHAHAHAHA" Naruto ran in and purchased the suspiciously discounted ramen maker.
As he started walking to the assigned field he began to feel cold and wet. "AHHHHHH I'm melting!" Naruto put his hands to his face. "Oh, no I'm not…ahahahaha" Naruto rubbed the back of his head as if he was talking to someone.
"It's raining!" Random little kids came out of their homes and stores ignoring their parent's pleas to come inside.
"No way, we don't have to listen to you guys!" All the little kids began to fight with their parents and it turned into a terrible scene with kids screaming, parents yelling and skin turning red that all the ninja's in the village that were around had to turn away, it was worse than a 6 day mission to protect the demon cat Tora…..and that was bad, we lost so many good ninja that day...
"Noooo, I can't let my baby get wet!" Naruto grabbed the box his 'baby' was in and put it under his jacket. The blonde ninja looked at his box like it was the most precious thing in the world, ignoring all the ruckus going around him.
Naruto ran and ran to get back to his apartment and finally made it back after a cow wouldn't get out of his way. He tried to reason with it, but all it would say back is 'Moooo' and Kakashi wasn't on hand to speak cow.
As he unlocked the door he could hear his television going. "Ah Crap! I must have forgotten to turn it off!"
Naruto turned towards the direction and on the screen was the same creepy weatherman; he nicknamed Beaver, this morning. "Okay folks, it is still going to be a cheerful sunny day so go out and …..oh pardon me, I have to take this call…..uh huh…..ya…..yes mom I won't forget…I SAID I WON'T FORGET…..I know, I'm sorry mom thank you…ok where was I…..oh yes, it will continue to be sunny for the rest of the day."
"Oh ya right, Beaver! It is pouring rain outside!" Naruto stared pissed off at his television set. "Oh ya! Why don't you come do this job, having people scream at you for getting the weather wrong! Jeez what am I? Psychic! NO IM NOT! " The buck-toothed weatherman yelled back at Naruto from the television. "Okay that was weird….." Naruto calmly backed up searching for the remote and clicked the TV off, but bumped and fell into a huge pile of blankets. "Yes! I haves an idea!" Naruto started to gather all the blankets in his apartment and put them together in one room.
As he moved from the closet, the bedroom, the bathroom and he finally got up enough nerve to search the most terrifying place in the apartment, under the bed.
The blonde got down on his knees and peered under, hoping nothing will pop up and eat him. He slowly descended into the dark oblivion trying to not pee his pants at every turn.
The young genin continued for what was like hours, trying to find spare blankets. As he reached out trying to push trash, ramen cups and…..was that just a cat or was it a ghost?
"GHOST! Where?" Naruto shouted as he faintly heard some random voices.
"Nuthin' just keep searchin." The voices continued.
"Ya…..right." Naruto continued to search and pushing items out of the way.
"How long is my bed anyway? There shouldn't be this much stuff under here!" He continued onward, complaining and telling Kyuubi to remind him to never come here again.
As he rounded another turn, a mysterious glow surrounded a strange colorful box. The blonde had gotten closer, not by his choice as Kyuu wanted to see what it was letting his curious side take over, and read the box. "Happy 6th Birthday Naru-chan!"
"Hmmmmm, now this is a mystery, I was six, seven years ago, and how did this even get here! I don't remember seeing any people on my birthdays as they we're all at the festival."
Naruto climbed out from under the bed, which took 5 minutes to his surprise, and pulled the box into his lap.
The blue eyed boy had gone wide eyed as he slowly undid the balloon colored wrapping paper and gawked at what he saw.
The blonde looked into the box and saw a 'Naruto' edition of Mad-Libs and a small brown wrapped package underneath the weirdly awesome gift.
The brown package had a writing style that was strangely familiar, but couldn't place it.
"Happy Birthday Naruto" The genin read the cursive words aloud and began to open the brown package.
Out of the brown box, came a bright orange book that he knew all too well!
"OH GOD! I know this book!" The title loomed over the couple running. "Icha Icha Paradise. I only know one person that would give a six year old that porn novel! Kakashi-sensei!"
As Naruto shouted out the name, a certain silver haired jounin, far away on a dangerous mission babysitting a huge group of young kids had sneezed. "Ahhh my mask, I just got this one today to." Kakashi had lowered his head and shoulders and was attacked and mugged by three four year olds grabbing into his pockets and running away, laughing, as Kakashi dropped his guard thinking about going home to change it.
Back at Naruto's apartment the blonde began to wonder, "If Kakashi-sensei gave me this, then who gave me the Mad-Lib book?"
Naruto flipped the front cover to the first page and began to read. "I know that you may not know me, but Naruto, I. Am. Your. Father." The writing mimicked Darth Vader as the giant fox in his head began to hum the theme song.
"NOOOOOOO!" Naruto once again dropped down to his knees. "What, my dad?"
Naruto confused continued to look at the book and read. "Yes, that is right, you didn't read that wrong."
'Okay, that is weird, it's like he's reading my mind.' Naruto thought as he continued to read.
"No, I am not reading your mind, remember, i'm your father, so I know what you're thinking."
Naruto was beyond shocked. "Fine then, if you're so smart, then what am I thinking?" The young blonde smirked at the printed words.
"Ramen, now just be quiet and finish reading." The printed words glared back at Naruto.
"Ahhh, Dang it!" Naruto yelled at the new book, as he continued to read to the end what his 'father' had written.
"Love always and plan to see you in the future, forever the forth hokage MUWAHAHAHA!"
Naruto was confused, but he didn't care. "Awesome! I have a Mad-Lib book! I have always heard of these things!" Naruto yelled totally forgetting about the spare blankets under his bed and skipping into his living room, with both presents in hand.
The huge pile of blankets had loomed over the now really happy 13 year old, as he entered the room.
"Oh yeah!" He remembered his idea right away and began to make tons of multiple tents attached everywhere in his apartment, leaving not one space blanket-free.
"There done! Now where did I put my new ramen maker? He~re Fishcake! Here fishey fishey fish~ey." Naruto continued to call to his new food source as a pet. "Found you!"
The ramen maker looked like it was hiding under the couch with scared puppy expressions and looking for a way out.
The blonde ninja had grabbed for it and plugged the machine in determined to try out his new recipe for ramen, peanut butter and marshmallow.
"Yummy, I can smell it now."
'Kit, What the hell are you doing!' Kyuubi had been woken from his slumber by the stench of his kit's 'new delicacy'.
"I'm making tents and about to play Mad-Libs! Wanna play?" Naruto said cheerfully to change the subject.
'Sure, why not, I haven't played that in over 100 years.'
"Yeaaaaaa! Kyuu's gunna play! Kyuu's gunna play!" Naruto chanted over and over. "Wow, daaaaaaang you're that old Kyuu?" Naruto became shocked and realized what the fox said minutes ago.
'Yes, but that just shows wisdom and strength acquired by my many years.' The giant red demon had boasted.
"That and how stupid you were to get caught." Naruto laughed at the expense of the poor fox.
'Hey, if I was out there right now, you wouldn't have the courage to say that, and I would eat you right there!' The tenant had grumbled out menacingly.
"Ya right, I'm so scared of a cute , little, wittle, fuzzbutt plushie like you. Oh, i'm shaking in my ninja sandals, you wouldn't hurt your poor little kit." Naruto teased and pretended to act like a scared five year old girl.
'Ya, ya, enough…grrrrrr I could just eat you, but Noo~ooo, i'm stuck in here. Let's just get this game over with' The great Kyuubi grumbled about losing an argument with a small 13 year old boy.
"Okay!" Naruto curled up under some extra blankets under a tent containing his television set and his new pet, he liked to call fishcake.
"Okay…..Hmmmmm, Kyuu give me a name of a tailed-beast."
'The Great lord of all demons. The Most handsome fox in all the lands. The all-knowing, all-powerful, the mighty Kyuubi-no-kitsune!' The giant fox congratulated himself on his excellent choice.
"Okay then, I'll put down, fuzz-butt, now give me a verb!" Naruto giggled at the newest nickname in his arsenal.
"Assault." Kyuubi fumed at the new name coming from his kit. "Okay, give me an adjective." Naruto continued.
"Rainy" The voice came from outside the blonde's head.
"Who said that?" Naruto asked into the darkness within the tents.
"I did." The weatherman that Naruto named beaver was still on the television and waving his hands around trying to get his attention.
"He~llooooo, I wanna play to!" He continued to wave his arms around.
"Fine, just don't be so creepy! What are you? A g-g-g-g-g-g-gho-o-o-st!" Naruto started to pull a Hinata and faint.
"No, but he is." The weatherman said casually.
"WHERE?" Naruto jumped about five feet in the air not even close to touching the top of the tent.
"Just kidding, jeez kid, you need to learn how to just cool it and take a chill-pill." Beaver sat back in his chair beginning to get comfortable and eating cheesy puffs on television.
"Don't do that, you stupid buck-toothed Beaver! Or I will turn you off and unplug the machine." Naruto got mad.
"No, please do not do that, anything but shutting me off, please!" The animal looking man begged and Naruto gained a mischievous grin.
Naruto crawled around the television set and unplugged the machine, instantly removing the light in the tent and making Beaver disappear.
"MUWAHAHAHAHA" Naruto started laughing to himself and he continued until he heard another laughter coping him.
"MUWAHAHAHA!"
"DAMN IT BEAVER!"
"Oh hey kid, don't do that! You made it go dark and scary in here." Beaver began to shake and whimper and then he stopped.
"Oh yeah, make me feel like a bad gu~ummm what are you doing here? I unplugged you remember?" Naruto looked at the cord in his hand and returned to look at Beaver who was now smiling, and then back at the cord. "I…..don't…get…it." Naruto stated slowly and confused.
'Kit he's probably a you know what.'
"What a g-g-g-g-g-ghost!" Naruto began to freak out again.
'No Kit, a republican, YES A FREAKIN GHOST! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FROM A STRANGE BUCK TOOTHED WEATHERMAN THAT WAS ON YOUR TELEVISION FROM EARLY THIS MORNING AND RUINING YOUR CHANCE TO TAKE CARE OF THAT SAND RACCOON BY INTERRUPTING YOU FROM WATCHING WONDER PETS!' The giant fox had exploded.
"Oh okay. Now someone give me a noun." Naruto continued on with the game blocking out everything that had happened within the last five minutes.
'Konoha' Kyuubi said drained.
"Good one, Fuzz-butt!" They all continued to play Mad-Libs with Naruto asking for parts of speech and Kyuubi and the ghost in the television giving the words. The almighty fox couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay, give me a noun." Naruto said cheerfully.
'Suicide' The red demon replied with a dark tone.
"Okay, let's have another noun." Naruto continued to write down words.
'Accident' The giant furball continued with words relating to his blonde kit's demise.
Naruto was not realizing the undertone of Kyuubi's words but the weatherman easily getting the picture especially with his clear reception.
"Okay. How about a verb. Anyone?" Naruto said with a smile.
'Possesses.'
"Oooh that is another good one Kyuu!"
The creepy weatherman was now starting to worry about the young blonde's safety and thinking that he will end up like him. Naruto had no idea what was going on and occasionally munched on some ramen from his 'pet'.
They continued to play Mad-Libs bringing Kyuubi to the brink of madness and beginning to snap. Time continued to fly by.
~~~~~~ Outside Naruto's Apartment~~~~~~~
"Hey, have you seen Naruto?" The pink haired genin asked her sensei and brooding teammate.
"No, Sakura, I haven't seen him in almost a week, I wonder where that prankster went." Kakashi pondered while putting his hand under his chin in his 'thinking pose'.
"Hn." Sasuke replied monotone.
"We need to find him guys! Something might have happened to him." Sakura began to get worried for once over her blonde teammate.
The rookie 9 plus Guy's team, much to Kakashi's dismay, and all the senseis's and even the sandaime, thankful for the distraction from his arch nemesis….paperwork, came out to look.
They searched high and low, under rocks, up in tree's and even in the adult section of the bookstore upon some of the sensei's requests.
"Nope, he wasn't in there." Kakashi came out holding a bag of stuff in a black bag.
"I agree with you my rival! Only the springtime of adults is are there!" Guy-sensei came out holding three bags that looked pretty full.
"I will fully understand if you cannot make a report on a small mission in the coming days." The hokage said to the two sensei's and tried to hide a slight blush on his cheeks as he too came out of the store holding a bag behind his back.
"Did anyone think of trying Naruto's apartment?" Neji calmly asked his peers.
Everyone was silent until a cough and a black bird flying overhead had pooped on Sasuke's shirt. "DAMNIT! That's it i'm leaving!" Sasuke stormed off in an unusually emotionally way.
"Oooo~ookay then." Everyone looked at each other and began to laugh.
Once they got over their laughing fit they all casually walked to Naruto's apartment and up to his door. *Knock Knock*
"Hey Naruto, open up if you're in there!" Sakura yelled through the door trying to get the attention of her friends.
Naruto couldn't hear anything as he was still making Kyuubi want to kill himself and his host.
"Naruto is everything okay! If you continue to be silent, I'm going to take it as permission for Sakura and Lee to break down your door." Kakashi called in to the apartment through the wooden door.
"Okay, do it!" Sarutobi said suddenly fearing for Naruto like another grandson.
"Okay," Sakura and Lee both kicked down the door in less than 3 seconds.
"N-N-Naruto." Hinata called into the apartment and fainted on the spot.
"What the hell!" The whole group stared into Naruto's apartment and found homemade tents.
"Naruto, are you in here?" They all screamed trying to get over the mass tent confusion.
"Okay team lets break these tents down. As they were going through the motions of breaking it down they came across a huge steel cage.
"Garra, what the hell are you doing here? The chunin exam ended 3 months ago!" Shikamaru stated and went all wide-eyed like a deer caught in headlights.
"I. Never. Left." Garra started twitching all over the place.
"Somebody let him out of there!" Kankuro and Temari randomly popped out of nowhere pointing at their little brother.
"You know, he kinda looks like…" Kankuro got cut off by Temari.
"Don't you dare say it." Temari slapped her hand over Kankuro's mouth.
The group easily freed Garra from his cell and continued on their way through the maze.
As they were coming to the last tent and tore it down, they would have never guessed their eyes, and they all repeated that notion rubbing their eyes and back to looking at Naruto.
Naruto was doing Mad-Libs with his television on. "Naruto, What the hell are you doing!" Kakashi spoke up for everyone present.
"Playing Mad Libs. Wanna play?" 'Oh, God No! Please anything but this again!' The Kyuubi could be heard yelling through Naruto's head.
"Okay…..." The group just continued to stare.
"Oh guys, when did it stop raining?" Naruto got up and looked out where his front door used to be.
"Ummm a week ago, Naruto" They all mumbled together.
"Is that so? Wow time flies when you're having fun." Naruto stretched while the rest of the group sweat dropped.
"Why do we even bother?" The group started to walk out together.
"Uh guys, what happened to my sand raccoon, I caught him awhile ago and wanted to show him to Garra the next time he came back." Naruto tilted his head with confusion and totally innocent.
"Again, why do we even bother?" Everyone face palmed and left Naruto to go their separate ways.
"What's their problem?" Naruto looked at the weatherman.
"Beats me, you wanna continue playing?" Beaver asked the blonde.
"Sure!" Naruto cheered that he still was able to play even though the sun was out.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' The Kyuubi howled and promptly passed out trying to recover what dignity, pride and sanity he had left.
Hey, I hope you like this one-shot. My sister/beta and I had thought of this little plot. It may have a small side story one-shot, depending if i have the time. This just wouldn't get out of my head. I will continue to work on my other story, but i was in the need of a laugh. XD
Ninjapirate101 ^_^