— Kylo Ren
Ren's eyes burned with fury as he slowly raises his head to see non other than Rey staring back at him. She stands bluntly in the doorframe of the ship once owned by his father; the Millennium Falcon. Swallowing the bile now rising in his throat he clutches his fists together, holding back the overwhelming urge to scream. His fathers ship continued to mock him constantly, as it was just another painful memory into his past. Now Rey herself co-piloted the heap of junk along side that blasted Wookiee. Rey, the girl he had once thought of as his future, still held on to the past. "Kill it if you have to" rattled the caverns of his mind briefly before the door of the falcon began to close and the force connection was cut.
Now only the damp cold control room of the rebel base lay in front him. He hung his head as tiredness and the emotional pain of both failure and loneliness took over his body and mind. Skywalker had slipped from his grasp all the while making a fool out him in front of not only the first order, but the retched rebels that had escaped as a result. But non of this turmoil compared to the empty hole he felt growing larger in his heart, the embarrassment that threatened to upturn his stomach and spill out on to the floor in front of him. As much as he tried, Rey's face kept flashing in his mind like first burst of sunshine that burns your eyes as you try to wake.
It was her he felt most embarrassed of. Despite the stories she had been told of him, she now witnessed first hand the kind of uncontrollable rage he was capable of. "She brought this upon herself!" Screams his conscious, a sad attempt to make himself feel better. He had offered her his hand, a simple gesture that meant everything to him. The past needed to die, he felt it so strongly in his heart. The wrongs he had committed were unfaceable and a brand new future was the only logical path to move forward. A life without Jedi, Sith, the resistance, the first order, all of it needed to be washed from existence, and all he wanted was Rey by his side; the girl who understood him.
Or so he thought. The vision of his hand stretched out now played in his head like a broken record. "Please... please... please..." the word was tormenting him. Never in his life had he begged for anything. Never in his life had he showed that kind of weakness. Somehow Rey had broken down the very wall he had cemented around himself, something not even his father was capable of penetrating. Her presence had made him feel indescribably calm as it pulled the light from inside of him towards the surface just enough for him to taste the sweetness of its affect.
As soon as she called for her Saber, the light had vanished. Darkness sprung into action as it suffocated any hopeful feeling that threatened to show its face again. She had made her choice to betray him.
The vision vanished, and yet he sat still with his face towards the ground, a tear gently stains his cheek. He raises his hand confused, touching the salty liquid that flowed without permission. He suddenly felt the sensation of longing over throwing any other emotion that had previously surged his body. "I need to see her again" he whispers shockingly to himself as he tried to process what he had just said.
All his life he spent under rule of someone he once thought gave him a purpose. Fighting in a war that had no meaning to him besides his own self discovery and revenge. But now for the first time he found something that he himself believed was worth fighting for, and he wasn't about to give it up that easily.