Welp, here goes nothing...
DISCLAIMER: Bleach and Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt are property of their respective authors - I only own this story.
With that being said, let's jump right in, my prepubescent boys and girls!
"Big bro! Breakfast is ready and waiting!"
The cheery voice of Yuzu Kurosaki echoed throughout the Kurosaki household, as the now-reformed Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo got up from his bed and quickly changed into his everyday clothes.
It was a beginning of a seemingly quiet Saturday - which was great for Ichigo, since now he had the time to exercise his powers that were returned to him not long ago. The painful memory of the Xcution's betrayal still lingered in his mind, but soon enough - it will become just an unpleasant thing of the past. One of many.
After the final confrontation with Aizen 2 years ago, the eldest Kurosaki child was never the same. The feeling of helplessness is something he was new to when he lost his powers. Of course, he did it for the greater good - to save everybody.
It was a good consolation prize - the feeling of accomplishment...at the moment.
The back stab he got from Kugo Ginjo was something he would've never expected, considering he put a lot of trust to the man who understood his situation, and who ultimately gave him a second chance to become strong again.
'No more self-pity, dammit.' Ichigo thought as he looked at himself in the mirror, and shortly after went downstairs.
Of course, even with all the bullshit they put him through, Ichigo was grateful for Seiretei...well, at least to some members of it. They were a godsend when Ichigo yelled at the former Xcution leader to return his powers that Kugo stole from him.
He didn't believe his eyes at first when he saw all of the Shinigami Captains, alongside some of the Lieutenants, reached out to him. After all, as they explained later on, Soul Society as a whole where indebted to the Substitute Shinigami.
'And the debt is paid in full.' Ichigo thought as he greeted his sisters, and slowly prepared himself for...
"I-CHI-GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGH!"
As the unspoken ritual demands, Isshin Kurosaki always ambushed his only son every morning. And as for the question why - let's say it did had satisfying results.
Of course, the Goatee failed with his flying kick surprise as Ichigo merely sidestepped a little, just enough to grab his beloved dad by both the leg and arm, afterwards slamming him on the wooden floor.
"Dammit dad, when are you going to quit it!" Ichigo yelled, irritated by his father's antiques.
"When I see fit! Your reflexes are getting better and better, but I still believe in room for improvement!" Isshin said with a goofy smile on his face, to which Ichigo merely let out a 'tch'.
"Dad! One day you are going to put a scratch on the floor by doing that!" Yuzu protested.
"And the gag is getting pretty boring by now!" Karin added, to which Isshin let out a waterfall of tears, and proceeded to hug the hung up poster of his late wife.
"MASAKI! OUR CHILDREN ARE MEAN TO ME!" Isshin yelped.
"Jeez, when will you ever put that poster away?!" Ichigo commented as he sat down and began eating his meal.
4 AnD A hAlF MInUTeS LAtER
"Ah! I almost have forgotten! Kisuke said that it's imperative for you to visit him at his shop as quickly as you can! Which is about now!" Isshin said as he readied his white doctor coat.
"*Sigh* Might as well get over it. Don't want an another blood-like stain in my room." Ichigo said as he grabbed his Shinigami Badge. Somehow, he had a strange feeling he's gonna need it.
Isshin would, of course, never admit to his son, but the message Kisuke sent that day when his son planned to rescue his friend made the ex-Shinigami fell on his ass of laughter. Strange enough, it was surprisingly easy to clean.
URAHARA SHOTEN FAST TRAVEL!
Luckily for Ichigo, Urahara showed up right in front of his humble little store in his usual shopkeeper outfit. And let's not forget the small paper fan he held on his hand. It is, after all, summertime.
"Kurosaki-san! It is always a pleasure to meet you!" Urahara said with his trademarked smile on his face.
"Cut the crap Hats'n'Clogs and get to the point - I don't have all day." Ichigo said. He always knew that the dubious shopkeeper was always planning something, and in most cases - it did not bode well for Ichigo.
"How rude! Today's youth has absolutely no respect! Ah well, what it is it is. Come in! I have something very important to say to you inside!" Kisuke said as he marched straight into his shop.
Ichigo took notice that the usually empty shop was somehow...emptier.
"Where are the others?"
"Went for the standard supply pickup, no need to worry! Now...as for the subject on hand." Urahara paused as both of them entered the living room of the shop.
Both of the Shinigami sat across each other on the pillows that surrounded the small table. The wooden table still looked like it never had a scratch, and the two empty cups that were on the table sat on the small cotton napkin, probably so that any nearby liquid that would somehow flow out of the cup wouldn't land on the wood.
"Would you like some tea and cookies?" Urahara asked as he pulled out a teapot seemingly out of nowhere.
"Ugh, no thanks. So, what do you need me to do?"
Urahara simply paused as he poured some of the tea into his cup. The boiled water mixed with aromatic leaves filled the cup, but not overfilled it. The shopkeeper put down the teapot outside the table, he spoke:
"Why, Kurosaki-san, it's not me that needs help. The Captain Commander received a rather peculiar request - the Church in Daten City is asking the Shinigami for help. All of the Captains came to a conclusion that you are the one who is most suited for this kind of mission." Urahara said as he opened his fan, concealing half of his face, while the other half was concealed by his hat. How the hell Urahara manages to see anything with that schtick?!
"The Church? As the Christian Church? Spill everything out, Hats'n'Clogs - if I'm going to do this, and it's a big IF, I want to know what's expecting me there."
Urahara merely chuckled at this.
"How perceptive of you, Kurosaki-san! Though, I must correct you - the Daten City Church is the one asking for help, not the Church as the whole. Anyway, Daten City, like Karakura, has a supernatural problem involving spirits, but the problem itself are not Hollows!" Urahara said, before continuing...
"You see, Daten City is unique as there wasn't a single Hollow that existed there! The problem is, however, Ghosts! Now, you may think that these are your regular spirits that died and are stuck on this plane of existence, but you would be quite wrong there! Ghosts in Daten City come to be when a human dies, whilst not being able to achieve their desired goal or simply died of an unlucky death. As such, these spirits are filled with all kinds of primal and negative emotions and exist in order to fulfill those needs, unlike Hollows, which their main goal is the consumption of souls."
"So they are kinda like spirits that didn't got their goals fulfilled or wishes granted, so they try to accomplish all that as a Ghost?" Ichigo asked.
"Exactly! Unusually smart of you, Kurosaki-san!" Urahara said, much to Ichigo's annoyance.
"But if that's so, how come I've never encountered them here in Karakura? Last time I checked, when Rukia was teaching me Shinigami basics, she never mentioned this type of spirits." Ichigo said.
"And that is where it gets interesting! You see, Daten City is actually a precipice between the World of Living, Heaven and Hell! Thus, the reason of the existence of Ghosts and lack of Hollows in Daten City!" Urahara said.
'That actually explains jack-shit about the Ghost thing...' Ichigo thought, as he asked the shopkeeper the next...
"Hold on - you mean 'Heaven' as in Soul Society? Shouldn't they be the same?" Ichigo asked.
"It's not - the Christian 'Heaven' is actually a part of Soul Society where the spirits of those who were pure and sinless reside - home of the Angels. You can think of Soul Society as somewhat a lower class Heaven." Kisuke stated.
Pure and sinless? Ichigo would bet that this Heaven isn't quite populated, now is it?
"Angels? Nobody ever mentioned that before!"
"Ah well, it's because it wasn't important to you Kurosaki-san! What would you actually do with that kind of information? Aizen was powerful and smart, but even he wouldn't be able to reach that Heaven. The residents honestly don't really care about the spirit world, as long as it doesn't affect them much." Kisuke said with a slightly serious tone in his voice.
'Sounds like they're a bunch of assholes.' Ichigo thought.
"Alright, how long am I going to be in this 'Daten City'. Actually, where the hell is it?"
"First question: not long; Second question: California, the United States of America."
"WHAT?!"
"Don't worry, Kurosaki-san. We've already solved all the problems with the school, as Kon will act on your behalf."
This is something that Ichigo really didn't need right now...The day just begun, and this crazy shopkeeper tells him that he got a mission from the Shinigamis and that the mission is on an ANOTHER GODDAMN CONTINENT?
"I know what you are thinking Kurosaki-san, and I do understand you completely. But YOU must understand that all of the Captains, even the Captain Commander himself, have put their trust in you. They believe that no one but YOU can do this task." Urahara said.
It was actually a white lie - the part where Captains believe in him, but hey - no harm, no foul, right?
"You always know what to say, eh? Oh screw it, might as well do this - don't wanna have the Soul Society on my back just because I wasn't acting like an errand boy. I just need to pack my bags and inform the others about the...situation." Ichigo sighed as he got up.
"No need! Everything you need has already been packed and I've taken the liberty of calling all of your friends and family! They will be waiting for you here in aproximately 30 minutes!" Urahara happily said as he stood up from the pillow and went to the supply room.
"Wait a minute - shouldn't I be bringing my own body with me?" Ichigo asked.
"Nope! Everybody in Daten City is quite spiritually aware, due to its unique location, so they will be able to see you in your Shinigami form. But no worries! You will still be able to wear your regular clothes. I've spent some time re-arranging the material of your clothes, and they are now 100% made of your own reishi. What it means is that you can put them on and off at will!" Urahara said with a thumbs up to Ichigo.
"Anything else I should know?"
"Well, we will be using a specialized Senkaimon to Daten City, so that you won't have to deal with the troubles of modern intercontinental transportation. Also, you will meet two Angels that are currently working with the Church there. Sisters, as I can remember. Your contact there will be Garterbelt, the local priest in Daten City, who will wait for your arrival." Urahara said.
MEANWHILE, IN DATEN CITY
"Chuck, chuck, chu-chuck, c-fuck, chuck, chuck, CHUCK!"
As the lighting came down on the seemingly innocent-looking green zombie-like dog covered in zippers that goes by the name Chuck(obviously), a wall hatch opened near the struck down creature, revealing a large Afro-American man in priest clothing holding a small hammer. Said man also had a huge, towering afro to begin with.
As he struck down the hammer on Chuck's head, the dog spat out a paper message that had two letters on them - W.C.
The proceeding alarm that was going around the massive church was so loud, it could make a hardcore dubstep fan who wears headphones all the time temporary deaf.
As Garterbelt arrived at the church nave, three persons came crashing down from the ceiling and fall right in front of the black priest...and on Chuck's head.
"Good morning, Panty." Garterbelt spoke, a sharp look on his face.
"See ya later." Panty saluted to the naked postman leaving her side, to which the postman replied with 'any time'.
"Good morning, Stocking." Garterbelt spoke again, with the same sharp look still adorning his face.
"Morning...Morning sugar..." Stocking said as she began to eat her first meal of the day - a slice of delicious cake.
Yup, quite healthy.
Garterbelt stood as he watched the two angels - the blonde one on the verge of falling asleep, while the goth one eating her cake of the day.
"We have been blessed with another hint from the heavens above. Stand!" Garterbelt ordered (it wasn't very effective, of course), as he removed the same piece of paper that literally came out from Chuck.
Still, no reaction whatsoever.
He pulled the seemingly-out-of-nowhere rope, and a big white screen emerged from the ground that started showing pictures.
"As of the late, there have been several cases of humans being eaten by toilets! Humans are most vulnerable when they're engaged in excretion. It is an evil and dastardly deed like no other! It must be the work of Ghosts!" Garterbelt said, with the graphic presentation of pictures that showed people dying by toilets finished.
Of course, all that fell to deaf ears.
"You gotta love morning wood." Panty said with a finger pointing to her sister.
"You really have no standards, do you?" Stocking replied.
"It's crazy good. Three spins and half a twist when you wake up..."
"I'm more interested in sugar."
"What about protein?"
"Depends."
"It's good for you. Ain't that right, Garter?"
"Hell would I know!" Garter said, with spit coming from his mouth.
"Listen to me! If you obscene angels don't want to be dropped, your only choice is to collect Heaven Coins by defeating those accursed Ghosts on the surface!" Garter said as he presented to both the angel sisters a frame that contained 3 Heaven Coins...far less than it should be.
"You are not here to collect men or sugar! Get that through your heads!" Garter added, to which the playful Chuck farted in the direction of both Panty and Stocking...to which the sisters started to play a violent game of couch volleyball with their feet. The ball, of course, being Chuck.
After the short-lived animal abuse, both of the sisters kicked chuck towards the white screen. His intestines, brain, blood and...other bodily fluids splattered as he hit the screen full force.
After a short pause, followed by the regenerated Chuck who started to droll everywhere, Stocking spoke...
"We know."
"Fuck it, let's roll." Panty added as the sisters changed their clothes in 5 screen framerates.
And to that, the sisters went to their pink Humvee - the See Through, as they started their chase after the Ghost.
34 sEcoNds LaTer...
"Be careful out there big bro!" Yuzu said.
"Don't worry, he can take care of anything! Right bro?" Karin added with a small smirk.
Ichigo could only smile to this. Everyone came to the shop - his family, friends from school, comrades, and even Shinigami from Soul Society!
"Be careful out there, Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime yellped.
"See you later, Ichigo." Chad spoke, with a thumbs up.
"Just try not to get into trouble this time." Uryuu said as he readjusted his glasses.
"ICHIGOOO, DON'T LEAVE US! PLEAS-" Keigo was about to cry, but was unable as Tatsuki punched him straight on top of his head.
"If need be Ichigo, kick some ass!" Tatsuki said with a fighter's smile.
"Best of luck to you, Ichigo." Mizuiro added.
Ichigo could only smile at this - at least all of his friends are there, supporting him. They've done it before, and he knows that they will do it even now.
"Ichigo! Do not lose your head! Remember that we are always there to help!" Rukia spoke, with quite the determination and sincerity.
"Don't forget to call when you arrive!" Isshin yelped, to which Ichigo only noded.
As Ichigo was about to go through the Senkaimon, a voice stopped him.
"Easy to forget me, eh Carrot-Top?"
"Never, Pineapple-Head." Ichigo said, to which something unexpectedly happened right after his response.
Renji bearhugged him.
And it made Ichigo feel quite awkward.
After Renji let loose, he said to him.
"Seriously, if you need ANYTHING, never hesitate to call, okay?" Renji said.
"Uh, okay. Bye everybody!"
The Senkaimon closed as Ichigo went through it. After that, Rukia approached her fellow Lieutenant.
"What was that all about?" Rukia asked.
"Nothing. Nothing at all." Renji said, as he started to remember the recent event that was clouding his mind.
BERRYALLENBACK!
Shortly after the Captain's meeting regarding helping Daten City, Renji joined his Squad Captain, Byakuya Kuchiki, on the return trip to their barracks.
"Captain, I must speak to you!" Renji said with a respectful bow towards the noble.
"Speak, Vice-Captain Abarai."
"Captain, we have been to Daten City before, and we have been to the church. I've seen some things that cannot be...unseen, that involved that... insane priest. Why have you explicitly recommended the Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo to the mission?" Renji asked. He owed Ichigo quite a lot, and seeing him with that Afro weirdo...he didn't wish that kind of fate to anyone.
Except Aizen.
A pregnant pause ensued between both of the Shinigami, until Byakuya spoke...
"Perhaps Kurosaki will now learn to be more respectful towards his superiors now."
BERRYALLENBACK END!
"Let's just say...your brother is scary when he holds a grudge." Renji spoke.
"DAMN YOU HATS'N'CLOGS!"
One time, just one time - Ichigo would hope that he didn't had to go through the Senkaimon-induced free fall.
The whole syndicate of Senkaimons, if such thing ever existed in the first place, probably hated him for some god-forsaken reason that he couldn't answer even if it killed him.
I mean, this is probably the only bad thing that happened to him today.
Right?
AN: Well, that was super duper fun! Now, if only some reviews, favorites and follows would appear out of internet's rectum, I'd be very happy.
This will be updated on a daily basis, so strap on!
Also, check my OKCupid profile - PumpStud69.
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