Ryker: ALL THE PALADINS ARE LEGAL ADULTS! PIDGE IS AN ADULT! PLEASE DON'T COMMENT WITH 'oh pidge is 14 this isn't ok' CUZ THEY AREN'T IN THIS STORY! kay thanks
(sorry, i got deleted from tumblr a while ago because of shipping) Also, this fic has lots of cursing in it, if you think it should be rated M, just tell me and I'll be happy to change it :)
Anyway, I really ship Hunk and Pidge and I hope you guys enjoy. I really just pulled this fic out of my ass. This is my personal writing style. It's not formal, more of a talking to the reader/journal kind of thing.
My tumblr is whispering-wind-demons! So go find me there and stuff xD or don't, it's really your choice!
I pushed around scrap metal pretending to actually upgrade the green lion. I wanted to avoid any contact with the other paladins- well any forms of life for that matter. I'm not weak nor scared, I've just decided that couples are overrated, and now that everyone in this fucking castle decided to hook up, I just like to stay in my lab with Rover 2.0 and Green. Who needs people, right?
Keith and Lance are always together. They can't go one second without holding hands or pecking each other on the lips. Call me crazy, but sometimes I feel like I can see a purple aura resonate off of them. I'm happy for them since Lance has been my friend for years, we were at the Garrison together. It just gets annoying because you can't ask for one without getting the other. It's like that side dish you never asked for but have to eat anyway so you don't seem rude.
Then, ever since we rescued my brother, he and Shiro have been something more than 'just friends' despite what he says. When Matt was on board the Castle of Lions, he refused to look at me. His eyes were filled with nightmarish horror and he clung to Shiro. It took him months before he could glance at me without cringing (which, if I'm being honest, that's when I started hiding in my lab). Now I talk to him more, but he still holds up a barrier that I can't seem to penetrate, but Shiro has. Oh, Shiro penetrates Matt's barrier very good and all the fucking time.
Everyone tells me that I have to wait for Matt to warm up to me. It's only a matter of time (oh goody…).
Is there something wrong with me? Why won't my own brother warm up to me and at least give me a hug? I risked my life for him and this is the thanks I receive…
And to top off this mushy disgusting love fest, Shay decided to pay Hunk a little visit.
For those who are new here, I've had a (giant) tiny crush on Hunk since Voltron was discovered and my life got turned upside down. I told him once, but his response was, "I'm sorry Pidge, I'm flattered but I'm not ready for a relationship now. We should really focus on Zarkon, alright? Are we cool?" Yet the next day he was watching the sunrise with his rock girlfriend leaving me to wonder what I've done to deserve this stabbing pain in my chest.
Now, after years, Shay asked the Paladins to visit the Balmera again so they can shower us in praise for saving them yet again. We've already been back to see the Arusians, disturbing little creatures might I add, so the Balmera was our next checkpoint.
Even after years and years of denial, watching Shay and Hunk made my insides contract and my throat closed up. That's why I've been hiding in my lab, so I didn't have to watch this fuckery unfold.
There was a knock at the door, but nobody in this stupid ship is polite and despite my groan, they walked in. Allura, Princess of the dead species, hovered over my work. She had that little nasty habit of watching me while I work, and not just watching, but yelling at me to be careful or asking what I'm doing.
"Pidge," she asked timidly for a second than regained her regal composure, "Are you alright?"
I pulled the goggles off of my face and looked at the Princess.
"Honestly, I'm getting so sick of that question," everyone on this castle has asked me that question more than once, and that was just today, "I'm fine, now leave me alone."
I went back to my work, but Allura still hung around. She sauntered over to my work table and leaned in close to me.
"It's about Hunk, isn't it?" she smirked. Her words made me stop my work and my limbs completely froze. I felt my cheeks burn with a pink blush and I tried to shake the feelings that I've bottled up inside.
"Why do you ask and why do you care?" I retorted with a growl.
She shrugged, "Because I see the way you look at him. The others might not notice but I do and I can tell when someone is in-"
"Who ever said I was in love?!" I yelled as I threw down the metal with a loud clank and I shot up from my seat.
My heart raced miles per second as Allura's expression didn't help my trembling shoulders. It was almost like she could see right through the neutral mask I wore.
She giggled, "You just did. I was going to say denial."
Damn, she's good…
I was at a loss for words. I mean, what was I supposed to tell her? Now she can go blab my personal information to the rest of the team and make me more of a shut in.
I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, "So," I pouted my lip slightly trying not to cry, "Now what?"
She sighed and took a seat in my stool. She unconsciously twirled a piece of her vibrant white hair.
I've worked on hiding my emotions. I can't exactly blurt out how I feel while on this team. The last time I did that, Keith blew a fuse and exploded at me.
"You're an adult now and it's not my call what happens," she said calmly.
Yeah, adult my ass. Allura has something up her satin sleeve and I know it. My nerves are screaming in anticipation.
"But," here it is, "Instead of hiding how you feel, maybe talk to him about it."
"Yeah easy for you to say!" I snorted and threw my hands up for emphasis, "He's already turned me down. He flat-out said 'no', he doesn't like me that way."
"That was so long ago," Allura urged.
My filter popped off and my true emotions leaked out, "Besides, he likes her better. Hell, he's liked other alien girls better. He likes how sweet they are and pretty, but what do I have?" I started to pace back and forth so I didn't cry, "A brother that doesn't want me, a presumably dead father, friends that are hooking up too much for me to even talk to them, a ratty personality, a flat chest, no figure, stupid glasses, short hair, scrawny-"
"Pidge that's enough!" Allura got out of her seat and grabbed my shoulders. I didn't even notice I was crying until I felt a feathery touch trickle down my cheeks. "You are none of those things! Not everyone looks the same, Hunk doesn't go for the average. You have such a bright personality and you're so smart." she swiped her thumb over my cheeks making me smile.
"What do you think I should do?" I asked her.
"I say," she stepped back and beamed at me proudly, "talk to him."
"No I mean to put my mind at ease. Can you ask him about Shay and if he likes her or not?" my anxiety took over and spewed out the words for me.
Allura laughed, "I can't do that Pidge, but you can in subtle ways. Just friendly ask him about her maybe once or twice. Try to hang out with him more, we will only be at the Balmera for another day so if you wanted to walk around outside you should probably do that now."
So what she's saying is to cockblock Shay and Hunk, hang out with him more, ask him why he likes her, then figure out what to do then? Sounds perfectly devious! Or did I just make that all up? Oh well, either way it sounds like a plan.
.,.,.,.,.,.
After tracking Hunk down for like an hour (or more, can't really tell exact time while in space) I ran into Lance and (shocker) Keith. He had Keith pinned up against the wall outside of the training room with his hands running up and down Keith's arm. He looked to be whispering sweet nothings in Keith's ear as Keith stared off into the distance with a dazed look on his face.
Time for Pidge!
I slammed my fist against the wall making both boys jump. Lance scowled at me while Keith was still coming down from his love high.
"Sorry to interrupt this 'get a room' moment, but I need to find Hunk, you know where he is?" I crossed my arms over my chest and shifted my weight to one foot.
Lance took hold of Keith's hand and snapped, "He's out with his Lion. He said something about hanging out with Shay. Why do you need to know?"
Great, he's out with her . Luckily, Allura planted tracking devices in each lion ever since we got split up by that wormhole. So finding him won't be that hard, it's the whole Shay part.
"Reasons," I shoved my hands in my pockets, "Just remember to stay safe with Keith, don't break him." My comeback was too light-hearted. My mind wasn't set on making Lance cry, it was focused on Hunk. I hung my head low and began to walk away in defeat.
Lance noticed my unusual behavior and told Keith that they'll meet up later. The blue paladin followed me back to my lab as I went to get Rover 2.0 to find Hunk and Shay.
Now, this is a rare sight. Lance without Keith is like human lungs without air. It's not common.
"What's up with you?" Lance asked as I pulled my backpack over my shoulders and walked out my lab door. He still followed me.
"Why do you care?" I snapped at him, "Now shut up and let me track Hunk's lion." I turned to Rover, "Alright Rover, track the Yellow Lion."
After a few seconds, my little robot flashed a blue light telling me that he was ready to follow. Lance was still on my back though.
The Balmera was smooth except for some large rocks. The travel wasn't too crazy, like the planet that had a thick dense forest. Some would expect the Balmera to feel more like a desert, but it was rather cool. It had little to no breeze, but the large crystals that towered over us provided a sweet shade.
"You better not get in the way of Hunk and Shay," Lance was always Hunk's best friend first, it was like that at the Garrison too. I couldn't blame him, they've known each other longer.
"And what if I do?" I refused to turn around and give him the luxury of a real conversation.
Lance sighed loudly, "Why would you even want to? Let him be happy." Maybe he'd be happier with me… Alright no, that's a selfish thought that I don't need right now.
"Whatever," I dismissed him and continued to follow my little robot with Lance trailing behind me like some parental supervisor.
.,.,.,.,.,.
How hard is it to find a giant fucking lion on a Balmera? VERY HARD!
Lance and I walked for hours until we got close. We had to break for some water and food, which I had to share with Lance, I expected this to be a one person trip.
"I'm so tired," Lance complained as he dragged his feet across the Balmera's surface.
"Well then why did you come?" I wonder if Keith has to deal with this? If so, I pity him.
"To keep you safe," he smirked, "Plus, you're right, I don't want to break Keith, and where that was leading, three times in a day is too much." GROSS!
I rubbed my temples, "Alright, I could have lived my entire life without knowing your sexual agenda with Keith."
Rover beeped telling me that we've found the Yellow Lion. I grabbed Lance's hand and ducked behind a rock to spy on Hunk. Rover settled down in my lap.
"Pidge, what are we-"
"SHHH."
Hunk was sitting with Shay. She was showing him how to make some special Balmeran soup. It made my blood boil to see them smiling and laughing together. He snuck his arm around her sometimes and I could only imagine if that was me.
Hunk's arm around me . Hunk making me smile. Hunk cooking for me.
I felt my heart sink to the bottom of my chest when I looked back at the reality. I bit my bottom lip to hold back any tears as I pressed myself closer to the rock.
"Being a Paladin must be tough," Shay commented.
Hunk shrugged, "It's difficult but hey, I get to save people like you and your family."
Shay giggled. I gagged.
She was playing with a pebble on the ground before she looked back at Hunk. She placed her hand on his shoulder and smiled.
"Thank you again for that," her voice was so sweet it could rot a tooth, "And for showing me the sky. Whenever I look up, I know you are somewhere out there saving another planet."
"Well it's not just me," Hunk said, "The rest of Voltron are equally responsible for defending the universe. I can't take all the credit. Like, Shiro is our leader, and kind of our dad. It's a weird situation. Then Lance is like the comic relief, he takes us out of our stressful situations and makes us laugh. Keith is just… well he's Keith and he is a strong fighter. Can't forget about Allura and Coran who basically helped make all of this possible. And those little mice that help around the Castle. Without them, the universe wouldn't be safe." Hunk smiled.
I lightly hit my head against the rock as my chest tightened. He forgot someone… Not like I'm important or anything, just a fucking arm with a tiny bayard and no special abilities. Whatever…
Lance placed his hand on my shoulder and pulled himself closer to me. He rested his chin on my head as if to comfort me, and I must admit it was working. Sometimes, I felt like Lance was more of a brother to me than Matt.
"What about that small Paladin? The green lion," my name is Pidge.
"O-oh," Hunk turned away from her, "Right, well, Pidge is… Um…"
This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have listened to Allura. I wish I stayed in my lab and wallowed away in self-pity for no reason, now I actually have a reason. The person I have strong feelings for doesn't even give a fuck about me!
I probably sound like a whiny brat, but take a walk in my shoes for a bit. My emotions are physically hurting my body. My limbs are burning while my chest is being stabbed and I'm sure I rubbed my head against the rock hard enough to get a decent scrape.
"This was a bad idea," I said a bit too loudly. Lance threw his hand over my mouth as he heard Hunk and Shay jump to their feet.
"Who's there?" Hunk demanded with his bayard in hand.
I felt a droplet of blood trickle from my head since I definitely left a mark there.
"Oh jeez!" Lance yelped as he rummaged through my bag to find some bandages.
Hunk took Shay by the hand and ran back to the Yellow Lion to retreat. I however wanted to be buried in this Balmera, or maybe stabbed in the chest repeatedly, or perhaps given to Zarkon as a little gift and left to die at his hands.
Lance wet a cloth and pressed it to my head.
"You like Hunk, don't you," it wasn't even a question. He fucking knew by the broken hearts in my eyes. I didn't know I could feel this degree of hurt. It's like, everything I love turns against me. "Here, get on my back and I'll carry you to the castle, you don't look too well."
He knelt down to let me climb up on his back. I lazily draped my arms over his shoulders and held on as I laid my head down in the crook of his neck.
I made Rover 2.0 even more handy, like to carry things, so he carried the bag. Lance commanded for Rover to take us home.
Lance's piggyback ride was so soothing. It reminded me of when I was younger, my dad used to drive Matt and me around for hours until we both fell asleep because of the car's gentle buzz.
I wonder, how different would my life be if Matt and Dad never went on that stupid mission?
"It'll be alright Pidge," Lance tried his best to keep things calm, "You're very important to this team. Without you, I would've died when Sendak blew up the castle crystal. And you upgrade all the lions, plus you're so determined and-"
"Give it a rest Lance, Allura already gave me a similar speech earlier," I grumbled, "it's just not fair." I pushed my face against his skin. "You smell like Keith."
Lance laughed, "Yeah… I know." He continued talking, "Keith is the best. He's so sweet and poetic. He's actually really funny! And the best part is, he loves me for who I am."
"I want a Keith," I said against his skin.
Lance was at a loss for words. I moved away from his neck so I could look at my surroundings. Nothing really new, unlike Earth, with the thick luscious trees and the rivers.
"So, you and Hunk," he began to say.
"You are treading in dangerous waters," I snapped at him.
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," he said, "Besides, I think you should talk to him. Let your emotions flow, because you are not healthy now. Trust me, back home I used to tend to my sister's broken hearts. She acted exactly like this because she just bottled it up inside. Now my brother on the other hand would be straightforward and it always worked out in the end, kind of. If you could find a middle group, I think you would be safe."
"I'm kind of dizzy," I didn't want to talk about it anymore, "I'm going to sleep, alright?"
I fell asleep on him without hearing a response.
.,.,.,.,.,.
When I woke up I was on one of the pure white couches with Shiro and Allura hovering over me. I jumped awake, but grabbed my head as if felt like a hammer decided to nail pain into my skull.
Everyone took up the empty chairs in the room. Even Matt was there… and so was Hunk.
"Oh thank goodness!" Allura cried as she threw her hands over her heart.
"What's happening?" I asked as I looked around, "Why is everyone acting like I was dead?"
"You've been asleep for almost two days," Shiro said. Well, that explains why I feel like my bladder is about to burst. "We put you in a healing pod but all it did was help your injury, you were still asleep."
"Do you want anything to eat? I can cook you something-" Hunk began to say. He must not know that I was listening.
"Not hungry," I mumbled, "But I have to pee."
"Come on, food is important," Coran smiled, "It helps you grow."
"Let me put it this way. It's either I pee now in a bathroom, or I pee on this couch, you pick," I could hear Lance say, 'that's the Pidge I know and tolerate'.
.,.,.,.,.,.
Once I got ready for the day, I learned that the ship had already taken off from the Balmera.
I spent my time like I usually do, in my lab.
I growled when I heard the door open, "For the last time Lance, I don't give a shit why Keith kicked you out of his room. It's your fault and-" I turned around to see a taller and thicker man with darker mocha skin holding a plate full of food, "Uh… S-sorry."
"Nah, it's alright," Hunk shook his head, "I get the same stories from Lance as well." He set the food goo at my table and began to move away my equipment.
I would've yelled at him, but everything inside of me tensed and a familiar pain settled inside. I wanted to ask him why he didn't mention my name to Shay and tell him how much it hurt me. But like Lance said, I need to find a middle ground between bottling up and letting loose.
"Wow, usually you yell at me when I touch your equipment," he said as he twirled a screwdriver.
"Hey! Don't do that!" I snapped.
"And they're back," Hunk smiled, "I was getting worried for a second. Now eat, you haven't eaten all day."
My appetite flew out the window right when Hunk entered the room.
"I'm not hungry," I leaned against the table, "So take the food goo and leave me alone."
"Come on," he urged.
Hunk reached over and grabbed my hand. I felt tiny sparks tingle from my hand to the rest of my body. A light pink blush dusted over my cheeks as I was worried Hunk could hear my hammering heart.
I clenched my fists in frustration and forcefully grabbed the plate of food goo. After I shoveled one spoonful into my mouth and let it slither down my throat, my stomach barked for more. I blushed even harder at hearing my stomach.
"Sounds like you're starving," Hunk said.
"Shut it," I playfully pushed him making him laugh.
I liked this. Hunk and me alone, being so calm. It almost made me forget what happened on the Balmera.
We sat for a while in a suffocating silence. I hate silences, it makes me feel like I've done something wrong. So I keep shoveling food goo down my throat until my plate was clean.
"Hey Pidge," our eyes locked, "Look, um… I-I just want to say sorry."
"For what?" but seriously, I couldn't think straight while staring into his rich brown eyes.
"Nothing," he smiled and took the plate, "I'll just leave you to work."
"Wait!" Hunk was about to leave when I shot out of my seat and literally tackled him to the ground. The plate didn't break, but I'm sure some of my bones did.
Though Hunk was bigger, I was stronger. Years of training and tinkering do wonders for the arm muscles. He stared up at me with wide eyes.
Think of a way out… Okay, I'm pining Hunk underneath me, my hands holding his arms above his head. Yup, I'm screwed.
"Uh," I rolled off of him and scooted against the nearest wall. He followed.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine," I mumbled.
"No you're not," damn, he knows me pretty well.
I leaned against his arm and nestled my head on his shoulder. Hunk was like a warm soft pillow that smelled of cinnamon and vanilla. He wrapped his arm around me and ran his fingers through my bed head.
I like this… Being in his arms, feeling his body heat. Even if it's only friendly, I can't help the stinging sensation fluttering throughout my body. I felt so safe with him, like I could let my guard down. Which is where the problem ensues.
"Do you like her?" I asked. I was acting like it was two in the morning and I was running on the sheer will to stay awake. Two AM thoughts are the most toxic.
"Who?" He asked as he tugged slightly on my hair sending sweet shivers down my spine.
"Shay," I said in a daze, "I saw you guys, I went looking for you and I heard you. Everything you said about me." I giggled like a drunk hyena, "You must really hate me huh?"
"Wha- Pidge don't be ridiculous!" Hunk tried his best not to jolt away from me, "Let me address the first issue, you heard me?"
I nodded, "Me and Lance were there," I was intoxicated by Hunk's touch, I had lost my only filter, the one I needed to not lose my sanity, "You didn't mention me when you were telling Shay about the Paladins. Why? Am I really that horrible? I know she's your girlfriend and all-"
"My next point," he squeezed me slightly, "Me and Shay? No, she's just a rock that I care very much about. We had a thing back when I first met her, but it couldn't work because being a Paladin is so time-consuming."
I nuzzled my cheek against his shoulder, "I bet you've done this with Shay."
"I actually haven't," I wasn't listening to him.
"So, Shay's pretty, don't you think?" I said.
"Uh," Hunk moved his hand from my hair to my shoulder and rubbed little circles down to the middle of my upper arm then back up.
"I wonder, she makes you happy. I mean, she has such a great personality and all-"
"Are you jealous?" Hunk asked stopping me in my tracks.
Yes. "No."
"Then why are you going on about this? And why would you follow me to supervise Shay and me?" he tried to pry me from him, but I only clung closer and shoved my face in the fabric of his shirt before the waterworks.
I could feel the pressure from behind my eyes build up to the point where I couldn't hold back anymore. Hunk rubbed my back to try to calm me down.
"W-when you told Shay about the Paladins, you said such nice th-things about everyone else, but I was forgotten," I sobbed on his shoulder, "I-it just hurts being shunned and cast aside by the people I love. Matt hates me now. And you can't think of a single good thing to say about me which means Allura and Lance were wrong, I'm just Pidge, the person with the poison touch."
Hunk sat there and let me cry out my pain. He hummed a random tune he most likely just made up as I washed away my emotions.
Once I regained some composure, I let go of him and tried to push away, but this time he held me in place. He turned to me so he was fully facing me and cupped both of my cheeks.
"The reason I couldn't think of anything to tell Shay was because I didn't want to drum up any drama," he used his sleeve to dry my eyes, "I knew she still had feelings for me and it would be rude to go on and on about how beautiful and courageous you are, not to mention smart and funny. What kind of person would I be if I told my sorta ex that I fell for my teammate?"
I knew he hated me! I knew- wait what?
Hunk's lips twitched into a little smile as my heart nearly stopped and my breath hitched in my throat. I scanned his face for an answer, but before I knew it, he closed the gap between us.
Okay, listen, I can't feel my feet, I'm sure my hands are laying limp at my sides, half of my butt is asleep, but I'm kissing Hunk so I don't care! It's like every worry, every horrible thing that has happened to me was washed away by a wave of happiness and passion.
His lips were sweet, like caramel icing (it's a thing, look it up). He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him so our bodies were flushed against each other.
I eventually had to pull away to breathe. I pressed my forehead against his and let out a breathy laugh. I finally could move my arms up to rest on his shoulders. I played with the silly yellow band he wore around his head. Well, it's not silly, I actually find it cute!
"Well?" I said cautiously, "What does this mean?"
"Let's take it one step at a time," he pressed one last kiss on my lips before helping me to my feet (but I can barely stand anyway), "You know, you're kind of cute when you're jealous."
I laughed with him until I sternly said, "Don't let it happen again."
"Understood," he nodded and picked up the plate.
He reached out and held my hand as we went into the kitchen together. Lance and Keith were in there enjoying dinner when Lance noticed how Hunk and I were attached at our hands. His eyes bugged out for a second until a lazy smile rested on his lips.
I can't wait to tell him all about it.