This is my first song inspired fic! The song I chose is called Through Glass by Stone Sour. I could just imagine Gaara singing this while looking through his cell at Sakura. It sounds a bit confusing as you go, but fear not. . . that is the point. He's going crazy from guilt and fear and anger and all that jazz. Just read and enjoy. For this is only a warmup for my next biggest fic! And don't forget to review! (Also, I don't own Naruto characters or the song. In case you thought otherwise.)
Being locked away is always hard. Even harder when they think you're insane. I find ways to pass the time, knowing that it only serves to amuse me and perplex my captors. It's only been a couple days since the courts decided I was safer in the Konoha Institute for the Criminally Insane than in a normal prison. They feared that I would cause too much harm to my fellow inmates in prison, an assumption that is well founded. Though my so called outbursts are not random, it is easy to figure that I don't tolerate stupidity. Unfortunately that is in abundance in a place like this.
I feel like Hannibal Lector in this cage with one glass wall, but the doctors claim it's both for security and observation. Easier to know how to handle a situation when the patient has no corner to hide in. Load of shit, if you ask me. If you're going to start something, it's better to be out in the open anyway. Easier to maneuver, or accommodate than to pounce from behind and get thrown off or cornered.
It posses a unique avenue of entertainment as well. With no TV's, radios or even a simple clock to regulate time it is easy to get lost in the goings on of those just beyond that clear barrier. Patiently I waited for my Clarice to make her appearance.
"I'm looking at you through the glass. Don't know how much time has passed," I sing as I watch the nurses pass me without a glance of acknowledgement. "Oh, god it feels like forever!" I slam my fist against the glass, just to see if they jump. "But no one ever tells you that forever
feels like home sitting all alone inside your head." I let my hand fall to my side, but I keep my eyes on them as long as I can. No one seems to see you, which is ironic considering all the glass.
I don't remember the whys or the hows, they seem so unimportant now. The only thing that remained was the images of you that flooded my mind. So little I actually knew, and yet I felt I knew you better than even myself. It doesn't make any sense, even someone like me can understand that much. But even as I know I'll never see you again my eyes are in denial.
Dancing, moving, and flowing to the beat of music. Hugged to my front, you flirted with your body unlike any I had encountered before. Sure there were the easy girls, but you held an air of refinement they so lacked. Like even though you teased and hinted, you wouldn't give out like they did so readily, which only made me want you more.
The guards drag a body into the cell across from mine. I have a front row seat as they dump the naked woman onto the mattress. Only a few feet of air and two panes of glass separate us, and it seems like hardly a barrier at all. They leave, but you stay. From where I stand, pressed against the glass I can see your eyes are still shut. The cloths you will be forced to wear while here are on the edge of the bed folded neatly. And drugged as you are, I still know that we've met before. I know I've seen those lips, that hair, those hips.
"Sakura," I whisper in a deep timber. "How do you feel?" That is the question, the only question that I ask. I know that you haven't spoken to them, but they were not me. I sympathized. I knew that when something like a soul becomes initialized, analyzed or torn apart they can't expect you to respond to their poking and purging.
"You can't expect a bit of hope," I sighed as they strap you down. No one knows you're here, and they will try to break what little you have to get the results they want. But they made a flaw when they brought you here. See, there is someone that knows. I know. And while I know you take the tests and sit still while they try to cure you, you can rest easy with me near. Cause each of them is making that dull look in you eyes while I hold the spark.
So while you're outside looking in describing what you see, remember what you're staring at is me. It may not make sense to you, but it makes even less sense to them. You gave me the key, remember? So dry your tears and hold it together.
Days flit by as I stare at you. Doctors come and go and you sit quietly nodding your head or shaking it in denial. You do not give them the answers they want. Good for you. Just remember that you will be here longer for it. It's ok, I've got the time. I can wait for them to write on their notepads and try to coax you into lying to yourself and others. They don't know the truth anymore than you do, but they'll never admit it. When they've gone and you're alone in your cell, do you ponder on it?
And then you notice me. You actually look up and take a look around for the first time. I don't have time to analyze your body language when realization lightens your features.
"Gaara," you cry out and jump against the glass. Hearing your voice again makes me quiver. Be it a cry, a moan, or even a whimper I love it when you say my name. It's like you find a secret me and steal it away inside yourself to savor later. And as much as I like the idea of being savored, I like that only I can make you say it like that.
With only glass and air between us, we smiled and laughed at the circumstances. What a great joke we made.
"Cause I'm looking at you through the glass," you sing. It makes my lips twitch at the sound, so I allow it this one time. I smile, knowing that it comforts you almost as much as my arms. "Don't know how much time has passed," you continue almost as if it's a question. I shrug. How should I know? There are no clocks here.
"All I know is that it feels like forever. No one ever tells you that forever feels like home," I reply roughly. Letting my eyes lower and my head press against the glass. "Sitting all alone inside your head," I finish softly. For once in a very long time, I close my eyes.
My hands run themselves along your skin, smearing the sheen of sweat that glistens beautifully in the moonlight. A moan rises up to your lips before being eaten away by my hungry kiss. Slender fingers run short nails along my arms, clenching closer all the while. I break the kiss long enough to growl my possession of you. But even as you try to relax under my fierce gaze, I know that you still fear me. That fear excites us both and helps us ride out our passions.
Opening my eyes, I see you there. Across the room, yet still so close. I know I can smell you, it's not my imagination this time. And though I know that I don't talk in my sleep, I can tell you are staring at me. You know as well as I. That this place hasn't changed a thing.
"How much is real?" I murmur from my bed. Huddled against the wall, I look at the opposite one. Not really seeing it, but letting my eyes wander in the stillness. Even as I already know the answer, it tries to run away. So many other questions, but I know they will have to wait for another time. A night aid wanders by, flashlight in hand. Do they even look inside? So secure in their bubble, they never think to look beyond themselves. Funny, when that is in their job description.
The guards bring in your body and lay you on the bed. Are you safe, or even alive? But when I see your face it's not the same. Lips too dry, nose slightly askew. Eyes that look without seeing. Doctors try to get you to talk again, but you remain uncooperative. Once they leave, I know they did what I swore no one would again. I can see the tears, even if they don't fall. And I know I will break them, though you would deny it. So naïve, you don't know when you've been hurt. I'll make sure that you don't have to learn.
I'm looking at you through the glass. It is becoming a nervous tick now. I pace about, take a few steps and look over. Still there. Go to my far wall and scratch another notch on my pace-o-meter and look back. Yup, still there. It's impossible to know how long I've done this. Nurses pass, doctors bring meds, patients wander by only to run in terror at my glare, meals are brought in at least twice a day. I only know that a day has passed when it darkens to night. And the only window to get that indication is in your cell. But I've lost count on how many days I've done this. Sleep is hardly a distraction. I'm dreaming about you now too. So what am I doing? Is this even real?
Moonlight shines down on you tonight. Funny how you got the only one with a view. But even so, mine still takes the cake. To see an angel bathed in such a pale glow, is better than any stars. Potential will rise. Innocence laid to rest. And the true side of human nature will emerge. Rage wells within me to know that you must revert to these measures, but more so for our guards. Charged to maintain and protect, they instead greedily take what is not theirs.
I'm mesmerized by you as each man fell to your fury. I know it's wrong, but I love you even more for it. Though it is a twisted and malformed love, I know that you will accept it. If only to fuel your own motivations. If only I could get beyond this wall of melted sand. Then I could join in your liberation. It's not everyday that one awakens their better half.
And it's the stars, those doctors and nurses and guards. They tried to save you. They claimed to want to free you, but they lied. Only I could save you. And only you could save yourself.
I stand beside you, looking through that porthole at the moonlit heavens. Our hands entwined, blood splattered all over the cell. It is the most at peace I've felt in a long time. Let's not break it. Not yet.
I'm looking at you through the glass, again. I know I've seen this before. It feels like deja vu. I look at my room and realize I'm still here. Don't know how much time has passed as I stood at my only porthole to life. The white walls are not smeared in blood. There are no screams. No peace.
"Oh god," I growl in frustration. I pound on the glass, not caring if it hurts like hell or splits my knuckles. The pain is real, but how much else?
The guards are returning with a body. They walk into your cell and drop it onto the bed, without a glance to the blood or the bodies of their comrades. You stand in the moonlight looking back at me. Am I to wait here then?
I don't remember why I was sent here. It's been so long now I don't think it really matters. They never intended to let me out. Grass, open air, even rain will be beyond my grasp. But you're still here. At least when you are here. Are you even you when I see nothing in your eyes? It doesn't matter, because I know that it won't last longer than I. With broken glass for nails and kisses filled with the taste of a broken heart, I know you'll see me. You'll see me until I can't see you anymore.
"Cause I'm looking at you through the glass," I murmur on the bed. I rock back and forth slightly, the motion somehow comforting. I want to hold my knees, but the doctors tied them back in this smelly jacket. "Don't know how much time has passed. All I know is that it feels like forever."
"Now now Gaara. It hasn't been all that long," my doctor chides with a smile. I want to rip his face off, but again I remember the jacket. I ignore his questions and attempts at playful banter and continue my monotone singing. "But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home. Sitting all alone inside your head."
I close my eyes. And you fade away.
Fate deals me a final demand, one last hurrah. As if dreams and hallucinations weren't bad enough. A visitor steps up to the glass. My Clarice arrived after all. With a smile I had forgotten I knew, I joined in the false hope that I would get better. But it's hard when everywhere I go I see your face. You smiled at me like that once, which made me want to scowl at you just to be spiteful. I can't forget you, not when they demand it so. Even the visitor who dons your face begs me to let you go. But I will never let you go. Not when you needed me and not when I need you.
Not even when they tell me I killed you.
*End note: Just wondering if anyone is head sploding over this? Like, was she really there? or was he only imagining he was seeing her? Did he really do her? Or was it only a dream? Let me know if I need to help you collect your brains. I have a few zombies that would love the snack. XD
*Edited Note: Thank you so much TheRealGoodyTwoShoes for your insight. I think this fic is a lot stronger now, because of you. ^'^ *hugs*