Guy ropes……….or just ropey?
Acknowledgement to Tom Lehrer
Be prepared! That's the Boy Scout's marching song,Be prepared! As through life you march along….Don't make book if you cannot cover bets………..Oh yes Tony was very good at that.Be prepared! That's the Boy Scouts' solemn creed,Be prepared! And be clean in word and deed.
Wasn't he always??!!!!Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice,Unless you get a good percentage of her price.Yes, if he could, would have sold Kate on, and if he could get away with it Ziva. Be prepared! And be careful not to doYour good deeds when there's no one watching you.
Oh yes, the Boss never did see what he did sometimes, which was just as wellIf you're looking for adventure of a new and different kind,And you come across a Girl Scout who is similarly inclined,Don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be prepared! Rule 9: Never go anywhere without a knife.
This was going to be the day that one Anthony DiNozzo would regret not taking Gibbs' rule 9 to heart.
"Dr Mallard, I was wondering." Agent McGee enquired of the ME, "Were you ever a Boy Scout? It's just I need an idea for fund raising. The Girl Scouts bake cakes and do girly things."
"Ah the Boy Scouts, a good old fashioned British organisation started by one Baden Powell……now when I was a lad we had what was called "Bob a Job Week" A Bob" now looking at Tim's puzzled look, "Was an old coin of the Realm, a shilling, 12 pence, 20 shillings made a pound. That sixpence I showed Abigail at Christmas was, 6 pence, ½ a shilling………." Tim coughed, "Sorry got carried away there," Ducky now replied, "We used to do jobs for a shilling a bob. I believe in some far flung Counties of America a dollar is called a "Bob" so charge a dollar."
"What sort of Jobs did you do?" Tim now enquired.
"Oh you know, dog walking, car washing……..gardening………that sort of thing." as he turned and continued to do some work. Tim walked away thinking, a smile came over his lips, he needed to talk to Ziva.
"So Ziva what do you think?"
"You are thinking of kidnapping Tony………and holding him to ransom……..I for one would pay you to keep him."
"Who's looking for money Ziva?" Special Agent Gibbs asked as he strode into the bullpen. He was very wary of parting with his well earned cash.
"I am……….as in, I am looking to raise funds for the Boy Scouts and I thought if we could kidnap Tony and then hold him to ransom………"
"Tell you what McGee……….I'll pay you so keep him." Gibbs now answered.
"I too….. he is becoming very irritating these days, and I could do with some peace and quiet."
All three looked at each other and smiled, oh yes they had a plan.
The two boy scouts stood on the sidewalk out side the Mall, they had a chair set up and the sign so professionally made, "Shoe shine, a dollar." The older of the two approached Tony as he walked the sidewalk.
"Shine your shoes Mister for a good cause, we are fund raising."
Tony looked at his expensive Armani shoes and was going to say no, but seeing the look on the boys' face agreed. The lad showed him to the chair. The two boys were good, they talked to Tony about some films and what a nice day it was and general small talk. He didn't see the vehicles in the street, or hear Ziva creep up behind and hood wink him. As she did, Tim lassoed and held Tony tight. One of the boy scouts tied Tony's shoe laces together, while the other cuffed him. Gibbs drove the Ambulance from round the corner, slammed the brakes on and as he did so, the rear doors opened and Jimmy and Ducky jumped out and the four pushed Tony in. Ducky strapped poor Tony to the stretcher. Ziva thumped the back wall, Gibbs, he smiled the
Gibbs smile and sped off.
They drove for what seemed ages, hours to the camp-site, before Gibbs again slammed on the brakes, the back door shot open and the stretcher slid from the back reminiscent of Cannonball Run. Tony was sure he could hear childish laughter. Girly, childish laughter. He thought Halloween, or Chucky or anything with children. Horrible nasty creatures.. He felt the arms prop him up and the cuffs unclasped. He grabbed the hood from his eyes. The sun blinded him momentarily. He then saw the children. But as he tried to stand he didn't realise his shoes were tied together, he fell on his face. The children laughed. Tony looked at the shoes that approached and heard the voice.
"This boys and girls is Special Agent Tony DiNozzo and he has specially agreed to help us…………haven't you Tony?" as Tony rolled over and looked up. He saw the kitted out Tim, in full Scout uniform. "Tony is here as a hostage………..and we need to see who wants him back. In the mean time." as Tim looked down at Tony, " We have a tent for you, and some clean clothes…………..oh yes ……..and you are on latrine duties tonight. As he walked away smiling., Tony could just make out Ziva and Gibbs, stoking the camp-fire, Ducky and Jimmy, were sitting outside a ridge tent, a huge red cross hung from the top.
Tony emerged from his tent. Tim had very kindly loaned him a pair of over sized shorts, and a scout shirt, a neckerchief toggled at the neck, Tony thought he looked stupid, which he was of course, but the girls giggled. Two came up to him and took him by the hands.
"Scout Master says we have to practice out knots, and Ducky say we have to practice our bandaging skills so he can let us pass our badge." as the took him over to the 1st Aid Tent and sat him on a stool.
As the two girls started to lay out the bandages, Tony wondered what was going to happen.
"Broken arm," the 1st little girl said as she grabbed his left,
"Ouch……..it's not, but it could be now." Tony whimpered.
"He's such a baby," the second little girl answered, "Now sit still, you have a head wound." as she started to wrap the bandage round Tony's head.
"Don't forget he has an eye injury." Dr Mallard offered. "And you all know what to do with an eye injury?"
"Yes Dr Mallard," the two girls shouted. Now taking two bandages and placing them over DiNozzo's eyes.
"Hey why you doing that?" Tony quizzed.
"Well Anthony, if you have an eye injury if you cover one the other does the work and as you know you can't keep one eye still, they move together, so………?" Ducky asked the girls,
"You bandage them both so the good eye can't see anything." they replied in unison.
"Very good girls. Now I must go and see if Timothy is giving instructions on how to identify poison ivy." as he walked away.
"Hey Duks you can't leave me like this." Tony now shouted.
"Girls, I think Agent DiNozzo has a broken jaw."
Poor Tony couldn't see the giggles on the little girls faces as the began to place a bandage round Tony's chin.
As the afternoon came to a close and the evening began to descend. Tony had been released from the bandages, or should that be the bondage of his captures. He could hear a car arrive, the door slammed, he turned to see Gibbs striding towards him.
"Gibbs………… Boss going to take me home…………please?" Tony enquired.
"Nope, not got anyone who wants you back yet. Asked the Director, he said he was going away for the weekend and would see how much money he had when he came back Monday."
"Abby?" Tony now hopped.
"She said would see if the Nuns could possibly spare the Sunday Collection………but I think Tony you are here for the weekend." as he turned and walked away to find Tim.
"Tony……..please can we practice our bandages again" the girls asked. Tony just glared, the girls left giggling, as Tony walked back to his tent.
Tim appeared from behind the mess tent. It was a bit like a marquee, but had a brick range build at the back. No he was not cooking, some of the scouts and guides were, so the could get their camping and cooking badges.
"Boss, nice to see you. You staying?" he enquired not sure whether he wanted Gibbs to stay or not.
"What you got?"
"Sausages, beans, bread and butter and plenty coffee, for you."
Gibbs smiled and nodded, "Put it like that yep, but where's Ziva?"
"Helping the guides, was hoping she would help here. And Tony I see, is sulking in his tent." as he pointed to the tent. Gibbs looked and smiled.
The meal was uneventful. Tony sulked and complained, he wan't Pizza or a Chinese. Gibbs had agreed to give some astronomy lessons, while Ziva had offered her hunting and trapping skills, for a few rabbits, and sent a patrol of guides running, crying to the Guide Captain.
"Thought scouting was about survival." she muttered.
"It is, but so is a Sears sale." he replied sipping the coffee. The two camp sites were sitting round the cam-fire, roasting marshmallows and sings songs. Tony was sandwiched between his two nurses. They had passed their badge. As the Guide Captain indicated to her group to retire.
Tim indicated to Tony, "Latrine duties."
"Do I have too?"
"Yep and don't spill a drop" Gibbs laughed.
The boys returned unscathed.
"You staying Boss?" Tony asked Gibbs , the pleading look in his eyes.
"Not sure, I here Duks is duty Doctor………. I'll see if he wants company."
"Ziva?" Tony now asked.
"Sleeping with guides," Tim now answered.
"In that case I think I'll turn in, "Tony yawned, yes it had been some day.
As Gibbs sat by the dying embers of the fire Ziva appeared.
"He asleep yet?"
"Not hear the snoring, "Tim butted in, coming from the mess tent, "So Gibbs what's the plan?"
The next morning the sun was starting to rise over the land. Tim and his kitchen team and the guides were ready to start breakfast, but they need to get the rest of the camp up. Gibbs took a whistle from his pocket and blew. Not once, not twice but three times. Sleepy faces began to appear from the tents.
"Come on," he shouted, "you need washed before breakfast."
Ziva watched and waited, she began to hear the wail.
"Bosssssssssssss, helppppppppppp."
The whole camp looked to the area of the scream, there they saw Tony's ridge tent flattened, the guy ropes pulled tight. All the saw was Tony's head sticking out. He looked like a giant grub. No indeed the children of Lilliput had certainly tied Tony up. Just unfortunate he could not get his knife. Gibbs and the other decided to leave Tony there until after breakfast. His nurse friends, wiped his fevered brow and said,
"He's such a baby."