My best friend's marriage is the best source for fic, you guys (though, 99% of this is just me making it up). Here you are, professor-riddikulus, another fic "about" your life. You guys are my real world OTP (ugh that's sappy, I'M DISGUSTING, EW I'M DYING, GOD SEND HELP I'M THE WORST ASKJFS;AKLDJ)

Sometimes, James Potter is very, very lucky to be alive.

Like this morning, when, in the hour and a half since he woke up, he managed to irritate Lily so much that she was already threatening him with death when they walked out of their building and onto the street.

He'd scattered all his bloody ties all over the floor while trying to pick one that matched his shirt (again), had gotten crumbs all over the fucking kitchen floor because he can't sit at the table and eat toast like a normal person (again), he'd gotten Nutella on Lily's neck and fucked up her makeup (something that happened far more often than either of them was willing to admit), and he'd FaceTimed Sirius just as they were getting ready to fucking walk out the door, and then he had to go back into their room and dig through all his ties again, because Sirius didn't agree that the dots/stripes combination James had decided on was as chic as he thought it was.

All told, she finally ended up threatening to shave Sirius bald in the middle of the night if he didn't hang up ('We have a key to your fucking flat, and you know I'll do it!') and dragging James out of the flat, collection of ties in hand, so that they could at least get into their fucking car where James could continue fretting about the ties if he so chose.

'No fucking wonder you're always late, James,' she said, as they jogged down the back steps of their building towards the car park. James just laughed, 'I'm never late, Evans.'

'Yeah,' Lily snorted, 'because you have me to drag you out of the flat.' She clicked the car remote, climbed into the driver's side, and put the car in gear as soon as James climbed in and shut the door behind him.

'And,' Lily said, turning in her seat a bit so that she could back out of their space, 'you're hoovering the kitchen when we get home.'

James huffed, and Lily could see him holding up ties against his shirt in the mirror, 'I did it last time!'

'Yeah, you did,' Lily said as she turned onto the high street, 'but you keep fucking dropping toast crumbs all over the kitchen. Of course you have to do it again!'

'Oh, like I'm the only one that makes the flat a mess!'

Lily scoffed, 'What - '

James nodded, 'Yeah, Evans, yeah. You washed your bras yesterday and left them all over the bathroom! You always leave your half drunk mugs of tea around the flat!'

Lily threw one hand up into the air, 'I pick them up! And I put my bras away this morning!'

'Oh, you pick your mugs up, Evans? Because I know that I grabbed a mug out of the lounge this morning and put it in the dishwasher.'

'I must have just forgotten it!'

'But that's the thing, you always forget them. It's like your thing.'

'It is not my thing!'

James' tone softened, and Lily could tell that he was just trying to end their argument so he could hold her hand and tease her like they normally did on their drive to work, 'Evans, really, it is. It's alright, it's just one of the many little quirks that I love about you.'

Lily rolled her eyes, 'Do you, James? Do you love that I leave mugs all over the house? That my bras are draped all over every surface in the bathroom whenever I wash them? Because I sure as shit don't love it when you leave crumbs all over the ground or when I spend all evening picking up your fucking ties.'

'I'm just saying,' James said, reaching up and brushing a piece of hair out of her eyes (she huffed, but she liked it and he knew it), 'that it isn't about that little shit, Evans. I don't mind doing that stuff, it's part of living together. I wouldn't have married you if I couldn't stand picking up your mugs; I'll be doing it for the rest of my life.'

He smiled at her, but she groaned, not ready to give up the fight yet, 'But - UGH, James, it drives me fucking mad!'

He snapped, threw his hands up, 'Well, I don't know what you want me to do about it, Lily. It's not like either of us has stopped doing those things as long as we've been together. I don't know why you think that we're going to stop now.'

'I don't think that we're - ugh, fuck, James, I just - I just want to be able to leave the house in the morning without wanting to kill you.'

He laughed a bit derisively, 'Well, maybe you should just relax - '

Lily felt something angry click into place in her head. If they'd been standing up, she would have rounded on him - as it was, she shot him a quick, fierce look, let her voice rise a few decibels, 'RELAX?!'

'Fuck,' James knew he'd fucked up, ran his hand through his hair again, but he didn't give it up, 'yes, Lily, relax. We both always get to work early, we aren't going to be late if we take a few seconds in the morning for me to fight with myself over ties. Or if Sirius calls.'

'You called Sirius, James, not the other way around.'

He waved her off (she hated that), 'Alright, semantics.'

'No, James! Not semantics. This always bloody happens and I will not "relax" because you're going to take eight goddamn years to get out of the house in the morning! I can't be late to work, I know that you're the bloody boss in your office and everyone loves you or whatever, but I don't exactly fancy explaining to Minerva why I rolled into the office long gone nine this morning. "Sorry, Minnie, just waiting for my husband and his brother to figure out if dots and stripes are still in this season!"'

James rolled his eyes, 'You're being so dramatic this morning, Lily, shit.'

'I'm not - YOU CALLING ME - I'M NOT BEING DRAMATIC!' She ran an angry hand through her hair, took a deep breath. 'I just - fuck, James, I just need a minute. Can you give me a minute?'

James nodded, leaned back in the seat, twiddled his thumbs, glanced out the window at all the cars starting to stack up on the motorway they were getting ready to merge onto. Lily reached down into the cup holders between their feet, grabbed her travel mug and took a long drag of her tea. She pulled in another deep, steady breath through her nose, I love him, I love him, I love him, tried to focus on driving instead of coming up with all the creative ways that she could kill him and hide his body.

James almost always honoured her requests for silence in the middle of a fight, knew that she was asking for the break so that she didn't end up saying something that she didn't mean, something that she would definitely regret later. He almost always honoured it, but today, James thought another tactic might be in order.

James leaned over, grabbed the aux cord from the dashboard and plugged it into his mobile, began scrolling through Spotify. James chuckled to himself, and Lily was tempted to break the silence and ask what he was giggling about, when he tapped his finger on the screen and the first few bars of the song he'd chosen came through the speakers, she knew why he was laughing.

Lily gasped, 'NO!'

James laughed loudly now, started moving his arms enthusiastically, 'YOU'RE INSECURE, DON'T KNOW WHAT FOR!'

Lily groaned, 'JAMES!'

He turned his head on cue with the lyrics, flipped his hair, started twisting his body obnoxiously in the seat, shimmied his chest at her, and it took everything she had not to turn and smack him (or watch him making an absolute fucking fool of himself and probably end up driving off the road).

'BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE!' He shifted in his seat and moved his arms in a wave, letting his fingers brush against her cheek a few times before she swatted them away, 'James, I swear to christ, I'll leave you on the motorway and you'll die there.'

He just shimmied his chest at her again as he "sang" about how he wanted her desperately.

The more that she refused to look at him, the more enthusiastic his dancing became until he was moving as wildly as the seatbelt would allow. He tucked her hair back behind her ear when they hit the second chorus, and she melted just a bit, just the smallest bit… but then he whipped his head wildly again, his glasses went flying, and Lily swore, 'Fucking hell, James, you're going to break your glasses again!'

He just laughed, shrugged, kept dancing. She grabbed his glasses off the top of the dash where they'd landed, and threw them back into his lap.

He started clapping when they hit the bridge, and he was screaming more than singing at this point, and she wanted to hate him, because fuck did she hate this song, but god damn it if he wasn't smiling at her with that obnoxiously brilliant smile that she loved, that smile that told her he knew just how annoying he was being and that he didn't care one bit because he knew that she wanted to smile. It was easily the thing that she loved and hated about him the most, his ability to completely disarm her, to soften her, especially when she most wanted to kill him.

The song ended and he hit pause on his mobile, and the little bloop sound scared the shit out of her when it came on over the speakers. 'Feel better,' he asked, smiling at her.

She snorted, 'You know I hate that song, James.'

He grinned, 'I know, but I saw how much you enjoyed my performance.' He waved his arms dramatically again and she finally gave in, let herself laugh at him. 'You could have killed us,' she said, 'you really shouldn't dance like that while I'm trying to drive.'

James just shrugged, 'We aren't dead, though, are we?'

Lily laughed, 'That's hardly strong logic, James.'

'I never said I was the logical one in this relationship, Evans.'

Lily grinned, 'True. And I guess I married you for this kind of shit anyway.' She tipped her head over towards him and shook her head, 'For some reason, I like it when you act like a complete fucking idiot.'

'That,' James said, reaching over and resting his hand on her knee, 'is because I'm absolutely irresistible when I'm acting like that.'

Lily laughed, 'Yeah, James. Yeah, that's it.'

'Well, it was either that or my devastating good looks. Which, come to think of it…'

'Oh,' Lily laughed, shoved him, and James just grabbed her, pressed a kiss to the back of her hand before settling their joined hands back onto her knee.

She shook her head at him, 'I'm still cross with you.'

James laughed, 'No you're not.'

'I could be,' she said, but James just squeezed her hand, 'But you aren't.'

'You think that you can just do one performance of the worst song ever and I'll cave.'

'First of all, that is not the worst song ever. One Direction is fucking brilliant,' Lily rolled her eyes, and James just grinned, 'Second, of course I think that. It works every time. Look.'

He pressed play on his mobile again, and the bars of the next song already had her shaking her head. But James had squeezed her hand, let go and started dancing again, and she couldn't help but love him, bloody idiot though he was.

'WAKING UP, BESIDE YOU I'M A LOADED GUN!' He pointed down at his lap, and Lily shook her head, laughed, smacked him in the chest. He flashed her a broad grin, 'I'M ALL YOURS, I'VE GOT NO CONTROL. NO CONTROOOOL!'

He continued singing One Direction songs for the rest of their commute, played "Best Song Ever" twice as though it would prove some kind of point, and she had to admit, though she would never tell James, that his nonsense worked (as always).

She kissed him goodbye as he hopped out of the car outside his office, laughing against his lips when he told her that she had 'that one thing.'

'Bye,' she said, laughing as he pressed his mouth to hers for the third time, 'you're going to make me late!'

'Oh no,' he said, grinning at her, 'can't have that. I won't be around to sing to you if you start going mad in the car!'

She rolled her eyes, 'So get out, you prat, then you won't have to.'

He grinned, kissed her once more, 'I love you, Evans.'

And even though they'd been together forever, she sometimes felt the colour rise in her cheeks when he said he loved her, especially when he was looking at her like he was now, like his whole world revolved around her, 'I love you, too, James. Now go!'

He sighed, grabbed his bag off the floor, and slid out of the car, stopping at the door to wave goodbye to her one more time. She'd just turned back onto the main road when her mobile buzzed in the side pocket where she'd left it.

You're the one that I want at the end of the day xxxxx

She laughed, rolled her eyes, but decided to play along.

Baby, you're perfect xxxxxxx